Back in the Saddle
by njborba
Summary: A letter from Peter Johnson's lawyer, delivered to Drover's Run, brings about a shocking revelation in regards to Claire's death.
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to McLeod's Daughters or its characters.  
**Summary:** A letter from Peter Johnson's lawyer, delivered to Drover's Run, brings about a shocking revelation in regards to Claire's "Death".  
**Note:** The events of Claire's death and anything following have been slightly altered for the purposes of this fic.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 1  
By njborba

The sun had settled high in the afternoon sky, shinning down in a characteristic manner for the time of year that it was. It cast a shimmer over the lush green land below. And though the heat in the air was growing as the months passed, it was not too uncomfortable to be outside in the yard enjoying an afternoon gathering.

Alex leaned back in his chair smiling contentedly as he watched the young girl run circles around him in the yard. He couldn't keep the grin off his lips as he noticed how much she had grown up over the years, and how much she was starting to look like her mother. For the first few years of Charlotte's life she'd been blond haired and they all joked about her being Tess's child rather than Claire's.

One hour spent trying to get the child to go to bed at night was enough to let anyone know she was Claire's though. In temperament the girl had always been exactly like her mother. And at age three her golden locks had started to slowly turn darker. Now, at five years old her hair hung half way down her back in two long, dark brown braids.

Memories of his childhood, so many years ago, sprang to mind. He recalled running around Drover's and Kilarney much in the same manner as Charlotte now did, only he and Claire would be playing a game of tag or some such thing. One of his favorite things was to reach out just far enough to tug on one of her long braids before taking off running again. It was the only time he could really get her to squeal like a girl.

"Daddy, daddy!" the child leapt into his lap, dissolving his memories of the past. He smiled down at the girl as she held out an orange colored flower for him to see. The spring air and sunshine was causing most of the area to bloom. "Smell," she instructed him, and he happily obliged her.

It was amazing the kind of power she had over him. It had started the day of her birth actually, her pull on his heart strings. The second he had laid eyes on her he knew he'd do anything for her. Even knowing he wasn't her biological father had never squelched his love of the sweet little girl. It wasn't her fault that Peter Johnson had turned out to be a nob.

"Hey, that smells real good Bom," he told the girl as he kissed her on the forehead. He'd always made sure to use the nickname her mother had given her, the little play on baby of McLeod. It was a small thing he realized but it was one way in which Claire would always be a part of her daughter's life, even in death. And that was something he always tried to make sure of.

He still thought about Claire all the time, even as much as he had tried to move on over the years. He'd gone out with and dated a few women over the period of time since her death. Everyone had thought for sure that things would work out between he and Stevie but somehow even that had slowly fallen apart. He wondered sometimes if he was sabotaging his relationships. Perhaps somehow he was subconsciously finding fault in every woman he met that wasn't Claire.

It was hard to say, one way or the other. All he knew for certain was that he missed her every day since her death. That would never change, maybe lessen over the years, but never change. She'd been his one true love and those didn't just come around every other day. Heck, it had taken them both many years to finally realize their feelings for each other, aside from mere friendship.

"Daddy?" the little girl's voice roused him from his reverie. "Don't be sad daddy, we're celebrating today," she said with a smile. It was a lopsided grin that made her look completely adorable. He could never be sad when she was in his arms. "Be happy daddy!" she exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly.

The fact that she called him daddy and knew only him as such, it delighted him to no end. After Claire's death they hadn't heard from Peter again, not even on birthday's or holidays. It was odd but none of them dared to go looking for him. They felt it best to leave well enough alone and if he ever did decide to come around some day in the future they knew Charlotte would have enough sense to make the right decision in regards to her biological connection.

For the time being, Alex was her father in ever sense of the word that mattered. He was the one who had been there for all the important steps of her life so far. The first words she had spoken and when she started to walk, and soon he'd be there for her first day of school. He'd kissed a thousands cuts and scraps and attended tea parties with her dolls. He'd taught her how to ride and how to be all of the things her mother would have wanted.

"Someone's lost in thought today," it was Tess's voice that shook him from his mind wanderings this time. He hadn't even realized that Charlotte had taken off again, running around in search of new adventures in the back yard.

"Uh, yeah, just a bit I guess," Alex nodded as she sat down in a chair beside him. "Where's that brother of mine, it's not like him to miss out on a party," he said, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

Tess knew what he was up to as well but wouldn't push. It was a day to celebrate, that's what they had all vowed to do the first year this anniversary had rolled around. It had been a lot harder that year but it had gotten easier over the years. Tess still couldn't believe it had been five years now since her sister's untimely death.

"He took Jack out to see Harry, you know how they are," Tess chuckled, thinking about the boys only adventures that Nick and her three year old son were always off on. "I suppose it won't be long before they'll be including little Al too, and then it will just be me here, left all alone," she sighed.

"Hey, you've always got me," Alex smiled at her in a teasing manner rather than being very sincere. He understood though that she often felt like the odd one out with Nick and the two boys now. "But more importantly, you've got Bom," he reminded her, knowing how very much that meant to her.

Tess was the greatest link that Charlotte had to Claire and vise versa. And it was clear how close the two were. She'd always done her very best to assure Charlotte how much she was loved, even after Jack came along and then little Al. Charlotte had been the one and only thing to make Claire's death bearable. Sure she'd had Nick and Alex but there was something special between Tess and her niece.

In the first year Tess had grown to deal with Claire's death slowly but surely. The nightmares came and went as they pleased but tapered off all together after the first year. The memories haunted her everywhere she turned though. There was a part of Claire lingering in every corner of Drover's Run. Just as Claire had known every spec of land like the back of her hand, so too had the land known Claire. And it never forgot her.

In the stables Tess would swear she could smell her sisters sent lingering on the saddle she'd left behind. The saddle had never been moved from its place in the stable, not in five years time. It was an odd sort of memorial but one they had all silently agreed to maintain. It was the same with much of the place. Inside the house though, they had finally decided to remove small mementos of Claire's existence, mainly her clothes and other non-important items.

She'd been buried with her hat and the ring Alex had planned to give her. Other things such as her boots and her favorite horseshoe necklace had been put away for Charlotte to have one day when she was old enough. Pictures were the best thing they had to remember her by, though they'd come to realize that she hadn't been much of a camera hog. The fact that the photos of her were few made them all that much more special to those who loved her most.

But Charlotte was by far their greatest gift of all, the light in all their lives after Claire's untimely passing. The little girl's love of life and youthful joy brightened many a dull day on Drover's Run. She had a special way to make Tess smile when things were at there worse. She had the ability to make Alex laugh when he was down on his luck. And she had the power to turn Nick into the biggest softy any of them had ever seen. Claire's spirit definitely lived on in the child she'd left behind.

"Aunty Tess, can we go for a ride today?" Charlotte looked up at her aunt with those big blue eyes of hers and there was no way Tess could refuse her.

"We can do anything you want today Bom," Tess assured the girl. "When uncle Nick comes back you and I will go ride out to see your mom okay, how does that sound?" she asked.

"Good!" Charlotte agreed. "Just us girls right?' she checked to make sure. The girl loved her dad and uncle to pieces but she knew it was a special day for her and her aunt. They had been together that day with her mom and thought she couldn't remember it, her aunt had told her many times about what had happened. Tess was always sure to tell Charlotte about Claire.

"Yep, just us girls," Tess promised.

---

Meg emerged from the main house through the back door and stepped out onto the porch where she placed a platter of food down upon one of the several tables that had been set up. She then took a look around and spotted Alex and Tess chatting as they sat in chairs down on the lawn near the tennis court. Meg smiled at the site of Charlotte running circles around the pair.

It made her happy that they could all be together on this particular day. Meg had been back at Drover's for two years after a short time away, but she was thrilled to be home again. Drover's Run had been home to her longer than any other place she'd lived. It wasn't just a home to her though; it was something embedded deep in her soul that she couldn't quite explain. She'd known from the beginning that she belonged at Drover's.

There was a soft crackling of gravel as a car pulled up around the side of the house. Meg was the only one to notice and so went to greet the visitor. She had thought it was Nick at first but quickly realized that it was only the post. She walked out to meet Bob half way across the front yard.

"G'day Meg," the man greeted her amiably as he shifted the box in his arm to hold it out for her. "Have something here for Charlotte," he informed her.

Meg smiled as she looked down at the postmark on the package. "Never fails," she said with a smile. "Becky always makes sure to sent Charlotte something special on this day," she noted.

"Yeah, good of her that is," Bob replied as he fished out a few more items for Drover's from his pocket. "That's the rest of it there, I should be getting on then," he said as he took his leave of the place just as quickly as he had come.

"Thanks," Meg spoke as she waved after him with her free hand. She turned back toward the house; package tucked under one arm as she sifted through the other mail.

There were a few bills and such, nothing out of the ordinary, except for one item that stared back it her suddenly. She made her way back to where Alex and Tess were still seated. Nick had joined them too, having snuck in from the back while she'd been out front. Jack sat perched on Tess's lap, bouncing happily as he laughed at the funny faces that Alex was making for him.

"The post has come," Meg announced as she took a seat amongst the group. They had all become like family to her many years ago, and even with Jodi gone away like she was, she felt at home with the group.

Charlotte ran back to join them all the second she heard Meg's voice announcing that the post had come. She knew several facts about the day in question. It meant she got to do whatever she wanted in the eyes of her aunt and her daddy. It meant she got to ride out to see her mum with her aunty. And it usually meant that she would get some sort of treat from Becky in the post.

She'd only met Becky once when the young woman had come to visit about a year ago. But she had fallen in love with the woman from the first time they'd locked eyes. For some odd reason they had formed in instant kinship and Charlotte was always asking about her and wanting to send her pictures in the mail.

Charlotte sat down on the lawn and opened the package with excitement clear on her face. She carefully pulled out a soft object that was covered in a multi-colored paper. Soon she tore into the gift and discovered a stuffed white lamb inside. Holding it out for everyone to see, she smiled a happy grin and then pulled the stuffed animal close.

"She's so cute," Charlotte remarked.

"What makes you think it's a she Bom?" Alex asked as he reached out to grab the card that was stuck in the box that the lamb had come in.

"I don't know, I just do," the girl replied innocently.

Alex smiled at her simple explanation. He then proceeded to open the card and read silently to himself the words that Becky had written to Charlotte. It touched him more than he would have though, so much so that he didn't think he could read them aloud to the rest of the group. So, he quickly tossed the card to Tess.

Tess handed Jack off to Nick as she read the card. "Hey Bom, come here and let me read this to you," Tess called to the little girl who gladly jumped up into her auntie's lap and snuggled in. Tess began to read Becky's words aloud.

_Dear Charlotte,_

_I saw this little stuffed lamb in the window of a toy store and she called out to me. __She reminded me of your mum and the first time I started to see her softer side. __See, your mum and I found a mommy lamb that had died and left behind her baby. __Even as tough as your mum was, I could see her melt a little when she rescued that __little baby lamb. Of course the little guy ended up following me around all day. But, I __just wanted to tell you a little story about your mum and let you know how very much __she loved you._

_Take care little lamb._

_Love,  
__Becky_

"That was very thoughtful of Becky," Meg commented, trying to keep a tear back that was threatening to fall. They had all been through so much over the years and they'd become such good friends. It was hard to know that Claire was gone for good and that Becky might not be back again for a long time, not to mention Jodi.

"Yeah, it was," Tess agreed with a nod of her head. She gave her niece a bit of a squeeze and kissed her on the forehead.

"So Bom, you picked out a name for her yet?" Nick asked the girl, trying to lighten the mood a bit after the letter was read. He held onto Jack a little tighter too, thinking about how much he still missed Claire. His sons would never get to know their amazing aunty. But even worse than that, was the fact that her daughter would never really know her.

"Yep," the girl replied, sounding very much like her aunt using that word. "Her name is Mary," Charlotte declared as she kissed the stuffed animal on its plush head.

Alex chuckled. "So, instead of Mary having a little lamb, she is the little lamb?" he asked in a teasing manner.

"Alex," Tess admonished. "Don't make fun," she warned him, knowing how sensitive kids could be about such things.

"I was just joking around Bom," Alex apologized. "I think it's a great name," he assured his daughter, even though he was kind of sensitive to the name Mary, as it was rather close to his own middle name. But he wouldn't dare bring up that little fact.

The group was suddenly made aware of a very unhappy baby as little Al's cries could be heard coming through the baby monitor on a nearby table. Tess made a move to shift Charlotte off of her lap but was stopped my Meg's hand on her left shoulder. The older woman smiled down at her.

"Stay put, I can get him for you," Meg offered.

"Ah, thanks Meg but he's probably hungry," Tess replied as she did put Charlotte down on her own two feet again. The girl padded over to Alex who scooped her up in an instant.

"Really Tess, I know his routine and I have fed a few babies in my time, including you," Meg pointed out. "Just stay here and relax a little," she insisted.

Tess sat back in her chair again with a grateful look upon her face. "Thank Meg," she finally said in agreement.

Meg just smiled and turned toward the house were the baby's cries could still be heard coming from. She stopped for a second though, only a few steps along her way. She remembered the envelope she had slipped into her pocket earlier. Removing the item from her pocket, she glanced down at it once more before she turned around and tossed it in Alex's lap.

"I almost forgot, that came for you in the post," Meg told him as she quickly made her way back to the house to tend to the fussy baby.

Alex picked the envelope up and looked down at the return address on it for a few moments. He was clearly puzzled by it and remarked as such. "Anyone know why some Solicitor in the States would be sending me something in the post?" he asked. Fairly sure he wouldn't receive any sort of answer from his brother or sister-in-law, he tore into the envelope.

He glanced over the words with little interest figuring it was some sort of sales gimmick or something. But he was surprised to find that the first several paragraphs read like a boring legal document. Alex concentrated on the words a bit more from then on and was shocked by the name he read at the end of the fourth paragraph. It certainly caught his attention, causing him to read it over again.

"Well, I can't say that I'm sorry to hear that news," Alex commented aloud. He was greeted by two intrigued faces as he looked up to see Tess and Nick staring back at him. Alex glanced back down at the letter and re-read the words a third time. He tried his best not to break a smile as he did so.

"Hey Bom," Alex spoke as he set the letter aside for a second and removed the girl from his lap. He turned her around to face him as he continued. "Why don't you take Jack inside and help Meg with the baby," he suggested. He didn't give much care to the message he had just received but he wasn't sure how he planned to deal with it where his daughter was concerned.

Charlotte looked over at her aunt. "Can I, aunty Tess?" she asked with hope in her voice. She loved being the oldest kid of the three cousins and ever since little Al had been born she'd been fascinated with the baby. He was like a real live dolly to her.

"Of course," Tess agreed. She was always happy to know how much Charlotte loved her little cousins. Tess had been worried when Jack was first born, thinking the girl would be rather jealous of all the attention that accompanies a new baby. Charlotte had been anything but jealous though. She'd given the boy as much or more attention than any of the adults.

"Come on Jack," Charlotte said as she took her cousin's hand in her own. She was always the bossy one of the group, but perhaps that came with being older. Three year old Jack didn't seem to mind much as he jumped off his dad's knee and gladly followed his cousin.

The three adults watched them both as they walked up to the house, making sure they made it there safely, though they were more interesting in the kids being out of the way. When Charlotte and Jack where safely out of ear shot Tess turned and looked to Alex, her inquisitive eyes brimming with questions. "Okay, what's up?" she finally asked.

"Yeah, why did you feel the need to get rid of the kids?" Nick asked. "What's in that letter?" he further questioned his older brother.

"I didn't want Bom to hear, even though I know she doesn't have a clue as to who the guy is. Still, I'd rather she didn't find out yet," Alex explained without really saying anything.

"Alex, just get on with it already!" Tess demanded, wanting to know what he was going on about.

"Peter Johnson is dead," Alex finally revealed, not caring to lighten the load of the message at all.

There was silence in the air for a short time, aside from the soft mooing coming from the cattle that were milling about in a nearby pasture. No one was quite sure what to say about the news. They hated to admit that death of any kind could make them feel relief, but in a way this death did just that. They'd all been worried for a while that Peter would just show up one day and try to take Charlotte away from them.

Tess and Nick exchanged a look of uncertainty. "Are you sure?" they both asked in unison with out meaning to. They both went quiet again as they looked to Alex for an answer.

Alex nodded. "According to this he died about a year ago. The lawyer says his secretary misfiled some papers which is why I didn't get this until now. There's also a personal letter in her, written by Peter," he noted.

"Why would he write you anything?" Nick asked.

"Probably something to do with Charlotte," Tess figured. It made sense that he would probably leave her something. But none of them could possibly prepare themselves for what they were about to hear.

Alex unfolded the two handwritten pages of paper and began to read the man's words aloud:

_Ryan,_

I suppose if you're reading this it means I'm dead, a fact I'm sure will please you greatly. I guess that doesn't matter much though, not in the whole scheme of things. And let me just begin by saying that, there are a lot of things that you know nothing about. I was quite angry with you Ryan, for winning Claire and for raising my daughter as your own. Too bad I'm the one to have the last word this time.

_I don't imagine there is any easy way to put this so I'll just come on out and say it, I win. You see, it all started about three years back when you thought you were the happiest man alive. You were even planning to marry the woman of your dreams weren't you? Well, we all know how that ended. Except, I know a little bit more how it all ended, or didn't end as it turns out._

_I'm sure you didn't know this but I was there that dad, when Claire died. Though I use that word loosely, considering what I know and what you are about to find out. I set it all up actually, the so called accident that occurred. It's not too difficult to spook a wild brumby out onto the road. There were a few things I hadn't counted on though, mainly Tess being there._

_It all seemed to work out though, Tess running off to get help at her sister's request. So, I was left to rescue Claire. I pulled her from the Ute just in time too, not long before it slipped over that cliff edge. And just long enough for me to switch bodies. Poor Julia, but she never felt a thing. And I couldn't have planned that explosion any better myself. No real body left, but you had no reason to question if the remains were Claire or not._

_My biggest regret of course is that I couldn't get to __Charlotte__ as well, still haven't figured that one out yet. But I got Claire, and that's what mattered most at the time. I got her the best medical attention and took her, as well as my two other daughters, to the __United States__ with me where we started our new life together. And now, we even have another daughter in our family._

_So, you see, as I noted before. I win. Even if you are reading this and I'm dead, I still win because you have no idea where she is or how to get to her. I suppose you'll want to try and find her, perhaps you even will, you're persistent enough. It doesn't really mater to me any longer though. All I know for sure is that she'll never be the Claire you remember. She knows only me as her husband and lover._

_I hope this letter does reach you some day, so I will know that you have suffered the worst fate of all, the fate of not knowing. I hope it eats away at you every day, wondering and hoping, but never really knowing._

Alex couldn't speak; he had no idea what to make of the letter and Peter's words. It was possibly that it was all just a cruel joke being played on him, but he had never figured Peter for being cruel. On the other hand, if it was all true, what Peter had written, that meant Peter had been crueler than he could have ever imagined.

"I knew the guy was a nob but that's just wrong writing something like that," Nick was the first to speak up. He was not buying it for a second, what Peter had just declared. Claire was dead; they had seen it happen and there was nothing that would make it any different.

Unlike her husband, Tess instantly had doubts. The words had hit her hard, especially coming on the fifth anniversary of her sister's death, or supposed death it now seemed. She hated to admit it, even after long ago learning to accept Claire's death, but there was hope in her heart. Hope was both a good and bad thing at the moment.

"But why would he write these things if they weren't true?" Tess finally asked, her voice was low and unsteady. "It doesn't make much sense," she pointed out.

"Well, for revenge of course," Nick replied. "It's clear how upset he was that Claire chose Alex over him. This is his last chance to get back at all of us by feeding Alex lies just when we're all starting to really get over her death," he continued to try and be the voice of reason. His fears that he wasn't doing a very good job of it came to fruition as his brother finally spoke up again.

"I'll never be over Claire's death," Alex said, the words mumbled under his breath. He flipped the pages over again and again in his hands, searching for something more, anything, any sort of clue as to the truth. All he had was the address of the lawyer in the States, but it was a start.

"Alex, I think you just need to let this go," Nick tried to get through to his brother but he could see in Alex's eyes that there was no turning back now. The smallest hint that Claire was alive was all that he had needed to renew his anger and hope. Nick and Tess both knew as long as there was some sort of glimmer of hope, Alex would follow it to the end.

"I can't," Alex told his brother, folding the letter up and placing it all back into the envelope. "I can't let this go, not without knowing for sure. Maybe it's a lie, maybe it's not. But one way or another, I'm going to find out. I owe Claire that much," Alex concluded.

**To Be Continued...  
**This is my first McLeod's Daughters fic, so any and all comments are most welcome and appreciated!


	2. Part 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.  
**Note:** Thank you for all the comments, they are very much appreciated. I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 2  
By njborba

They rode together up over the last hill that would lead them to the small grave yard that was their destination. Each hill they crested was a different shade of green and a few were just starting to turn golden with the growing summer sun. Charlotte had wanted to ride with Tess rather than on her own horse, so she sat nestled in front of her aunt as they neared the final resting place of their family members.

Tess dismounted first and slid down, dropping the reins as she did so. She wasn't too worried that Oscar would wander far; he was a bit too old to go running off on them. Tess reached up and grabbed her niece around the waist, attempting to help her down from the horse as well. The girl protested of course, claiming that she was a big girl and capable of getting down all by herself.

She was so much like her mother, Tess thought, shaking her head as she watched the child scramble down and slowly make her way toward the small grave marker that denoted her mother's spot on the land. Tess walked into the small family plot and looked over each grave site, paying her respects to all who lay there.

Her gaze finally fell upon Claire's headstone and she couldn't help but let a tear escape her eyes. It didn't seem to matter how many times she came to visit, it always brought on a myriad of emotions. It was usually doubled though when she came to visit the place with her niece. She was still angry that Claire wasn't around to watch her daughter grow up. And today there were many more thoughts plaguing her.

Their visit had been pushed back by a few days, days which had been spent doing everything in her power to thwart Alex's mission. She didn't want to see him hurt again, if at all possible. It was likely that life would continue to throw them all around from time to time but she felt that he was just asking for undue pain and loss by going off on this foolish search of his. Unfortunately, there hadn't been much she could think to say to him to divert his efforts. The conversation hadn't gone exactly as planned.

_"I think you need to look at this rationally," Tess tried to get through to her brother-in-law again._

_"Rationally?" Alex asked in return. "I'm sorry Tess but you can't expect me to read what Peter Johnson wrote in that letter and think that I'm going to react rationally. He claims that Claire is alive Tess, alive. Do you know what that means?" he asked of her, daring her to see the hope that he was seeing._

_"I know what you wish it to mean, and I know what I hope for it to mean," Tess replied honestly. "But, what if it's neither of those things?" she knew she had to be the voice of reason, as much as she hated it._

_"Then we're right back were we are now," Alex admitted._

_"No Alex, if you go off looking for Claire and in the end we find that she's still dead and Peter was lying, we lose her all over again," Tess informed him. "We'll have to learn to mourn for her all over. And I'm not sure if that's a risk I'm willing to take, to have my heart broken a second time," she told him._

_"Maybe you can't risk it, but I will," Alex maintained. It was clear he wasn't going to budge on the matter._

_"I can see that I'm not going to change your mind am I?" Tess noted, feeling like she had lost the fight before it had even started._

_"Nope," his simple reply came._

_"Stubborn fool," she whispered under her breath. "What are your plans?" she finally asked, knowing that he was going to leave no matter what._

_"I go to the __U.S.__, I find Claire," Alex was to the point._

_"Nice plan Alex, anything more detailed?" Tess asked._

_"I have a letter from a lawyer in the States. I guess I start there and figure it all out as I go," Alex explained. He was really just running on adrenaline at the moment. The news in the letter had gotten his heart beating faster and his blood pumping. He felt if he didn't act on it he might just explode._

_"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Tess asked. In the back of her mind she was still trying to figure out something that she might me able to say to change his mind, but nothing was coming to her._

_"As long as it takes I suppose," again he didn't have much of a plan but he was going, there was no denying that._

_"And what about __Charlotte__?" Tess was concerned about her niece more so than for Alex. They hadn't talked at all about what they would tell the girl about Alex's trip._

_"What about her? She'll stay here with you and Nick of course," Alex replied. _

_"For how long Alex?" Tess was actually a little surprised by his flip attitude. It wasn't like him to put anything above his daughter's needs. "And don't say for as long as it takes again. You can't just leave her here, I mean you can but you are her father Alex, she depends on you," Tess told him, as if he didn't already know that fact._

_"I know Tess, that's why I have to do this. I don't want to upset you or Charlotte but I have to do this Tess, I just have to," he concluded. There was no real rational reason just a gut feeling that he had to follow through to the end, whatever that end may be._

Tess had finally accepted his decision, although begrudgingly. Maybe in some small way she really wanted him to go off and find out the truth. She wanted him to believe the letter he had received from Peter because she wasn't strong enough to believe herself. Tess couldn't let herself go down that road again but at the same time she understood why Alex had to do it. That hadn't stopped her from asking Nick to make one last plea to his brother on her behalf.

And so, she had taken Charlotte on this little trip while she hoped Nick would be able to have a good talk with Alex about everything. She figured it was still a long shot but she couldn't help but try. It was only out of love for the man and for her niece that she did it. Tess didn't want them to all get their hopes up again just to lose Claire all over again. Losing her once had been hard enough, she didn't think they could all go through it a second time.

"Aunty Tess, does daddy still miss mummy?" Charlotte's voice startled Tess.

She hadn't realized how lost in thought she had been until the girls simple question brought her back to reality. She wasn't sure why the question had come to the child. She was always pretty perceptive though, even for a five year old. The events of the last three days had probably affected her more than any of them had cared to realize.

"Yeah kiddo, I think he does," Tess nodded in agreement. Actually, she didn't think it at all, she knew deep in her heart that Alex missed Claire every day he drew breath. She knew it because she felt the same way.

Charlotte was seated cross legged in front of her mother's grave now. She pulled at some of the stray weeds that had grown up around the head stone. She looked up to her aunt and asked an even more difficult question. "Will he ever get me another mummy?" she inquired innocently enough.

Tess wasn't sure what to think of the question, let alone know how to go about answering it. It was hard for her to think of anyone else being a mother figure for her niece though. That was a job that she had come to see as her own, even though she always made sure Charlotte knew that Claire was her mum.

"I uh, I don't know Bom. Do you want another mum?" Tess finally asked a question in reply to her niece's own inquire. It was not the sort of thing that could be easily answered.

"Yep," Charlotte was quick to reply. "I wish I could have my real mummy but I know that I can't," she spoke in a low tone of voice. She brushed her hand over the top of her mother's headstone. She felt bad for thinking about wanting another mum and hated to think that her mummy might be sad to hear her say those words.

Tess crouched down next to Charlotte and placed her left hand against the girls back, she rubbed her hand up and down in a comforting motion. "Well, you have me," she assured the girl. She loved the child so much, it pained her greatly to see that the girl was hurting not having a real mum in her life.

Charlotte smiled as she looked up at her aunt again. "I know, but you're Jack and Al's mummy," she told the older woman. She didn't mean it sound harsh in any way. The girl knew her aunt loved her but it was still different.

"I love you like a mum though, you know that don't you?" Tess asked of the child. She hoped that she'd shown her niece enough love over the years. She always worried about not being there enough for the girl, not being the kind of mother that she knew Clair would have been. Even though it had taken her sister a while to warm up to motherhood, she'd been amazing at it.

"I know Aunty Tess, I know you love me heaps," Charlotte said as she turned around and wrapped her little arms around Tess' neck. She squeezed her aunty hard, loving the feel of her hugs. "I love you too," the girl whispered, hoping that her aunt was not sad that she'd told her she wanted a real mum.

"I love you more," Tess replied, hugging the girl back just as tightly, or more so.

The child smiled broadly. "More than all the stars in the sky?" Charlotte asked. It was something they had done as far back as the girl could remember whenever they told one anther that they loved the other.

Tess smiled brightly now. "More than all the stars in the sky," she promised. She stood up and took the girls hand in hers and led her back to where Oscar had been waiting patiently for them to return.

She watched Charlotte jump up onto the horse all by herself. Her long dark hair flung around as she situated herself in the saddle and Tess swore it was like watching Claire again. The girl was much shorter of course and her hair a bit longer than Claire's had ever been. But those things didn't matter much. It was in the little details, the way Charlotte mounted the horse and the way in which she sat in the saddle.

It never ceased to amaze Tess how much someone could resemble and act like a person they had never really known. Charlotte had been far to young to remember Claire let alone be around to pick up similar habits. She remembered Claire telling her once though about something that she did that reminded her of Jack. She'd thought it strange at the time but realized now that a parents influence is far reaching. It's a bond that not even distance or death can part.

As much as she hated to admit it and as much as she didn't want to see Alex or herself for that matter, hurt again, if there was the smallest chance that Charlotte might be reunited with her mother, then maybe it was all worth it. It wouldn't be easy she imagined, sitting back while Alex went off to search for Claire. But, she would have to be the strong one now, the one they might all need to rely on if things don't work out.

---

Nick watched his three year old son as the boy ran up the grassy hill, his soft blonde hair waving just slightly in the afternoon breeze. The child ran so fast that he ended up stumbling over his feet and falling down on his bum. It didn't seem to slow him down at all though. Jack was up again the next second, wiping off his green stained knees and running off toward the windmill where he had spotted his uncle Alex.

He met up with his brother and son a few minutes later, leaning against the metal structure as he observed Alex's handwork. Jack had gone off to skip through the field and catch up with Meg who was rounding up sheep in the far paddock. His son knew the land as well as he had at the same age. And the boy loved to help out, he also knew that his dad was a little distracted lately so was giving him some space to be with his uncle.

Nick had taken notice of Alex's odd behavior the day after the letter from Peter Johnson had arrived. Alex had thrown himself into fixing anything and everything that he could find to repair on Drover's Run. He had even been over to Killarney the last few days to offer his help to Harry. He'd repaired every boundary fence along the Killarney/Drover's border, fixed two tractors, repaired three cracked stable doors, and the list went on and on.

"If you don't slow down, you're going to put us all out of a job here," Nick tried to make a joke of his words as he leaned against the windmill and watched as Alex climbed down the ladder.

Alex tossed the wrench in his hands over into the tool box that sat on the ground to the right of the windmill and then wiped his hands off on his jeans. "I have to get this stuff done before I go," he said. "I also promised Tess I'd clear out the southwest paddock before I leave on Friday," Alex added as he hefted the toolbox over his shoulder and started to make his way toward the barn to put it away.

Nick followed his brother, having to walk a bit quickly to keep up the best he could. "So, you're really going then?" he asked as they walked side by side.

"Yep," Alex replied, not caring to elaborate much on the matter. He'd heard an earful from Tess already not to mention Harry, Meg, Terry and just about everyone else who he'd come into contact with over the last three days.

"Nothing I can say to stop you then, your mind's made up?" Nick further prodded. It wasn't just Tess having asked him to talk to Alex that had him grilling the man now; he really was worried about his brother too. They'd had their ups and downs over the years but in the end they were brothers and they loved each other. That meant looking out for each others best interests, even when it was hard to do so.

"I've already been over this with your wife," Alex blurted out. He didn't mean to sound ungrateful because he knew that they were all just worried about him. But his mind was made up and there was nothing they could do or say that would stop him. "I bought a ticket two days ago, just have to wait a few more days for my work visa to come through and then I'm off," he concluded.

"Work visa?" Nick wasn't sure what that meant exactly.

"Well, I figure I might have to stay for a few months over there so I just want to be prepared," Alex informed his younger brother. "I might have to get a job and find a more permanent place to stay while I'm there," he explained.

Nick was surprised by this revelation. "You really think you'll be gone for months then?" he asked.

Alex nodded as they entered the barn. He returned the tool box to its rightful place and then went about his next task of brushing down the horses. He reached for a brush up on one of the shelves when he spotted Claire's saddle hanging there beside him. He closed his eyes for a second before turning back to his chore. "I can stay for six months with the visa," he finally told Nick. "If I don't find her by then I'll have to come back and then try again at a later date," he concluded.

"Do you think this is wise Alex?" Nick asked as he helped his brother, grabbing another brush. "I mean maybe you should just let it go," he dared to speak the words, knowing they were not likely to be received very well.

Alex spun around to face his brother, looking his square in the eye. "Let me ask you something Nick, if it was Tess could you just let it go?" he questioned. "If you lived for five years thinking Tess was dead and then found out she might be alive, would you just ignore it and go on pretending nothing was different?" he doubted Nick would be able to give him a yes.

"Nope, I guess not," Nick gave in. As hard as it was to watch his brother go through all the emotions that had been plaguing him the last couple of days, he knew he had no right to get in the mans way. And he couldn't disagree with the question. If it was Tess they were talking about, he'd be off in a flash.

"And neither can I Nick," Alex concluded as he gentle brushed over Blaze's hind quarters.

"I just don't want to see you hurt again," Nick said as he fiddled with the brush in his hands. He'd never felt so helpless before, wanting to comfort his brother but not really knowing how to go about it. In the end, it was Alex who comforted him.

Alex put his hand on Nick's shoulder, squeezing it gently. It was the closest they came to showing their feelings for one another. It was clear that they loved each other as brothers, but as men there was a code of distance when it came to showing their emotions. "I have to do this Nick, I have to know," the slightly older man spoke.

Nick nodded. "For what it's worth, I hope you find what you're looking for," he did too.

It wouldn't be easy, watching his brother run off half way across the world to search for his dead love. But it was clear that there was no stopping him so he'd be supportive in any way possible. If there was any sort of miracle out there waiting for Alex in the form of Claire McLeod then he hoped his brother would find it.

"You'll look after Charlotte for me?" Alex asked, knowing it was one way in which his brother could help out, a fact for which Nick would surely be grateful for too.

"Of course I will," Nick instantly replied. "You know we will, you don't even have to ask," he assured his brother.

"Good, it will make this a lot easier knowing she's looked after," Alex spoke, clearly worried about leaving his daughter behind and facing the fact that he might not see her for quite a long period of time. "I hate leaving her but I don't have much other choice," he said.

"You could stay," Nick spoke up, a cheeky grin on his face as he looked to his big brother.

"Nick," Alex warned in a not so threatening tone of voice. He actually smiled at his little brother, grateful for the way Nick didn't give up so easily in life.

Nick put his hands up in a mock gesture of surrender. "I know, I know. I just thought I'd give it one more shot," he explained. "You can't blame a bloke for trying," he said, finally accepting that his brother was going no matter what he did or said to the contrary.

"I have to go Nick, I just have a feeling about this," Alex told his brother as he looked over at Claire's saddle again. "I can't explain it but I just know that I have to go. I've never really felt that it was over between us. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I really believe there's more to it than that. You understand that don't you?" he asked.

Nick realized that his brother was looking for someone's approval of his actions. It was clear that he was planning to go despite what anyone said, but he still needed for someone to be on his side. He needed to feel like he was doing the right thing and Nick decided to be that person for his brother.

"Yeah mate, I understand," Nick nodded his head as he spoke. "Whatever happens, I'm behind you," he concluded.

Alex smiled, feeling righter than he had in the last three days. He had no grand ideas in his head that it would be easy, what he was about to do. But he had to go out there and search, he had to find the truth for himself and for his daughter, for all of them on Drover's Run. They needed closure to Claire's death, or hope that she was truly alive. In two days he would set off to find it, closure or hope. Either way, it was bound to be one heck of a trip.

To Be Continued…


	3. Part 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.  
**Note**: Sorry this is a little slow going at first,I hope to get to the good stuff soon. And thanks again for all of your lovely comments!

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 3  
By njborba

The lights in the main cabin of the airplane were dimmed so that the passengers could all have a chance to get a bit of sleep on the long flight from Melbourne to Los Angeles. Alex couldn't rest though; he couldn't seem to settle himself at all in fact. The ride to Adelaide and the flight to Melbourne had taken most of one day and this flight was due to waste away two more days in travel time. He'd already had to wait an entire week before his work visa came through. Needless to say, he was sick of waiting.

He shifted about in his seat for the tenth time in as many minutes. Even though Harry had been good enough to lend him the money for a roomier business class seat, Alex still felt very constricted in the space. He had no issues with flying, he could practically live in his chopper if need be. Flying was second nature to him, but this flight was so much different.

All of the rushing around he had done the week prior to taking off, the cleaning, the fixing, it had all been a welcome distraction. It had helped him immensely to be able to focus on something other than the thoughts turning in his head. Now, with no distractions of work and only a very quiet plane at his disposal, the thoughts were spinning out of control. And doubt was creeping in.

Alex couldn't help but worry now, about whether or not he was doing the right thing. He had been more than a little bit blind sided by Peter's letter and he'd just taken off from there. The mere mention of Claire's name and the possibility that she could be alive had been all he'd needed to latch onto the search.

He'd been rather neglectful of one thing though, a little girl who depended upon him greatly. For the last twenty-four hours the image of his daughter kept flashing before his eyes, whether they were open or closed, it didn't seem to matter. The scene always played out the same.

_Charlotte bounded gleefully toward him, her arms stretched outward as she skipped through the tall grass in one of the southern paddocks. Her hair whipped around her shoulders and her blue eyes sparkled, reflecting the summer sunlight. She leapt into his outstretched arms as he spun her around in circles. Her giggles filled the air with a sense of joy and wonder and he felt like everything was right in the world._

_Everything changed then, morphing into a dismal scene that he didn't ever wish to see again as long as he lived. There were towers of smoke and fire billowing upward from the mangled heap of the Drover's Run Ute. He stared downward not able to grasp the reality of the scene before him. Tess stood beside him and his brother next to her as they all looked on in horror, knowing that they had lost Claire for good._

Alex's whole body jolted as his eyes opened to view the interior of the dark cabin again. He hadn't even realized that he'd actually drifted off this time. Somehow his thoughts had shifted into a dream. It was so hard to tell sometimes, if he was dreaming or just remembering. It all seemed the same in his head. He tried to sit up a bit straighter, tossing off the blanket that he'd draped over his shoulders an hour or so ago.

"Bad dream?" a soft female voice greeted his ears from the seat beside him. He turned to see the young woman staring over at him, concern in her light green eyes. She was a petite thing, he could tell even in her seated position, and she had short cropped red hair that was a little disheveled.

"Something like that," Alex finally replied, although distantly.

"I can't sleep either," the woman told him. He noticed that her voice was distinctly of an American accent. "I've just spent a month in Australia without telling my parents. They think I was in France on a study abroad trip. I know it's horrible to lie to your parents but I couldn't really tell them the real reason for all this, which is a guy," she spoke to him as if they'd known each other for years.

"Oh," Alex wasn't quite sure what to say in reply. He was curious though, and it was keeping his mind off other things at the moment, as he pushed his dream away. "So, you're keen on this bloke then?" he asked her.

"If that means I like the guy then yes, I do," she nodded in agreement. "We met over the internet and have been emailing and chatting back and forth for six months. I know, it's not very smart I guess but he seemed very genuine and all, so I figured why not," she spoke as if she hadn't a single care in the world.

"You met him then?" Alex asked. He was intrigued by the idea of someone flying so far and going to so much trouble for the prospect of finding love. It was essentially what he was doing himself, although in a slightly different manner.

"Yep, and he is just as wonderful in person as he is over the net. I know when I explain it all to mom and dad that they'll understand. Don't you think they'll understand?" she asked, clearly trying to sell herself as much as she was going to have to sell her parents on the idea.

"I hope so, for your sake," Alex replied. The girl was certainly amusing company if nothing else. And he needed all the distraction he could get at the moment.

"You know, I've been so rude. Here I am going on and on and I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Samantha Davidson," the young woman spoke as she held out her hand toward him. "Everyone calls me Sam through," she added.

He smiled; welcome of her friendliness. "I'm Alex, Alex Ryan," he introduced himself and politely returned the gesture of her handshake.

Sam settled back into her seat and folder her arms over her chest. "So, Alex Ryan, do you have any kids?" the girl asked.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, one, a daughter," he told her. "She's five and a half," he spoke about Charlotte with pride in his tone. He couldn't even think about the little girl without smiling. She made him happier than anything else ever could.

"What do think you'd do if she lied to you about going somewhere and meeting some stranger?" Sam asked, trying to gauge how her parents were really going to react.

"I don't think it would be a pretty site," Alex informed her, even though he was sure it was not what she wanted to hear.

Sam sighed heavily as if she already knew what his answer was going to be. She shook her head. "What is it about dads and their daughters?" she asked. "They just get so over protective you know," she was trying to garner some sort of sympathy but Alex was having none of it.

"When you have kids of your own someday, maybe you'll understand," Alex replied. "Something happens when you become a parent, I can't really explain it. All I know is that I would do just about anything in my power to keep my daughter safe and happy. I'd climb a hundred mountains, blindfolded and backwards if it meant the difference between seeing her smile or seeing her cry," he explained.

"Wow, you must really love your daughter," Sam was touched by his show of devotion.

"I'd do anything for her," Alex assured her. Even though he was beginning to worry about his decision to run off half way around the world in search of the woman he loved, he still believed it was the right thing. It would be hard, being away from Charlotte for so long. But in the end he had a feeling it would all be worth it.

"So, where is she now?" Sam asked. The young woman could tell that there was a story behind his eyes just waiting to reveal itself. She fancied herself somewhat of a writer, more of a hobby than anything, but she always kept an eye out for a good tale to be weaved. Leaning in closer to the middle of their shared space, she propped her right arm up and rested her chin on her hand.

"She's at home with her aunt and uncle," Alex replied, seeing that the girl was getting rather comfortable. He had a funny feeling that she was about ready to get him to spill his guts, so to speak. If truth be told, he felt kind of like getting it all off his chest anyhow.

"And why aren't you there with her?" Sam asked, digging a bit deeper with each subsequent question that she posed.

Alex leaned back in his seat and sighed, a small smile curling his lips. "You remember that bit about climbing those mountains?" he asked, without waiting for a reply. "It has something to do with the difference between seeing my daughter smile or having to watch her cry," Alex informed her.

---

The plane landed safely at the Los Angeles International Airport thirteen hours after Alex and Sam had first started their conversation. They taxied for a short time out on the tarmac before finally docking at one of the terminals. After that there was a long line waiting to get through customs and even more time spent waiting for baggage at the luggage carousels.

Alex's next flight wasn't for another three hours so he had kicked around with Sam through it all. They had continued their chat which had taken off after Alex's mention of climbing mountains backwards for his daughter. Sam had been quite intrigued and, not being shy at all, she had asked him straight out what his trip was really all about. To Alex's surprise he had revealed the whole story to her easily.

Maybe it was talking to a complete stranger that made the difference, he wasn't quite sure. It was easier with someone who wasn't so close to the situation though, someone other than Tess and Nick who had so much at stake over the matter as well. He had found it very easy to talk to Sam about everything. He was grateful to the girl for her company and an ear to lean on.

Alex hefted one bag up over his left shoulder and grasped the other smaller one in his right hand. He looked out over the sea of people hustling and bustling along in the busy airport. Looking over at his travel companion he smiled ruefully. "I guess we should go and find your parents then," he spoke as he noticed the girl's apprehension.

"You really don't have to do this Alex. I'll be fine facing them on my own," Sam assured him. She flung her backpack over her right shoulder and then laced her left arm through the other strap.

"After everything you've done for me, I couldn't possibly leave you now," Alex replied. Over the course of a few short hours spent on the plane he had grown to like the girl quite a bit, in nothing more than a big brother sort of way of course. And talking things out had really helped. "Besides, I've got three hours to kill and this will keep my mind off of other things," he let her know that it was more than fine.

"If you insist," Sam smiled, grateful for her new found friend. She led him out onto the drive aisle pick up area where they sat and waited for nearly half an hour before Sam spotted her father's dark blue SUV. She recalled Alex's explanation of what a Ute was and had told him that it was like what American's called an SUV, or sport utility vehicle. They'd had a lot of fun comparing slang terms over the course of their conversation.

Alex looked on as an older man emerged from the driver's side of the large vehicle. The man was about his same height but at least twenty years his senior with the graying hair to show for it. He was slim, well groomed and dressed in casual slacks and a pullover sweater. He smiled broadly when he spotted his daughter and made his way over to her, hugging her in a loving embrace. Alex smiled as well, his mind drifting back to an event nearly three days prior.

_Charlotte__ stood on the porch, bouncing back and forth from one foot to the other. It was a nervous habit that she'd always had. It was clear that she was uncertain about what was going on. She watched her father with a steady eye as he packed up several bags into the back of his black Ute._

_"Where are you going daddy?" her voice called out to him._

_Alex walked over and sat down on the edge of the porch, motioning for her to take a seat beside him. __Charlotte__ plunked herself down on the hard surface and snuggled in as close to her dad as she could. She had a feeling that she wasn't going to see him for a while. The serious look in his eyes told her that much._

_"I'm going on a trip and it could be a long one," Alex began to try and explain it to her. He had no idea just how much he should tell her about what his trip was all about. He hated to lie to the girl but on the other hand, he hated to tell her the truth thinking it might get her hopes up too high. _

_"But where?" Charlotte asked again, clearly not satisfied with his explanation so far._

_"I'm going across the __Pacific Ocean__ to the __United States__," he told her, watching her eyes as they grew wide with surprise._

_"That's a long ways daddy!" she exclaimed. And in the next breath she expressed her own desires. "Can I come with you?" she asked of him._

_Alex shook his head, hating to disappoint her. "Afraid not Bom, this is a trip I have to take all by myself," Alex told her. It was plan though that she wasn't pleased by his answer at all. "You see, there's something really important over there that I have to find. I can't really explain it though," he added._

_"It's grown up stuff?" the girl asked. That was a reply she often received from her father, aunt and uncle. Whenever it was too hard to explain to her they always ended up telling her it was grown up stuff and one day she'd understand. She hated not being a grown up sometimes._

_"Yeah," Alex agreed, seeing an opportunity and taking it. "I guess it is grown up stuff. But hopefully when I come back I can tell you all about it," he assured her. He just hoped he wasn't feeding her lies given that there were no guarantees about what he was about to do._

_"Promise?" __Charlotte__ asked. She knew one thing in life and that was that her father always kept his promises, no matter what. If he said it was a promise then she could be assured that he'd follow through._

_"I promise," Alex replied. "And while I'm gone I want you to be extra good for your Aunty Tess and Uncle Nick, all right?" he knew though that she'd be an angel. She'd never given any of them much worry in her five short years of life. _

_"Okay, I'll be good," __Charlotte__ said as she leapt up and wrapped her arms around Alex's neck. "Will you bring me something back?" she asked with a renewed gleam in her eyes._

_"You bet!" Alex exclaimed as he jumped up, taking her in his arms as he did so. He spun her around a few times until he saw Tess and Nick walking toward them, coming to bid him farewell. He squeezed __Charlotte__ extra tight and kissed her on the forehead, knowing he had to get going. "I'll miss you kid," he whispered in her ear._

_Charlotte smiled up at him with her big blue eyes, the same eyes that he had no doubt could melt even the evilest of souls. "I'll miss you too daddy," she said. "I miss you already."_

"I missed you kid," Samantha's dad spoke as he hugged his daughter tightly.

"I missed you too dad," Sam replied, happy to see her father again after a month away from home.

Alex continued to smile as he watched the warm reunion between father and daughter. It made him miss Charlotte even more so than he had been before but it also reassured him that what he was doing, was all for her. The doubt began to ebb away again as he tried to focus on his goal and the joy there would be when he and his daughter reunited.

"Daddy, I want you to meet someone," Sam's voice said as she broke away from her father and motioned for Alex to come closer. "This is Alex, he sat beside me on the flight back," she explained.

The older man reached his right hand out to shake Alex's. "Stuart Davidson," the man introduced himself. "I hope my daughter didn't talk your ear off, I know how she can be at times. She gets it from her mother," he joked.

"Daddy!" Sam was a little embarrassed by her fathers comment.

"Sorry sweetheart, it's been so long since I've been able to tease you," Stuart joked around with his daughter some more. "We should be going though Sam, you're mom has made a feast," the man spoke as he looked to Alex again. "You have dinner plans?" he asked.

"I have another flight in a few hours," Alex informed him. "Still one last leg of my trip, at least this part of it anyhow," he added.

"Well, sorry you can't join us then," Stuart said as he went about gathering Sam's bags and piling them into the back of the car. "I'll just let you say goodbye to your friend Sam," the man spoke as he went around and got back into the vehicle on the driver's side.

"You're not going to tell him?" Alex asked, looking down at Sam with a disapproving glare.

"Oh come on, don't look at me like that," Sam replied. "I'll tell him," she promised. "In my own time," she added as an afterthought. She smiled at Alex and shrugged her shoulders. "It's just so good to see him again, I don't want to ruin it all my first night back," she explained.

"It's your life kid," Alex said

"Yeah, and what about your life Alex?" Sam asked. "What are you going to do?" she was still curious about his quest.

"I'm going to do what I set out to do, I'm going to find the woman I love," Alex spoke with the utmost confidence.

"I hope you do Alex," Sam honestly replied. She put her hands on his forearms and stretched upward on her tip toes to plant a kiss on his left cheek. "I sure hope you do," she concluded as she dashed off toward the passenger side door of her father's car. "And you have my cell phone number right?" she asked. "My mobile?" she corrected herself to use the more Australian slang term.

"Right here," Alex replied, patting his shirt pocket where he'd slipped the piece of paper Sam had written her number down on earlier.

"Good, call me anytime you need a friend. Day or night!" she shouted of over the crowd as she closed the car door and waved to Alex. She rolled down the window and called out to him one last time as her father started to pull away from the curb. "I mean it Alex, day or night!"

Alex smiled as he watched them drive off. He hoped she would be honest with her parents and tell them the truth about her month long stay in Australia rather than France. He suspected they would find out one way or another, especially since Sam had told him about Trevor's planned trip to the States in three months time. He had a feeling the boy's Aussie accent might tip them off.

He chuckled lightly at the thought as he made his way back inside the busy airport terminal. Glancing down at his watch, he noted the time and then did a quick calculation to figure out what hour it was back home. When he realized it would be about half past midnight out at Drover's Run, he figured a call was out of the question. He'd just have to wait until he'd reached his final destination.

Losing himself in the crowd again, Alex wandered off to find the gate that would be the take off place for his next flight. He was ready to be done with the last leg of his trip, but he knew it would only mean the beginning of his next. And the next journey would prove to be his most important one of all, the road to finding Claire.

To Be Continued…


	4. Part 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.  
**Note:** I just wanted to once again say a huge thank you to all who have reviewed. I have recieved some very nice comments and I'm glad that you are enjoying the fic so far.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 4  
By njborba

Alex slid the shower stall door open and stepped out onto the bath mat as he grabbed a towel from the nearby towel bar. The hot shower had done him a world of good after his rather long nap. He'd slept the better part of an entire day actually and was finally feeling a bit on track again as far as the whole time difference, not to mention the change in climate. Back home it had been slowly edging toward summer but in Southern Oregon it was fast approaching winter.

He'd touched down in a town called Medford about 48 hours ago and took a taxi straight away to the place he had booked to stay at. Ashland, Oregon would be his home base of sorts for his stay in the area. It was the city in which Peter's letter had been addressed, a law firm by the name of _Jones and Associates_. Though he'd been dead tired when he arrived at the hotel; his first order of business had been to set up a meeting with the firm's principal.

Since they hadn't been able to fit him into their schedule right away, he'd used the time to rest up and get his bearings a bit. Wrapping the fluffy white towel around his waist, Alex made his way into the main room. It was nothing fancy but he didn't really care, he certainly wasn't there to admire the room's accommodations. It had a queen sized bed, a few chairs, a small refrigerator, T.V. and bathroom. It suited him just fine for his purposes.

It did have one rather nice amenity though, for which he was grateful. A large picture window graced the north wall of the room, providing him with a beautiful view of the surrounding country side. It couldn't compare to the scenery he was used to in South Australia but it was close. The valley provided similar rolling hills, plenty of trees and as a bonus, gorgeous mountain peeks that he certainly never saw from his window view back home. But, it could never be as lovely as the land he grew up on. It could never be home.

Spotting the phone that lay in its cradle on the bedside table, he realized he was long overdue to give Tess and Charlotte a call. He'd started to a few times before but always seemed to remember at the wrong time, when it was bound to be the middle of the night over there. Now was the perfect time though, he thought as he glanced at the clock on the wall. 1pm would mean it should be about seven in the morning their time, the next day; that last realization made him chuckle.

He picked up the phone and dialed in several numbers, having to remember the country code and all. After a few minutes it was finally going through, as he sat down on his bed and listened to it ring. He waited and counted nearly ten rings before anyone picked up. But at last he heard a familiar female voice on the other line.

"Drover's Run, this is Tess speaking," his sister-in-law's quirky and almost always friendly voice chirped, putting a smile on his face. It actually made him miss home a whole lot more but he tried to push past that feeling.

"Hey Tess, what do you know?" he greeted the woman cheerfully, in typical Alex Ryan style.

"Jeez Alex, you were suppose to call two days ago!" Tess exclaimed. "I've been worried sick here with no way to contact you," he had a feeling she'd be whacking him over the head right about now if he were anywhere within range. That was one small thing to be grateful for, he guessed.

"Sorry Tess," Alex apologized. "I still can't seem to remember this massive time difference. Every time I went to call you it was the middle of the night there," he explained. "Not to mention I've been sleeping the last two days just to try and catch up, that's some nasty jet leg," he concluded.

"Yeah, well I'm just glad you're alright and that you finally learned how to count properly," Tess replied, regaining a playful tone in her voice rather than the scolding one she had broken out into. "Charlotte has been driving me nuts here asking about you," she told him.

"She all right?" Alex was slightly worried by the third change he detected in Tess's voice. It was amazing to him how she could shift back and forth between tones so quickly. But, he'd been around her long enough to know how her voice changed in different maters, according to her emotions. And there was a note of worry in it now that he could hear.

"Uh, pretty much," Tess answered. Again her voice betrayed her by changing just a bit at the end, a barely undetectable lilt that signified to Alex that all was not quite as right as she was trying to let on.

"That doesn't sound like a yes to me," Alex replied, fishing for a real answer to his question.

"Well, it's just that she hasn't been sleeping real well since you left," Tess finally confessed to him. "She's climbed into bed with us the last two nights in a row actually," she finished, hating to worry Alex in any way knowing that he was too far off to be of any real help. A fact for which she knew he'd feel guilty about.

"Ah crap Tess, I'm sorry. What do you think is wrong with her?" Alex asked. He hated to see his daughter upset about anything and she'd only ever had trouble sleeping once or twice before that he could recall. She was usually a sound sleeper, no worries in her five year old dreams.

"She's just missing you Alex," Tess stated as if that should have been obvious. "No worries though, if it's not her it's usually Jack in here with us or the baby keeping us up. Nick and I have grown accustomed to not having the bed to ourselves any more," she chuckled, not thinking much of it at all.

Alex was still a bit concerned though. Mostly he just hated to think that he was imposing on his brother and Tess any more than he ought to be. They had two small kids of their own to be thinking about. "Yeah but, maybe Meg could take Bom a night or two out at the cottage, or she could go camp out at Grandpa Harry's," he suggested.

"I don't think so," Tess was rather quick to dash that idea.

"Why not?" Alex asked. "It would be good for the old man," he chuckled at the thought of Harry hanging out with Charlotte for a few days. He knew Harry loved the girl like he did the boys but it was amusing to watch the two sometimes. Harry had never been very good with females of any sort.

"I don't think so," Tess replied again with the same response, trying not to reveal the real reason behind her protest of Charlotte going to stay with Harry.

"Tess, what are you going on about?" Alex asked, starting to wonder just what exactly was going on that he didn't know about.

"It's just that Harry has been uh, entertaining someone out there for a few days now," Tess reluctantly revealed. She tried her best to make it sound as if she didn't really know anything, hoping that Alex would just let it go.

"What do you mean by that Tess?" it was obviously not going to be so easy to get Alex off of the subject. A crazy thought popped into his head. "Don't tell me Sandra's back again?" he asked.

"No, no… uh, someone else from his past actually," although Tess hadn't wanted to tell him what she knew, it was hard to keep her lips sealed now that she had revealed more than she'd planned. She was almost itching to tell him now.

"Who?" Alex demanded.

"Uh," Tess pondered whether or not it was her place to tell him. But, it wasn't as if he wasn't going to find out eventually. "Okay, it's Liz," she finally informed him, feeling rather like a large weight had just been lifted from her chest.

"Mum?!" Alex was beyond shocked. He sat there silently for a moment until he could think of something more useful to say, but nothing seemed to come to him. "Mum?" he asked again, shaking his head from side to side in disbelief.

"Believe me Alex, no one was more surprised than I was at the news," Tess replied. "When Nick told me at dinner the other night I nearly fell out of my chair, not to mention the water that spat from my mouth," she said, chuckling at the memory.

Alex laughed at that. It was certainly about the last thing in the world he could have imagined happening. Of course, the absolute last thing he could imagine happening was himself traipsing around the world in search of the dead love of his life. He supposed even stranger things were likely to happen.

There were a few moments of silence between the two as they both realized that their previous conversation had been more about avoiding the one thing they knew they needed to discuss. Tess hadn't wanted to come straight out and ask him if he had met with the lawyer yet or even contacted him. And Alex wasn't sure how to tell her that his meeting was due to take place in a few hours. He was trying his best to calm his nerves but without much luck so far.

"So, uh…" Tess decided to be the brave one of the two. "Have you had any luck, you know, with the uh… situation?" she asked, realizing that she probably sounded like a complete idiot beating around the bush as she was. They both knew exactly what she was getting at.

"I have a meeting set up later today," Alex replied.

"Oh, well that's good then," Tess spoke as she watched Charlotte come barreling down the stairs, nearly colliding with her. She smiled at the girl, knowing what the first words out of her mouth were likely to be.

"Is it daddy?" the girl asked with excitement brimming over, she was nearly jumping up and down. "Is it?!" she asked again, her patients clearly not holding out.

"Yeah," Tess nodded to her niece. "Hold on a sec Alex, Charlotte wants to talk," she informed him as the girl beside her nearly ripped the phone from her hand before she finally let go.

"Daddy?" Charlotte's sweet voice called out to Alex through the line. "I miss you daddy, are you okay? Did you have fun flying? When are you coming back?" her questions ran into one another as she spoke quickly and excitedly.

"Slow down there kid," Alex replied, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. He could picture her standing there in the hallway of the old house, right beside the table where the phone always sat. She had probably just woken up and would likely be dressed in a pair of clean jeans and one of her favorite t-shirts. Charlotte had never been one for frilly things like dresses or skirts, much the same as Claire.

"I miss you daddy," Charlotte repeated the most important part of what she wanted to tell her father.

"Yeah, I miss you too," Alex sighed.

"How much?" the girl asked.

"Oh, heaps and heaps!" Alex exclaimed.

"Me too," Charlotte agreed.

"You're being good for your aunty and your uncle right?" Alex asked. He wouldn't bother to ask about her sleeping issues, figuring they would hopefully iron themselves out in due time. He worried if he mentioned anything it would just drudge up the fact that she missed him and might delay her progress of getting over his current absence.

"Yep!" she replied. "I have to go eat now daddy, will you call me again soon?" she asked.

"I sure will Bom," Alex promised. "Say hi to your uncle Nick for me okay? And your cousins and Meg," he realized again how much he missed them all as he spoke their names.

"Okay, love you daddy," Charlotte told him.

"Love you too," Alex replied a few seconds before he heard the phone click, signaling the end of their conversation. He hated to admit it but he was feeling more homesick than he had ever thought he would be. He'd never been away from his daughter for more than a few days at a time and even then he usually wasn't that far away, not with an entire ocean dividing them anyhow.

There was plenty to occupy his mind though, and number one on that list was a meeting that he had to be ready for in an hour. He'd already gotten a map and found the address of the Lawyers office so that was one less thing to worry about. Driving around in a strange city where they drove on the wrong side of the street would be another issue all together. But nothing compared to the anxious feeling rolling through his body. If things went as he planned he would be another step closer to the truth before the day was done.

---

An hour later, Alex looked up to read the address numbers that were attached to the side of the old stone building he stood beside. The three gold numbers: 827, shinned back at him, the afternoon sun glistening against their reflective surface. The Law firm appeared to be a small operation, a simple two story building along a fairly busy city street.

The town itself seemed to be very touristy, a fact for which he was actually grateful. It certainly helped to make him not stick out as much as he originally thought he might. Not that you could tell much different about him just by appearance sake. He felt kind of out of place though and feared it would show in his mannerisms and such. He knew it was a silly fear but it sat there in the pit of his stomach nonetheless.

If truth be told, he realized, it was more likely his nerves playing up on him again. Going into that building would be the next big step in finding out more about what Peter Johnson did nearly five years ago and how it involved Claire. He knew there were answers awaiting him somewhere within the confines of those stone grey walls, and all he really had to do was push past the fear and anxiety and face the truth.

He opened the heavy wooden door and made his way inside at last, noticing the elegant yet not too overly posh décor. The entry lobby was moderately sized with a sofa along one wall and two chairs beside it on the other wall. A low marble counter resided on the opposite side of the room where a woman sat, busying herself with some typing work.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked as Alex approached the counter. She looked up at him with welcoming hazel eyes and a smile that made him feel a little more at ease. Her hair was slightly graying and she wore thin wire framed glasses that complimented her facial features quite nicely.

"I have an appointment with Mr. Jones, a consultation," Alex explained. They had asked him over the phone what his reason for meeting with them was and he had lied, telling them he planned to set up a Will of his own.

"Yes, you must be Mr. Ryan," the woman noted as she looked down at her appointment book. "Mr. Jones is waiting for you, you can go right in," she informed him, directing him toward a back room with her right hand.

Alex made his way to the room she had indicated. It looked to be conference room, glass all along the entry wall including the door which was propped open. Inside he found an oval shaped black top table with six chairs positioned around it. At the farthest end sat a man in a nicely tailored blue suit.

The man looked up as he noticed Alex walk into the room. He stood and greeted his client with a sturdy handshake which Alex graciously returned, as well as revealing his name to the man who had identified himself to by Mr. Jones. After the formalities they both took seats, Alex in the one closest to him and the door. And Mr. Jones retook the seat he had been at before.

"So, first things first," Jones began. "You want to set up a Last Will and Testament," he noted. "There are several ways to go about that, the first is a basic outline, what you have and who you wish for it to go to in the event of your death. Second, we delve further into the types and number of any property or holdings which you might have," the man explained.

"Actually," Alex spoke up, interrupting the man. "I'm not really here to set up a Will," he confessed.

"You're not?" the man was surprised. He looked down at the notes on his legal pad wondering if he had missed something or written down the wrong information.

"No, I'm looking for someone. He was a client of yours, Peter Johnson," Alex continued. "You see, I received this letter from him," he said as he fished the letter from his jacket pocket and spread it out onto the table for Mr. Jones to see. "It was post marked from your firm, and seeing as how I had lost track of my friend Peter Johnson, I've also misplaced his address. I was planning to visit his wife and family to pay my respects," Alex concluded.

"I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid I can't divulge that kind of information," Mr. Jones replied. "Our clients pay us to keep their records safe. The information you're looking for is confidential," he explained.

"Look, the part about Peter Johnson being a friend of mine was a lie," Alex finally revealed. "He's not my friend, never was in fact. The truth is that I hated the man and he sent me this letter, part of his Will, so that he could tell me that he kidnapped the woman I love five years ago and made me believe that she was dead," he had no idea what he was doing but he continued to speak. "I understand your liability and all of that crap but she may still be alive and I will do anything in my power to find her. So, you can either help me now or I'll have to find more drastic ways to go about my search," Alex declared.

Jones stared at him for several minutes, unsure of what he should do. It wasn't as if he was completely unsympathetic to the man seated before him, he had no idea what he'd do in a similar situation. But the hard truth of it was that he had clients to protect and breaking the rules once, even for one client, it would set a bad president for his business if the truth ever got out.

"I'm sorry Mr. Ryan, I really am," Jones spoke up again. "I'd like to help you but I just can't," the man stated. There was really nothing more to say. His hands were tied by the code of conduct he had agreed to when he passed the Bar so many years prior.

Alex nodded, knowing that the man had to do what was best for him. He hated it but there wasn't much he could do in protest. He'd just have to figure out another way to get the information. "Thank you for your time," Alex said as he backed out of the room. He didn't bother to shake the man's hand, he had too many things on his mind.

He was pretty much in his own world as he made his way back through the office and into the lobby area. He didn't even notice the receptionist as she rose from her seat and followed him toward the door. It wasn't until his hand was on the doorknob that she dared to speak up from behind him.

"I'm sorry we couldn't be more of a help to you Mr. Ryan," the woman said, sincerity in her tone of voice. She had been listening in to the conversation he'd had with Jones. She reached her hand out toward Alex and smiled at him. "I hope you find what you're looking for though," she added.

"Yeah, thanks," Alex replied distantly as he took her hand in his own without really thinking about it. He tried not to look shocked when he felt her press something into the palm of his hand even though he was surprised by the action.

The woman gently squeezed his hand and curled his fingers around the object she had placed there before removing her own hand from his. She then turned back around and swiftly made her way back to the counter without another word. Alex kept his hand firmly grasped around the object in his hand as he made his way out the door.

He walked outside and down the block until he came to the safety of the car he had rented for his stay in the area. It wasn't until he was inside, seated in the passenger side seat that he dared to open his clenched fist. Carefully he pulled out the folded up piece of paper that the receptionist had discreetly slipped into his hand as she had shook it. He unfolded it and looked down, reading the words aloud to himself.

_Spring Valley__ Ranch & Training Facility  
__P. Johnson  
__1230 River Road_

Alex grinned, saying a silent thank you to the woman whose name he did not even know. "Guess I'm going to find River Road," he mumbled to him self as he promptly started the car's engine. He pulled out onto the road, taking off again with renewed vigor in search of his past and hopefully his future.

To Be Continued…


	5. Part 5

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 5  
By njborba

Alex sat out on the patio of his hotel room, feet propped up on the small round table in front of him and a beer in his left hand. With his free hand he dialed in a series of numbers then leaned back further and took a sip of his beer. He closed his eyes for a second and contemplated hanging up the phone again, but he'd already done that about five times. For some reason he didn't want to talk to anyone back home, yet, at the same time he wanted to be there, back in the arms of his family, so to speak.

"Nick Ryan here," the younger Ryan brother greeted over the phone. In a way, it lifted a small weight off Alex's shoulders just to hear the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey Nick, how's it going?" Alex asked, as casually as possible.

"Oh you know, the usual," Nick replied. "Kids crying, fences need fixing, the wife is nagging," he joked with his brother. Truth be told, life was pretty darn good on Drover's Run and over at Wilgul as well. He always felt important when his kids cried, needing him. And fixing fences was something he could do in his sleep. It was also a rarity that Tess ever nagged him, unless it was really important, in which case, he didn't usually mind so much.

"Oh yeah?" there was a longing in Alex's voice as he spoke. He'd give just about anything to have what his brother had. Two good kids, a place to call home and most importantly, the love of an amazing woman. He'd come so close to having all of that him self, and then it had all been torn to pieces. Even the child and the land he had could not make him whole again, not the way she had made him feel.

"So, how are things there?" Nick asked, trying not to push but wanting to know how his brother's search had gone so far. "Tess says you had a meeting set up yesterday." He knew that he had tried to detour Alex at first about the whole thing but the more he thought about it, the more he realized his brother needed the journey. Whether it would turn out good or bad, he couldn't say. But it would be an ending for Alex, one way or the other, and that was something he hadn't realized his brother needed.

"I think I've made a mistake Nick," Alex mumbled the words around the neck of the beer bottle that he was still nursing. He wasn't drunk by any means. It was just one beer, but he clung to it as if it were a life preserver of some sort. He wasn't exactly in top form after his brief visit to the place called Spring Valley Ranch earlier in the morning.

"What was that?" Nick asked, a soft chuckle growing in his throat. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "Alex Ryan made a mistake and he's admitting it?" again there was laughter in his tone. "All right, who are you and what have you done with my real brother?" he finally questioned, thinking it all a joke.

"This is not funny Nick, I'm serious," Alex put the empty beer bottle down on the table as he dropped his feet to the hard patio floor. He held on tightly to the phone in his right hand. Looking up, he noticed clouds in the sky overhead, teasing him with their murky facades. The gentlest of breezes could either blow the storm just out of the region or just within. They hovered there in their indecisiveness, much like the thoughts going through his head.

"Yeah? Sorry mate," Nick's tone grew serious as he waited for Alex to continue. He suddenly had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. And as much as he didn't think he could bear to hear the news he feared might be coming, he knew he'd have to be strong for his brother.

"I got an address, from the lawyer's office," Alex revealed. "Not from the bloke who ran the place but from a rather kindly woman who worked there. She slipped it to me without saying a word. I hope it doesn't cost her the job she has there," Alex explained.

"Well, that's good right?" Nick asked. "It was Peter's address right?" he was hopeful once more, yet still worried by the way Alex didn't seem to be jumping for joy over the whole situation.

"I think maybe it was wrong Nick, all of this nonsense," Alex suddenly replied. He was clearly stalling, not wanting to reveal all that had happened during his brief visit out to the Ranch.

"Would you just tell me what happened Alex, did you go out there to this place or not?" Nick demanded now.

Alex reached for the unopened bottle of beer that was sitting right next to the empty one. He'd brought out an extra one for just this sort of an occasion. He wasn't much for recounting stories but he figured he should at least explain himself. He took a small drink before he began to relay the events to his brother, the memory of it coming back quite clearly in his mind.

_He'd rented a Ute, or rather, an SUV, for his duration in the area. It was black of course, 4 doors and a roomy interior. It was a lot fancier than his Ute back home, but it wasn't really his style at all. He liked things that you could get dirty and not have to worry much about. The vehicle he was driving around in was not anything he could imagine driving out to the farthest paddocks and hauling fence posts and what not in._

_After a half hour drive down the old county road he spotted the large arch way entry and had slowed to a stop right there in the middle of the road, not caring as he regarded the place. The simple wrought iron letters over the arch read: __Spring Valley__ Ranch. A smaller, wooden sign was pegged down into the ground closer to the road. It read: __Spring Valley__ Horse Training Facility._

_Alex shook his head, sighing as he carefully turned the vehicle onto the dusty, gravel road that led into the Ranch. It figured that Peter would try to make a name for him self elsewhere in the world doing the same thing. He did have a knack for business. That was about the only credit Alex could see to give the guy though._

_A white wood rail fence lined the drive leading to the house with lush green fields on either side where a wide variety of horses were clearly free to roam about the place. At the end of the long gravel road he stopped just outside a large barn, painted in a bright red with gleaming white trim. On the other side of the drive way sat several stables and a few more out buildings. _

_Straight ahead of him stood a huge, two-story house. It was painted white with dark green trim and shutters on the windows to match. It looked almost like a miniature version of the __US__ White House, with its Doric columns and stately looking appearance. The yard was a bit less pristine than the __US__ Capitol building though, with messy shrubs and overgrown oak trees._

_He stepped out of the vehicle and took a few steps toward the barn, ducking his head inside. It was a large interior with a row of about six stalls on the left hand side. The right side was left mostly for equipment, a few tractors and such. And above, in the loft, massive amounts of hay bales sat stacked one atop the other._

_"Aly, pick up your end now or we're going to drop it. And then mum will never let us ride today!" the excitable voice of a young girl rang out in the air as Alex noticed two figures slowly making their way toward him, hefting some sort of object._

_"I'm trying to Natalie, but you're about a head taller than me and it's hard when we're so uneven," the second girl protested as she tried to shift the weight of the object._

_Alex realized that it was a bale of hay they were carrying as they drew closer to where he was standing. It was clearly a very awkward item for the two girls to be lifting. He chuckled lowly when he watched as the shorter girl finally lost her hold and dropped her end of the bale, falling backwards and landing on her bum. The whole thing fell to the ground along with her, a muffled thud echoing through out the space. And the older of the two girls just stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at the younger._

_"Great Aly, we still have to get this thing all the way over to the stables!" Natalie exclaimed, exasperated at her useless sister. "Mum's never gonna let us go riding unless we get all our chores done," she added, still not bothering to help her sister up._

_"Shut up Nat!" Aly replied, jumping to her feet and wiping away the dust from her back side. "It's not my fault I can't lift that stupid thing, it must weigh a tone," she insisted. "I don't know why we couldn't just ask Carrie to help us?" she wondered._

_"Because mum said we had to do it ourselves if we wanted to go riding this afternoon," Natalie explained, as if that should have been obvious to her sister by now._

_"Maybe I could help," Alex made his presence known as the girls both spun around to see him standing there. They regarded him with a weary eye for a few moments, uncertain as to who he was and why he was there at all._

_"I don't think so mister…" Natalie replied, clearly fishing for a name to place with the man's face, in case he tried to try anything funny with either herself or her sister._

_"Oh, it's Alex," he informed them both with a friendly smile. "Alex Ryan," he finished._

_"Hi, I'm Alana," the shorter of the two spoke up first. "Everyone calls me Aly though," she added. "So, do you really want to help because this thing is way too heavy for me," she pointed out as she nodded toward the hay bale._

_Natalie jabbed her sister in the side with her elbow. "Please excuse her, she's an idiot," the older girl quickly informed him. Then in a whisper, she spoke to her sister. "Are you crazy? He could be an axe murderer or something," she warned her sister. "You can just be going now then Mister Ryan," Natalie said the last few words so that he could hear._

_Alex chuckled, having actually heard the girls whisper as well. He wondered if people in this part of the world were more paranoid than back home. Pushing the thought aside, he walked over and, in one swift move, picked the hay bale up and slung it over his shoulder. He smiled back at the girls and took off toward the stables. When he reached the edge of the barn though he looked back again._

_"Are you two coming?" he asked, as he promptly resumed his course._

_"Wow, he is so strong," Alex could hear Aly mumble to her sister._

_"Shut up," he heard Natalie tell her sister once more as they followed along behind him._

_They all arrived at the stables a few minutes later, Alex feeling good and useful for the first time in a while and the girls still curious as to who the stranger Alex Ryan really was. He dropped the bale down onto the floor just beside some of the horse stalls. He took a moment to look around, noticing the horses that were penned up in the stales._

_He read the word Bullet, which was engraved on a wood plaque mounted to the stall nearest where he was standing. The dark brown horse inside stood tall, a black main and tail adorning his sturdy features. He was a real beauty of a horse. The stall beside him housed an even more magnificent creature. He was a jet black stallion with the name __Midnight__ posted on his stall door. _

_"So, which one is yours?" he asked the girls, still looking about the place. There looked to Alex to be about at least twenty stalls just in the one stable alone. And they were all full._

_"Mine's Star," Aly replied, anxiously grabbing Alex's hand as she led him down a few stalls and stopped in front of a pretty golden mare. "Mum let us name our horses. I chose Star because that's what I want to be when I grow up, a famous movie star!" she exclaimed._

_Natalie had followed them down to Star's stall. She stood by quietly for a minute, rolling her eyes at her sister's enthusiasm. She moved to the stall on the other side of Star and reached out to run her hand alone her horse's neck, patting him affectionately. He was a grey and white appaloosa that she had helped birth three years ago. They had bonded almost instantly._

_"He's a real looker," Alex spoke as he brought his hand up to stroke the horse's main. "Shadow?" he asked, reading the name on the stall door._

_"For the pattern on his back side, I kind of thought it looked like a shadow," Natalie replied. She looked up at Alex again with questioning eyes. "Who are you? I mean, besides your name?" she asked._

_"Yeah, you're not from around here are you?" Aly asked now, having come to join Alex and her sister by Shadow's stall. "You sound like us," she added, meaning it as a complement._

_"Nope, I'm not from around here. I live a long ways away," Alex informed them. "All the way across the ocean," he added._

_"In __Australia__ right?" Aly asked. "That's were Nat and I were born," she told him._

_Alex had already guessed that the girls were Peter's, the two children he had left along with his wife to have his little affair with Claire all those years ago. It sickened him still to think about what Peter had done, not only to Claire but obviously to his wife and daughters. He could imagine a lot of things but he just couldn't imagine being so selfish._

_"Yep, seems we're all a long way from home," Alex commented._

_"This is home now," Natalie replied, a bit distantly. "With mum," she added._

_Something struck Alex as he heard the girl refer to her mum, something that made him sick to his stomach. Was it possible that Peter had been lying in his letter, perhaps just as a way to get back at him for having won Claire, as he saw it. What if the whole story had been some horrible lie? What if these two girls really were living here with their mum Julia? Surely they wouldn't think of Claire as their mum, would they?_

_"So, where is your mum?" Alex dared to ask. _

_"Out in the training corral," Aly easily revealed to him. "Are you here about the job?" she asked, thinking she had finally figured out why it was the man had shown up._

_"The job?" Alex was curious, and tried to play along. It would make for a much more plausible reason for his visit than just to pay his respects to a man he had never much cared for in the least. He wondered briefly what type of job it was though. If they were looking for a new head cook or some such position, he would be in way over his head._

_"It's a training position," Aly informed him. "Mum and Annie have way more work than they can handle right now," the girl explained. "And Seth and Carrie don't know anything about training, just cleaning and fixing and other basic Ranch stuff," she finished._

_A training position? It was almost too perfect, Alex thought to himself. He was certainly qualified enough, not that he was likely to actually take the job. All he needed was a way in, a way to find out more about the woman he was in search of. Once he saw for certain whom Peter's wife was that was living there, whether it be Claire or Julia, it was bound to be the end of his stay._

_"So, where is the training corral?" Alex asked at last._

_"You go back to the barn, on the other side and there's a trail that leads down past the grazing pasture and right into the training corrals. You can't miss it," Aly explained. "But I could take you down there if you want," the girl added, all the while Natalie kept watching Alex, eyeing him suspiciously._

_"Come on Aly, we have to finish our work," Natalie had finally had enough of the stranger. She'd leave him for her mum to sort out. All she had on her mind at the moment was being able to ride later and she wasn't about to let Alex or her little sister stand in the way of that precious goal._

_Alex watched the girls get back to their chores and soon made his way back outside. He stood for a long time, between the stables and the bright red barn, mulling over his plan of attack. There was a choice to be made now, and the excitement of it all had slowly turned into fear. It had only been just a small fear at first, but there was something in the way the girls had mention their mum. Not a word about her being a step-mum or hating her or anything of the sort._

_He worried that all he had been hoping for was suddenly going up in smoke, just the way all his hopes had dissolved in a cloud of smoke some five years previous. It was suddenly more than he wanted to deal with, too much doubt creeping into his head to make sense of it all at the moment. All he wanted to do was climb back into his vehicle and drive off, leave it all behind in the dust they way he thought he had the day she died._

"So, you didn't go and see her then?" Nick asked as he listened to his brother's story. He was surprised even though he had already gotten the same impression earlier on in their conversation. "You just ran away?" he was still in a state of disbelief.

"I did not run!" Alex protested hotly, knowing full well that his brother had hit a nerve. "I just decided that it probably wasn't a good time," he tried his best to cover up for what he had done, but it had been exactly as Nick stated. He'd run, and about as fast as he could at that.

"I've never taken you for a coward before Alex," Nick sounded rather disappointed in his brother.

"And I've never been one Nick," Alex maintained.

"Then what the hell are you doing sitting around on your bum in some hotel room, probably drinking a beer no doubt?" Nick asked, knowing full well what his brother was up to. He'd seen the pattern often enough to know how Alex handled things when they all got a bit too rough for his liking.

"What if it's not her?" Alex pondered aloud. "What if I've come all this way just to have been tricked by that creep Johnson?" he asked, really hoping that his little brother had some sort of an answer for him.

"And what if it is her?" Nick countered. "What if you've gone all that way and walk away without every really finding out the truth?" he asked, knowing it was what his brother needed, just a little push.

"Shit," Alex sighed.

Nick smiled, picturing the look on his brother's face at that moment. "I'm right Alex, you know I am," he spoke with a slight air of arrogance. "As much as that irks you to admit, it is true isn't it?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, yeah," Alex agreed, trying to thwart any further gloating by his brother. "You're right," he finally admitted, actually grateful for the bit of a nudge that Nick had just given him. It was exactly what he had needed to edge over that hill of doubt he'd just been climbing.

"So, you're going back then?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, I suppose I am," Alex replied.

"Right now then?"" Nick pushed a little more. It was so much easier knowing that he was much too far away for Alex to reach out and hit him over the head or anything.

"Guess I got nothing better to do, seeing as how this is what I came thousands of miles for in the first place," Alex acknowledged.

"Good," Nick was leased to hear that Alex seemed to be back on track for the moment. "Give us a call and let us know what happens, no matter what the time," he implored his brother.

"Sure," Alex agreed. "And give my love to Charlotte and Tess will ya?" he asked, trying to hold onto his renewed hope for their sake.

"Of course, now stop stalling and get going!" Nick exclaimed as he abruptly ended the call, leaving Alex with nothing but a dial tone ringing in his ear.

---

Alex drove back down the, now familiar, gravel road that led up to the house, and reaching his destination he parked his car by the barn again in pretty much the same spot as earlier. It was late afternoon and he didn't see anyone about. He wondered if he should stick his head inside the barn or the stables to announce his arrival in some way.

Deciding against that idea, mostly because he feared if he put off his quest any further it would just rope him back into the web of denial that he had previously fallen into. Instead, he marched his way toward the other end of the barn just as Aly had instructed him on his last visit. As he rounded the corner though, he nearly crashed into a young blonde woman, who was startled by his appearance as well.

"Whoa there, you might want to watch where you're going eh?" the woman asked, eyeing the cute stranger. She wore blue jeans and a long sleeved white t-shirt with a vest pulled snuggly over it. He blue eyes smiled back at him. "What's the rush?" she asked of him.

"I'm uh, I'm looking for… Mrs. Johnson," Alex replied through gritted teeth. He hated to think that he would ever have to refer to Claire as Mrs. Johnson. In a way he hoped the only Mrs. Johnson he met would be a woman named Julia. But at the chance of Claire still being alive, he figured the name thing wasn't such a big deal after all.

"She's out in the training corral," the young woman informed him.

"Must hang out there a lot," Alex said, thinking about his earlier visit when the two girls had told him the very same thing.

"She does actually," Carrie nodded with a smile, knowing what a workaholic her boss was. "Do you know her?' the young woman asked of him. "You an old friend or something?" she was curious.

He looked at her, amused. She probably figured all Australian people in foreign countries knew one another. Like supposedly all movie stars are meant to know one another just because they're all in that famous circle of life. Alex decided to play it safe though, and that meant not letting on that he might know her or not. If it wasn't Claire, he didn't want anyone going up to the woman and introducing him as an old friend. That would be a bit awkward.

"Nah, just here about the job," Alex spoke with a calm tone of voice, even though his nerves were jumping around all over the place again. This time he was not going to back down or run off though. He vowed to see it through till the end and that was exactly what he planned to do now.

"Oh, great. I'm Carrie," the woman introduced herself, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Alex Ryan," he replied politely as he shook her hand quickly and then made a move to get past her. He hated to be rude but he was really in a hurry now. Once his mind was made up about something, he usually tended to want to get right to it. Even though his mind had been made up about this little journey a few different times, this was most definitely the final decision. And he wanted to act on it, sooner rather than later.

"Nice to meet you Alex, why don't I show you down to the corral," Carrie suggested as she turned and walked down the path with him.

They meandered through the tall grass, watching the horses out in the field as they played around with one another. They walked, ran, whinnied and got on just as people might when gathered at a party or reunion. They really were amazing creature's to behold, strong and beautiful in their easy grace.

As they neared a small clearing, Carrie and Alex stopped to watch the rider in the corral. There were three different fenced in areas but only one was currently in use. Another young blonde woman sat firmly in the saddle as she guided the white horse she was on around the pen. Her nearly perfect guidance at leading the horse showed a great deal of talent.

"Hmm, for some reason I guess I was thinking she'd be a bit older. I mean not much older but," Alex was disappointed as he watched the young woman on the horse.

"What?" Carrie asked, turning to look at the man and then turning back to watch the woman riding again. "Oh no, that's my sister Annie out there ridding on Apache," Carrie explained. Alex was relieved, though he tried his best not to show it.

"Annie works the most with Claire and the horses that are to be trained, she's learned a lot working here," Carrie explained.

Alex's heart had stopped though, or near close enough. He hadn't heard anything past the name Claire. With one word, the mention of one simple name, everything in his world shifted upside down. He felt like he might either throw up or jump up and down. He'd actually stopped walking forward, unable to make his feet move at all. It was almost as if someone had just come along and cast him instantly into stone. But the mere mention of her name was nothing compared to what happened next.

His eyes stared, transfixed as he watched another woman emerge from the small shed to the left side of the corral, her brown leather boots striking out a swift cadence over the compacted mud. Her black jeans swished as she walked and the corduroy jacket she wore hummed a soft melody as her arms swung gently at her sides. Her hair hung half way down her back, straight and dark tendrils of silk that shown in the afternoon sun. The threatening storm clouds had long since gone.

He continued to watch as she stopped in front of the horse and brushed her hand gently along the animal's soft main and smiled, obviously pleased by the creature's earlier performance. Alex, still mesmerized by the scene playing out in front of him, hoped for all he was worth that it was not just another of the many dreams he'd had over the years.

A few moments later, which had felt like an eternity to Alex, she glanced over their way. She nodded her head, acknowledging Carrie standing there with him. Then their eyes met; his locking on to hers. He'd been lost in those very same eyes many times over. Whether laughing or crying, they always seemed to sparkle just the same. Eyes never lied. He knew who she was, knew she was alive, and knew his heart would never recover from the shock.

He was thousands of miles away from Drover's, Wilgul and Kilarney. He was nearly half way around the world from the place he had grown up and the land that he had worked for so many years. But in that moment, as he stood on foreign soil, looking into the eyes of the woman he thought he had lost, the woman he loved more than life itself… he knew that he was finally home again.

Carrie nearly had to push him forward as they made their way down into the corral, but his eyes never left Claire's. He stood, leaning up against the pen almost content just to watch Claire work for the time being. But she quickly made her way over to where he and Carrie were standing.

"Hey Carrie, who's your friend?" Claire asked.

Alex wasn't sure what to make of the whole situation. He wanted nothing more than to leap over the rail of the corral and envelope her in a bone shattering hug. At the same time though, he was a bit wary. Claire seemed rather distant with him, not speaking to him directly. He figured seeing someone again after so long would garner some sort of excitement, but none shown on her face. He didn't know what to think other than the idea that maybe she couldn't let on that she knew him for some reason. Maybe Peter was still alive? Maybe he had just lured him there to have the last laugh.

The questions swam around in his head as Carrie introduced him as Alex Ryan, a guy who had come to inquire about the horse training job. And Claire stuck her hand out to shake his in a welcoming manner. He was hesitant at first, still unsure of the whole situation. But he slipped his hand into hers and felt the slightly rough texture of her hard working hands. He'd felt them before, in friendship and in love. There was something different about them now though, something all together different about her.

"Claire Johnson," she spoke the name as if she'd carried it all her life.

In that very second as he listened to her voice, his Claire's voice, the voice he had longed to hear again for so long, his heart dropped into his stomach. Her eyes were Claire's, her hands were Claire's, even her voice was Claire's, but she was not the woman he had fallen in love with, not the same mate who he'd grown up with. All of his elation vanished when he realized that she didn't have a clue as to who he was. She didn't know him at all.

To Be Continued…


	6. Part 6

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 6  
By njborba

The sun had risen and set over and over again for five long years as he mourned for the love of his life. Lives had pushed forward, people moved away, new jobs taken and babies born. And the Earth had spun about on its axis just the same as it always did, much to his displeasure. He hated it all at first, not understanding how life could just go about its business without her in it. But he'd learned to accept it over time. He'd learned to move on. Now his world had stopped again, but this time it was due to life rather than death.

Alex felt the soft fall breeze brush across his cheeks as he stood there outside the horse corral, his mind adrift in thought. The sight of Claire had taken his very breath away, leaving him speechless. He'd felt as if his life had been rejuvenated in an instant as he laid his eyes upon her smiling face. Even the realization that she didn't seem to remember him could not squelch his joyous mood.

In fact, he'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't even realized he was still holding onto to her outstretched hand through the rails of the enclosure. It wasn't until she politely pulled away from him and relaxed her arms to her side again that he released the breath he had been holding inside. His heart beat again in his chest as he exhaled, and he even managed to notice what was going on around them once more.

Claire shifted away from him and turned, nodding her head in Annie's direction, letting the younger woman know that they were done for the day. She then made her way to join Alex outside of the corral. Carrie walked off after her sister to help put the horse up, leaving Alex and Claire alone to conduct their business.

"So, you're here about the job then?" Claire asked, casually leaning up against the wood rail of the corral.

He couldn't help but stare at her again, noticing all the slight differences in her appearance; little things that only he could pick up. Seeing her again after so long was like a dream come true. He didn't think anything could possibly bring him down again, even though he was still left with so many questions. Not wanting to bombard her with a bunch of questions though, he decided those answers could wait.

"Mum!" the excitable voice of a young girl rang out, breaking Alex's train of thought. He finally removed his eyes from Claire just long enough to turn around and see Natalie and Alana running down the path toward them. "Mum, can Aly and I…"

Natalie was quickly cut off, mid-sentence. "Excuse you two, I was talking to someone here," Claire spoke in a low but authoritative voice, one that most parents knew how to use to their full advantage.

"Oh, sorry," Natalie quickly apologized, looking a little crestfallen. She'd just spent the better part of her day finishing up chores in the hopes that she would be able to ride for a few hours before dinner. Now she was worried that it might have all been for nothing. She didn't mind the chores so much, understanding that it was all a part of what kept the Ranch going. But all she ever really wanted to do was ride. Suddenly she noticed the reason why she'd just been shushed, and it did not please her one bit.

"Hey Alex, you're back," Aly spoke now as she noticed him standing there beside her mother as well. She smiled up at him with a genuine grin, having liked him from the very first moment she'd met him.

"Back?" Claire questioned the tall man beside her. Curiosity brimmed in her eyes, wondering why she hadn't seen him earlier if he had indeed been around. "When were you here before?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Actually, a little earlier today," Alex admitted, feeling slightly like he was under a microscope. His actions on inspection for the whole world to see.

"Yeah, were did you go?" Natalie asked him in a rather accusatory tone of voice. Unlike her sister, she was not at all impressed by the handsome stranger. It always took her longer to warm up to new people then it did Alana, just one of the many differences in the two sisters.

"Well, I had something to take care of that I'd forgotten about," Alex pretty much lied to their faces. It seemed a whole lot easier than trying to explain the real reason to them though. He still had no idea how he was every going to do that. In an attempt to quickly change the direction of the conversation, he spoke up again. "Uh, it seems you two were going to ask your mum something," he noted.

This shut Natalie up in a big hurry as the two girls both returned their attention back to Claire, their eyes staring up at her as if searching for the right to speak. They knew she was usually fair about the ratio of work and play time they had, but interrupting her had been a bit of a mistake on their part.

"Well, what is it?" Claire finally asked them. "We don't have all day here," she tried to sound a little less serious as smiled down at them, a fact for which the girls were very grateful. It put them at ease again as they finally dared to express their desire.

"Can we take Shadow and Star out for a bit?" Natalie asked straight out.

"Please!" Alana added, drawing out the word and trying her best to look as sweet as humanly possible. She plastered a big smile on her face as she regarded Claire. She didn't like to ride nearly as much as her sister Natalie but she still enjoyed it a great deal. It was something that they had been doing most of their lives.

Claire eyed them both, trying not to laugh at how serious Natalie looked and how innocent Aly was trying to appear. "Are the stables done?" she asked.

"Yes," Natalie assured her.

"And what about your homework?" Claire questioned, looking back and forth between the two.

"Done," Aly replied as Natalie nodded in agreement.

Claire couldn't think of anything else she'd told them to do for the day but she couldn't let them off quite so easily. "Who's going to ride with you?" she asked her final question. She'd made it a rule that they had to have an adult ride with them any time they went out. They were still a bit too young for her to allow them out alone, roaming around.

"Carrie said she'd take us out," Natalie had it all figured out. She knew how her mum worked. It you got your work done and had a good plan and/or argument, it was a pretty safe bet that she'd go for whatever you asked of her, within reason of course.

"Yeah, all right then," Claire finally gave the okay and the girls turned to each other with pleased grins on their faces. They had just taken off down the path when her voice rang out again. "Hey, hold it!" Claire spoke, remembering something that she was sure had slipped past them. "Where is Melissa?" she asked.

Natalie and Alana stopped dead in their tracks, realizing they had missed one very important component in their plan. They exchanged a look and then slowly turned back around to face Claire again. Shrugging their shoulders, they looked up to their mother with worried glances but gave no verbal response to her inquire.

"Well, when was the last time you saw her?" Claire asked now, disappointment growing in her tone of voice. If there was one thing she would not stand for it was having her daughters shrug away the most important responsibility in their lives.

"Just after lunch I think," Aly dared to reply.

"Yeah, that's right, she followed us out to the stables," Natalie recalled. "She wanted to see Princess and bring her a treat," she explained, growing ever weary at her chances of being able to ride.

"And that's the last time you saw her?" Claire asked, shaking her head. "That was nearly three hours ago," she pointed out, her hands had come to rest on her hips, never a good sign as far as the two girls were concerned.

"We had chores to do," Natalie protested as Aly nodded her head in agreement. They both knew it was a pretty lame excuse though, and one that their mother was doubtful to go for as being valid.

"You both know that your number one chore around here is…" Claire didn't have a chance to finish the lecture that was building in her throat, being cut off swiftly by the two young girls.

"To look after your little sister," Natalie and Alana replied in unison. They had heard that line over and over again in their very short lives, not that it did much good as they always seemed to dismiss their baby sister. It wasn't that they didn't love the girl to pieces but she was just a lot younger than they were and it was hard to spend long lengths of time with her without getting annoyed or bored.

"Right, well as least you remember," Claire was still not amused. "Maybe one of these days you'll actually adopt it as part of your daily routine," she instructed, feeling like a broken record for all the times she had preached pretty much the same thing.

"Sorry mum," Natalie apologized.

"Yeah, sorry," Aly said.

Claire gave a low snort of disapproval. "So, in light of this lack of responsibility, do you think you two should still be allowed to go out riding?" she asked. It always seemed to work better when she posed the question to them rather than just going about dictating what she was trying to get across.

"I guess not," Natalie mumbled, even though she wanted to shout, yes, at the top of her lungs.

"No," Aly shook her head, agreeing with her big sister.

Claire hated to see the looks on their faces. And it wasn't like they had really done anything horribly wrong; it's just that she had tried over and over again to get them to understand the importance of being a big sister. No matter how hard she tried to drill that into them though, it obviously didn't seem to stick.

"I'll go check the sheep pens," Natalie offered, knowing how much time her baby sister liked to spend with the little lambs.

"Nah," Claire shook her head and moved forward toward them, a smile growing on her lips. For some reason she wasn't feeling much like dolling out punishments. "You two go on your ride and I'll find your sister, you've worked hard enough today," she informed them.

"Really?" Natalie was a little hesitant to ask, but hopeful nonetheless. Aly stood close by her sister not daring to push their luck by saying anything herself.

"Yeah, really," Claire replied. "Just don't let this happen again all right?"

"Never," Natalie promised, even though Claire figured that would probably be forgotten the next time their little sister got in their hair. "Thanks mum," she added as she wrapped her arms around the woman and gave her a quick hug.

"Yeah, thanks mum," Aly proceeded to hug Claire as well.

"Yeah, yeah," Claire said as gave them both a quick squeeze. She stepped out of the hug and playfully pushed them away. "Go on now, get out of here before I change my mind!" she grinned as she watched the two girls dart off across the field, not daring to look back in fear that she might really decide to change her mind.

Alex stood quietly by as the scene played out before him. He was amused to watch Claire with the girls, to witness her mothering skills first hand. It amazed him that she seemed to be so at ease with it all, being serious when it was called for and joking around with them the next moment. She was a natural, which also made him angry. It upset him that she hadn't been able to be there like that for Charlotte the last five years. That was precious time that neither mother nor daughter would ever be able to get back.

Claire chuckled, watching the girls run off. Then she looked over to find that Alex was once again staring at her. She'd noticed him doing it earlier too, before the girls had come to interrupt their conversation. And during the handshake they'd exchanged. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "What?" she finally asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable by his behavior.

"Uh, sorry," Alex stammered, realizing he was staring again. He tried to find a point somewhere in the distance to focus on but was failing miserably as his eyes always came back to land upon her beautiful face. "I must have lost myself in thought there for a second," he lamely tried to cover up. The truth was he just couldn't get over the fact that he was actually standing there next to her, a very much alive Claire McLeod. It was all more than he ever could have hoped for and he still kept thinking he was going to wake up at any minute.

Claire managed to shrug it off as she went about her business again, remembering that she still had a missing daughter to find. "So, Mr. Ryan, why don't you walk with me while I go in search of the youngest member of my family," she suggested as she started off down the trail toward the barn, not waiting for him.

"Sure," he replied, following along after her. He had to take several fast steps to catch up with her. She was already paces ahead of him by the time he caught his bearings. "Just promise to only call me Alex," he quipped, smiling at her as the walked along.

She smiled back, nodding in agreement. "In that case, you can call me Claire," she informed him. "We're not too formal around here anyway," she added. "So, as I was asking earlier, I take it you're here about the job?"

"Yep, that'd be right," Alex replied this time, seeing no interruptions on the horizon. They'd made it back to the barn in short time and proceeded to veer off toward the right. Walking down past the stables and further on toward two smaller wood buildings in the distance, they went about their search.

"Do you have much experience with horse training?" Claire asked, as she led him into one of the buildings. It was a small shed type structure with several fenced-in areas. There were sheep all around, big and small ones. They were eating, sleeping or just milling about in the hay strewn pens.

It felt so awkward to Alex, walking along beside her and having her ask him questions in an interview manner. She had no idea about his background, while he knew just about everything there was to know about her, aside from the last five years of course. It was just very strange for him, to say the least. But, for the time being, he decided it best to go along with it all.

"Yeah, I've been around horses all my life," Alex replied. "I grew up on a piece of land in South Australia, even had a pretty successful training business myself for a while," he told her, thinking about how much he had enjoyed working with her.

"What happened to it?" Claire asked as she pushed past several larger sheep. "The business?" she clarified, intrigued by his story. She'd been looking for someone for several months with no success and he seemed to be knowledgeable and available. He also seemed to have some sort of story to tell, something he was holding back from her.

"I uh, lost my partner," that was a lot harder for Alex to say than he had imagined it would be. Even though he was talking to her, he couldn't help remember the loss he had suffered thinking her dead for so long. The work had never been the same after she left and he'd dove into a myriad of other projects to try and keep his mind off of losing her.

"I'm sorry," Claire replied. She wasn't sure what he meant exactly by the tern lost, but didn't think to further inquire. She was a bit distracted as she meandered her way through the various sheep pens in the shed. A few moments later, her search became successful as she spotted the object of her mission curled up on a pile of hay in the corner of the farthest pen.

Alex's eyes followed hers and landed upon the sleeping form of a small girl who looked to be about four years old. Her dark hair was pulled back and she was dressed in jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of her. She looked so sweet and peaceful there sleeping with the animals. "That's a rather odd looking sheep you've got there," he joked.

"That'd be Melissa," Claire smiled as she squatted down and roused the girl from her slumber. "Hey baby, what are you doing out here?" she asked, reaching down and lifting the child up into her arms. She stood up and Melissa instinctively wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and her legs around Claire's waist. She rested her head against her mother's left shoulder, opening her eyes just a crack.

"Nat and Aly won't play with me," the girl mumbled, still sleepy but clearly awake.

"I'm sorry kiddo," Claire spoke as she kissed the girl on the cheek. "You need to wake up though or you're going to be up all night," she observed. "And I have too much work tomorrow to stay up with you," she added.

Melissa brought her right hand up and rubbed at her eyes. She pulled her head up off her mother's shoulder for a second, looking a little more awake as she glanced down at the sheep. "Mommy, can the baby lamb's sleep in my bed with me tonight?" the girl asked.

Claire shook her head, though she hated to disappoint the child. "Sorry kiddo, the lambs need to sleep outside with their mummy's," she explained.

"Oh," Melissa said, not quite understanding. "Why?" she asked.

"Well, because they'd be sad without their mummy's," Claire tried to think of a plausible reason.

"Why?" Melissa asked again.

Claire rolled her eyes, knowing that the conversation could go on for a while if she didn't put a stop to it real quick. Sometimes she didn't know which was harder; dealing with her twelve and ten-year-old, or with the four-year-old. "Because your mummy said so," she finally declared. Melissa smiled sheepishly, knowing she'd been bested. "Hey, you want to say hello to Alex?" Claire asked her daughter as she turned around to face the man who was standing a few feet away from them.

Alex smiled at the girl, noticing how much she looked like Claire with her dark hair and soft blue eyes. Actually she looked very much like Charlotte as well, he realized. That made sense though considering they shared the same parents. He still couldn't quite believe that Peter Johnson had managed to have another child with Claire. He couldn't blame the little girl of course, but it still made him jealous thinking that she should have been his child; his and Claire's daughter.

"Hi," Melissa said as she waived shyly in his direction. She then proceeded to relax her head on Claire's shoulder again, still attempting to wake up fully from her afternoon nap.

"Hello," Alex replied politely. He noticed that there was the smallest hint of an accent in the girl's voice, probably only from what she'd picked up from her mother and sister's. The way she said the word mommy was decidedly American though.

It was suddenly all becoming a bit much for Alex to handle, seeing Claire living her life as if nothing had ever happened between them. Watching her with her children and going about her work as if she'd never known anything else. It hurt more than he cared to admit, knowing that she didn't remember anything about the life they had shared together. Not to mention the fact that she probably didn't remember the rest of her family, friends or even Drovers Run.

"You seem a little busy here, maybe I should come back tomorrow," he finally spoke again, this time to Claire as he watched her shift the child in her arms. He felt he needed a break from it all, even though he also never wanted to leave her side again. The two conflicting emotions were enough to drive him crazy.

"Well, only if you show up ready to work," Claire replied. She placed Melissa down on her own two feet in an attempt to wake the child further from her sleepy haze. The girl latched onto her, tugging at her jacket and pleading with her eyes to be picked up again. "You're getting too heavy for that," Claire whispered to her daughter.

"Ready to work?" Alex questions. He wasn't quite sure that he'd hear her correctly.

"The job," she clarified, holding onto Melissa's right hand as they walked out of the shed and began to make their way back toward the main house. "It's yours if you want it," Claire informed him. She was straight to the point, didn't dally around with particulars. Alex realized that some things never changed. It was actually refreshing to realize. There was definitely still a part of the Claire he knew and loved buried inside her somewhere.

"We barely had time to talk it over though," Alex replied. He certainly had to make it look like a hard sell. But really, there was no way in hell he was going to pass up her offer. Working with her again would undoubtedly be the best way to learn more about what had happened to her. Hopefully it would also be a good way to try and jog her memory.

"You want the job or not?" Claire asked in a definitive tone. It was pretty clear that she had no intentions of asking him again. It was now or never as far as she was concerned.

"Well, yes but…" Alex didn't have a chance to finish his thought.

"Then it's yours," she declared. "We can do a trial period if you like, to see how things work out for both of us," Claire suggested as they reached the driveway. She stopped and looked down at her youngest daughter, who was still being rather clingy. Melissa reached her arms up toward her mother in hopes that she would be carried again but Claire shook her head no.

Alex smiled as he watched their silent banter. Claire was still her stubborn self and it was clear that she had passed that particular trait onto her youngest child as well. As much as it bothered him to think of her life without him, he knew that she must have been meant to be there for a reason, mainly to be a mother to the three girls he'd met.

"Right, that'd be good," he agreed after a beat, sealing the deal with a simple nod of his head. He looked around the place again, noticing the house and the land. "It's a lovely place you've got here. Have you lived here very long?" he asked, hoping to delve a little bit into the life she had created for herself without him. He realized he'd have to start somewhere, and sooner rather than later.

"As long as I can remember," Claire answered. She didn't seem to want to elaborate on the topic though.

"But you obviously didn't grow up here," Alex continued to seek out a few answers. "I mean, you had to have lived in Australia long enough to pick up that accent and all," he observed.

"Yeah, I suppose I must have," Claire replied distantly. It was obvious that she didn't care to discuss her past, and Alex guessed that was because she didn't know much about it. He wondered just how much Peter had revealed to her, what things he might have told her about her life prior to five years ago.

"Is that what you're driving?" Claire asked, clearly trying to break away from the path that their conversation was taking. She walked over toward the vehicle, eyeing it suspiciously. Melissa followed closely on her heals, not about to let her mother out of her sight.

Alex followed them both over and stood beside the car. "Yeah, why?" he asked.

"It's pretty," Melissa said as she looked up to him, smiling broadly. He noticed that she had a similar easy disposition to her that Alana had displayed around him, unlike that of Natalie. And that smile of hers made him miss his Charlotte something fierce. He hated to think of his daughter being so far away from him that he couldn't pick her up in his arms or give her a big hug and kiss.

"Seems kind of fancy for a bloke with no job," Claire observed.

"It's a rental," Alex quickly proclaimed. "It's a bit much for my tastes though, nothing like the Ute I've got back home," he explained. Claire laughed at his comment. "'What?" he asked, unsure of what he had said that was funny.

"Sorry," Claire apologized. "I was just thinking that it'll be nice to have someone around who understands what I'm saying. You should have seen the looks I got around here the first time I used the term Ute," she chuckled.

"Yeah, it'll be nice," Alex nodded, feeling at ease for the first time.

Claire watched him as he opened the car door and hoped into the front seat. She usually thought of herself as being a pretty good judge of character but she couldn't seem to get a feeling for him. A thought came to her though as she continued to look at what he was driving. "Do you have a place to stay nearby?" she asked, curious about his living arrangements if he was in a rental car.

"I'm at a hotel, about a half hour drive from here," Alex replied. "I'll be sure to get up early enough to make it here on time though," he let her know, a grin on his face.

"Well, there's space out in the bunk house where Seth stays," Claire informed him. "If you're interested, the extra room is yours," she offered.

"Really?" Alex was surprised by the offer but thankful as well. It was certainly one less thing to worry about. And without a commute, he'd have all that much more time to figure out the mystery behind her five year hiatus. "I'd like that, it's very generous of you," he finally said, essentially accepting the offer.

Claire smiled. "Oh, I'll make you work for it, don't you worry about that," she quipped as she stepped back from his car, taking Melissa's hand and leading the girl a safe distance away from the vehicle.

Alex shut the door of his car and sat back in the seat with a heavy sigh. He still couldn't quite believe what a day he'd had, finding Claire alive, taking a job with her. It all seemed so unreal to him, he just couldn't get his mind around the situation. It was real though, he reminded himself. She was real. She was alive. Those were the most important things to remember.

He'd chased his dream in the face of doubt and found his heart again. He just had to believe that it would all work out in the end. The answers would come in time. Until then, he had to hang on to what he did have, hope and love in his heart for a woman he thought he'd lost for good. Their dance had been cut short five years ago but now he'd been given a second chance. He knew those didn't around very often, and he wasn't about to let it slip away.

To Be Continued…


	7. Part 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 7  
By njborba

Alex was sprawled out on the bed in his hotel room. It would be the last night he'd spend there. He'd already told the front desk that he'd be checking out first thing in the morning and now all he had to do was pack up his few belongings, which wouldn't take him long at all. He hadn't brought much with him, just clothes mostly and several photographs to keep him from getting too home sick. He still couldn't quite believe that he was going to be staying with Claire though. It was all happening so fast, and yet not fast enough, knowing how guarded he would have to be around her.

After the packing was done there was also a rather large matter of a few phone calls he was planning to make. He wasn't sure how he was going to go about telling Tess that Claire was alive though. Even though it was the best news ever, it wasn't exactly something you wanted to do over the phone.

He still wasn't sure how he felt about it all, Claire being alive. Of course he was happy beyond belief. But nothing in their lives would ever be the same again that much was for certain. And he couldn't help but wonder if that was a good thing or not. Surely Claire would have to remember them at some point, although he had no idea what the extent of her memory loss was. But people always bounced back on those dopey soap operas, didn't they?

"Get real Alex," he mumbled to him self as he got up and tossed the rest of his shirts into one of the bags that sat at the edge of his bed. He couldn't believe he was trying to rationalize his thoughts by thinking about stupid television shows. He had to accept the fact that Claire might never remember who he was, or Tess or even Charlotte. That was too much to think about though, too much to put on his plate at the moment.

First of all he needed some very basic questions answered. So, as a deterrent to the more important phone call he knew he'd have to make sooner or later, he decided to make the other call on his list. He didn't know much about American policies or how to go about finding out information but he did have one person he knew who would be on his side. For that he was very grateful.

The phone rang three times before a cheerful female voice picked up on the other end. "This is Sam," the young woman spoke clearly through the phone line.

"Sam, hey it's Alex. I don't know if you remember me or not but we met on the air plane last week," Alex explained.

"Alex!" the girl exclaimed. "Of course I remember you, I thought maybe you'd forgotten about me though," she commented. "I did say you could call me anytime you know," she reminded him. She didn't seem to mind at all that he was calling, and rather late at that.

"Yeah, I remember," Alex chuckled, again extremely grateful for her friendship. "So, how did things go with your parents?" he asked with genuine interest. He'd come to think of Samantha Davidson as a little sister in the very brief time they had spend together.

"Well they yelled for an hour non-stop after I finally told them about Trevor, and then they didn't say anything for about two days," Sam explained, remembering how it hadn't been a very pretty scene right off. It had been a rather long week in fact. "But they're talking to me again, and I think we've come to some sort of any understanding. They realize that I'll be off on my own next year and they really don't want to alienate me from their lives. I am their one and only child," she pointed out. "More importantly, I'm their only hope for grandchildren," she added with a chuckle.

Alex laughed at her last comment. "Well, I'm glad that they're all right with it," he told her.

"Yeah, but on to more important things Alex," Sam diverted straight to the point. "What's going on with you? Have you found out anything yet?" she asked, anticipation in her voice.

"I found Claire," Alex had found it rather easy to talk to the young girl from the very beginning. So, he had no real trouble revealing his good news to her. In fact he was happy to have someone to talk to that he could feel so at ease with. He just wished it was Claire again that he could feel that way around.

"You're kidding me!" Sam exclaimed. She was really happy for her friend but the feeling quickly slipped away as she realized he had only said he'd found her, nothing at all about what condition she was in. "She's not uh, you know…"

"She's alive Sam," Alex quickly interrupted her, not wanting her to worry needlessly. "She is very much alive, even though I still keep trying to pinch myself, thinking I'm dreaming the whole thing or something," he revealed.

"That's amazing Alex, I am so happy for you, really," and she was too. It was like some modern day romantic fairytale conclusion to what had been a rather sad story. "So, how are things going, I mean, did she explain why she's been gone all this time?" Sam asked of him, curious about the whole story.

"It's a little complicated kid," he sighed. "She doesn't exactly know who I am," Alex replied.

"What do you mean? You haven't gone to see her yet?" Sam was a little confused. She figured he would have gone straight off to find the woman he clearly loved with all his heart. She couldn't imagine what would keep him from her.

"I've seen her, I've talked to her, even touched her," Alex explained. "But she doesn't remember me Sam. I'm not sure what all she remembers from her past, if anything," he revealed. He didn't want to seem egotistical or anything but if there was one thing she'd be likely to remember about her life, surely it would be him or, at least, Charlotte. And she hadn't made mention of any long lost daughter.

"Wow, I'm sorry Alex," she knew how much he must be hurting, on top of his joy. It was likely he was experiencing all sorts of conflicting emotions at the moment; the thrill of finding her alive and the agony of realizing that she didn't remember him at all. She wished there was something she could do to help him out.

"I kind of have a favor to ask of you Sam," Alex let her know. He was a little uncertain about asking her, knowing that her relationship with her parents was probably still a little stressed. But it was his best bet at the moment. "I know you mentioned that your father was a private investigator and all, well, I thought maybe he could help me find out whatever I could about Peter Johnson's dealings here in the US, or anything about how he brought Claire and his girls here," Alex asked, knowing it was a rather large favor.

"Done," Sam replied without a second thought.

Alex was continually amazed by the girl's generosity. He had no idea what he'd done to deserve it all either but at the moment he wasn't going to deny her offer of help. He needed all the answers he could get and didn't exactly want to push Claire too much yet. If she had lost her memories due to the trauma of the accident, as he imagined, it would probably take some time to delve into the issue.

"I'm not sure how I can thank you Sam," Alex spoke up again.

"No need really," Sam replied. "I can't guarantee you anything either, I mean about what my dad can find out for you. But I'll let him know that it's real important," she promised.

"That's all I can ask for," Alex acknowledged. "Thank you Sam."

"You're welcome Alex, and don't be a stranger right?" she asked, without waiting for an answer. "I'll call you back and let you know as soon as dad finds out anything," she told him. "Until then, take care of yourself okay?"

"You do the same kid," he replied as they both ended the call at the same time.

He sank back down on the bed and glanced at the brightly lit alarm clock on the table next to his bed. The digital display shown back at him, letting him know it was nearly midnight. It was actually a good time to try and call out to Drover's Run. He hesitated though, still not sure how to tell Tess that her sister was alive. Instead, he dialed in the numbers to Nick's cell phone.

---

Nick sped along about as fast as he could, headed for Drover's Run where he knew he would find his lovely wife hard at work. She'd mentioned something about heading out to the high paddocks with Meg to look for strays. They had a cattle sale coming up soon and she'd wanted to make sure that they had as many head as possible.

He still couldn't believe the news he had to deliver to her; it seemed so unreal in his mind. But from the sound of Alex's voice over the phone, he knew it had to be true. The phone call had come while he was out at Killarney with the boys and Charlotte. Harry had asked for them to come over, not mentioning the fact that Liz would be there as well.

It was a bit strange to think about his parents being together again after all that had occurred, even odder to watch them interact together with their grandchildren. There must have been some weird cosmic energy in the air lately though, with all that was going on. Harry and Liz together again and Claire McLeod alive, it was more than he could have ever hoped for.

"I've been around Tess way too long," he said aloud as he took the turn that would lead him off to Drover's. "Things like cosmic energy and the lot popping into my head," he mumbled, shaking his head.

He'd actually been a bit worried when he first heard his brother's voice on the other end of the line. He'd sounded rather tired and a little out of sorts. It all made sense though once he realized what was going on. The conversation with Alex had been rather brief, but just long enough to hear the most important words of what his brother had called to say.

_"I have some news Nick," Alex spoke, unsure how he should go about saying what it was he needed to say. How exactly do you tell someone that their friend or sister has come back from the dead? It's not something that one exactly did every other day._

_"Ah jeez Alex, I'm sorry," Nick replied, fearing the very worst. He was getting the sense that whatever his brother was about to say, wasn't going to be good._

_"She's alive Nick," Alex revealed._

_"What?!" Nick exclaimed. That had certainly not been the news he was ready to hear. Even though he'd vowed to be supportive of his brother's decision to tromp off across the ocean in search of his dead love, he'd never in a million years dreamed that Alex would actually find her alive._

_"Alive Nick, as in, not dead," Alex was feeling a bit more relaxed as the words had finally dropped from his tongue. It was like a great weight being lifted from his shoulders and suddenly he wanted to share the news with everyone he knew. Hell, he wanted to shout it from atop the highest building in the world._

_"Claire?" Nick asked just to be sure they were both talking about the same thing._

_"No, Mother Teresa," Alex quipped. "Yes, Claire you idiot!" he confirmed._

_"But how?" Nick was confused, to say the least. "I mean, where has she been all this time? Did she really run off with that knob? How could she?" Nick's questions ran one into the other._

_"Hey uh, don't take this the wrong way Nick, but I think you've been hanging around that wife of yours for too long," Alex laughed. _

_"Would you be serious for a minute Alex," Nick implored his brother. _

_"I think you're being serious enough for the both of us," Alex continued to tease his younger brother. It was actually a nice break from all the seriousness that had permeated his day. _

_"Alex," Nick warned, still trying to get his brother back onto the more important subject matter at hand. He actually couldn't believe that his brother wasn't more excited to be talking about Claire. _

_"Sorry," Alex finally replied. "Well, what can I tell you Nick? I don't even know what's going on really, except that I've taken a job at the Ranch where she lives," he explained. "And Peter's two kids call her mum. Kind of weird but I guess that's what she's been to them for the last five years," he concluded._

_"All right, but didn't you ask her anything about Peter or why she's been gone so long without a word to any of us?" Nick questioned. He still felt that Alex was being a bit too flip about the whole situation._

_"I was going to," Alex admitted. "But I figured something was wrong when I realized that she didn't recognize me," he revealed. "I think the accident might have knocked her around a bit. I didn't actually come out and ask her about it but I think it's pretty clear that she doesn't remember us, or any of her past," he finally revealed the biggest news of all._

_"Oh," Nick couldn't think of anything more useful to say after hearing that earful. He was beginning to understand why Alex's joy over the situation seemed to be rather non-existent though. He couldn't imagine finding his greatest hope only to learn that it was clouded by that sort of realization._

_"Yeah, not exactly the reunion I had hoped for," Alex continued. "But it doesn't matter Nick, she's alive," he spoke with renewed excitement. "I don't think I could really ask for much more than that at this point. I know she'll remember, eventually. It'll just take some time," he was confident. He had to be confident or he feared he would lose her all over again. And that was not going to happen. It was simply not an option in his mind._

_"Yeah, time," Nick agreed. He wondered though if Tess would be so easily convinced about the situation. She would want to see her sister sooner rather than later, he imagined. It wasn't going to be easy for her to understand. And it certainly wouldn't be easy for __Charlotte__ either. "What about __Charlotte__?" Nick voiced his thoughts aloud to his brother._

_"I don't know," Alex admitted, knowing what his brother was asking. "I guess she has a right to know too, I'm just not sure if she's really going to understand," he admitted. It was something he had been wavering back and forth on ever since he'd seen Claire earlier in the day. "I guess I'll leave that decision up to Tess. She'll know what's best, especially since the two of you are the ones who'll have to deal with it till I get back," he concluded._

_"Well, speaking of Tess and Charlotte, I think I need to go and find my wife," Nick replied. He knew she'd be angry at him for keeping such news from her for a single second longer than need be._

_"Yep, break it to her easy though eh?" Alex advised._

_"Right," Nick said, wondering how exactly you could tell someone that their dead sibling was actually very much alive. "Sure, easy. No worries Alex," he chuckled as he hung up the phone._

He'd gone straight to his Ute, aside from a quick second explaining to his folks that he had to take off. They'd been concerned by the look of urgency on his face but he just hadn't had time to explain. Besides, Tess needed to know first off, before the rest of the town found out. This was her family after all.

The vehicle climbed up over the hill as Nick kept his eye out for Tess and Meg. He looked off to the West, down North, but it wasn't until he scanned eastwardly that he finally spotted them. Roy was will them, racing behind the small heard of strays that they had picked up along their travels.

It was only a matter of a few seconds before he caught up to them, half way down the other side of the hill. He watched as Tess called out orders for Roy to stay behind the heard. It amazed him how much she had come to be in command over the years, a far cry from the city girl she'd been when she had first arrived. He smiled up at her as she neared him and stopped the horse she was riding, Meg right beside her.

"Nick, what are you doing here? I thought you were meant to be working out at Wilgul?" Tess asked, curiosity brimming. It wasn't as if she were un-pleased to see the smiling face of her husband. She just knew he had planned to get a lot of work done or at least as much as possible with three kids hanging about. "Where are the boys? Are they all right?" concern shown in her eyes suddenly, worry for the safety of her children.

Nick got out of the Ute and leaned up against the car as he regarded her. "Calm down, they're both fine," he assured her. "I left them with Mum and Dad back at Killarney," he informed her, not thinking much of it himself.

"What?" she asked, looking slightly askance. "You left them with your mother?" Tess was surprised. He knew how much she and his mum didn't get along; she couldn't imagine that he'd just leave their children with the woman.

"They're fine," Nick repeated.

"They're with your mother," Tess countered, trying her best not to sound overly upset by the fact even though she was.

"They're fine," Nick maintained.

"Well, then why are you out here?" Tess asked. "Where is Charlotte?" she questioned, wondering if something had happened to her niece. That was one thing that she knew she just couldn't handle.

"I imagine she's probably with her cousins and mum and dad, right where I left her," Nick replied trying not to laugh at how overly protective his wife was about her kids, Charlotte included. He guessed she had a right though, she'd lost enough family members over the years to warrant the added worry.

"Right, of course," Tess nodded. "And you're sure that everything is fine with them all?" she asked.

"Yes," Nick assured her. He was just about to shout out that Claire was alive, if only to stop her barrage of questions. He still wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject though. He never imagined that good news would be so hard to tell someone. But it wasn't exactly your every day sort of good news.

"So, what's going on?" Meg asked the question this time, knowing Tess would have if she didn't. She realized that Nick didn't really need a reason for coming out to visit his wife but it was clear by the look on his face that something more was going on.

"Alex called," Nick finally revealed to them both. It was a simple statement, two words only. But they could both tell that there was more. There was so much that could follow after those two simple words. They'd all been waiting, not so patiently, for some sort of word from Alex. Good or bad, they'd been ready. But it all seemed so real now, and much more scary.

"And?" Tess asked. She gripped at the reigns she was holding, feeling them dig into the skin on the palms of her hands. She wanted to know and she didn't want to know, it was the most horrible feeling ever. She thought it was even worse than waiting to find out whether she had cancer or not.

"It's sort of complicated," Nick began.

"Oh god," Tess murmured under her breath. "I don't think I can handle this," she whispered, looking down at her husband for some sort of strength. She didn't want to hear bad news, as much as she had come to accept Alex's decision, she really couldn't face Claire being dead again, or still.

"Alex found Claire," Nick spoke again. He figured quickly was the best route to take, noticing that Tess was thinking the same thing he had at first. "She's alive but she doesn't seem to remember anything about her life before the accident," he explained.

Meg let out the breath she had been holding in, relief spreading throughout her entire body. She carefully walked her horse over so that she was closer to Tess. Reaching out, she placed a hand gently on Tess's back in a comforting manner. The shock she felt still couldn't stop the smile that was plastered on her lips. But she was a bit concerned about Tess.

"Are you all right?" Meg finally asked the younger woman. She looked like she had just seen a ghost, which was actually a fairly accurate description considering the circumstances.

Tess looked up suddenly, startled to find Meg so close. She hadn't even realized that the woman had moved toward her, let alone had her hand on her back. "Am I all right?" Tess asked, mulling over the question in her head. A split second later she did something that neither Meg nor Nick had expected. She began to laugh, low chuckles at first until it erupted into a boisterous affair.

Nick had imagined a lot of different reactions when thinking about breaking the news to his wife, but somehow laughter had never been one of them. "Tess?" Nick was slightly concerned by his wife's reaction. He wasn't sure what to make of it at all.

"Am I all right?" Tess asked again between bits of laughter. "My sister is alive," she whispered in wonderment. "Claire is alive," she repeated. "I don't think I've ever been more right than I am at this very moment," she finally explained, doubling over with laughter again. She nearly slipped off her horse completely.

Meg and Nick exchanged a glance and then looked back to Tess before they too were consumed by the contagious laughter. They all stayed in that state for several minutes, unsure of what else to do. After all, what was the appropriate reaction to finding out your sister and dear friend was alive after thinking them dead for five years?

"I think I need to sit down," Tess finally spoke as the laughter slowly dissipated.

Meg and Nick both looked at her suspiciously. "Tess, you are sitting down," Nick informed her.

"Oh, right," Tess replied absently. She felt woozy though and she wasn't sure if it was from the news, the laughing or the warm sun that had been shinning down on them all afternoon. Figuring it was probably a combination of all three, she carefully dismounted her horse and plopped herself down on the ground.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Nick asked again, hoping that she wouldn't break out into a fit of giggles once more. He came to sit down next to her, noticing that she didn't look like she was anywhere near laughter again. "You did hear everything I said right?" he asked. "I mean, about Claire not remembering anything?" he questioned.

Tess looked over at him, still a bit woozy but grinning from ear to ear. "Nick, I think that even the worst day spent with a Claire who has no memory at all, is still far and wide better than any day thinking Claire dead," she finally replied. And there were no truer words she could think to say at that moment.

For five years she had woken up to greet another Claire-less day. They always started off the same way, with her thinking for the first few minutes about how she would go off to help Claire with the sheep or the cattle. And then the realization always sunk in that Claire was gone, and that she'd never see her again as long as she lived. Even just seeing Claire again would be the greatest thing she could imagine.

"I want to see her Nick," Tess said as the thought had entered her mind. "I want my sister back, now," she added with a sense of urgency as she looked to her husband thinking that he could somehow magically make Claire appear for her.

"Well, she's in the States Tess," Nick reminded her. "But Alex is with her. If anyone can help her Tess, it'll be Alex," he assured her. "He'll bring Claire back to us," he concluded, speaking both figuratively and literally. He had confidence in his brother. And if he knew one thing about Alex, it was that he loved Claire truly and more deeply than anything else in the world, even his chopper.

"Charlotte," Tess whispered the girl's name. "I should get Charlotte," she thought. If she couldn't be with her sister just yet than she would surely be able to hold on to the one thing that always made her feel closest to Claire.

"You two go on," Meg said as she reached down to take Tess's reigns from her. "I'll get this lot back in and the horses too," she assured them, knowing that they needed time to themselves and with Charlotte.

"Yeah, thanks Meg," Nick replied, accepting her offer as he helped Tess up into a standing position again. "Let's go and see Charlotte then," he spoke as he guided Tess to his Ute. They rode off together, speeding over the hills and through the many paddocks that lay between Drover's and Killarney.

Tess couldn't stop thinking about her niece and about Claire as well. She wanted to see her sister so badly it hurt. And she couldn't imagine how Charlotte was going to react to it all. She recalled the conversation she'd had with the girl just about two weeks before and how the child had hoped Alex would get her a new mummy. Well Bom, Tess thought as they made their way toward Killarney, you're going to have a mum alright… you're going to have your real mum back.

To Be Continued


	8. Part 8

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 8  
By njborba

Alex tossed his bags onto the small bed in the room where he would be staying while at the Spring Valley homestead. It was his second residence in a week's time and he had to admit that he was becoming a bit tired of all the traveling around. His days of being a wanderer had long since past, mostly due to his responsibility of being Charlotte's father. He was ready to be home in the sense that it was where he felt most comfortable. But he still very much wanted to stay right where he was because of Claire. He's wasn't going anywhere without her, not ever again.

He took just a few minutes to settle in, placing his clothes in the chest of drawers that was positioned to the right of the bed. The few belonging he had didn't take long to put away so he pulled out some of the photos he had brought with him. Staring down into the happy face of his daughter nearly brought a tear to his eye, a happy one of course. His fingers gently brushed over her check on the shinny gloss of the photo paper.

The picture was one of his favorites, showing the girl seated upon the horse that he had presented to her on her 5th birthday. She'd demanded a real horse, stating that she'd outgrown the pony he had gotten her for her first birthday. And, even though she was no where near ready for a full sized horse, she had him pretty much wrapped around her finger. There had been no way he could have denied her the gift. And she did an amazing job with the horse too, proving him wrong much in same way her mother always liked to do.

He was missing the girl a lot more than he ever imagined he would, and even more so with the revelation of Claire being alive. Alex wanted them all to be together again, to be the family that they had once been. He wanted to finally have his dream, of a life with Claire and Charlotte, come to fruition. And he was so close to it all that he could nearly taste it.

Discovering Claire the day before had only been the beginning. There was still a long road ahead of him, of that he was certain. But the biggest hurdles had been jumped. Finding Claire again and telling those back home about it had been major steps forward. The conversation he shared with Charlotte had been both hard and yet a relief as well.

_"Hi daddy," __Charlotte__'s voice was not quite the usual happy sing-song tone that he was accustomed to. But he tried his best not to worry too much._

_"Hey Bom, how's my girl?" Alex asked, pleased just to hear the sound of her voice; be it happy or sad. He hadn't been sure what to expect when Tess had rang him. He imagined that Nick had already told her about Claire, which was confirmed the second after he had said hello._

_Tess' excitement had shown through in the expression of her voice. There was joy, wonderment and curiosity all rolled into one emotional package that only Tess could exude. It made him smile just to think about how happy she must have been to learn of her sister's being alive. He also imagined she must have been shocked as well but all he had heard was the joy._

_She'd told him that she had done her best to explain it all to __Charlotte__, though she feared the girl still didn't quite understand. After all, how many five-year-olds had to deal with such a thing? All of her life she'd been told that her mother was dead and then one day her aunty suddenly tells her that her mum is in fact alive. It was a lot for anyone to handle, let alone a young child._

_"Daddy, is mummy really alive?" __Charlotte__ asked. The girl had been rather confused by the whole situation. She wasn't sure what to think about her aunty Tess's earlier revelation._

_"Yeah Bom, she is," Alex replied, confirming her question. He wondered if it had really been the best idea to tell the girl but he figured it wasn't right to keep it from her either. He just wished there were some easy way for her to understand it all. "It's a little hard to explain kiddo, but I'm here with her right now," he finally told her._

_"Can I talk to her?" __Charlotte__ asked, eager to know anything and everything about her mum. She'd only ever dreamt about meeting her real mum. But she never imagined her dreams would come true._

_"Well, no Bom, I'm afraid you can't," Alex felt horrible thinking about the disappointment that probably shown on his sweet daughters face as he spoke the words. He'd do just about anything to wash that distress away for her._

_"Why not? Why is she there and not here? I don't understand daddy," the girl's voice was taking on a bit of an edge. He could tell she was near tears and it broke his heart. All he had wanted to do was to bring Claire back for __Charlotte__. It was so complicated though and he just wasn't sure what to do._

_"Hey kiddo, your mum is kind of, uh, sick right now," he tried to figure out the best way to explain it all to his daughter. "You see, she needs time to get better before you can talk to her or see her. Do you understand?" Alex asked, hoping that she might be able to go for the explanation._

_"I think so," __Charlotte__ replied, though her voice betrayed her words. "Are you going to help her get better so she can come back home?' the child asked._

_"I sure hope so Bom, I sure hope so," Alex told her. "I'm going to do everything I can to get her back to you," he promised. He just hoped that he would not have to disappoint the girl._

A noise in the other room caused Alex to slip out of his memory. He placed the photos of Charlotte back into the envelope in which he kept them and slowly made his way out into the main area of the small bunkhouse. It was a tight space but in a cozy sort of manner. There were just the two bedrooms, both with meager furnishings. One bathroom and then a small kitchenette area adjoined to a living room space, which housed a sofa and two old winged back chairs as well as a small TV and a wood stove.

Alex noticed an older man, who appeared to be somewhere in his early 50's, rummaging about in the desk that sat against a wall near the bathroom's entrance. He looked to be in search of something fairly important. Of course, he also looked to be the sort of person who managed to make everything they did look rather urgent. The man went about his dealings though, not even noticing Alex as he stood by and watched.

Finally, feeling a bit like a sneak, Alex dared to speak up. "Hello," his voice rang out into the room, hoping to get the man's attention.

The older man jumped a bit, startled by the sound of his house mate. He quickly closed the roll top desk and stood tall, leaning up against the door as he acknowledged Alex's presence in the room. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were already here," the man spoke. "You must be Alex, Claire said you'd be staying out here for a while," he noted.

"Yes, and you must be Seth?" Alex asked, trying to confirm the name which he had been told the day before.

"Right, yes, sorry I'm always forgetting to introduce myself properly," Seth laughed. "Seth Geyer," he finally announced as he stuck his hand out in a quick manner. He latched onto Alex's outstretched hand and shook it hardily.

"Nice to meet you," Alex said. "So, have you worked here very long?" he asked, jumping right into detective mode, at least as well as he did in that sort of capacity. He wanted to get to know the people working for Claire as well as he could, dig around a bit and find out what they all might know about Peter.

"Oh," the man pondered the question for a moment, laying his right index finger aside his chin as he leaned against the desk. "I started on here nearly five years ago, just after Peter and Claire took the place over," Seth informed him. "I'd just gotten divorced after a thirty year marriage. I wanted to live out in the country and my wife wanted to continue on in the city, so we decided to part ways," the man explained, in a mater of fact manner.

"Sorry to hear that," Alex replied, feeling as though the man were getting a bit too personal right off. Though that might be a good thing if the guy was a talker. It could certainly come in handy as he was looking to seek out as much as he could about Claire without confronting her directly, at least not for a while yet.

"It's alright I suppose," Seth spoke with a bit of a distant tone. "Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be," he explained. "So, what brings you to this part of the world?" he asked, shifting the focus onto Alex, which was not the intended plan as far as Alex was concerned. He guessed it was a matter of give and take though. He couldn't think the man would open up to him if he didn't offer up as much himself.

"Not a very happy story," Alex replied. "I came looking for an old friend that I thought I'd lost," he tried to mask his story as much as possible. "We sort of lost touch a few years back but I've never forgotten the time we spent together," he explained.

"Ah, so it's a woman," Seth deduced. "Yeah, those are tricky situations," he nodded. "I'm probably not one to give advice though, considering my fall out. It seems everyone here has something in common though, not sure why it is that those unlucky in love tend to gather round one another," the man mused, not making much sense.

Alex jumped onto one thing he had mentioned though. "What about Claire though?" he asked. "She was married right?" Alex tried to see what the man knew, if anything.

"Oh yeah, she was," Seth nodded. "Peter Johnson, now he was a bit of an odd fellow himself," the man revealed.

"How do you mean?" Alex asked, hoping for some sort of useful piece of information, anything.

"All I know is that Peter treated Claire as if she were some sort of trophy that he had won. You know, one of those big shinny ones that you ogle over when you win then you set it up on your mantle and pretty much forget about it, let it collect dust," Seth explained. "I think he was a decent guy but, it was just sort of strange the way those two got on," he concluded. Seth often thought of all the ladies he worked with as daughters. He didn't much care to see them upset in any way.

"Hmm," Alex wasn't sure what to think after hearing that. He was angry to realize that Peter would treat Claire as anything substandard. She deserved so much better.

"Well, I don't know about you Mr. Ryan but I have work to get to," Seth announced as he promptly turned on his heal and headed out the front door of the small house, obviously forgetting all about whatever it was he had been rummaging about for earlier.

Alex looked down at his watch and realized the time. He figured Claire would have been up for hours already and was no doubt waiting for him; thinking him lousy help. And so, he made a dash for the door, following quickly after Seth.

---

Claire tossed and turned in her bed, not realizing that it was well past her usual wake up time. She was still half asleep as she tried to return to the dream state that she had just been roused from wanting to go back and try to remember more of it. The dream had been familiar to her; she'd had it many times before but not for quite some time. It was a dream that she'd had several times after her accident, after Peter had brought her home. But it had been nearly four years since the dream had last visited her.

It always started off the same. She found herself in a familiar place, at least it was familiar in the fact that she felt she'd been there a million times. However, she could never quite recall where she was exactly. There was a horse and she was riding the animal in the first part of the dream, galloping gleefully over boundless lush green hills. The land was unlike any place she had ever seen in Southern Oregon though.

As the dream continued, she came to a place near an old windmill. Standing by the windmill, she could see the horse nearby grazing in the field and then she would watch as a lone figure made its way up the hill toward her. She could always tell that the figure was a man, but could never make out his face. And just before she always woke up, he would be leaning in to kiss her.

She'd asked Peter about the dream many times, but whenever she dared to talk about it he'd try to change the subject. It was the same when she attempted to ask him anything about her past. All he had ever told her about her past was that she had no living relatives and that she was better off not knowing about her life before she came to live with him and the girls.

Claire had loved her husband, but only in the sense that she felt obligated to care for him. Even as she had recovered and come to ride again and regain all of her previous functions, she'd never felt any sort of strong pull toward the man. At least not in the sort of manner she imagined one should feel toward a man they were married to. She figured it was all due to her memory loss. But even though she loved her girls and loved to ride and work on the land she called home, it had always felt to her that something was missing.

Glancing at the clock beside her, she realized the late time and shot up from her bed. What a great first impression she'd make as a boss on Alex's first day, showing up late. She managed to shower in record time and was dressed and down at the training corrals in a matter of twenty minutes. Alex was already mulling about but she tried her best not to look as if anything were amiss.

"You sleep in?" Alex asked straight off, amused by this idea as he watched Claire draw closer. The Claire he knew had never slept much past 5am on any given day. She'd been an early riser for as far back as he could remember. "I've been out here since 8am, and that was after a half hour drive out here and settling into the bunk house," he noted, in a sort of teasing manner.

Claire was not terribly amused, or at least she wasn't about to let on to him that she was. "Just had a bit of a late start getting the girls off this morning," she lied, knowing that she'd missed seeing the girls off to school all together. Carrie must have gotten Natalie and Alana up and ready without bothering her and taken Melissa with her, which she was grateful for.

"Right-o," Alex nodded as he followed her around to the corral farthest to the left, where a horse was waiting for them, already saddled up.

"So, Annie gave you the tour then did she?" Claire asked, knowing that the younger woman must have been the one to set up for the day. The two sisters she had working for her were a blessing, she realized, and Seth as well. It was more work than she alone could handle that was for sure.

"Yeah, she did," Alex nodded. "I think I've got the general lay of the land," he added, as he noticed how lovely she looked in her jeans and t-shirt. It had been so long since he'd seen her and he found himself staring at her more often than he probably should have been. He'd already sensed the other day that she felt a bit uncomfortable around him. And he didn't want to do anything to provoke that feeling further. But he just couldn't help himself at times.

"Well," Claire spoke again as she made her way toward the horse that stood in the corral. "This here is Zeus," she introduced as she took the horse by his reigns and led him around the corral. "Named after the mythological Greek king of the God's, and believe me he thought he was king when he first showed up her," she explained. "He's three years old, was captured out in Wyoming about a year ago and since then has been confined to a cage pretty much. His previous owner's never took him out, never saddled him. Basically they abandoned him, aside from keeping him fed, although just barely," the thought made her sick to her stomach.

"That's horrible," Alex commented, sizing up the poor creature with a sharp eye.

"Yeah, needless to say, his new owners had heaps of problems to deal with, malnutrition and the lot. But he's been here for a month, and calmed down considerably," Claire explained. "I got a saddle on him just last week but I haven't tried to ride him yet. He's still a bit skittish," she concluded.

"Right-o, sounds easy enough," Alex spoke without too much thought. He was in macho mode as he came to stand beside Claire and the horse.

"You sure?" she gave him a dubious look, unsure about her new employee's credentials. She'd been more than desperate to hire someone on though, having taken on more contracts than she realized. Carrie had misplaced a few of the contracts and had forgotten them all together until the horses were dropped off, nearly in their laps.

"What do I look like to you, a novice?" Alex asked. "Come on now boy," he spoke to the horse as he took the reigns from Claire, taking control of the situation as he saw it. He wasn't about to be shown up on his first day at work.

It was clear to Alex that she'd done a great job with the animal, not that'd he'd expect anything less. He seemed very relaxed though, for a horse that'd had almost no human contact for a year. Alex took over the walking from Claire, trying to get the horse used to him, his scent and just his general presence in the corral.

Claire had moved off to the side to watch her newest worker, taking a seat on the top rail of the pen. She had to admit that Alex seemed to know what he was doing. He wasn't in any hurry to jump onto the horse and was making sure that Zeus felt comfortable around him before attempting any further contact. After a few minutes, she watched as Alex ran his hand gently along Zeus' neck and down his shoulder.

"He seems pretty at ease with you," Claire spoke as she continued to observe the pair, horse and handler.

"Yep, no problems so far," Alex replied, feeling pretty confident in himself. He was also feeling a wee bit cocky as well, wanting to show off what he could while in Claire's presence. If he couldn't come out and tell her who he really was or how he truly felt about her, he figured he'd show her. And in Alex Ryan's mind that meant, showing off. "I think I might give it a go," he said as he made a move to mount the horse.

"I don't know mate," she called out, causing Alex to stall and look back at her. "He's all right now but I'm telling you he's never had a rider before," Claire reminded him. "I think you might want to wait a bit, till he gets to know you a little better," she advised. There was a gleam in Alex's eyes though that she could clearly see. She had a feeling he wasn't about to take her advise.

She watched as he slowly slipped his left foot into the stirrup and then grasped the reigns firmly in his hands. He swung his right leg up and over with perfect form and stuck his other foot in the right stirrup, as he slid into the saddle. His back side had just barely made contact in the saddle when Zeus reared up and chucked Alex off to the left side without a hope of hanging on.

Claire jumped down from her place up on the fence, carefully managing to get Zeus out of the way so that he wouldn't stomp on the poor human he had just flung about like a sack of floor. After she'd calmed the horse a bit she finally turned back to see a very disgruntled Alex rubbing his hand through his hair and reaching over for his hat that had fallen off.

"Bloody idiot," Alex whispered under his breath, feeling rather silly.

"You all right?" Claire asked, unable to stifle her laughter.

"Yeah, thanks for your show of sympathy," Alex was not pleased to see that she was laughing at him. He felt stupid enough as it was. "Do you always get a chuckle out of people getting thrown from their horse? Jeez, I could be hurt here," he lamented, even though he knew it had been his own fault for being so cocky.

"Well, your mouth is certainly working just fine," Claire observed. "How's your bum?" she asked as she finally offered him a hand up, a big grin on her face. He took her offered hand, although a bit reluctantly, and she helped him shift his weight so that he could get up more easily.

"Sore," Alex mumbled as he rubbed his backside and then his left shoulder.

Claire decided to leave Zeus out in the corral, allow him some time alone to calm down. She began to walk down toward the smaller stables that were set up closer to the training area. Alex slowly followed after her, still rubbing at the sore parts of his body. "Remind me, did I agree to pay you for this, uh… service you're providing?" Claire asked, still with a bit of a playful tone.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny," Alex replied, clearly not amused. "I'm just a bit rusty that's all," he tried to cover for his earlier indiscretion

"And a bit of a show off as well," Claire observed, speaking the truth as she saw it. "I need a cool head around here Alex, someone's who's not afraid to work but who will listen when I advise them on certain things," she informed him, hoping to not sound too much like a boss. But she had a lot of very important clients to deal with and they expected certain standards from her, as she and Spring Valley had gotten quite a reputation for excellence over the years.

"Yeah, sorry about all that," Alex apologized. "I guess I was trying to prove something," he admitted, though t a bit reluctantly.

"Hey, that's how we learn right?" Claire seemed to be all right about it, she understood about wanting to make a good first impression. She just wished he would follow his natural instincts, which she had a good feeling about. He'd gotten on great with Zeus before his pride got the better of him. She decided to switch gears for a moment. "Now, how would you like to get up on a horse that won't throw ya?" she asked.

"What did you have in mind?" Alex asked, curious about what his next task of the day would be. He'd already managed to make a fool of himself; he didn't imagine it could get any worse.

Claire stood by a stall that held a beautiful chestnut colored thoroughbred. "Here we have Thunder, and over there," she said, pointing to the nearly identical horse. "That's his cousin; Lightning," she informed him.

"Thunder and Lightning?" Alex asked with a chuckle. "You're kidding right," he thought it was a joke of some sort.

"The girls named them both," Claire said as she led Thunder out of his stall and motioned for Alex to do the same with Lightning. "They were born here on the property one night not long after we bought the place. They girls helped Peter with the birthing. And there was a big storm, hence their names," she concluded.

"Oh," Alex felt a bit silly for the second time in just a few short minutes. At this rate he'd be out on his bum by the end of the day with no good excuse for hanging around. And that was certainly not an option. He had to stay on as long as he could, as long as it took for him to get Claire to remember him again.

"I though we could take a ride around the property actually, figured that would be a nice way to ease you into your first day here. We can get back to Zeus a bit later," she told him with a smile.

"Right-o, sounds good," Alex agreed as they went about saddling the two horses. True be told, Alex didn't think he could say no to anything she suggested as long as that smile was painted on her face. He'd longed to see that smile so many times over the last several years. Now that he'd found her again he didn't want it to end, her smile or their time together.

They took off at a slow gallop headed up over the nearest hill, and then rode a bit faster as they made their way down into the main part of the Valley. Riding along the Rogue River, they let the wind beat against their faces enjoying the thrill and freedom of the escape from daily life. The sun was rising higher in the sky as they continued on up the other side of the Valley and rode along the ridge of the hill. Below them lay the small city in the distance and plenty of rolling hillside. Above them towered the mountain peeks of the Siskiyou range.

Claire slowed and took a moment to look out over the land. "We have about five hundred acres here," she remarked, glancing over at Alex who had come to stop just beside her. "It's not too much but it is quite beautiful land," she noted, though it was still nothing like the place in her dreams.

"Yeah it is," Alex agreed. "Not quite like home though, seems there should be a windmill just ahead or something," he commented, not thinking much of it at all.

Claire latched onto the remark though, thinking back to her dream and the windmill that she remembered so clearly. She felt it was a bit too coincidental. But she tried to shrug it off. She felt at ease with Alex, but she still hated questions about her past or even just thinking about things that brought it to mind. With no sort of memory to depend upon she tended to feel odd when asked about anything from the time before a few years ago.

Alex sensed that something was up, looking over at Claire who had clammed up after hearing him speak. He couldn't help but wonder if he had said something wrong. Or perhaps he had said something right, something that might have sparked a memory of some sort. It was so hard to know if what he was doing was right or not. He wondered if he should just tell her already or keep on going as he was. All he knew for certain was that if something didn't happen soon, he might explode from all the tension.

He kept quiet though as they rode back the same way they had come. The silence was not entirely uncomfortable though, it was almost as if something were happening between them even in the soundless travel. Alex knew that their bond was more than anything just physical or emotional. As much as he had never gone in for all the romantic mushy stuff in life, he knew that his and Claire's connection touched so much deeper than flesh.

They were soul mates, in the truest sense of the words. He knew that no matter how it all came to pass, they would be together once again just as they had been before. It was only a matter of time.

To Be Continued


	9. Part 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.  
**Note:** I just wanted to say a big thank youfor all the reviews, they are very much appreciated! I'm glad you all are enjoying this story so far :)

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 9  
By njborba

It was a quiet Sunday morning when Alex slipped through the back door of the main house. He was in search of something to eat, but mostly he was just trying to keep his mind off other things. And Claire had given him free run of the kitchen in the main house because she knew that the one out in the bunkhouse left a lot to be desired. Poking his head inside the fridge, he looked around but was having trouble concentrating on his stomach at the moment.

The week had been a long one, full of small mishaps as he was still finding his way around the new place. The work was going quite well though. He'd gotten the fickle Zeus to take him on as a rider, an occasion that he and Claire had celebrated with an awkward handshake that he had turned into a hug. She'd pulled away rather quickly though as he realized his mistake. They'd been getting on very nicely but a week was hardly time enough for her to get to know him again.

Alex had been rather hurt by her reaction but he knew he had to stay strong. He wavered daily between his understanding of her position and his desire to reunite with her fully. There was nothing harder than watching the woman he loved go about her life without him in it, at least not in the way he had once been a part of it.

There was a bit of a ruckus out in the other room as Alex finally closed the door of the fridge, giving up hope of proper nourishment all together. A few moments later two girls came bounding into the kitchen. It was Alana and Melissa, still dressed in their pajamas, messy hair and all. They looked up to see him standing there and smiled back happily.

"Hi Alex!" Alana exclaimed as she easily came up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist in a big hug. She was very at ease around the man, finding him utterly charming and fun to be with. Aly had loved her dad very much and missed him dearly after his death. But, it had been easier for her to let go of him than it was for her older sister. And so, she loved having Alex there to pal around with.

"Hey kiddo, it's nice to see you too," Alex replied as he reached down and picked the girl up in his strong arms. He hefted her up and over his shoulder in a playful manner. The girl's squeal of laughter delighted him to no end. He did wish it were Charlotte though that he was with at the moment. It was getting harder and harder to be away from his little girl.

Alex laughed as Melissa jumped up and down beside them, her arms held straight up toward him. "Me too, me too!" she exclaimed, wanting to be let in on all the fun she could see her sister having.

Melissa had also become fast friends with Alex. She had a habit of seeking him out every day just before lunch time so that they could eat together. Alex found it very sweet and loved being able to spend time just the two of them while the older girl's were off at school. She was just about a year younger than Charlotte so it was a little easier for him to get on with her, knowing a bit more about what little girls that age liked.

Finally he happily obliged the four-year-old, picking her up with ease and tucking her under his left arm as he spun them both around until they were dizzy with laughter. He stopped for a second and then spun them about quickly in the opposite direction, which only added to the noise that filled the kitchen.

"What is all the yelling about?" Claire's voice carried through the house and into the room just before she poked her head through the doorway into the kitchen. She was surprised by the scene that greeted her. Alex stopped short, mid spin as he heard her. The three of them stood that way for a minute or two unsure if they were in trouble or not.

Claire couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips though as she regarded them. She was actually pleased to see her children so happy. The girls had all been rather reserved for a long time after their father's death. It was good to watch them playing with another guy. Though she and Peter had a strained relationship over the years, he had always been good with the girls and it wasn't faire to them not to have some sort of male influence in their lives. Seth was good with them too but in more of a grandfatherly way.

She wasn't quite sure how she felt about the man standing before her in the kitchen though, he continued to be a mystery to her. It had only been a week since Alex had started on at the ranch but a long week. Claire had been excited to see him win over Zeus' trust, as well as the strides he'd made with many of the other horses during the week. He was a good worker.

On a more personal level though, she was still wary of the man. And yet, at the same time, she was more intrigued by him than she had been by any man in a long time. Perhaps it was some sort of sign that it was time for her to move on, she couldn't be certain. The new feelings of hers, coupled with the recurring dream she was having, continually plagued her mind.

"You slept in again?" Alex asked of her as he gently placed both girls back on their own feet. He tussled their hair and smiled down at them, silently letting them know that the fun was over for the moment.

"Yeah, I suppose I did," Claire nodded as she made her way toward the fridge that Alex had been rummaging through just a few minutes prior. She didn't really feel like she owed him any sort of explanation. Removing a few items from the fridge, she sat them on the counter beside the stove.

"That's because it's Sunday," Aly spoke up as she sat down at the wooden table in the center of the kitchen. Alex followed her lead. "Sunday is usually the only day mum ever takes off or sleeps in on," the girl pointed out.

"Oh, so what do you all do on Sunday's then?" Alex asked. He noticed that Melissa was standing beside him looking up at him with a wanting smile. He chuckled but didn't say a word as he hefted her up onto his lap where she snuggled in comfortably.

"We usually go for a ride or go swimming in the river sometimes. But it's not really warm enough for that. And today we're going to the Harvest Festival in town!" Aly said as if she had just remembered that small fact.

"That sounds like fun, maybe I could tag along," Alex replied.

"You should," Aly agreed. "They have silly things like lawnmower races and these really fast jet boats that race in the river, and games and food. Oh, and Natalie's riding in the jumping contest, and I have a display at the 4-H booth," she concluded.

Claire turned around, taking a break from her task momentarily. She noticed that her youngest daughter seemed to be mighty comfy in Alex's arms. Not to mention Aly was talking his ear off, something that she did only around those she felt very comfortable with. "So, Alex, have you had breakfast yet?" she finally asked.

"Nah, I was looking for some cereal earlier," he remarked, though he hadn't actually gotten as far as the pantry yet when the girls had come in to interrupt his search.

"Well, I'm making pancakes if you'd like to stay," Claire offered.

Alex grinned as his heart leapt into his throat. It was only a small offer of breakfast but he hadn't been so happy about food in a very long time. Obviously it wasn't just about the breakfast invite, it had much more to do with the company and the fact that she had asked him. "That would be great, thanks," he accepted.

With a simple bob of her head, she promptly returned to the eggs and flour she had sitting on the counter. Alex was about to speak up again but was stopped short by the emergence of Natalie into the room. One look in Alex's direction and immediately a very disgusted look came over her face.

"Good morning sleepy head," Alex quipped, hoping to ease into a conversation with the girl. He had yet to be successful in gaining any sort of ground where Natalie was concerned. He didn't think he'd done anything to upset her. It appeared to him that just his mere presence in a five mile radius was enough to bother her.

"I didn't just wake up," Natalie replied to his comment as she flopped down in a chair next to Aly at the table. "I've been reading in bed for the last hour and a half, not that it's any business of yours," the girl concluded, folding her arms across her chest, and staring daggers at Alex.

"Natalie," Claire turned around and gave the girl a warning glare before she once again continued with her cooking. She'd noticed Natalie's displeasure of Alex right off. She figured it was pretty natural given that she was the oldest and the one who had been closest to Peter. It was still no excuse for treating Alex like a glop of manure she'd just stepped in.

"So, about those pancakes…," Alex shrugged off Natalie's comment the best he could and tried to change the subject. "How many can you eat?" he asked Melissa as he tickled her tummy.

The girl giggled and squirmed around in his arms for a few seconds before she replied. "Um, two!" she declared.

"Oh yeah, and what about your big sisters?" Alex asked, turning his attention back toward Aly and Natalie.

Aly laughed as she watched her baby sister and Alex play. "She'll ask for two but she usually only eats one or maybe a few bites of the other," she clarified her sister's pancake eating habits. "I always have three though," she concluded.

"And what about you Natalie?" Alex asked, hoping that the girl's mood had changed a bit from their earlier exchange.

"None of your business," Natalie replied, not even looking up at him as she spoke.

"Nat!" Claire was not pleased to have to warn her daughter twice in a row. She knew the girl had much better manners but for some reason she'd seen fit to forget them all in one morning.

"That's okay," Alex broke in, not wanting to get the girl in trouble. "Maybe I should just go. I don't want to intrude on your family time," he said as he made a move to shift Melissa off his lap.

"No," Claire replied. "I asked you to stay Alex and if Natalie has a problem with that maybe she should be the one to excuse her self," she spoke her words directly toward Natalie, with an inquisitive look in her eyes.

Natalie caught Claire's tone and sighed heavily knowing that she wouldn't win an argument with her mother. "I don't have a problem with it," she reluctantly backed down.

"Good," Claire smiled as she went to heat the pan for the pancakes and put on a kettle for some tea. Though she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about Alex, she wanted to get to know him a bit better and she hoped that the girls would allow that. She knew how protective Natalie was of her family and she had a feeling the girl wasn't about to let Alex into her life without a fight, much the same way she had done with Claire.

"So how many pancakes can you eat Alex?" Aly asked the Alex, hoping to make up for the way her older sister had treated the man. She liked Alex and she didn't want her sister to ruin what she saw as a good thing.

"Oh about a dozen!" Alex exclaimed with a cheeky grin.

"No way, you can't eat that many," Aly shook her head. She didn't believe him.

"You want to bet me?" he asked.

"Yeah, I bet you a stick of cotton candy at the Festival today," she said.

"You're on," Alex agreed, reaching across the table to shake hands with the girl. He sat back in his seat but was feeling a little bad for just sitting around while Claire was up doing all the work. He stood up and placed Melissa down in the spot he had previously been occupying, tapping her gently on the head before he walked over to where Claire was standing by the stove.

"So you cook too?" he asked as he quickly dipped his hand in the batter and then licked his finger clean. He was a bit leery of the idea of having Claire make their breakfast. From what he knew she had never been a very good cook. It didn't taste half bad though for pancake batter, which he had mistakenly thought would taste more like cake batter.

"Who do you think feeds this lot when Carrie's off?" Claire asked. She looked over at him with a questioning glance but quickly returned to her pancake mix when she noticed his eyes upon her. "Why, does it surprise you?" she asked, not looking up again as she tried to hide the slight blush she felt rising on her cheeks.

Alex smiled, noticing the blush that she was desperately trying to hide. "No," he shook his head. "I mean, that's great and all. It's just that the Claire McLeod I knew wasn't much of a cook, or at least not a very good one," he chuckled at the thought, not even realizing the words that had escaped his lips.

"Claire who?" she turned to face him again with a perplexed look on her face, the earlier blush had vanished. That odd feeling she kept getting when he was around came flooding back again.

"What?" Alex hadn't even realized the slip until it was already out of his big mouth. Now he had no idea what to do, or how to cover it. The wheels were turning in his head but unfortunately they were getting him nowhere fast.

"You said, Claire McLod or something, who is she?" Aly was the one to reply with the question that was on all of their minds.

"I did?" Alex was clearly trying to stall. He had to think of something and fast.

"Yep," Natalie spoke, eyeing the man carefully.

"Well, I must have been thinking of someone else," Alex lied. He knew it was a horrible lie as well, even Melissa was looking at him as if she didn't believe a word he said.

"You know a lot of Claire's then do you?" Natalie asked, always ready with the accusations. She had been looking for something to pin on the man the second she had laid eyes on him that morning in the barn. She didn't like him hanging around or even working with her mum, and she wasn't afraid to make that known to him.

"No," Alex replied, feeling more than a little out numbered. "I don't, I must have just gotten my last names confused is all," he tried to cover.

"McLod, or whatever you said, and Johnson sound nothing alike,' Natalie pointed out. Her earlier snips at him had been nothing compared to the venom that was coming out of her mouth now.

"Natalie, leave him alone," Claire came to Alex's rescue even though she was feeling odd about the whole thing herself. "I think that Alex has explained himself as well as he needs to. It's none of our business alright," she implored her daughter to stop with the accusatory looks and questions.

"Yeah, sure," Natalie mumbled, slumping down in her seat again.

"Look, maybe I should just be off," Alex spoke as he made a move toward the back door. "I shouldn't have intruded on your morning, it's not my place. I'll just spend some extra time with the horses today. You enjoy the festival," he said with his hand grasp firmly on the doorknob.

"What about my cotton candy?" Aly asked as she watched Alex leaving, a crestfallen look upon her face.

"Another time," Alex replied. "I promise," he said as he ducked out of the house without another word.

"Thanks a lot Nat, why do you have to ruin everything?" Aly asked, upset now as well.

"It's not my fault," Natalie replied in a huff. The morning had not gone exactly as any of them had planned.

Alex heard their last words as he lingered by the door for a moment. He then wandered slowly back to the bunkhouse, feeling about as low as he had been over the last two weeks. For a moment he wished that Peter's letter had never reached him. He could have lived out his days thinking Claire dead, no different than what he had been dealing with for five years. Maybe it would have been better that way, he thought.

He scolded himself for allowing the thoughts to enter his mind. There was no way he wanted to go back to that life, those feelings of utter loneliness without her in his life. He knew the second he had made the decision to follow after his wild goose chase that it was going to be tough. He'd preached to Tess and Nick, how it was all worth it. Now he had to start believing his own words if he ever planned to get Claire back. He didn't want to come between Claire and her kids but he also couldn't just stand by and watch her with the girls inside that house, knowing that there was another little girl that desired to be with her as well.

Seth was inside the bunkhouse sifting through a pile of mail as Alex walked through the front door. He didn't want to speak to the man, not to anyone in fact and so planned to just slip on by and through to his room. The older man stopped him though as he held out a large envelope toward him.

"This came in the mail yesterday, sorry I didn't get it to you sooner," Seth apologized.

Alex looked down at the package and noticed the return address that read: Davidson P.I. He realized that it was from Sam's dad and so tore into it with interest. He hadn't been expecting much if anything so he was pleased when he pulled out a rather hefty stack on papers. The page on top was a letter from Stuart Davidson explaining a bit about what he had discovered.

"Bad news?" Seth asked, curious about the look on his roommates face.

"Uh, no just some legal matters," Alex replied quickly as he took the documents and slipped into his room closing the door behind him.

-

The sun was beating down on the day something fierce as Tess sat in the shade on the back porch, feeding baby Al. She smiled down at the little boy whose mouth was happily latched onto the bottle in his mouth. Her hand brushed over the downy blond tuft of hair that sat atop his head. He looked so much like Nick that it scared her sometimes. Jack on the other hand, looked decidedly more like the McLeod side of the family.

Looking up she could see Jack and Charlotte playing together on the porch beside her. They had crayons spread out all over the place and mounds of white paper plastered to the floor. Their artistic endeavors were sprawled out for all to see. She had promised to take them both swimming once she got little Al to lay down for his afternoon nap. So, they were being extra patient as they waited and entertaining themselves.

"Look aunty Tess," Charlotte spoke softly so she wouldn't rouse the baby who was already starting to drift off into dream land. "I made a picture for mummy," the girl said as she pointed down to her drawing for Tess to look at. "See, the horsy is mummy and the little lamb is me," she declared.

"And who is the big bull there?" Tess asked, noticing the third animal in the picture.

"That's daddy of course," Charlotte informed her aunty as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She smiled to herself as she went back to her drawing.

Tess smiled too as she watched her niece finish the drawing. It had been hard trying to explain the situation with Claire to the child but Charlotte seemed to be doing alright with it all, at least so far. She wanted to see her mum really bad though. And she missed her daddy heaps too, a fact that Tess got to hear about every night when it was time for bed. The girl was usually good during the day but at night she begged for her daddy.

After the first conversation with Alex about Charlotte's not sleeping very well, Tess had decided to keep further news of the sort from him. She didn't like to lie to her brother-in-law by any means but she knew it was hard enough on him without having to worry about his daughter. They were all getting by well enough though, a few sleepless nights not withstanding.

The initial shock of Claire being alive had worn off and the worry had set in. Tess was suddenly uncertain about so many things, wondering if Claire would ever come back to them and if she did would she remember her life as it used to be. She and Claire had been separated for so many years as children and it had taken them a while to regain that sisterly bond. Now Tess worried that it might never happen again. Although she had initially told Nick that any day with Claire would be enough, she was beginning to have her doubts about what Claire might think of it all.

There was one other rather large burden resting on her shoulders as well. Her last conversation with Alex had been quite eventful, so many revelations and an even bigger favor that he had asked of her. She knew in her heart what the right thing to do was, but it all just felt so unreal still. But she couldn't let Alex down, not after all he had already been through to get to Claire. As much as she was hurting not seeing her sister, she imagined it was even harder for Alex to be so close to Claire and not be able to tell her the whole truth.

_"Apparently most of Claire's life in the __United States__ has been a lie," Alex's voice filled her ear before she had barely had a chance to say hello to the man after picking up the phone. _

_"What?" Tess asked, trying to get her bearings._

_Alex was in go mode, not bothering to preface his words much. "Peter had a fake birth certificate created for her as well as a passport, and get this… he even had a bogus marriage license filed," Alex continued on as if Tess hadn't even spoken. He was so upset at the moment that he wasn't exactly thinking straight. He was once again running on pure adrenaline, going about the motions and to hell with formalities._

_"What does that mean?" Tess asked, slightly confused._

_"It means that Peter and Claire were never legally married," Alex informed her. "Not here and not in __Australia__ either," he added._

_"Well, that's a good thing right?" Tess asked. She could tell that Alex was not in a very good mood though and she wondered what was up other than his recent findings._

_"I suppose," Alex replied. "Somehow it still doesn't brighten my day," he added. "I swear if that man wasn't already dead…" he tried his best to push the thought away though, knowing that there was no use traveling down that road._

_"He was a jerk Alex but I can't believe he went to all the trouble of making Claire believe they were married and all. He wasn't my favorite person but he wasn't a vindictive man, something had to have happened," Tess voiced her opinion on the matter._

_"I agree, and there's actually some note of a few sessions Peter had with a local therapist here in this report," Alex pointed out. It had been a shock to him actually having read that bit of information. As angry and upset as he was with the man, he'd never stopped to think that maybe there had been more to Peter Johnson than any of them knew._

_"Maybe he at least knew he had problems then?" Tess observed. _

_"Still doesn't leave me with a comforting feeling," Alex replied. As much as he wanted to sympathize with the man he just couldn't. "He still destroyed my life Tess, even if he was sick I can never forgive him for what he's done," he maintained._

_"I'm sorry Alex," Tess felt the words were rather useless though. She could tell he was on edge, and more so than he had been in quite some time. It was clear that his trip was finally taking a toll on him._

_"I just want my life back Tess. I want Claire back, and as more than just my boss on a stinking ranch in the __US__!" Alex's anger slowly came to a boil._

_Tess felt so helpless, only able to listen to the man from over the telephone line. She'd only really known Alex to be on edge once before and that was when Claire had been lost to them. She hadn't been able to be much of a comfort to him then either. Alex tended to try and deal with everything on his own._

_"Look Tess, there's something I need to ask you," he snapped out of his earlier mood as much as possible. He was actually a bit sick of the whole thing himself, and more disgusted with him self than anything for being such a wimp. At least that was how he saw himself at the moment. "It's something we need to confirm before we can move forward," he told her as he hoped moving forward would be a good thing for them all._

_"What is it, you know I'll help you in any way possible," Tess replied. "I want my sister back just as much as you do and __Charlotte__ needs her," she added._

_"We need to have her body exhumed, or the body," Alex felt ill just to think about it, let along saying the words out loud. It was something he had been against as well when he talked to Stuart Davidson on the phone after receiving his report. But by the end of the conversation he'd been convinced otherwise. Now he just had to break it Tess the best he could._

_"Alex," Tess was about to protest but never got a chance as Alex quickly cut in again._

_"I know it sounds horrible Tess," he confirmed her thoughts, having thought them as well at first. "It's not her buried in that coffin though; I can assure you of that. We need to do this in order to pronounce Claire's death officially unfounded," he concluded._

_"Well, someone was obviously buried in that coffin weren't they?" Tess asked._

_"All I know is that Peter was not well at the time of Claire's accident. He pretty much admitted to causing the whole thing in the letter he wrote me. And he did make mention of his wife as well," Alex recounted. "Natalie and Alana call Claire mum. He must have told them their real mum died or something," he concluded._

_"So, you think its Julia buried in Claire's place?" Tess was also feeling sick to her stomach. "This is all just too much," she lamented._

_"I know, and that's why we need to put an end to it, once and for all. We never had an autopsy done because it was pretty clear the cause of death and we had no reason to think it wasn't Claire in the Ute. Look Tess, you're Claire's closest living relative of an age to have the order drawn up. I can't make the final decision on this one Tess but I'm begging you to make the right choice," Alex implored her._

_"I guess you're right Alex. I just… it was so hard watching that casket go into the ground. It's going to be even stranger watching it come out," she replied._

_"It's not her Tess, I swear to you on my own life that it is not her," Alex assured her once again. "I know you can do this," he finished._

_"Alright, just let me do it on my own time okay?" Tess asked._

_"Of course," Alex agreed. He was happy to have that major weight lifted from his shoulders even though it meant that it was passed on to Tess. He knew she really didn't need the burden either, but she was the only one who could do it. And as much as he didn't want to burden her further, she was the only one he could really talk to about what was going on. "Tess, I think I did something stupid today," he revealed. _

_"What?" she asked, hearing the sorrow in Alex's voice. _

_"My lips moved faster than my brain," he replied. "I accidentally called her Claire McLeod," Alex finally said, feeling both stupid and terribly confused at the same time. _

_"Oh, well… uh, maybe that's not such a bad thing," Tess thought aloud. "I mean maybe you should just tell her Alex," she didn't see what was so wrong with the idea. And it might get her sister back to her sooner rather than later._

_"I want to Tess, I really do," Alex informed her. "But I want her to love me again Tess, either by remembering what we once had or by falling in love with me all over again. I don't want Claire to feel obligated to me, you or Charlotte. And I fear if I tell her who she is she before she's ready, then she might feel like she has to be with us. I want her to want to come back to us," he confessed his feelings._

_"Then you should follow your instincts Alex, and do what you think is best," Tess concluded._

She had to follow her own instincts as well, Tess realized, and do what she knew was best. What was best at the moment was to help Alex in any way she possibly could. She'd call in the coroner and the police and have Claire's grave exhumed. That way they would know for sure that Claire was indeed alive.

After that, she would have to wait for Alex to do his part. She would have to go about her life and do her job on Drovers to make sure everything continued to run smoothly. And she would take care of her children and her niece, take them swimming and tuck them safely into bed at night, keep their lives as normal as possible. She would do it all in hopes that one day very soon she would see her big sister again and all would be right in their world once more. That is what she had to hold on to.

To be Continued…


	10. Part 10

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.  
Note: Thank you all for the awesome reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy the story as there is much more of it to tell!

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 10  
By njborba

Alex was out in the stables, brushing down Zeus. There was a bit of a cold chill in the air that wafted into the stable from the open gates at the far end of the structure. But the sun still shined bright in the late afternoon sky. It was nearly December and time was flying by faster than Alex cared for. He couldn't help but think about all that he was missing in Charlotte's life. Maybe it had only been a month since he'd left but it seemed an eternity to him.

The American holiday, Thanksgiving, was coming up, which didn't mean too much to him or the Johnson family except that the girls were happy to have two days off from school. Carrie and Annie would be off for the four day weekend to visit family up in Washington State and even Seth was planning to make a trip. He hadn't seen any of his three children in a few years so was headed to San Francisco to visit his oldest daughter and meet his first grandchild. That meant that the Spring Valley Ranch would be left to just him, Claire and the girls.

He smiled at the thought of Claire and he alone on the ranch with the girls, almost as if it were their place, the happy family that he had been wishing for all his life. All that was missing was Charlotte of course. It was still a bit of a fantasy though, considering he hadn't even dared to ask Claire out on a proper date let alone reveal to her that he'd known her for half her life or more.

They'd gotten closer over the weeks, as friends mainly. But he noticed her behavior slowly change around him over time. After his slip up of calling her Claire McLeod, she'd been a bit wary of him again but it hadn't lasted long. It was clear to him that even lost memory and time could not break the bond that their hearts shared. He could tell that she was feeling something for him more than just what a boss would feel for a worker.

It was so hard to judge what he should do though. Some days he wanted to take her in his arms and never let her go and other days he kept his distance thinking that slow and steady was the best pace to take. He wondered though if maybe she was just as scared to reach out to him. Perhaps they were both not able to express their true feelings, which made perfect sense given the amount of time it had originally taken them to realize they were meant for each other.

Something had to be done though, time was slipping away. He already had several answers of the puzzle lined out, especially since Tess had called to inform him about the autopsy that had been performed. The body had been revealed as Julia Johnson after managing to take a small bone marrow sample from her remains. That was at least one small step forward. But without conclusive DNA proof from Claire they still couldn't reverse her death certificate.

The whole ordeal was continuing to get uglier and creepier by the day. Now, with the knowledge that Peter Johnson had possibly killed his own wife and then swapped her with another woman's body… it was more than a little unreal to fathom. Truthfully though, none of it all mattered that much any more. They would never know the whole truth due to Peter's death. But aside from getting concrete evidence to prove Claire alive, all Alex wanted was a little peace in his life. Peace and Claire.

Peace, however, was not something that was forthcoming at the moment as he noticed the young girl that was making her way toward the stable. He tried to make himself look as busy as possible when he watched Natalie approach. She was quickly making her way toward Shadow's stall and likewise, tried to avoid contact with him as well when she realized he was in the general vicinity.

Natalie walked Shadow out of his stall and over to the same area that Alex was using to brush down Zeus. She made a show of being annoyed that he was taking up so much space and rudely pushed pass him to tie up Shadow as she went in search of her own brush. Several silent minutes passed, the two of them trying not to make eye contact as they shared the space.

Alex couldn't take it any longer though; he was more than a little upset by her behavior over the course of his stay at the ranch. "Have I done something to upset you?" he finally asked of the girl, stopping his task as he stood by and eyed her. She was quiet, un-responsive and clearly not in the mood to talk to him. Alex shook his head as he continued his brushing. He tried to let it go but he just couldn't. "Look, I'm not sure what I've done to warrant this kind of hatred you seem to have toward me but…" he spoke again, hoping this would open her up a bit. Even if she yelled at him it would be better than nothing

Natalie stopped brushing down Shadow, her hands falling to her side in a perturbed manner. "Well, you're standing there aren't you," the girl replied at last, thinking her comment was entirely understandable. She looked to him with a cross expression that oozed a "get lost" sentiment.

"And that's your only reason?" Alex asked, knowing there was much more going on with the girl than she was letting on. "I think I at least deserve more of an explanation than that," he really didn't want to raise his voice at the child but it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide the hurt and frustration in his tone.

She looked up at him, staring him straight in the eye, her hands on her hips. A defiant look permeated her face. "We don't need to you here Alex," she finally declared.

"Okay," Alex mumbled a bit lowly under his breath, not sure how to take the last comment she had made. "Well, your mum hired me, so I think she does need me here,' he replied at last. There was no way he was going to let a twelve year old child run him off. He also didn't want to mess up any kind of relationship she had with Claire either, so he was trying his best to stay cool headed.

"I don't mean the job; I mean that mum doesn't need you as a boyfriend or anything," Natalie finally spat out the thing she had most wanted to say to Alex since the day he had arrived.

Alex tried his best not to laugh at her words. "Who said anything about me being her boyfriend?" he asked.

"I can see that you like her," Natalie quickly replied, she'd been reluctant to speak up but now that she was on a roll she wasn't about to stop any time soon. "I'm twelve but I'm not stupid,' she added, returning to her own brushing task.

"Oh," Alex spoke, not sure what else there was to say.

"Do you deny it?" Natalie asked. "Can you tell me that you don't like her as more than just a co-worker or a friend?"

"No, I don't deny it," Alex decided to be honest with the girl. She was being very open with him at the moment so he figured it was best to keep in step with her. As much as she probably didn't want to hear it, he wasn't going to back down. "I do care about you mum, as much more than just a boss or a friend," he noted.

Natalie was actually a little surprised that she'd gotten him to admit the truth. But she wasn't going to leave it at that, far from it in fact. "Well, she doesn't need you Alex. She has Aly and Melissa and I and that's all she needs," Natalie declared, confident in her convictions.

Alex sighed; he hadn't realized just what he was up against. The girl was a lot like Claire actually, the Claire of his past anyhow. She wasn't afraid to tell it like it was. "Don't you think that maybe your mum deserves to have someone special in her life, someone who could love her?" he asked. This was a bold move on his part.

"We love her!" Natalie was beginning to lose her cool over the entire conversation. She hadn't expected Alex to be so steadfast in his arguments. Maybe she had misjudged the man a bit. But she wouldn't let him see the weakness she felt inside. She'd lost too much in life already and she didn't plan on losing her mum on top of it all. Not again, she silently swore.

"Yeah," Alex nodded his head, not denying the girl the truth in her reply. He'd seen first hand how devoted Claire was to all three girls. "And I'm sure she loves you just as much," he agreed. "Sometimes though, adults need the love of another grown up as well," he concluded.

Natalie didn't like that reply at all. Alarm bells were going off all over in her head. "You mean like a husband, don't you?" she asked. "Well, my mum had one, he was my dad. He's gone now though and she doesn't need another one," the girl informed him.

"Maybe what you're really trying to tell me is that you don't want another dad," Alex had hit the nail on the head with that one as he watched the girl physically slump in her stance. For a moment he wished he could take the words back, but he pushed on instead. If she was old enough to speak her mind as she was doing, then she was old enough to have the truth pushed back at her. "I assure you Natalie; I would never try to take your dad's place in your life," he finally revealed. He did want her to understand that. As much as he didn't like Peter, he'd never take away from the girl's memory of her father.

"You don't know anything about my dad!" Natalie yelled. For all her earlier courage, she was still very much a child. The tension of the conversation was becoming too much for her. All she wanted at the moment was for her life to be like it had been just a few years back. She'd had her mum and dad and two sisters and life was perfect as she knew it, or as near to perfect as possible.

"I know you must have loved him very much and I'm sure you miss him a great deal," Alex tried his best to calm the girl. He moved toward her slowly and reached out to place a hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged away from him, stepping back a few paces. "Shut up Alex," her words were growing louder. It was the only way she could hold back the tears. "You don't have any right to talk about my dad," she told him as she fiddled with the brush in her hand, the task long forgotten.

"Natalie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Alex tried to apologize but the girl would have nothing of it.

"No, I don't have to listen to you!" she shouted back. "You're not my dad; you're not anything to me so just shut up and leave me alone!" her final words echoed through the stable.

"Hey, what is going on in here?" Claire came bounding into the stable and looked back and forth between her daughter and Alex. She had heard the yelling from inside the barn across the driveway and had come to check out the commotion. She noticed that neither party looked like they wanted to divulge any information about the argument though.

"Here," Natalie thrust her brush into Claire's hand as she took off running down the length of the stable, not daring to look back.

Alex watched the girl go and then, in a burst of frustration, he hurled his own brush across the room. He then proceeded to take a seat on one of the hay bales nearby. "I'm really sorry," he finally spoke again as he looked up to see Claire taking a seat beside him. "I didn't mean to get so upset or yell at her like that. I shouldn't let her get to me. I just don't understand what I've done to make her hate me so much," he lamented.

"You're here," Claire's two words caught him off guard.

He turned his head to look at her. "And you sound just like her," he remarked.

Claire gave him an apologetic look in return. "What I mean is that you're here and her dads not," she tried to soften the blow of her earlier comment. "She loved him a lot you know and she took it the hardest when he died," she further explained. "But if it makes you feel any better, she hated my guts at first too," Claire concluded.

"Really?" Alex was intrigued.

Claire fidgeted a bit in her seat, unsure about what she was about to reveal. In the end the words just tumbled out. "I'm not Natalie and Alana's real mum," she confessed. "At least, not the mum that gave birth to them. The girls came to live with Peter and I about five years ago. They were six and seven and they had just lost their mum, I had just been in a pretty bad accident… it was all a bit of a mess for a while," she explained.

He wanted to ask so many questions now that she had finally opened the door to her life a little. Her mention of the accident especially caught his attention. Alex wondered if she recalled anything of what had happened or if Peter had filled her empty head with lies. It was easy to wonder how things might have been different had she not lost her memory. He hoped she would have fought with everything she had to find her way back to him had she known the truth.

There was no going back though, no way to change the past. All he could do was concentrate on the future and hopefully make Claire remember him again. "It sounds like a hectic time. How exactly did Natalie adjust to everything then?" Alex asked, hoping that the answer would somehow involve tales of her accident and recovery as well.

"Well, she avoided me at first" Claire replied with a chuckle, feeling strangely at ease with the man. She'd avoided her initial feelings toward him thinking it all too fast at first. But in four weeks she had come to realize that there was more than just friendly banter going on between the two of them. "It wasn't so hard either given the fact I was laid up for about a month or so. But it started to get a little tricky when I was up and around again, and attempting to play some sort of mothering role in her life. She didn't go for that at all and I certainly hadn't dealt with young kids before, at least not that I can recall," she spoke the last words lowly, still a bit unsure of how much she dared to tell him.

Alex decided to let the comment slip by for the moment. "So, she came around eventually though?" he asked. All he cared about at the moment was that she was talking and letting him into her life. That was enough for him.

"Aly warmed up to me first," Claire revealed. "She was very shy that first year but even within a months time she had started to come to me of her own free will, curling up beside me when I was ill. I'd read to her and tuck her into bed, taught her all the finer points of riding even though she was always more of the girly one of the two," Claire laughed at the thought.

"I can see how she'd be the easier one to get on with. Aly's a charmer," Alex observed. "Real sweet kid," he added.

"Natalie's sweet too," Claire insisted, though she could see the look of doubt that crossed over Alex's face. "When I found out I was pregnant with Melissa, Natalie felt threatened even more, fearing her place in the family now that I was to have a child of my own. She stuck to Peter like his shadow and didn't dare to come near me for the duration of my pregnancy. But something happened when Mel was born, I still can't really explain it," she spoke, remembering the time.

"What?" Alex asked. She had just revealed more to him over the last few minutes than she had in a month's time. And he could sit there and listen to her for hours, it didn't matter the subject. Just being with her, sitting beside her; it was a dream come true.

"Like I said, I don't know," Claire began again. "She came to the hospital with Peter the day after Mel was born and she walked right over to the baby, reaching out to her. Mel latched onto her finger. It was the first time I'd seen Natalie smile, she actually looked happy. After that she helped out with the baby a lot and that's how we got to know one another, by spending time together with the one person that connected us as a family," Claire concluded.

"Huh, sounds like you were pretty lucky to have Mel then," Alex replied. He was feeling decidedly less frustrated as their conversation went on and so decided to walk Zeus back to his stall. It was starting to get late anyway; the sun had already begun to dip below the horizon. They would have to be off to dinner any minute.

"Yep, we don't call Melissa the miracle child for no good reason," Claire spoke as she trailed after Alex to Zeus' stall.

Alex watched her as she leaned up against the outside stall door. Her hair hung loose down over her shoulders. It was longer than he'd ever seen it since they were teenagers. He liked it longer. He also liked it shorter the way he remembered the last time he'd seen her. It didn't matter, long, short, black, white. Alex loved Claire for better or worse and all of those silly marriage vows that they'd never gotten a chance to recite.

He made a snap decision at that moment in time. He wasn't going to wait any longer. It was now or never, he thought as he moved toward her and leaned against the other side of the stall door. They faced each other and Alex smiled at her. "Would you like to go out some time?" he finally asked.

"Do you mean on a date?" Claire asked, a bit surprised but not unwelcoming of the idea.

"Um," Alex began to panic a bit. He'd never been at a loss before when it came to talking to women. Claire was not just any woman though; she was the one and only woman for him. She was the woman that he loved as a friend and so much more. "Maybe, a picnic?" he finally asked, speaking the first coherent thought that came to him. "With the girls… you know, sort of as a way to make up for not going to the Festival thing with you all a while back," he finished, hoping he didn't sound like too much of an idiot.

"Sure, that would be nice," Claire replied easily enough before she turned around and headed off back toward the barn without another word to him.

Alex collapsed against the side of Zeus' stall, feeling as if his legs were suddenly made of wet noodles. His mind was swimming with thoughts about Claire and about the picnic. For a moment he wished he hadn't mentioned the girls in the idea but he realized that would be a much easier way of spending time with her, no pressure that way. All he had to worry about was Natalie's reaction to the whole thing. But he'd think about that later, when his mind recovered from the fact that he had a date with the love of his life.

-

They'd decided to make their picnic on the day of Thanksgiving. Alex had come up with the idea of making a tradition of their own for the holiday. So while most Americans were digging into their turkey and pumpkin pie, Claire, the girls and he would have sandwiches and apple juice spread out on a blanket in the crisp fall afternoon.

Alex sat atop Thunder just outside of the stables, waiting for the others. The animal had sort of become his horse. Zeus was his main charge at Spring Valley but he was still a bit green for any sort of major outing. He reached down at patted the animal affectionately along his neck. He'd never given much thought to showing horses affection before but Claire's dealings had slowly opened him up to the idea. You get what you give. That was the motto he had tried to adopt over the years.

He glanced over to his left side and spotted Claire trotting up behind him on Midnight. He was a gorgeous horse, one of the two he had admired in the stable on his first morning visit to the ranch. He'd come to find out that the other, Bullet, had been Peter's horse. Only Claire had ridden him since Peter's death but not very often. Seth told him that Claire had toyed with the idea of selling the creature a time or two but she hadn't gotten around to it yet. He was more animal than either of the girls could handle and they seemed happy enough with their own horses anyway.

Midnight snorted as he neared Thunder, a sort of impromptu greeting between the horses. Alex noticed that Melissa was seated in front of Claire, happy to be along for the ride. They just had to wait for the two older girls before the group would be complete and ready to head off on their journey. Natalie showed up first on Shadow but was rather quiet; Aly came running out to join them all a few minutes later.

"Hey kid, where's your horse?" Alex asked the girl.

"Um, Star's still in the stable," Aly replied, a bit winded from her jog.

"Kind of hard to ride her that way isn't it mate?" he joked.

"Well, I was just thinking… I mean, I was wondering if maybe, well…" the girl stammered a bit.

"Spit it out Aly, we don't have all day," Natalie finally spoke up. She wasn't at all happy about the so called "family" outing they were about to set off on. Her argument with Alex a few days prior was still sitting sour in her stomach. The faster they got the whole day over and done with the better, as far as she was concerned.

"Can I ride with you Alex?" Aly finally asked the question on her mind. She stood in a bit of an awkward stance, looking up at the man with her big blue eyes and one raised eyebrow. It was the adorable smile on her face that melted him though.

Alex grinned at the girl, how could he possibly say no to such a look? "Yeah alright, up you go," he said as he reached down to take her hand and lifted her up into the saddle. She positioned herself easily in front of him then turned around to give him a thankful grin. He tapped her playfully on the head as he allowed her to take hold of the reigns.

"Where are we off to then?" Alex asked, looking to Claire for some idea of their general direction of travel.

"I was thinking we could ride out to Grover's Point, its beautiful this time of year with all the trees turning colors," she suggested, looking to the rest of the group for an answer of approval.

"Yes!" Aly seemed to be excited about the idea.

"No," Natalie instantly protested, shaking her head at the idea. "I don't want to go up there," she added, but with no explanation.

Aly looked disappointed, she knew exactly why Natalie didn't want to go out to the place. "Don't ruin it for all of us Nat," the girl told her sister. "Just because daddy took us out there all the time, it doesn't mean we can't go there and have fun now," she concluded.

"We can go somewhere else," Alex suggested, not ready to get into another fight with the girl.

"You guys go, I don't feel much like a picnic anyway," Natalie spoke as she turned Shadow back toward the stables.

"Natalie," Claire called after the girl, concerned about her mood.

"Please mum, just go without me okay?" she asked as she flashed Claire a, please don't make me go, look.

"Yeah, alright," Claire conceded as she watched Natalie ride back to the stables. She had no idea what to do with the child any more. It wasn't just the whole situation with Alex, though that was a large part of it. But her mood recently had been anything but jovial. Claire had a feeling the teenage years were bound to be an adventure where Natalie was concerned. She tried to push past her worry though as she returned her attention to the others.

"You sure about this?" Alex asked her. "We can go some other time," he assured her, even though it would crush him not to be able to spend some real time away from work with the woman. He certainly understood that family obligations came first though.

"No, we go now," Claire stated simply as she clicked her tongue and tugged gently on the reigns to get Midnight into motion. She set off at a slow pace and allowed Alex to follow along as she led the way to Grover's Point.

It was a nice ride as they wound their way through the vast hay fields and a few pear tree orchards. They gained just a bit of elevation as the followed along the river. Stopping at a small clearing, Claire was the first to dismount. She led Midnight over to a nearby tree and tied him off onto a low branch that stuck out. Melissa jumped down into her mothers waiting arms.

Alex left Thunder at the same spot and watched as Aly got down from the horse. They followed Claire and Melissa down toward the river bank and helped set up the modest picnic that they had brought. There were two large blankets spread out side by side and an assortment of sandwiches, juice, fruit and cookies.

Claire made a gesture with her hand, indicating the food that way laid out, and inviting Alex to dig in. The girls had already started on their meal, not waiting for the adults. "I'm afraid my cooking skills only extend as far as pancakes, sandwiches and opening the occasional can of soup," Claire spoke as way of an apology for the simple meal.

Alex chuckled at her revelation, grabbing one of the sandwiches. He could care less about her cooking skills; that was certainly not the reason he had first fallen in love with her. He took a bite of his sandwich and gave her an approving nod of his head as he chewed hurriedly. "It's good," he informed her as he continued to eat and watch her.

She sat cross legged on the blanket; Melissa snuggled in close by her side as they both ate. Her hair was pulled back and clipped at the back of her head but several strands had slipped out during their ride. The sun was glistening against the sleek tendrils and it was all he could do not to reach out and run his hand through her dark tresses.

Claire did a good job for the most part of looking like she was interested in her sandwich. It was about the furthest thing from her mind however as she noticed Alex stealing glances her way. She'd been a bit self-conscious at first, wiping at her mouth several times thinking that she had gotten food on her chin or something.

After a few minutes though it became clear to her that his looks were purely of admiration, which caused her to blush slightly as much as she tried to hide it. She'd never been the blushing type but twice now he had caused such a reaction from her. It felt strange and yet oddly comforting to her as well. She'd never felt half as admired around Peter. There was just a certain charm that Alex exuded. It was hard to avoid.

Half an hour later, their belly's all stuffed to the hilt with food, Claire and the girls lounged about on the blankets. They were laid out on their backs, one girl on each side of Claire. And cloud watching was their current activity of choice. It had been Aly's idea to look up and try to pick out different shapes that they thought the clouds looked like.

"I see a flower," Melissa said, tugging on Claire's right arm to get her mother's attention. She pointed out the steam and the petals, declaring it was a tulip.

Claire laughed thinking it did actually look like a tulip. She realized that she didn't spend nearly enough time off with the girls as she should. It was nice to lay about with nothing else in the world to think about but spotting shapes in the clouds. It was a very free spirited sort of activity and that was something she had never seen herself as.

"Mum," Aly spoke up on the other side, causing Claire to shift her head so she could see her other daughter. "Can we go skip rocks down by the river?" the girl asked with a hopeful look.

"Sure," Claire replied easily. "Just keep a close eye on your sister," she added as she watched the two girls jump up from their place beside her. They were off at a run to see who could make it to the edge of the river first.

Claire smiled as she sat up and looked over to find Alex seated against the tree trunk a few feet away. She got up and walked over to him, standing over him and casting a shadow to fall along his face. "Is this seat taken?" she asked casually, motioning to the piece of grass beside him.

"Nah," Alex replied, patting the spot with his left hand.

She sat down and stretched her legs out in front of her, crossing her left leg over the right. Fiddling with her jacket a bit, she zipped it up a little tighter. There was quite a chill in the air. She'd gotten warm and cozy with the girls flanking her side but without them it was a little cold. Her hands came to rest in her lap.

"Thanks for this," she finally spoke up again after several minutes had past.

"Sure," Alex replied. He was suddenly a bit tongue tied, no sure what to say to her at all. That seemed to be happening a lot lately, he thought as he sifted his position a bit in order to face her. "Is this too weird?" he asked.

"Weird how?" Claire wasn't sure what he meant.

"Us, you and I being here like this," Alex tried to explain further but seemed to be failing miserably. "I guess I was just curious if you're having a nice time or not, here, and uh, with me?" he finally asked.

"I did just say thanks right?" Claire tried not to laugh at him. She thought it was quite amusing though, listening to him go on the way he was.

"Yeah, you did," Alex nodded his head.

"I'm having a good time Alex, with the girls, and with you," Claire assured him.

"Good, that's… good then," Alex replied.

"Yep, I think we've established that it's good," Claire chuckled as her eyes remained focused on the man seated beside her.

Damn her and that smile of hers, Alex thought as he watched her lips curl at the corners of her mouth. It lit up her whole face. He was tired of waiting for the right moment, for everything to be perfect again. That just wasn't a very real likelihood. And, though his head was screaming at him to keep going slow, his body suddenly took over and there was no way to curb his instincts.

Alex's hand reached out and gently cupped her cheek. She didn't pull back or away at all, which he took as a good sign. His hand slowly pulled her closer as his eyes asked the silent question foremost on his mind. Again there was no show of protest on her part and so he closed his eyes and moved his lips toward her hers until they converged in a sweet dance of exploration.

A few moments later he pulled back slowly and reluctantly from the kiss, not wanting it to ever end. His eyes opened again to find hers still closed for a few seconds. She reopened them after another short second and watched as his hand dropped from her face, landing forlorn at his side. Alex couldn't quite read the expression on her face though, whether it was desire or disgust.

Claire couldn't believe what had just taken place. She hadn't been expecting it at all but was not disappointed that it had occurred either. The soft feel of his lips against hers had been beautiful release. She hadn't felt such emotions in a very long time. Peter's kisses had never left her speechless the way she was feeling at the moment.

When several minutes had passed and Claire had yet to say a word, Alex spoke up first. "Maybe that was…" but he didn't get a chance to finish what he was about to say.

"Natalie," Claire whispered the girl's name, a surprised look clouding her features all of a sudden.

That was not exactly the response Alex had in mind to his kissing her. He looked at her more closely though and noticed that Claire was looking past him. Turning his head, his eyes followed hers and landed upon the young girl. Natalie was up on Shadow and staring down at them. A few seconds later she turned around and bolted off at a rapid pace, not looking back once.

"Damn it," Claire mumbled as she jumped up and ran to untie Midnight from his spot at the tree. "Will you watch the girls?" she asked Alex as she quickly mounted her horse and turned back to look at him for a brief second.

"Of course," Alex nodded. He was about to say something more but Claire was gone before he had a moment to process further words. He shook his head and got to his own feet. That had certainly not gone as he had hoped. Not at all, he thought as he watched her ride off into the distance.

Claire charged after her daughter, easily catching up to the girl in the open fields. She felt a little bad for what the girl had accidentally witnessed. She hadn't even expected the kiss herself though. It had caught her completely off guard. But she imagined Natalie only saw it as a betrayal to her father's memory.

She had been meaning to talk to the girl for a while about Alex and what was going on between them, or at least what Natalie thought was going on between them. It wasn't the easiest thing to sit down with your twelve year old and discuss though. It made for rather awkward conversation, to say the least. She'd certainly never had to discuss her relationship with Peter to the child.

Natalie was pushing Shadow as hard as she could but she still couldn't manage to outrun her mother. She realized it was a foolish thing to try anyhow, considering her mothers prowess on a horse. Instead, she tried to throw a curve into the chase and veered off toward a small thicket of brush in the distance.

There was a low stone wall overgrown with a variety of vines and branches. Natalie had jumped higher hurdles in her competitions and saw no reason to think the wall would be any harm. Half way through the jump though, it all came crashing down on her. She misjudged the distance and Shadow's front hooves nicked the top of the wall causing the poor creature to tumble over the object and come crashing down in a heap, throwing his rider in the process.

"Natalie!" Claire's scream echoed throughout the valley as she pulled up just short of the stone wall that she had watched her daughter fall over.

Claire quickly jumped off Midnight and hoisted herself up and over the stone fence. She spotted Natalie instantly, and to her amazement the girl was sitting up and cradling her right arm. A look of pain was clearly painted upon the girl's face but relief washed over Claire knowing that it couldn't be too serious if she was conscious.

"Mum, I think it's broken," Natalie cried as Claire sat down beside her and tried her best to assess the situation. "Mum, Shadow," Natalie whispered through the sobs that now caught in her throat. She hadn't wanted to look at the horse for fear he was seriously injured, or worse yet, dead.

"Shh," Claire tried to calm the child as much as possible but Natalie was in a bad state, clinging to her for dear life. She knew Natalie loved the horse more than just about anything, but she wouldn't be able to help him if her daughter continued to hang onto her. In the end she realized that Natalie was more important but she had to help Shadow as well, and so did the only thing she could think. She screamed out Alex's name as loudly as possible.

Alex had already heard Claire's first scream, and was up on Thunder when the second one ripped through his him. The sound of it killed him inside. He hated to hear any sort of anguish in her voice, and he hoped that Natalie and Claire were both alright. He looked down at the two girls who had come running up from the river the second they had heard their mother's scream.

"Aly, watch your little sister. Don't let her out of your site, and don't leave this spot," Alex quickly instructed the girl before he dashed off in the direction of Claire's voice.

He found them both just a few minutes later, thankfully they hadn't ridden too far before the accident occurred. Alex jumped down and scrambled over the wall to join them. "Are you alright?" he asked, seeing Natalie in tears and Claire not willing to let her daughter go.

"I think her arm is broken but its Shadow I need you to check on," Claire informed him, pointing off to where the horse still lay in the tall grass of the field.

Alex quickly did as he was instructed. He hadn't known Natalie very long but he did know two things about the girl, she hated him and loved Shadow. If anything were seriously wrong with the horse, well, he didn't want to think about it. He did his best to determine any injuries as he crouched down beside the animal. Shadow was clearly in pain but at least he was not dead, nor did Alex see any major injuries that might necessitate drastic measures.

"How is he?" Claire asked as she had finally gotten Natalie calmed down enough to make their way over to where the horse lay. Natalie knelt down close to Shadow's head and stroked the animal gently along his mane. A flash sparked in Claire's head as she watched her daughter.

_Claire cradled Sir Rocco's head in her arms, leaning into the magnificent creature as he snorted softly. She stroked him gently as the tears fell down along her cheek. There was no easy way to go about the task that was laid out before her. She stood and brought the rifle up, poising it in her hands as she aimed._

"Claire?" Alex called to her. "Claire, are you listening to me?" he asked again as he softly tapped her on the shoulder to rouse her from what ever thoughts had over taken her for a moment.

Claire looked up at him and blinked away the vision, or memory that she had just seen in her head. She still wasn't sure what it had all been about. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" she asked.

"I said, I don't think it's serious but we do need to get him proper help," Alex spoke as he stood up. "I'll ride back and call for the vet," he decided. "Someone should stay here with him but Natalie's going to have to have that arm looked at," he noted.

"I'm not leaving him," Natalie replied, not looking up at all from her vigil at Shadow's side.

"I'll stay here with Natalie but what about Aly and Mel?" Claire asked, concerned that the two younger girls were still by themselves down by the river.

"I suppose I'll have to ride back to the river, pick them up and take them both with me to the Ranch," Alex replied, looking to her for confirmation of the plan.

Claire nodded in agreement. She was truly grateful to have him there and smiled a shaky grin in thanks. "Just hurry, please," she whispered as she pulled Natalie into her arms again.

Alex nodded in return as he took off over the fence again and jumped onto Thunder with purpose. The day had not turned out at all as he had planned, he thought as he sprinted back to the picnic spot to pick up the girls. It had been so close to being perfect, just a simple day spent in Claire's presence. The kiss he had shared with her giving him hope.

It seemed something always managed to throw a curve in the road though. Their lives were just never meant to be easy or simple. But that's what kept Alex alive, the twists and turns that life threw at him. He wasn't happy unless he was going fast, loving hard and living large. There was just one thing that mattered, and that was having someone there right beside him, along for the ride. And he was going to get Claire back so they could ride together again in the crazy life he dreamed of. He made it a promise to himself as he rode swiftly back toward the ranch to get help.

To be Continued…


	11. Part 11

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 11  
By njborba

Tess shifted uncomfortably as she sat at the table, trying to resist the urge to jump up and flee from the tension in the room. She was seated across from Nick at the dinner which her husband had drug her to. Harry and Liz had invited them over, and much to her displeasure, Nick had accepted on her behalf. She was actually still uncertain why exactly Nick seemed so accepting of his mother being back in all their lives. It was not something she had expected.

In turn, Tess tried to be as accepting of Liz's presence as she could muster. What she didn't accept was Liz being anything but the vindictive woman who had single handedly driven a wedge between her and Nick, not to mention the number she had done on Harry and Alex. Tess wasn't sure if all the Ryan men were massively forgiving or just plain stupid. Perhaps a little of both, she thought as she noticed Liz staring at her.

"Did you want something?" Tess finally asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable by the older women's gaze. Liz had been staring her down since the second she had walked into the room. "Some more wine perhaps?" she offered, in hopes that she could get Liz tipsy enough to be able to sneak out unnoticed. Not that she would ever really do such a thing. It was just a passing thought.

"No thank you dear," Liz replied with a forced smile upon her face.

Tess pushed the food around on her plate with the fork. It was plain to see that Liz was building toward something and she couldn't just sit back waiting for the strike to come. So, she took preemptive measures. "Seriously Liz, if there is something on your mind then just say it," she implored, eyeing the woman suspiciously.

Liz looked up from her plate again and smiled in a way that made Tess's stomach turn. "I guess I'm just curious, you know, about this business with Alex off gallivanting around in the States," she finally revealed.

Tess could tell that Liz was fishing for some sort of information. She and Nick had tried to tell as few people as possible about everything that was going on with Alex and Claire. Unfortunately news traveled fast in the small rural area that they lived in. The whole ordeal with the exhumation of Claire's coffin and "body" certainly didn't go unnoticed by the townsfolk of Gungellan either. There was a lot of buzz going on.

"Alex is not off gallivanting mum, he's with Claire," Nick informed his mother in the simplest terms possible.

"Yes," Liz nodded. "And isn't that a bit of a train wreck waiting to happen?" she questioned. "I mean with her supposedly having lost her memory and all. It does seem a bit convenient doesn't it?" Liz spoke her thoughts on the matter. She was honest, if nothing else.

"Convenient?" Tess scoffed at the woman's words. She really didn't like the accusatory tone she was hearing in Liz's voice. "How exactly is memory loss convenient?" she asked, unsure of what Liz was really getting at. With Liz though, one never knew.

"I just think that perhaps none of us know the whole story," Liz replied. There was clearly something turning in her mind, a sort of accusation that she was readying herself to make.

"The story is that Peter Johnson took Claire away from her life here, away from the people she loved most. From Alex, Charlotte and I," Tess explained, thinking the woman completely daft for not understanding the simplicity of it all.

"At least that's what Claire has led us all to believe," Liz remarked.

"What are you going on about mum?" Nick asked. He could see that the conversation was beginning to take a nasty turn and hoped to head it off before Liz or Tess's words got out of control.

"I'm just saying that maybe Claire wanted to go off with Peter all along, and this memory glitch is just a nice way to explain away her misdeeds," Liz proclaimed. And there it was at last.

"Misdeeds!" Tess was growing more and more upset by the moment. She knew of the cruelness that lived in Liz's heart but to say such things now was downright uncalled for. She didn't much care any longer what the woman did to her or how she attacked, but she would not stand for Liz saying anything against her sister. "Claire has done nothing wrong, nothing!" she exclaimed. "She never would have gone away willing with Peter Johnson," Tess concluded.

"Well, how can you really be sure though?" Liz just wouldn't let it go.

Tess dropped her fork, which landed on her plate with a loud clinking sound. "Because she's my sister and I know her. She would never have done that to Alex. She never would have left Charlotte. I was in the Ute that day with her and that accident was in no way planned by Claire. I know that," Tess insisted. "I just know," she repeated the words, holding onto them for dear life.

"Yes but you knew her for what, three years after you finally decided to return here?" Liz asked. "I'm sorry but I think that's hardly a basis for knowing someone very well," she pronounced.

"Then what about your son?" Tess asked, tension growing in her voice. "What about Alex, hmm? Don't you think he knew Claire well enough to know if she were lying now?" she took a deep breath before continuing. "I trust Alex. I'm sorry if you have so little faith in your own son or in my sister. But I just can't be forced to care about your faith or lack thereof any longer. I'm done here," Tess declared as she pushed her chair back, dropped her napkin on to the table and swiftly took her leave of the room.

Liz made a low noise of approval as Tess marched off. Unfortunately for her she was left in the room to stare down the faces of two very upset looking men. Harry had a look of disapproval on his face that was also mirrored with disappointment. Nick was just plain fed up with her and let it be known to his mother.

"I brought Tess here tonight hoping that you had outgrown this petty streak of yours mum. I wanted to believe that things would be different this time. Instead, I'm disappointed once again," Nick informed his slightly shocked mother. "We won't be back again until you can learn, once and for all, to be a decent human being," he declared as he too promptly took his leave of the table and then the room.

Harry had been quiet through out the event but spoke up with just one thing to say. "I thought you were ready to make a change in your life Liz. You came back here on the promise that things would be different. But, if you can't be civil toward your sons and the women they love, then you have no place here with me," he concluded. "Sometimes there are second chances in life Liz, but there will be no third chance for you," Harry concluded, taking his leave of the room as well. Liz made a move to open her mouth in protest but quickly closed it again as she sat at the table completely alone.

Tess had wandered outside after the altercation. She stood now in the warm evening, leaning against Nick's Ute and fuming over what Liz had said inside. Her arms folded across her chest as she tried to collect her scattered thoughts. She was so upset at Liz for her accusations against Claire. She was also upset at herself for letting the woman get to her again.

She pushed Liz out of her head and gazed upward looking at the stars that shown in the night sky. They always managed to bring her comfort; as far back as she could remember. People always assumed that she had been too young to really remember much about Drover's Run or the people she had left behind when her mother had taken her away to the city. She'd never forgotten Claire or her father though.

Even in the city there were stars, though sometimes they were harder to make out due to all the lights. But many a night as a child had been spent staring up at the night sky, gazing at the shinning lights of natures design. They were the one thing that helped to make her feel connected to Drover's and her family, even at such a distance.

She'd look to the stars some nights and think that maybe her big sister was doing the same thing at the exact moment she was. The idea always brought her comfort. And occasionally she would even dare to make a wish while focusing on one star in particular, a wish that one day she would be reunited with her sister.

Tess focused on the brightest star in the sky as she closed her eyes now. "Please," she whispered. "If there are any wishes left up there, please just bring my sister back to me," she pleaded.

Nick had quickly caught up with his wife, spotting Tess out by the car. He watched her for a moment as she stood there with her eyes closed, and listened to her secret wish. In turn, he wished that he could make her dream come true for her but all he had to give at the moment was the gift of his hug. He moved in and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist as she slowly opened her eyes to greet him.

He gave her an apologetic look as he pulled her closer. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he leaned in and kissed her gently on the forehead. He hated that his mother had caused them any more undue pain and conflict.

"You can't be held responsible for you mother Nick, I don't blame you," Tess replied, sinking further into his warm embrace, happy that she had him in her life to lean on. "I do blame Harry though. I have no idea what he must have been thinking to let that woman back into his life," she voiced her opinion aloud.

Nick sighed thinking about the complicated mess of his family. "As big of a pain in the ass as she can be, she's still the love of his life," Nick replied. "I sure can't explain it but I do know he really wants to make things work out with her again," he informed his wife. He'd talked to his father about it briefly.

"Why though?" Tess asked, still not convinced of Harry's sanity. "Is he dying or something?" she asked, thinking there could be no other logical reason for Harry to want Liz back in his life.

"No," Nick chuckled as he shook his head. "I just think that at a certain point in life you decide what's most important to you. Dad seems to think that for him, that's mum," Nick explained. "Hopefully mum will figure out that for her, it's him," he concluded.

"Are you okay with all of this?" Tess finally asked. "I mean, if they do work it out," she clarified. They hadn't really spoken much about the subject but she was curious now and decided there was no time like the present. Seeing as how they were already waist deep into the subject.

He shrugged. "I was a little surprised at first but if it's what dad wants, I have no say in it," Nick observed. "And if mum finally comes around to it all, then I'll try to be happy for them. Besides, I have my own life to live, a life that will never again be ruined by Liz Ryan," he assured his wife with a comforting smile.

Tess returned his smile with one of her own, his comment a welcome gift like the warmth of his arms around her. She knew they had both long ago moved past Liz's interference in their lives. They had discovered love and happiness at last and there was no way they planned on letting anything get in the way of that. Her smile drifted away momentarily though as her thoughts focused once more on her sister.

"You don't believe any of what Liz said do you?" Tess asked tentatively. "About Claire wanting to be with Peter?" she hated that she was allowing Liz's words to influence her in any way even after declaring to be done with the woman.

"Not possible," Nick replied as if he were the final authority on the subject. "You said yourself that you know Claire, that you know it just isn't a possibility. Trust that Tess, believe in your self," he insisted.

"I just wish she were here, so I could know for sure," Tess confessed. "I wish all of this was behind us. I can't imagine how Alex is dealing with it all."

"I know," Nick said, thinking about his brother as well and what he must be going through. "I can't imagine if it was me in his position, trying to get you to remember me. That would have to be the hardest thing in the world," he thought aloud.

"You're right about that," Tess agreed.

"I'm always right," Nick quipped.

"Get out of here," Tess scoffed at his cocky reply, playfully hitting him on the shoulder.

"That sounds like a good idea actually," Nick replied with a mischievous smile growing on his lips. "How about we both get out of here, together?" he suggested. "We go back home, I draw up a bubble bath for two and then… well, we let the night decide how it wants to play out," he finished.

"Hmm, sounds like heaven," Tess replied, closing her eyes again and imaging how perfect the night could be. "Are you sure we can?" she asked.

"Of course," Nick replied, reluctantly unfolding his arms from their embrace. He carefully moved around her and opened the car door for her. "Meg and Terry have the kids for the entire night and you skillfully managed to get us out of dinner early," he smiled as she sat down in the passenger side seat. Nick closed her door and then made his way around the vehicle and hoped into the driver's seat.

"I love you Nick," Tess spoke up again as they sat in the driveway for a moment. "I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you," she added as she slipped her hand onto his left knee and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Nick's hand joined hers on his knee, his fingers intertwining with hers. "You'll never have to find out," he assured her as he squeezed her hand in return, before starting the Ute up and heading home.

-

Claire exited the front door of the house and walked outside toward the stables. She pulled her jacket tighter as she made her way across the yard. The air was growing colder with each passing day as the season quickly rolled into winter with full force. The sky was clear though as she walked in the darkness of the evening.

She stole glances upward at the stars as she walked along the path to her destination. They held a special place in her life with their shimmering glow against the black sky. It wasn't something that she could exactly explain, the comfort she felt from the stars, but they always managed to bring a smile to her face.

In a world were she remembered very little about her life, about her past, it was nice to know that something was constant. Somehow she felt that the stars had always held a special meaning for her. And she spent many nights by the window in her room or out on the patio on warm summer nights, gazing at the stars and wondering if there was someone else doing the same. Perhaps someone she had long forgotten.

Making her way into the stables, she spotted a dim light coming from one of the stalls and knew in an instant that she had found what she was looking for. She rounded the corner of the stall and found Natalie curled up against the far wall. The girl's eyes were intently watching over the horse she loved so dearly.

"Hey," Claire greeted the girl as she walked into the stall and sat herself down on the hay covered floor beside her daughter. She stretched her legs out in front of her and tried to get as comfortable as one could seated on the hard ground.

"Hi," Natalie's voice was low in reply. She'd been pretty upset over the last few days ever since the accident that had caused Shadow's injuries. Her right arm hung at her side and was wrapped tightly in a plaster cast, a sign of her own injuries. She'd actually been very lucky that she hadn't had more than just one broken bone and several bumps and bruises.

"How is he?" Claire asked. She thought back to the day of the accident and was still amazed that the creature and her daughter had not been more seriously hurt. She'd been scared out of her mind as she watched them both tumble over the wall. It was not something that she ever cared to live through again, that was for sure.

"He's good," Natalie replied. She sat up a bit more and faced her mother directly. "Better, I think," she added, trying to force some semblance of a smile onto her face. "He's going to be alright isn't he?" Natalie asked, knowing that her mum would know better than she about Shadow's condition.

Claire nodded. "Yeah, he should be good as new," she replied. Shadow had been very lucky indeed, any more of an injury could have meant putting the poor horse down. She was thankful for not having to go through that ordeal with her daughter. The girls had all dealt with the death of animals on the ranch but Shadow was more than just a pet to Natalie.

"Really?" Natalie asked. "Will he be able to jump again?" she was curious.

"I'm afraid I'm not sure about that kiddo," Claire was honest with the girl. "We'll just have to wait and see, but you'll be able to ride him again," she concluded.

"Promise?" Natalie asked. It made her sad to think that she might not ever be able to jump him again. But she could live with that fact as long as she was assured she would at least be able to ride him again one day.

"Promise," Claire replied, confident in her words. She regarded Natalie for a few silent moments trying to gauge the girl's mood. But she wasn't getting much feedback from the child. It was clear the girl was trying to be strong. "So, how are you doing?" she finally asked, figuring it the best way to find out for sure what was up.

"Fine," Natalie was clearly not in much of a talking mood. She hadn't been for the last three days in fact, not since the whole accident. They hadn't even dared to breach the subject of the kiss she had witnessed between her mum and Alex. But it seemed they would have to get around to it sooner or later.

"Hmm," Claire was almost ready to let it slide again but decided there was no time like the present for a little mother daughter heart to heart chat. "Do you want to try that one again?" she finally asked, gently nudging the girl with her elbow. It was a playful attempt to get the girl to open up a little more.

"Well," Natalie sighed, realizing she wasn't going to be able to placate her mum this time. She looked up to Claire and, as seriously as possible, replied. "My arm itches like crazy in this cast," she noted.

Claire couldn't help herself as she noticed Natalie's face light up into a smile. She started to laugh at the comment and Natalie soon joined in. It was a start at least, the breaking down of an invisible barrier that had been up between the two of them for a while. And, as the saying went, laughter was indeed the best medicine.

"Sorry about that," Claire remarked, recovering from the giggles in her throat. She wrapped her left arm around Natalie's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid you've got about another four weeks in that thing to go," she reminded the girl.

"Ugh, not till after Christmas?" Natalie asked. She hated not being able to ride at all. Even with Shadow laid up as he was at the moment, she would have liked to get out on another horse for some practice runs. Mostly though, riding was her escape. It was her way in which to get away and think things over. She'd been going crazy being grounded as she was.

"Nope, sorry," Claire apologized. She wasn't willing to take the risk of even allowing the girl up on a horse with her arm still in the cast. "I think it will be more like a New Year's gift," she pointed out. She could see the wanderlust in her daughter's eyes. The girl was a lot like her for not being blood related. They were both prone to taking off on a ride when things got them down or they just needed to do a bit of thinking.

Claire had actually been off on Midnight a lot over the past three days. She realized that she was avoiding Alex in much the same way as Natalie had been trying to avoid her. She'd made countless excuses to get out of working with him, claiming that she wanted to see how he worked with Annie and the other horses. She also took to making a bunch of trips into town even when she didn't really need to be. They were all lame excuses though. She imagined he saw right through them too.

Natalie looked up to see the distant look in her mum's eyes. The idea of spending another four weeks in her cast didn't seem so import any longer as she worried about her mother. "Do you like Alex?" the girl finally asked.

The question was a bit of a surprise to Claire, seeming to come out of nowhere. She replied honestly though. "Yes," she informed her daughter. She was actually grateful for the chance to finally get that off her chest. "Yes, I do," she concluded.

"Oh," was Natalie's only reply.

"But I think you already knew that," Claire quickly noted, eyeing the girl. She also knew about Natalie's apprehension toward the man. It was not entirely unfounded either. It was all a bit sudden really, Alex's presence in their lives. But she'd felt a connection to the man almost instantly. And that could not be denied. "He's not a bad guy Nat," Claire tried to assure her daughter.

"How do you know?" Natalie asked in return. She hated to admit that Alex did seem like a decent guy for the most part. He'd certainly scored points with her after his help with Shadow. But there was still a lingering doubt in her mind about the man. They really didn't know all that much about him. "He's been here for what, six weeks?" she asked. "That's not much time to get to know him," she stated.

Claire had to agree with that, to some extent. "It's enough time to earn trust though, and that counts for a lot in my book," she informed the girl.

"Are you going to marry him?" Natalie asked.

"What?" once again Claire was taken back by her daughter's question. "Where did that come from?" she asked.

"Well, you kissed him," Natalie finally decided to mention the fated kiss, the one that she had mistakenly stumbled upon. She'd decided to join them that day, after all, on the picnic, thinking that maybe she had been silly with her pettiness. But seeing her mum and Alex kiss had brought it all up again. It had been quite a kiss in her eyes, one that she saw as a sign of future things to come.

"Natalie, kissing and marriage are worlds apart," Claire replied to her daughters comment.

"I guess," the girl reluctantly gave into her mother's reasoning. "I just don't want him to take daddy's place," she revealed. "I've already had to accept one step parent into my life…," she stumbled over hers words feeling horrible for the slip she had just made. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded," she quickly apologized.

"Yeah," Claire nodded. "I know you didn't," she readily accepted the girl's apology. It had taken them both a long time to form the close relationship they now shared. Sometimes it was easy to forget the struggles it took to get there. She knew that Natalie loved her though. For all her efforts to the contrary though, she was still a young girl. Sometimes things didn't come out the way she meant for them to. Claire knew it had more to do with Peter than anything though. "Alex isn't trying to take your dad's place Nat, I promise you that," she finally assured the girl.

Natalie seemed to accept her mother's words for the moment. And Alex had told her the same thing. It was still hard to completely understand though. "I just don't want to lose you mum," she finally revealed one of the biggest fears in her heart. She worried that if her mum found someone else that she might not feel tied to her or Aly any longer. She feared that maybe her mum would decide to leave them.

"You will never lose me Natalie," Claire once again spoke words of reassurance to her daughter. "I promise you that. No matter what happens Natalie, you are my daughter. Not even a bloke named Alex can change that," she insisted. "I love you kid. You're stuck with me for the long haul," she added with a smile.

"Good," Natalie smiled back with the first really genuine grin that Claire had seen in a long time. "I love you too mum and I want you to be happy. I guess maybe if that means being with Alex, I'll have to accept it," she concluded.

Claire pulled the girl closer and hugged her tight, but with regard to her injured arm. "You're a pretty amazing kid Natalie," she told the girl as she looked down at the child. "And I'm very proud to call you my daughter," she said as she engulfed the girl in another hug. They stayed that way for a few minutes before hearing the shuffle of footsteps near the stall door.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" Alex stood by the door, towering over them as he looked down. He was happy to see the two of them in what appeared to be a good moment. He hoped that they'd worked out things between them. "Uh, Annie said you were looking for me. But I can come back," he suggested. "Yeah, I'll come back," he added as he made a move to leave.

"Alex?" it was Natalie that called after him.

He stopped and turned back around to face the two again. Claire had gotten to her feet and was helping Natalie do likewise. "Yeah?" he asked, tentative about what the girl's next words might be. He hadn't been sorry for their earlier discussion; they had both had some things to get of their chests. But he did still feel a little guilty about the accident and all.

"Why don't you stay," Natalie suggested as she moved past him through the door of Shadow's stall. She smiled an approving grin in her mum's direction. "I was just going to head back to the house anyway," she said. "Aly's going to help me with my homework," she concluded. That was the one good thing about having a broken arm, being able to get her little sister to do just about whatever she wanted.

"I guess I'll see you later then," Alex replied as he watched the girl hurry off. He wasn't sure what to make of her almost friendly attitude toward him.

"Bye Alex," Natalie called out over her shoulder.

Alex and Claire watched the girl until she disappeared into the darkness outside. Alex then turned around to face Claire with a bewildered look on his face. "She just spoke to me without a nasty glare, should I be worried?" he asked.

Claire chuckled at his comment. She shook her head from side to side. "No, nothing to be worried about," she assured him, leaning against the stall door.

Alex took her words as a good sign. "Right then, you wanted to see me?" he asked. He hadn't seen her all day or much at all for the last few days in fact. There was a pretty good idea in his head that she'd been avoiding him at all costs. He was more than a little worried that their kiss had been too much, too fast. He seemed to have that problem a lot lately.

"Yeah, I just wanted to give you a head's up that we'll be gone for the next two days," Claire informed him. For some reason, clearing things up with Natalie had suddenly made Claire much more at ease around the man.

"Oh, you and the girls taking a trip?" Alex asked. He hated to admit it but he was quite disappointed. Maybe the kiss had been a mistake but he didn't think she would take quite such desperate measures to escape from him. He wondered it he should just pack up his things right away and be done with it all. But he knew he could never leave her.

"No," Claire shook her head at him. "I meant that you and I will be taking a trip," she clarified. "There's an auction up in Eugene. It's about a three hour drive and we'll be taking Ember, Flash, Gracie and Hawkeye with us. We'll have to spend the night up there," she explained to a rather shell shocked looking Alex, which actually amused her a bit.

He wasn't sure what to think about this latest development. It was just business though, he tried to tell himself. "You really want me to go with you?" Alex asked. It never hurt to be too sure. After three days of avoidance it seemed odd to him that she'd suddenly want to be alone with him in a vehicle for three hours.

"Well, I need Annie here," Claire began her explanation. "She only has a few days left to get Apache ready and Carrie will have to watch the girls for me since they have to stay for school. And Seth needs to be here to help the vet out with the cattle vaccinations," she finished, realizing her words sounded a bit rehearsed.

"Which leaves me," Alex surmised, feeling only slightly like he was the last resort choice. Frankly, he didn't give a damn if he was number one million on her list. He had a sinking feeling that Claire's avoidance was a mere precursor to something much bigger. There was no look of regret in her eyes when she looked at him. And he held onto that, thinking that there was still a chance left for him where she was concerned.

"Yep," Claire confirmed without much thought. She watched him and could practically see the thoughts turning inside his head. It was fun to see actually. She still wasn't sure what the hell she was doing with the new man in her life, but she knew she wanted to give it a shot. "We leave bright and early tomorrow morning. Be ready," she said as she pushed past him, a smile in her eyes even though she was all business on the outside.

"I will be," he assured her, calling after her as he watched her walk back toward the house. The smile that spread over his face grew incrementally as he thought about the next two days. If therewas ever a time to make a move, now would be that time he told himself. Maybe things were going to work out after all, he thought with a happy heart.

To be Continued…


	12. Part 12

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 12  
By njborba

Alex leaned up against the metal rail of the corral with his arms folded one over the other. It was just one of many similar enclosures set up in the stock yards on the auction grounds. The weather was a bit damp out, having rained for the better part of the day. And it was still cloudy in the early evening sky with a chance of further rain. For the moment though it was just plain cold. Alex pulled his jacket tighter as he stood there, enthralled by the proceedings. It wasn't as if he really had anything at stake in the dealings but it was still exciting for him just to watch. Mostly though, his eyes were focused on one thing in particular, a woman. He loved watching Claire.

The little nods of her head as she followed the prices and the subtle way her hand would rise just a bit at her side, signaling a higher bid. He enjoyed every minute of it and was lost in the moment. His mind drifted though as he continued to watch her. The drive earlier in the day had been a bit slow at first, both of them quiet and a bit unsure of where their relationship was headed. They'd become fast friends and worked well together, but there was also an undeniable attraction growing between them.

Though Alex had high hopes for the trip, things had been a little bumpy at first. With Natalie seeming to be in their corner at last, he'd thought things would be nothing but smooth sailing. Unfortunately both of them were too stubborn for their own good. He wasn't sure how she felt and still didn't want to push. Finally though one small opening had been set, and after that they'd talked easily about a few things along the drive. He'd certainly learned a lot in the three short hours.

_Claire steered the truck with practiced precision. She was sure to be extra careful with the precious cargo that was ridding along in the trailer behind them. The four horses they were taking to the auction had all spent a great deal of time in Claire's custody. They'd been trained to the best of her ability and though it was time for them to be put to use elsewhere, it was always a bit hard to say good-bye. _

_She knew well enough though not to get overly attached to any one animal. It wasn't always so easy though when put into practice in other aspects of her life, with things other than animals. She took a second to steal a glance in Alex's direction. He turned his head at the same moment, catching her eye. Claire promptly returned her attention back to the driving task at hand._

_"Alex, I uh… I wanted to thank you, you know, for last week with Natalie and Shadow, the accident," she finally spoke up. _

_In the back of her mind she'd been warning herself about getting involved with the handsome stranger. But there were some things that her mind just didn't wish to listen to. As much as she tried to deny it, she was falling for him. Why else had she insisted that he take the trip with her? She asked herself. She could have easily left him to deal with the cattle and taken Seth. But she hadn't, and she was happy about that fact._

_"I just did what anyone else in my position would do," Alex shrugged in response. "I was there to help, that's all," he tried not to make a big deal of it. But he hoped it would open things up for further conversation. The silence had been killing him so far. After years spent perfecting ways to make him self heard, it was hard to try and be reserved around the woman he loved._

_"Yeah, well thank you for being there," Claire replied, trying to imply that she was thankful for more than just his help that day. Everything before the accident had been nearly perfect, if not a bit uncomfortable at first. The kiss had just sort of happened though. She'd been reluctant at first. But after the first moment of feeling his lips against hers, there'd been no turning back. It had been a soft union, and familiar in a way that she'd never felt before._

_"My pleasure," Alex spoke, thinking about how much he wanted to thank her as well. But how could you thank someone for just being there in your life? It wouldn't come out right that was for sure. And for the zillionth time he wondered if it was wrong to continue keeping her in the dark about what he knew of her past. "You sure you don't want me to take a turn driving this thing?" he asked suddenly, trying to ease into a simpler conversation._

_Claire shook her head at his offer. "I think I'd rather take my chances pulling this thing than risk having you drive on the wrong side of the road," she chuckled._

_Alex feigned a hurt look. "I'll have you know that I've driven here several times already, and without incident I might add. I'm a great driver," he insisted, puffing his chest slightly._

_"Yeah, well I've still been in this country longer. It does take some getting used to. Of course, I don't even really remember driving on the other side of the road and I had trouble getting the hang of it here," she confessed. _

_Alex laughed, though her comment did not go un-noticed. So much for light-hearted conversation, he thought as he rolled into his next question. "You know, I've heard you mention a few times now about certain things that you don't remember much about. Is that because of the accident you had?" he asked at last. It was a huge weight lifted off his shoulder. _

_He noticed she was quiet for several minutes though. "I was just curious, I mean, I won't pry if you don't want to discuss it," he could see her body actually stiffen at his mention of the accident and he almost wished he could take back his words. Nice conversation starter Alex, real brilliant, he thought. To his surprise though, she began to speak again. And even her posture relaxed a bit._

_"It was a car accident; pretty bad. I don't remember much about it," she revealed. The truth was that she didn't remember any of it. She always felt so strange telling that to people though. It was bad enough having to live with the blank spaces in her mind, she didn't care to see the looks of sympathy she received from the few she told about it._

_"Were you alone?" Alex asked, in an attempt to keep her talking._

_Haziness clouded her eyes, almost as if she were on the verge of tears. Though her body was more relaxed, the emotions were still there in full effect. Alex began to wonder if she really did have some memory of the event. He couldn't help but think maybe she had known all along about Charlotte and Tess being in the car as well. But wouldn't that also mean that she'd have some memory of him?_

_"No uh, apparently my sister was in the car with me," Claire finally told him._

_Alex was shocked to hear her mention Tess, even though not by name. The thought had just crossed his mind, but he hadn't expected it to be confirmed quite so quickly. Again he had to wonder what exactly she remembered. "I didn't realize you had any relatives, other than the girls," was his response, trying to play dumb and feeling overly guilty for it once again._

_"Had being the correct term," Claire's voice was low. "Peter told me that she was killed in the accident. But I can't remember it; I can't even remember that I had a sister at all," she explained as she tried to keep her composure well enough to continue the drive. _

_Alex's heart sunk into his stomach. How could Peter tell her that Tess had died? He guessed he shouldn't have been so surprised but for some reason he was still hoping to find some redeeming quality in the man. That hope was continually being dashed though with each new revelation about what he had done and said, what he had made Claire believe for five long years._

_"I don't talk about it with many people," he was surprised when she spoke up again, but remained silent and just listened. "Not even Carrie and Seth really, and I've known them the longest since we've been here. I just feel awkward I guess," she concluded._

_"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you," Alex apologized, though he was grateful to learn more about what she did and did not know of the incident._

_"No, it's alright," Claire sighed. "With you… well, I don't know, it's just different," she revealed. It was true too, she thought. She had no idea why but he seemed to have a knack for making her come out of the shell she liked to hide away in at times. It was easy to talk to him, almost as if she'd known him her whole life._

_"Do you remember anything else?" Alex asked. "I mean, about your sister or anyone?" he questioned, wondering just how at ease she really was around him. And she did not disappoint him as she began to speak again._

_"This might sound crazy but I had this odd flash that day we were out on the picnic," Claire revealed. "It was just after Natalie and Shadow's accident actually. I was watching her with Shadow and I saw myself with another horse in a similar situation. I'd like to think that it was some sort of a memory but I just can't be certain. It's like the damn dream," she hadn't meant to let the last part slip but again, she chalked it up to being in Alex's presence. _

_"Dream?" Alex asked almost instantly latching onto her words. He wanted to know anything and everything that she remembered. It was so hard to gauge how he should act around her with so little information._

_"There's something you should understand. The accident took away more than just a few memories Alex, it took them all," Claire informed him, her voice at a more even keel than before. "And the dream is the only thing that I feel connects me to the past. I used to have it a lot right after we moved here but not again for several years until just recently. I've had it nearly every night in the last month and a half," she finished._

_"So, you think it's more than a dream," Alex more stated than asked the words. "Do you think it's some sort of memory?" he questioned her. His mind was spinning with the possibility that she would remember him again one day. He'd come to the States only in hopes of finding her, and thought he'd be able to deal with any obstacles. Her memory loss had thrown him though. It was about the last thing he had expected. But now, his hope was turning into thoughts of the future once again. _

_"I don't know," Claire shook her head, concentrating on a point in the distance. She'd told so few people about her lost memory but she'd told even fewer about the dream, only one in fact. "I just remember the rolling green hills of the land, a windmill and a man's face that I can never quite make out. I always wake up before I see him," she revealed._

_How could he not tell her the truth at that very moment? Alex wondered. It had to be Drover's land with the windmill and all. Where else could she possibly be talking about? And the man… all he could think was that it was him. Of course that was a bit of a self centered thought. It could be Jack in the dream, or even Peter, Nick, Harry. He supposed it could be just about any man she'd ever known._

_The moment was lost though as they turned into the car park on the auction grounds. It was clearly not the best time or place to be revealing a truth such as 'I know who you are and all about your life', not in the middle of the stock yards. He resolved himself to tell her soon though. It just wasn't right any more._

"Alex?" Claire's voice called out to the man as she approached him from behind. She came to stand right beside him, leaning against the rail and turning her head slightly to the side to face him. "Oh, Alex?" she tried to reach him again before tapping him lightly on his left shoulder.

He slowly turned toward her and smiled, brushing off the last lingering thoughts that had been plaguing his mind. "Sorry, didn't notice you there," he quickly apologized.

"I could see that," Claire observed. "Lost in thought there were you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I suppose," Alex was still waiting for the right time to reveal the truth to her, but it never seemed to come. All day he'd been going over it in his head how he'd do it, what he'd say. But it all sounded so stupid in his thoughts. He did have something planned, but it still didn't feel quite right. "So, where's the horse?" he finally asked, trying to shake the mood he was in.

Claire shrugged. "Ah, the price was too steep so I decided not to take him. The bloke that did paid way too much," she told him.

"Really?" Alex was a little surprised. "After all the money you made this morning off Gracie, Hawkeye, Flash and Ember. And you're still not willing to part with a little cash?" he asked. He shook his head, amused by her frugality. "I still can't believe what you got for those horses," he said.

"Told you I had a bit of a reputation, people pay for quality," Claire smiled but it wasn't a prideful grin it was a proud one. It had taken a long time to establish herself in the area. "And as far as my own purchases go, some times you have to know when to buy and when to walk away in this business. Not that it's all about money by any means. I just get this gut feeling sometimes, you know. When it's right, I feel it inside," she explained, suddenly not thinking about horses any longer.

"I guess you have a good point there," his words were just above a whisper as he thought about her comment. He wondered what her gut was telling her about him at the moment. She was just so hard to read sometimes. All he knew was that his own gut was desperately trying not to sling her up over his shoulder and drag her back to Australia with him.

"Of course I do," Claire quipped. And without another word, she was off again headed for the truck. No sort of incentive for him to follow was given. That was certainly a reflection of the old Claire that he knew and loved so well. Not that he needed any incentive to follow after her either. That was a given.

Alex trailed behind her a bit, just happy to be there with her. Too bad he let himself get caught up in the moment so much so that he took a bit of a miss-step. He hadn't even been paying attention and before he knew it he had landed head long into the largest puddle in the gravel parking area.

"Shit!" he exclaimed, attempting to right himself as quickly as possible before making even a further fool of himself. It was too late though. Claire had already turned around the second she heard him swear. And there was no hiding the smile on her face as she walked a few paces back to meet up with him again.

"Is this a common occurrence for you Alex, stumbling or falling when in the close presence of horses?" Claire laughed as she looked down at him without remorse for her teasing comment. "Or is it my presence that keeps tripping you up?" she inquired.

"And once again the lady is oh so sensitive," he returned with an equal amount of teasing in his tone of voice. He couldn't help but smile though, and even joined in with her laughter. It was rather a sad state of affairs the amount of times he'd managed to make himself look like an idiot in front of her. Alex didn't care though. At the moment his only plan was getting back at her for the snarky comment. "Give us a hand up will you?" he asked of her, reaching out his hand toward her and giving her his best genuine look of need.

Claire rolled her eyes at his first comment but quickly acquiesced. She reached out toward him and wrapped the fingers of her right hand around his left. His grip was tight as she began to heave his weight toward her body. Unfortunately, Alex had other plans and jerked her hand in his direction causing her to lose her balance. She quickly tumbled down on top of him into the puddle. A large splash of mud rose up and then settled in splatters across their faces.

Taking a moment to compose herself, she wiped away some of the mud from her face. Then she looked him in the eye knowing he had caused her fall on purpose. "You will pay for that," she promised as she grabbed a handful of mud and threw it at him without any hesitance whatsoever.

Alex quickly retaliated, firing his own handfuls of mud in her direction until an all out war had been declared right there in the middle of the parking lot for all to witness. They attracted the odd glance or two from passers by but no one saw fit to put a stop to their harmless fun. And so the battle waged on for several minutes.

Claire was the first to surrender though when it was becoming clear to her that Alex was far more experienced in the art of mud flinging. "Hey, can we have a cease fire please?" she begged through the laughter that still engulfed them both. Alex reluctantly released his hold on her and let the handful of mud in his hand slip back into the puddle.

Alex was wary of her, suspicious of her surrender. He smiled though, looking her over. "You're filthy," he informed her with a chuckle.

"I noticed," she replied, going about wiping as much of the mud off her face as she could. Mostly though she only succeeded in smearing it around some more.

Alex made no move to clean himself as he stayed where he was. The mud and cold water was seeping through to his skin and causing his jeans to become heavy and uncomfortable. He really didn't care about the slight discomfort though as he continued to stare at her. "You're cute when you're dirty," he told her, raising his eyebrows at her.

Claire shook her head in disbelief. "Why do I have the feeling I'm not the first girl you've tried this flirting routine on?" she finally asked, eyeing him carefully.

He shrugged innocently. "I thought chicks dug this kind of thing, mud masks," he said, poking his finger back into the puddle. "Good for the skin right?" he asked as he drug his finger through the mud and then proceeded to smeared a line of it down her nose. "It looks good on you," he whispered as he suddenly realized that her lips were in very close proximity to his own.

"You are impossible," her own reply was whispered as well. She felt him drawing closer and had no plans to pull away. Before she knew it his lips were pressed tightly against hers, swimming in happy release.

Alex pulled away a bit and grinned. He didn't know how, but his plan had worked out better than even he could have hoped. Just one more thing to set into motion. "Why don't we go back to the hotel and get cleaned up then we could have a bite to eat if you're interested?" He hoped like hell she was interested because his plan was dependent upon her acceptance.

"Yeah," Claire nodded in agreement. "Sounds good," she added. He helped her up, no tricks from either of them this time, and they walked back to the truck in their mud covered clothing. They drove all the way back to the hotel in companionable silence.

As they stood outside the doors to their rooms, Alex took a moment to smile at her. He never got tired of looking at her, even with dried mud clinging to her hair in clumps. "I'll meet you down in the hotel restaurant then, say seven-ish?" he asked as he swiped the key card and opened his door.

"Sure," she agreed as she opened the door to her own room and quickly ducked inside. She sighed happily as she sunk against the inside of the door, remembering the softness of his kiss upon her lips. Then realizing how filthy she still was, she decided to hop into the shower first thing.

Something on the bed caught her eye though before she was able to make it to the shower. There was a big white box resting atop her bed covers with a large blue bow tied around it. Claire was more than a little curious as she approached the box. Noticing the card on top of the gift, she reached for it and tore into the envelope. She proceeded to read the words inside.

_Claire,_

_Hopefully you've said yes to my dinner invitation otherwise you'll be thinking this note a bit odd, not to mention the contents of the box. Slight change of plans though from what we agreed upon earlier or, what I hope we agreed upon. I meant what I said about having dinner together but wear this and meet me down in the hotel lobby at seven. _

_Trust me,  
__Alex_

"What in the world?" Claire was surprised, to say the least as she placed the card back in the envelope. He had to have planned this in advance, given that they had just parted ways in the hallway less than five minutes ago. The biggest shock to her though was that he just didn't seem the romantic type at all, not the kind of bloke who was big on using flowers and candy to woe a woman.

She wiped her hands off the best she could on her jeans and then proceeded to remove the ribbon from the white box. Carefully, she pulled the lid off the box and tossed it aside. Then she rummaged through a few layers of tissue before revealing the object that lay inside. A smile crossed her face as she lifted the item out of the box.

It was a dress, a beautiful dress. She had to admit that she wasn't big on dresses but this one was something that she definitely would have chosen for herself, which made her wonder how he could know her so well. It was a gorgeous sapphire blue silk gown with a fitted bodice and spaghetti strap shoulders. Careful not to get it dirty, she held it up to herself and checked her reflection in the mirror.

Claire grinned to herself and then placed the dress back in the box before resuming her previous goal of taking a shower. An hour later she was ready. It was five minutes till seven when she made her way downstairs to meet her date in the lobby. She felt a bit out of place in the fancy attire but also a bit special. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such butterflies in her stomach.

She spotted him standing by the main doors in the lobby and smiled as she made her way toward him. He was wearing jeans. Lucky devil, she thought as she continued to observe him. They were black jeans though, clearly his dressier attire, which made her chuckle. And he wore a button down shirt nearly the same color of blue as her dress.

Alex didn't look up until she was just a few feet away from him but his world stopped as he watched her move in closer. His heart was beating so fast that he feared it might just leap from his chest. He hadn't been lying earlier when he told her she looked cute in mud, but she looked absolutely gorgeous in the dress he had picked out for her.

It was like something out of a dream, he thought as she finally stood before him. Taking her hand, he pulled her close and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "You look amazing," he whispered in her ear before retreating. He continued to hold onto her hand though as he led her outside and into the waiting truck. He'd contemplated renting something a bit nicer for the evening but realized that the transportation wasn't nearly as important as the destination.

He drove, which was kind of imperative given that he was the one who had set everything up and knew where they were headed. The forecasted rain for the evening had thankfully not come and, though it was still quite chilly out, the sky was clear as a bell. The clouds had drifted away and the stars shown brightly in the big open country sky.

They stopped twenty minutes later outside a small restaurant that was set up in an old brick building. Alex led her into the establishment and the waiter took them all the way to the back of the building were a greenhouse type addition had been added to the structure. There was just one table set up in the private area and Alex instructed her to take a seat.

Claire watched as he sat down before speaking up for the first time in several minutes. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but why did you go to all this trouble?" she asked. "I don't need anything fancy," she assured him.

"Every woman deserves a little bit of fancy in their lives every once and a while," Alex promptly replied. He smiled seeing that she was pleased by his answer, even though he could tell she was still feeling a little out of place. "How about a drink?" he asked, trying to ease her into the evening he had planned for them.

"Well, normally I'd go for a beer but I'm guessing that's probably not the proper beverage for such a place," she expressed her desires but was resigned to whatever he had planned.

Alex grinned broadly at her response, knowing her better than she knew herself. He reached out and removed the cloth napkin that had been covering an object on the table. It was a champagne bucket filled with ice, but no champagne bottle. Instead, several bottles of beer rested in the ice.

"What the lady wants, the lady gets," Alex said. He opened one of the bottles and handed it to her before grabbing one of his own.

Claire sipped at the beer and then looked down at herself again. "Now I suppose I look silly in this nice dress and downing a beer?" she asked.

"You look perfect from where I'm sitting. And I'm the only one here, so I think you're safe," Alex assured her. She could be covered from head to toe in mud and he'd be just as pleased to be seated beside her, as he had been earlier.

"What is all of this for anyway?" Claire finally asked. She was happy to be with him, it felt very right. But the dress, the fancy room, it all seemed rather formal to her and Alex Ryan did not seem like a formal type of bloke at all.

"I don't think it's any secret that I like you Claire," Alex replied, tensing a bit as he spoke. He was pretty sure she felt the same about him but it still felt awkward at times. "I like you a lot actually," he continued. "And I know it might seem like a short time that we've known each other but, the heart doesn't much care about time," he concluded.

Claire smiled. She had to admit that he was making a pretty good case for himself, but she didn't need all the fanciful stuff, she just needed him. "I like you too Alex, but you don't have to do all this to impress me," she told him exactly what she had just been thinking, waving her hand around at the room to indicate their surroundings.

"Indulge me?" he implored her. Claire decided not to question him further and nodded her head in response as Alex reached out and took the beer from her hand. He placed the bottle on the table next to his own and then stood up, extending his hand out toward her. "Dance with me?" he asked.

She looked at him with a curious grin. "There's no music," she stated the obvious. As if on cue though, a soft tune began to filter through the room causing her entire face to light up. Her hand slipped easily into his and she stood, following him out onto the makeshift dance floor. Alex wrapped his arms around her and relaxed as she leaned into him without hesitation.

_I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles  
__And the heavens open every time she smiles  
__And when I come to her that's where I belong_

They moved in time with the music, dancing as if they had been married for fifty years. Their bodies just seemed to fit one another. All of it was very right. Claire closed her eyes for a moment, lost in the thrill of their time together. And a scene filled her head as they swayed to the music.

_She was dressed in a white cotton robe and dancing with someone whose face she couldn't see. Somehow though she knew it was the same man from the recurring dream she'd been having. His strong arms held her close and then spun her outward, their hands still linked in a tight embrace. He pulled her back in and she felt like she was walking on clouds as they continued to dance._

"Are you all right?" Alex asked, looking down at the woman in his arms. She had stopped moving for a second and he could see that her eyes were closed.

Claire opened her eyes as the flash drifted away. She looked up at Alex, feeling a bit strange. For the first time she realized that the memory flashes had both occurred while in his presence, or close proximity. Come to think of it, the dream had started up just about the same time as he had arrived at her door step.

"Yeah," she finally nodded and smiled, trying not to make too much of it. "I'm fine," it wasn't something she could explain, the feelings the flash had evoked inside her. And if it did have something to do with Alex, she hoped he planned to stick around for a very long time.

Alex smiled, seeming to be satisfied with her answer though concern still filled his eyes. He resumed their dance though, gliding around the room with her in his arms. There was nothing in the world that he would rather be doing at that very moment. He and Claire were destined to be together, one way or another. Of that he was very certain.

-

Alex slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the rays of sunshine that were streaming through the window shades. He yawned and stretched a bit before he realized that he was not alone in his bed. There was someone lying beside him, snuggled in rather close. The memories of the previous night came flooding back to him and he smiled as he looked over to see Claire's peaceful face resting against his chest.

The blankets were only pulled up to their waists and he could see that her dress was rather crumpled. Not exactly proper sleep attire, he noted as he looked down to find himself still fully clothed in his jeans and shirt. They had carried on into the wee hours of the night, talking about just about everything. The one thing he still hadn't been able to bring himself to tell her though, was the truth.

He smiled again as he felt her body shift next to his. The warmth from her presence was a comfort that he never imagined he'd know again in his lifetime. Watching her eyes open one at a time, adjusting to the light in the room, he felt like nothing could come to ruin his joyous mood. "Morning sleepy head," Alex greeted her as he brushed away a few stray locks of hair from her face.

Claire returned his smile with one of equal happiness. She hadn't felt so safe or calm in a very long time. The memories of their evening flooded her mind and brought only happy thoughts. The dinner, the dancing, it had all been so wonderful. "How long have you been awake?" she asked, stretching a bit herself.

"Oh, I'd say a good minute and a half… at least," Alex grinned as he leaned over and kissed her on the lips. It was becoming very comfortable again, their kisses. He'd forgotten how much he missed them. They had actually spent a better part of the night perfecting the endearment. But that was where their intimacy had ended. The remainder of the evening had been spent mostly talking and laughing. The thought made him chuckle. "So, I guess Tess was right after all," he spoke aloud.

Claire turned her gaze upward, giving him a funny look. She cocked her head a bit in a questioning manner and arched an eyebrow. "Who is Tess and what exactly was she right about?" she asked, with curiosity clear in her tone, not to mention a twinge of jealousy.

Alex bristled a bit at her question, still finding it hard to believe that she didn't remember her own sister. He found her jealousy amusing though. "She's my sister-in-law," he replied to her inquire, deciding to leave Tess' identity at that for the time being. "And she once told me that it was possible for a man and a woman to spend the night together and not actually sleep together. I told her she was crazy of course," he explained.

"Oh," Claire nodded lightly against his chest. "But we did sleep together," she reminded him, though it was kind of hard not to remember given their current state.

"Get out of here, you know what I mean!" Alex exclaimed.

She laughed at his reaction but snuggled into his embrace further, allowing herself to be lost in the moment. She didn't know what was going on, she couldn't ever remember a time when she'd felt so relaxed around another person. "So, what do you think now about her theory?" she finally asked.

"I think," Alex smiled down at her as he kissed her on the forehead. "She never mentioned anything about what might happen the next morning," he declared.

She shook her head at him. "If that's your idea of romance Alex, you need to work a bit harder at it," Claire informed him. She did feel a bit bad for her comment though, considering all the trouble he'd gone to the night before.

"Oh yeah?" Alex asked as he pulled her closer, inching down in the bed so that his face was level with hers. "How about this," he spoke as he kissed her more deeply than any of their previous unions. He pulled back after a moment and gazed at her lovingly. "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen," he whispered. She could feel his warm breath soft upon her cheek and felt her whole body react. "I feel I can see my future in them," he added as his kisses trailed a fiery path along her neck and collar bone.

Her body melted into his. "That's uh… much better," she whispered, barely able to get the words past her lips. As she looked up at him she knew that there was no turning back. She had fallen for the guy, and hard. She made no protests as his kisses continued their loving assault on her neck and lips.

Alex knew though if he didn't stop soon he would not be able to at all. He wanted to be with her more than anything but he also knew that it just wasn't the right time or place for that yet. He pulled back from their embrace, steadying himself as he looked into her eyes again. "We should really be getting up," he told her.

Claire was reluctant at first and a little surprised by his restraint. But she realized that he was right, they were not quite ready to take that next step just yet, although she didn't know the real reason behind his stalling. She decided to be the first to make a move to leave the warmth of the bed, as much as she hated the idea.

"Right then, we still have day two of the auction to attend," she reminded him, though they had already missed a great deal of the morning proceedings. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat at the edge, looking over her shoulder at him.

"Yeah, day two," Alex repeated her words. "Quarter horse's right?" he asked, though at the moment he was much more interested in her lovely backside than talking about horses. He sat up and leaned in closer, kissing the back of her neck and along her shoulder.

She tried hard not to let his behavior sway her from the goal she had set. "Yep, I figure I can get twice the amount of quarter horse's for what I got out of yesterday's sale," she informed him as she tried unsuccessfully to escape Alex's newest onslaught of kisses. "I know racing is bigger business in these parts than the desire for work horses, but I want to give it a go anyway. Besides, Peter was the one who liked the showy animals, I tend to go for durability," she concluded.

Alex stopped what he was doing, looking up at her with a hurt expression. Claire took the opportunity to jump up and finally free herself from his lingering desires. "Are you saying I'm not showy?" he asked as he finally placed his feet on the ground beside the bed.

A smirk spread across her face and she leaned down to kiss him quickly on the lips. "The thought never crossed my mind," she replied, reaching out to take his hand and pulling him into a standing position. "Come on," she instructed as she turned him around and pushed him toward his bathroom. She then proceeded to make her way toward the front door. "We still have lots to take care of. And as much as I do enjoy this dress, I don't quite think it is proper attire for the auctions," she intoned.

"No, probably not," Alex agreed, leaning up against the entry to the bathroom. "See you soon then?" he asked. Claire nodded her head and slipped out the door, finally taking her leave of him. He watched her go and sighed as he finally moved into the bathroom, turned on the shower and removed his clothes. "I am going to make that woman love me again come hell or high water," he promised himself as he stepped into the steaming hot shower and whistled merrily as he washed. All thoughts of finally revealing the truth to her had somehow gone by the wayside.

To be Continued…

Music lyrics are from Van Morrison's, _Crazy Love_.  
A little tension at the Drover's homestead and Alex and Claire's return to Spring Valley, in the next part of _Back in the Saddle_…


	13. Part 13

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 13  
By njborba

The sun shown brightly outside, peeking through the pulled curtains as Charlotte rummaged through her dresser drawer and finally pulled out the pair of jeans she'd been searching for. She promptly pulled them on, zipped and buttoned them before straightened her green t-shirt over the waist of her pants. Padding barefoot across the room, she stopped in front of the vanity that had been her mother's and gazed at her five year old reflection in the mirror for a moment.

She picked up the brush that sat on the table and slowly ran it through her hair a few times as she stared at the many pictures that were displayed, stuck into the frame of her mirror. All of them were special to her. One showed her mum and aunty Tess when they were just little girls themselves. Another was of her mum and aunt taken shortly after they had been reunited again after many years apart. They didn't look very close upon first inspection but Charlotte had stared at the photo enough times to know better. She could see Tess' happiness hiding behind wary eyes, and her mother's protectiveness reflected in the look on her face.

Many stories had been told to her over the years about her mum and her aunt, as well as all the other people who had come and gone from Drover's, Killarney and Wilgul. She felt she knew them all so well just by listening to her dad and aunty and uncle. The one person she always asked about most though was her mum. She wanted to know everything about the woman she knew only through pictures and stories.

Looking now at her second favorite picture, she smiled brightly. It was the one of her dad holding her and her mum standing right beside them. She was just a tiny baby in the photo so she couldn't remember when it had been taken but it always made her happy. It was the dream she had every night, the three of them together like they were in the picture, happy like a real family. The only thing she ever added to the dream was a few younger siblings to boss around.

A tiny tear streaked a trail down her soft cheek as she put her brush down and reached out to touch the photo that was her favorite. It was a simple moment between mother and daughter caught on camera. Her mum was holding her safe in her arms as she leaned in to kiss her baby girl on her forehead. Claire was looking down at Charlotte like they were the only two people on Earth.

The photo made Charlotte both happy and sad at the same time. She was only five and a half years old but she knew enough to know how much she had lost when her mum died. Charlotte watched her cousin's Jack and little Al with her aunty Tess and uncle Nick all the time. And as much as she tried not to let if affect her, she was often jealous of what they had.

Sure she knew her aunty Tess loved her to bits but she also knew in her heart that it just wasn't the same as having a real mum around. And Alex was the best daddy a girl could hope to have, but he could never make up for the hole in her life where her mum should have been all those years. There were just some things you needed a mum for, things that no one else could fill in for.

Knowing now that her mum was alive, it also caused conflicting emotions to collide in her head. Charlotte was elated to think that one day she would see her mum and be able to hug her and feel safe again in the woman's arms. But she was also upset in the meantime, having to be so far away from her without knowing when she would be able to see her. Her dad had been gone for what felt like an eternity and she hated it.

"Charlotte!" Tess' voice called out from downstairs, diverting the girl's thoughts. "Hey Bom, there's someone on the phone for you," she added, standing at the bottom of the stairs, smiling happily. She knew her niece would be pleased by the voice on the other end of the line. "She'll be right down Alex," she spoke into the phone again and waited for Charlotte.

The young girl threw some socks on and then scrambled to find her boots that had been haphazardly tossed under her bed the night before. She found them at last and pulled them on quickly, lacing them up in a matter of seconds. They weren't pretty knots by any means but they would do. Lastly, she grabbed a hair tie and darted off downstairs, pulling her hair back into a messy pony tail as she jumped down the stairs, literally two at a time.

Tess smiled, taking in the child's somewhat disheveled appearance. It didn't really mater though she thought as she passed the phone over to her niece and whispered. "It's your dad," she said as she quickly kissed Charlotte on the top of her head before disappearing into the kitchen, giving the girl some privacy.

"Daddy, when are you coming back?" this was the first question that rolled off of Charlotte's tongue. The answer she received was not the one she had been hoping for though. Slightly disappointed, she continued on. "I miss you heaps and heaps… You've been gone too long… Will you call me again soon?… Promise?… I love you daddy," the conversation was short but she wasn't much for phones anyhow. She hung up with a frown marring her sweet face.

She wanted her dad back so that she could talk to him for real. On the phone it always felt so weird to her. Alex was famous for sitting her down on his lap and having long talks with her about anything and everything. It was the company that counted most for the two of them. They'd both been left behind by Claire's death and together they had mourned her and tried to move on. They were the closest connection each of them had to Claire.

Charlotte also loved how her dad talked to her like a grown up most of the time. Sometimes he would tell her that certain things were for adults only but the way he spoke to her was not as some parents spoke to their kids. He was never one for baby talk, at least not after she'd turned a year old. He would look her in the eye and tell her stories and he always seemed so honest. She hated that she was starting to doubt her daddy's words now.

The Drover's kitchen was alight with activity as Charlotte made her way toward the room. Meg hadn't been the cook there in over two years so that duty fell to Tess most of the time as well as Nick, who helped out a lot. On special occasions they all got to benefit from Meg's cooking but for their day to day meals, things were pretty much up to them. Charlotte usually just chose cereal of some kind though, not wanting to be a burden.

Jack and little Al kept their parents mighty busy and Charlotte never wanted to feel like she was taking up too much of their time. This morning was no different as she quietly entered the room and sunk down in her usual seat by the back door. There was a bowl set out for her and two boxes of cereal to choose from. She made a choice and poured some into her bowl then added milk and dug in.

"Did you talk to your dad munchkin?" Nick asked her, looking up from his task of feeding the baby. The eight month old giggled as Nick tried repeatedly to get him to eat the mashed banana's he had chosen for the boy's breakfast. Al was having none of it though, ducking his head every time Nick brought the spoon near his mouth.

"Yep," Charlotte replied distantly as she took another bit of her cereal. She tried not to look up at her uncle because he always had a knack for getting her to smile even when she was her most upset. But she really wasn't in the mood to smile, laugh or be happy in any sort of way at the moment.

"So, what did he say?" Tess was the one to ask the next question as she sat a plate of toast down onto the table. She hadn't spoken to Alex very long, knowing that Charlotte would be eager to talk to him. But she was more than a little curious herself to know what was going on. More importantly, she wanted to now when he was coming back… hopefully with Claire in tow.

"He said he loves me and he misses me," Charlotte replied, still not looking up at either of them. Both Tess and Nick could tell that something was up by the lack of emotion with which her voice spoke the words. The girl was always very happy for the most part. It wasn't like her to be down in any way but she had been a bit low for the last couple of weeks.

"Well, did he say when he was coming home?" Tess asked, taking a seat at the table next to Jack who was making a bit of a mess with his eggs. She tried to clean up his face and wasn't paying close attention when her niece blew up at them all unexpectedly.

Charlotte shoved the cereal bowl away from her and scooted her chair away from the table angrily. "No!" she shouted, standing up and folding her arms across her chest, as if to keep her emotions reigned in tightly. But it wasn't helping at all. "He didn't say when he was coming back, if he ever is!" the girl shouted as she turned around and ran out the back door without another word.

Nick looked to Tess with questioning eyes but all she could do was shrug in return. She had no more idea what was wrong than he did, though she suspected it was Alex's distance that was taking a toll on the girl; more than they had realized. The sleepless nights had gone away after a few weeks but they were beginning to see that there were other problems at hand. "She'll get over it, right?" Tess asked her husband.

"She's only five years old Tess," Nick pointed out as if the fact weren't obvious. Sometimes they did forget though. With all that was going on lately, it sometimes slipped their minds that she was still very young and trying to understand what was going on. The girl put on a good show for them all but it was clear now that it was indeed just an act.

"But Alex will be back, he'll bring Claire and everything will be alright… right?" Tess needed reassurance just as much as her niece. It hadn't been easy on any of them the last few months. She'd been telling everyone else to be patient but she hadn't really been dealing with her own frayed emotions. "I mean, he can't stay away forever," she tried to assure herself of the words more than anything.

"You know that, and I know that but Charlotte… well, I'll say it again, she's only five years old," Nick repeated what he had already told her. He couldn't imagine having to deal with what Charlotte was going through. Harry and Liz might not have always been the best parents in the world but they had always been there for him growing up. Suddenly not having a mum or a dad was undoubtedly wearing away at Charlotte.

"She's just upset," Tess tried to explain it away but in the pit of her stomach she knew it was more than that as well. Charlotte was feeling left out the way she had felt most of her life. She and Nick had tried their hardest over the years to make the girl feel safe and loved, even Alex had done the same. But they all knew it was a lot more complicated than just loving her. They could never make up for her mum not being there.

"And understandably so," Nick replied, as he managed to get one bite of food into his youngest son's mouth. Most of it came dripping back out though as Nick sighed and wiped away the remaining food from Al's mouth with a wet cloth. "Alex has been gone for nearly two months. Do you know how long that is for a kid?" he finally asked.

"Too long," Tess nodded, trying not to laugh at the breakfast food battle going on between Nick and the baby. She got up and walked to the cupboard. Rummaging around for a few seconds, she finally found what she was looking for before retaking her seat at the table.

"Yeah, way to long," Nick agreed. He was a grown adult and he had to admit that even he was missing having his brother around, not that he would ever admit as much to anyone.

Tess unscrewed the cap on the jar she had taken from the cupboard and then handed it over to her husband while she took the bananas away. "Here, he likes these better," she said as her attention settled back on their conversation. "I understand that he needs to work things out with Claire and, well, I want Claire back here real badly too," she admitted, leaning back in her chair. "But I don't know if it's worth the price that Charlotte is paying right now. I just don't know what to do Nick," Tess sighed. It seemed like an impossible situation.

Nick smiled as he easily got little Al to eat three bites in a row. He finally glanced down at the jar and realized that it was some of the organic apple sauce that Tess had made herself. "I think the first thing you need to do, is to go and talk to Charlotte," he replied. "She's hurting Tess. You need to go and find out what's really wrong before you can think to fix anything," he explained. "I can't stand seeing the kid so upset," he concluded.

"Me either," Tess agreed as she jumped up again. She made one last swipe at Jack's messy face and then kissed both boys before looking down at Nick again. "Thanks," she said, a smile lighting her features.

"For what?" Nick asked.

"For being the most amazing husband and father a girl could ask for," she whispered as she leaned in to kiss him firmly on the lips. A moment later she out the back door leaving Nick with a huge grin on his face. She walked out to the barn realizing for the first time that the life she had was a blessing, and something that she hoped Alex, Claire and Charlotte might be able to have one day as well.

Tess spotted Charlotte as the girl stood, leaning up against the wood fence of the horse stall. She had her right arm stretched out through the fence, gently petting the horse Alex had gotten her. It always amazed Tess how much the girl reminded her of Claire, her stance and her calm manner with the horses.

"Do you want to go for a ride?" Tess asked as she came to stand behind Charlotte. She reached her hand out and ran it along the horse's back. "Just the two of us," she added to her offer, hoping that the ride might help get her niece to open up a little.

"No," Charlotte shook her head, not looking up at her aunt. Her gaze remained firmly planted on the ground with an occasion glance upward to eye the horse.

"Okay," Tess tried to think of something else, seeing it wasn't going to be as easy as she thought to get Charlotte to talk. "How about we go for a swim then? It's too hot today to do much work anyway. And we could take Jack with us and leave Uncle Nick with the baby. Or we could just do a girls day, take a picnic with us, or…"

"I don't want to," Charlotte quickly cut Tess off.

Tess would not be swayed so easily though. "Well, maybe we could drive into town then," the new suggestion sprung from Tess's lips. "You'll need new clothes for when you start school next year. We could get a jump on that," Tess persisted, even though she knew Charlotte wasn't much for clothes. She was grasping at straws though.

The girl finally turned around to face her aunt, hands on hips and trying for all she was worth to look much older than her five year old body relayed. "I don't want to do anything or go anywhere!" Charlotte fumed. She'd never really gotten very upset about anything in her life, save for a few minor things like Jack taking her toys without asking. But it was hard to know how to deal with the emotions rolling around in her head.

"What's bugging you Char?" Tess abandoned her earlier tactics, realizing she had been rather foolish. She knew that avoidance and bribery were not the way to get someone out of a bad mood. Charlotte needed to deal with her feelings, and she was the only one there who had any idea of what she was going through.

"Does daddy still love me?" Charlotte's voice broke as she asked the question.

Tess' heart shattered into a million pieces upon hearing the sad tone of her niece's voice. She knew things had gotten bad but she had no idea that the girl would ever think such a thing. "Of course he does Bom. Why would you even think to ask that?" Tess questioned. "Didn't he tell you that he loved you when you talked to him this morning?" she knew it was a ritual with Alex, he never ended a conversation without telling the girl he loved her, not even when just going off to Killarney or Wilgul for a day of work.

"Yeah, he did," Charlotte revealed. It was clear though that even her daddy's words could not heal all the pain that she was feeling inside at the moment.

"Then what's the matter kiddo?" Tess asked, crouching down as she moved in to wrap her arms around the girl. She couldn't stand to see the child in the state she was. "Uncle Nick and I hate seeing you so sad," she added, pulling the girl tightly into her embrace, happy that the girl did not back away from her.

"He's not coming back," Charlotte cried, tears rolling down her cheek to land on Tess' shoulder. She tried to sniff back further tears from falling but wasn't having much success. She'd held her emotions in check for far too long.

"Sure he is," Tess tried her best to sound reassuring. It was killing her inside to see the girl so hurt, almost as much as it hurt her every time she'd seen Claire hurt or upset. There was just no way to describe the helpless feeling of not being able to comfort someone you love. Even though she'd always been pretty good at trying to turn bad situations around, it wasn't always an easy job. "You know he couldn't stay away from you," Tess continued. "What is it that he always tells you, huh Bom?" she asked.

Charlotte controlled her tears a bit more as she pulled back and looked up at her aunt. She attempted to smile though it came off rather pathetic looking. "Wild horses couldn't keep me away from you squirt," she relayed Alex's words.

Tess nodded and smiled, having heard the promise spoken by her brother-in-law many a time before. "See, that means he'll be back," she assured the child.

"But when?" Charlotte wanted an answer.

"I don't know," Tess replied honestly.

"That's what he said," the girl lamented as she sat down on the hay covered ground and leaned up against the rail of the stall. Bringing her knees up to her chest, she lay her head down upon them and wrapped her arms around her legs.

Tess could tell she wasn't convinced. "You know he doesn't want to be away from you right?" she asked but didn't really wait for a reply. She sat down cross legged across from Charlotte. "He's just trying to help your mum. Do you remember what I told you about your mum?" Tess asked. She'd decided to tell the girl the truth about what was going on. At first she'd left the explanation up to Alex, but after several weeks it was hard to convince Charlotte that her mum was just sick. She was a lot smarter than they all gave her credit for most of the time.

"Mummy doesn't remember us and daddy's trying to help her get better," Charlotte repeated the words her aunt had told her a few weeks back. She understood in a way but was still very confused by the whole situation.

"Yeah. I know it's hard to understand right now and I don't blame you for being upset. I'm upset too you know," Tess confessed. She had a feeling that relating her own feelings to the girl might help. And truth be told, she needed comfort from someone who understood what she was going through. She'd told Nick about how she felt and he was there for her but he just didn't understand completely what she was going through.

"You are?" Charlotte was surprised by her aunt's confession. Tess was always so on top of things. She was the one who held everything together and always tried her best to mend all emotional fences between their families. Although in Liz Ryan's case, some things were just impossible.

"Yep," Tess affirmed the girl's inquire. "I miss my sister a lot," a tear of her own came at the thought of how much she had been missing Claire over the years. "I never thought I'd get to see her again and I slowly came to accept that. But now that I know she's alive, all I want is to see her again," she confided in her niece. "I want to give her the biggest hug ever," she concluded.

Charlotte reached out and wrapped her arms around Tess' neck then kissed her on the cheek, trying to comfort her aunt in the same way she had just done for her. "Don't be sad aunty Tess," the girl spoke softly

Tess chuckled lowly as she regarded her niece. Laughter through tears was an emotion they had all experienced many times over in their lives. She reached up to wipe away her own tears. "You know, it won't be easy when your mum does come back. She might still be confused about stuff and we'll have to help her," Tess told the girl.

"I can do that," Charlotte replied, eager to be of a help.

"And your dad is coming back," Tess reiterated. If she knew one thing it was that Alex would never leave Charlotte behind for good. "If you ever need to talk about this stuff you can come to me alright kiddo?" she asked. Charlotte nodded her head in agreement, which made them both smile. "I love you so much," Tess told her niece, squeezing her tight again.

"More than all the stars in the sky?" Charlotte asked.

"You better believe it!" Tess exclaimed as she reached out and tickled the girl on her tummy. Charlotte's squeals of laughter filled the air where just moments ago there had been only tears. And as they laughed and continued to play around, Tess knew that somehow everything would be okay again.

Claire entered through the front door of the house, her bag still slung over her shoulder and a box under her left arm. She'd run into Carrie a minute before. The younger woman had been on her way back to the quarters she shared with her sister. As they passed, Claire had thanked Carrie for staying with the girls and Carrie had warned Claire that the girls were waiting up for her. Carrie informed her that they refused to go to bed before seeing her.

So, as Claire stepped into the empty kitchen and flicked on the light, she had a pretty good idea she wouldn't be alone for long. It wasn't even a minute later when the sounds of footsteps rang through the hall. A smile brimmed on her lips, knowing what was coming next. Her bag was quickly flung aside, landing on the kitchen table and the box was set beside it. She leaned against the counter, folded her arms across her chest and counted aloud. "One, two, three…"

As the last syllable escaped her lips, three girls came bounding around the corner and into the kitchen, tackling her to the ground in a chorus of, "Mum's home!" and in Melissa's case "Mommy!" They all took turns kissing and hugging her. And Claire laughed at their excitement, felling very honored to be bestowed such love.

They were pretty amazing kids and she often found herself wondering how she had ever ended up with all of them in her life. She'd been very blessed, that was for certain. Things were not always easy in their life; they'd been through a lot. And even though there was stuff in her past that she still couldn't seem to work out, the future always looked bright knowing they would be in it together.

Perhaps if things all worked out there would be another someone in her future as well. Thoughts of Alex Ryan danced in her head as she struggled to get up off the floor and give proper hugs to each of her girls. The last two days she'd spent with him had been a whirlwind of emotions, but mostly fun. She couldn't really recall the last time she'd actually had fun either. He brought something out in her, a side that she'd never even seen herself.

"So, what did you bring us?" Aly asked almost instantly as she looked up to her mum. She then nodded her head in the direction of the white box that was setting on the table.

"Ah, that's not for you guys, sorry," Claire apologized but smiled at the same time, remembering what lay inside the box. The memory of the night she'd spent with Alex filled her heart with excitement. She felt like a kid herself thinking about it.

"Then who is it for?" Natalie asked, curious about the box's contents as well. She watched her mother as Claire walked around to the other side of the table and rest her hands atop the box. There was clearly something important inside, Natalie thought.

"It was, is, for me," Claire finally told them. "A gift from Alex," she explained a bit further.

"Oh," Natalie and Aly sighed at the same time. They were a bit disappointed that the gift was not for them but were also still curious about what Alex had gotten their mum. It had to have been something pretty special according to the big goofy grin plastered on her face. They hadn't seen their mum smile so happily in a very long time.

In an attempt to sway her older girl's attention from the box, Claire undid the zipper on her bag and pulled out three similar wrapped packages. She then presented one to each of the girls, who smiled back at her with thanks. Natalie and Aly got theirs open first while Claire helped Melissa a bit with hers.

"It's so pretty mum," Aly exclaimed as she pulled out a silver charm bracelet from her box and smiled up at Claire.

"Yeah, it's great," Natalie added, grasping a similar bracelet in her own hands. Hers had a horse charm dangling from it though, whereas Aly's had a star attached. And Melissa's was the same but with a little lamb charm.

"My horse, star and little lamb," Claire said as she picked Melissa up in her arms and kissed the girl on her cheek.

"Thanks mum," they told her as they helped each other put their bracelets on. They admired the gifts a bit longer while Claire helped Melissa on with her own bracelet. "So, what's in the box?" the two older girls asked again, giggling as the question emitted from their mouths in unison.

Claire sat Melissa down on top of the kitchen table beside her bag. "Alright you nosey girls," she conceded, reaching over toward the box. She carefully removed the top and revealed the contents to a surprised audience. The dress cascaded downward as Claire pulled it out and held it up for them all to see.

"It's gorgeous!" Aly exclaimed.

"It's alright," Natalie was a little less enthralled than her sister but she was still curious about the growing relationship between her mum and Alex. "Did Alex take you out somewhere so you could wear it?" she asked cautiously, not wanting to push her mum too much. She knew her mum was pretty private about most stuff in her life. But the smile that creped over her mum's face was all she really needed to see.

Claire nodded, running her hand over the soft silky material. "He took me out for dinner," she told them, knowing that was all they really needed to know about her evening with Alex.

"I bet you looked like a movie star," Aly spoke with a dreamy tone of voice, thinking about how romantic it must have been. She was definitely the dramatic one of the family.

Melissa on the other hand didn't really have any idea what was going on and so voiced her own opinion on matters. "Can we have ice cream?" she asked, flashing her mother a big smile and arching her eyebrows up and down in a fashion that Claire still couldn't figure out where she'd learned.

"That sounds good," Natalie agreed and Aly nodded her approval as well, hoping that they would be allowed to stay up just a little bit longer to hang out with their mum.

"Yeah sure, why not," Claire agreed, feeling rather relaxed at the moment.

"Can Alex join us?" Aly asked, as she went and pulled out five bowls, already in anticipation of her mother's further agreement on the matter. "Please?" she added.

"I don't know Aly, he's probably tired after the trip and all," Claire replied. She folded the dress in half and placed it back into the box so that it wouldn't get ruined by ice cream or anything else. She put the top back on and moved across the room to set it down on a part of the countertop where it wouldn't be disturbed.

"But can't you just ask him?" Aly persisted. "It never hurts to ask right?"

Claire shook her head and sighed. "No, I suppose it doesn't," she replied, knowing she had just been bested by an eleven year old. The truth was that she'd been looking for an excuse to see Alex. They hadn't been back for an hour and she already missed him. She chuckled under her breath as she realized how pathetic her last thoughts were. "All right," she agreed. "You get the ice cream out and I'll go see if Alex is still awake," and with that, she was out the door.

"Yes!" Aly exclaimed as she danced around the table until she stopped at the fridge. She pulled out two cartons of ice cream from the freezer, one chocolate and the other vanilla. "Get the toppings Nat," she instructed her sister, figuring that would be an easy task with her one good arm.

"Don't get so excited Aly, he might not even come over," Natalie warned. She had warmed up to the idea of having Alex around but that didn't mean that she was completely okay with the idea of he and her mum being together as more than friends. She was still worried about what it might mean for all of them. And most importantly, she didn't want to see her mum get hurt if things didn't work out, or her little sister's for that matter.

"But he might!" Aly maintained as she scooped some of the chocolate ice cream into a bowl for Melissa. She hoped her mum and Alex would fall in love and get married, the whole deal. Then they could all be a family again, a real family. That's all she wanted.

Claire pulled her jacket tight as she walked outside into the cool night, wandering her way down the short dirt path that led to the bunk house. She felt a little silly going off to ask Alex around for ice cream considering how cold it was out, yet she also had a feeling that it was something he'd enjoy. He seemed to like the girls a lot, which she was very grateful for.

Her feelings had been wavering back and forth on the matter since the previous night that they had spent together. At times all she wanted was to fall completely for the man and other times she tried to remain reserved on the whole situation. But every time she looked at him, the reserved part of her just flew right out of the window.

She came to stand outside the bunk house, her nerves doing a number on her insides. Finally though she knocked lightly on the door and looked through the side window. There was a soft light shinning through but she couldn't tell if anyone was up or not. She knew that Seth was a sound sleeper, but she wasn't sure about Alex. When she got no answer though, she just decided to take her chances and walk right in. It wasn't too late really.

There was no light on in the main room, she realized after letting herself in. She wasn't about to turn one on either in case Alex and Seth both had gone to bed already. Instead, she slowly made her way in the dark by feel of furniture, toward Alex's room. That's when she spotted the light that she must have seen from the front window.

Moving closer to his door, which was half open, she peeked inside and was about to knock when she heard his voice. "I don't know when I'll be coming back," Alex spoke as she listened, unsure if she should turn around and leave or not. "Yeah, I miss you too Charlotte. I know it's been too long," Claire's body went ridged as she stood there listening. "I'll call tomorrow okay… yep… I love you too," Alex finished his conversation and she could hear the sound of the phone being put back in its cradle.

Suddenly realizing that she was still standing there and had just overheard a conversation that was none of her business, Claire quickly decided to leave. As she turned to do so though, she managed to catch her hip on the side table right outside Alex's door. "Shit," she cursed under her breath. But it clearly hadn't been low enough.

"Claire?" Alex's voice called out as she tried to get away. It was too late though as he pushed his door all the way open and the light shown out into the main room, illuminating her face as she turned to look at him. She looked like a wild animal caught in the headlights of a vehicle, scared stiff with uncertainty. "What are you doing out here?" he finally asked of her.

"Oh, I was…," she tried to speak but her mind had suddenly gone blank. Come on, she told herself. Just spit it out already. "Well, see the girls and I were going to have some ice cream up at the main house and Aly thought that maybe you'd like to join us," she finally managed to make her words sound half way decent.

Alex smiled. "So, it was all Aly's idea then?" he asked, sensing that she was a bit uneasy for some reason as she nodded her head. They had spent an entire night together talking and laughing and now suddenly she seemed very distant to him once again. He wondered what was really going on but wasn't about to let a chance to spend time with her slip by, even if it wasn't being completely alone with her. "In that case, I'd love to join you," he informed her.

"Good," Claire replied. "That's great, Aly will be very pleased," she spoke in clipped tones as she turned and made her way toward the front door. She was still confused by the bit of conversation she had just overheard though. And although she knew it was probably none of her business, she just couldn't pretend it hadn't happened. "Who is Charlotte?" she finally asked.

Alex stopped dead in his tracks. He'd been right behind her and nearly ran into her as she turned around quickly to face him and pose her question. Charlotte's name had been about the last thing he expected to hear emit from her mouth. He had no idea how she suddenly knew about Charlotte, until it dawned on him that she must have heard him a minute ago on the phone.

"I'm sorry," Claire apologized. "I was about to knock on your bedroom door and I didn't mean to but I kind of overheard a part of your conversation," she explained. She allowed her fears to surface and just decided to ask him point blank what she really needed to know. "Is she your wife… are you married Alex?"

_The room seemed to shift as she spoke and suddenly she found herself outside, watching intently as a white Ute pulled up beside a large house that she didn't recognize. There was something that she did recognize though, someone to be exact. She saw Peter exit the vehicle, and slowly walk toward her._

_He had barely approached her when the question sprang from her mouth. "Are you married?" she asked._

_A look of shock clouded his features but he knew that he couldn't lie. "Yes," he replied simply._

_"Then that's all I need to know," her words trailed off as she turned away from him._

Claire closed her eyes for a second and then reopened them to find that she was still inside the bunk house standing mere inches away from Alex. She had no idea where the latest flash had come from. The scenery had been unfamiliar but it had clearly been Peter in her vision or memory, whatever it had been.

"No, Charlotte is not my wife," Alex's voice brought her all the way back to reality. "I've never been married Claire, though I did come close once," he informed her, thinking back to how much he had wanted to make her his wife before everything had all fallen apart.

"So, she's a girlfriend then? Fiancé?" Claire asked, hurt growing in her tone. She hadn't even meant to eavesdrop, wouldn't have known the name Charlotte if she'd just shown up a few minutes later or not come to ask him around for ice cream at all. But now her mind couldn't get past the name, it was reeling at the possibility that Alex had been making a fool of her all along.

He knew that it was bound to all catch up to him sooner or later, his lies and her memories. Somehow though Alex had been hoping her memories would have grown a bit more before it all came to the surface. There was no way he could keep up the charade any longer though. He knew what he had to do.

"Claire, Charlotte is not my girlfriend or my fiancé," Alex assured her. He knew that he couldn't keep lying to her any longer and the truth was that he didn't want to either. He'd felt guilty about it from the very first second he had decided not to let her know who he really was to her. He had just gotten so caught up in being with her again that it became so easy to keep lying.

"Then who is she?" Claire demanded; her eyes boring through him. It was clear that she would settle for nothing less than the truth.

"I think we have a lot to talk about," Alex replied at last. The truth was what he would finally give her.

To be Continued…


	14. Part 14

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 14  
By njborba

The rain had been falling non-stop for what seemed like weeks, pouring from the dark sky with a vengeance. It had started two nights ago in a sudden thunder storm and hadn't let up once in the last 48 hours. Alex thought it was rather fitting though, given his current predicament. He stared out the window and watched as the wet drops splattered against the glass and rolled downward. Alex lost himself in the patterns that the raindrops created, noticing how random they were. They never fell in exactly the same manner. There were so many different ways they could scatter.

He felt lost like the drops of rain, not knowing which way he was about to go. Alex had never been a very touchy feely sort of guy, very much the opposite in fact. One person had changed that though, not entirely, but definitely for the better. She had made him understand love for the first time, real love; the kind of all consuming passion that most could only dream of in their lives. He had known it all once and it had been taken from him in an instant.

All he wanted was to get that back, to hold onto his second chance for dear life. He'd messed up though. Hindsight was 20/20, as the saying went. He realized that he shouldn't have lied, but at the time it hadn't seemed like lying. It had been a means to guard his heart. There was one thing that brought it all home for him though, one thing that had finally caused him to realize the mistake he had made, it was the look he'd seen on her face two days ago.

Alex shook his head trying to get the image out of his mind. It never helped though. For two days he'd been trying to push the picture out of his mind but nothing worked. All he could see was the pain in her eyes, the look of betrayal. And he had been the cause of it. He needed help, he realized. He needed advice. And there was only one person he could think to talk to as he took the phone in his hand and quickly dialed the number.

"Drover's Run, Tess Ryan speaking," Tess' voice came to life over the line and Alex stood there for a moment, unsure of how he was going to go about telling the woman how much of a mess he had created. "Hello, is anyone there?" she asked.

When the realization hit him that he hadn't spoken yet, he finally let out a garbled," Hello Tess." Unable to think of any more intelligent words, he waited for her to continue.

"Alex, is that you?" Tess asked even though she was fairly certain of who it was, knowing his voice well enough. He didn't quite sound like his normal self though. She was glad to hear from him though, as she had actually been meaning to call him for a few days. She'd been putting it off though, feeling bad for what she wanted to ask of him. "How are you?" she decided to stick with casual pleasantries for the time being.

"Oh, you know, never been better," Alex tried to sound as jovial as possible but imagined he didn't sound too intelligent at the moment.

"Alex, have you been drinking?" Tess asked, noticing the odd tone in his voice.

A sad chuckle escaped his lips but quickly faded. "Nope, not a drop actually, maybe that's part of the problem," he sighed, unsure of anything in his life at the moment. He still couldn't believe how things had gone so wrong in such a short period of time. Just three days ago he had been walking with his head in the clouds, joy oozing from every pore of his body. Now he was lower than he'd been in a very long time. "I'm drunk on stupidity actually. I stuffed up big time Tess," he lamented.

"What are you going on about Alex, you're starting to worry me here," Tess replied. The last time she'd spoken to him, though brief, he'd seemed so happy. She couldn't imagine what had happen in a span of a few days to change that mood.

"I told her the truth Tess," Alex revealed, leaning against the window as he continued to watch the rain fall. Somehow though, even dumping those words onto someone else's shoulders did not seem to ease the pain in his heart. "I told her everything," he added, as he started his explanation from the very beginning.

_"Then who is she?" Claire demanded; her eyes boring through him. It was clear that she would settle for nothing less than the truth._

_Claire was still looking very much like a wild animal caught between a rock and a hard place. She had no idea what to think standing there in front of Alex with her heart gaping wide open. The question she'd asked still hadn't really been answered. The slightest bit of relief had washed over her at his revelation of not being married. But the question still remained, who was __Charlotte__? For some reason she had a feeling that she wasn't going to be pleased by the answer._

_"I think we have a lot to talk about," Alex replied at last. The truth was what he would finally give her. He backed away from her and turned without a word, making his way to the room that he had been calling home for the last two months. Quickly finding what he had gone in search of, he grasped the envelope and walked back into the main room._

_She was still standing in the same position, unsure about what it was she wanted to do. She could easily turn around and run out the door not looking back, or she could sit down and try to listen to the explanation she felt was coming. Either way, she had a feeling that their evening wasn't likely to end by eating ice cream with the girls._

_Alex looked at her for a moment, his fingers clasped tightly onto the envelope in his hands. He knew it would be a shock for her but he also figured it would be easier to show her the truth than to just rely on his words. He'd never been very good with those things anyhow. Taking a seat on the sofa, he motioned for her to follow and waited, not knowing what her next move would be but hoping she would take one last chance on him._

_Slowly, she moved away from the door and sat down beside him, her eyes never leaving his. "Is she your sister?" Claire's curiosity was still getting the better of her as she resumed her questioning. "Your mother, grandmother, cousin?" she asked, looking to him for an answer._

_"No," Alex shook his head, waiting for the right moment. There was no right moment though, he realized as he opened the envelope and sifted through the pictures for a minute before deciding which one he wanted to pull from the group. He held it in his left hand for a short time staring down at the happy smile on the little girls face. If he ever wanted to see that happy face again and be able to be worthy of his daughters joy, he knew what he had to do. He held the photo out toward Claire._

_Claire was puzzled as she watched him go through the items in the envelope and then surprised to see him smile as he looked at something that she couldn't see. It looked like the back of a photograph. She watched as he held the picture out for her, encouraging her with a nod of his head to take the photo. Her hand reached out and grabbed the item warily. Looking down at last she was greeted by the smiling face of a young girl who looked to be only slightly older than Melissa. The child was seated upon a horse, her hair cascading down her back in long chocolate brown waves. She noticed that Alex was standing beside the girl looking very proud as he smiled for the camera._

_Alex felt like he couldn't breath as he finally watched Claire look at the picture. He wasn't sure what he had expected to happen. For some reason though he had been hoping for a miracle, thinking that maybe she'd see __Charlotte__ and instantly remember everything about her past. It had been wishful thinking though, he gradually realized._

_"That's __Charlotte__," Alex revealed. "It was taken at her fifth birthday party earlier this year," he explained. "She's my daughter," he concluded._

_The look of surprise on Claire's face could not be hidden. So many different scenarios had been playing out in her head about the mysterious woman she had heard him talking to. But she hadn't considered for even a second that he had a child. He just seemed the sort of person who would have offered that information up straight away. She'd known him for nearly two months and he'd never so much as hinted at the idea._

_"Why didn't you just tell me?" she finally asked. It seemed rather odd to her that he had been so secretive about a little girl who, from the looks of the picture, he appeared to adore. "Why have you been keeping this a secret?" she wanted to understand. But she worried it was just the beginning of more secrets._

_Alex sighed heavily, trying to remain strong. "Because the fact that she's my daughter is not the truth," he replied to her question, rolling right into the conversation he had been dreading. He figured it was now or never though, all or nothing. "At least not the entire truth that you need to know," he continued._

_"You are not making much sense," Claire replied as she glanced down at the photo again. It was strange but she felt some sort of connection to the girl, as if she'd seen her somewhere before. She shrugged the feeling aside though, knowing that it wasn't likely. And she waited for Alex to speak again._

_"Charlotte isn't just my daughter Claire," Alex took a deep breath. He was still not fully ready to say the words that were poised at the tip of his tongue but knew he couldn't keep them at bay any longer. "She's your daughter too," he informed her at last._

_Shock, bewilderment, those were just two of the emotions that filled her. But laughter was the only thing that escaped her mouth. They were small snorts of amusement at first before they grew into louder chuckles. "This is some sort of a joke right?" she asked, trying to compose herself. She sobered rather speedily upon seeing no hint of pleasure in the man's eyes. "Well, it's not very humorous Alex… What the hell are you playing at?" She finally demanded, the laughter in her throat swiftly cut short._

_"Listen, this is really hard for me to explain," Alex spoke up again. He brushed his hand over her shoulder but pulled back abruptly when she recoiled at his touch. "I've put it off for nearly two months now but I know I can't keep it from you any longer," he dipped his head, ashamed for having hurt her._

_"Keep what from me Alex?" she asked. "You're still not making any sense," Claire pointed out to him. She'd wanted nothing more than to seek him out that evening, ask him over for ice cream and perhaps have a bit of alone time together with him after the girls had gone to bed. How in the world had she gone from that happy place to having him claim she had another daughter?_

_"I know who you are, the real you… the person that you used to be," Alex realized that he probably sounded like a complete idiot but he didn't care any more, he had to tell her everything. "I knew you before your accident, I loved you before when I knew you as Claire Louise McLeod," he declared._

_The name hit her as further realization rocked her world. "You've said that name before, McLeod," she pointed out, recalling a time several weeks past when she had heard him say the name. "Why?" Claire asked. It still wasn't quite sinking in for her._

_"It's your name," Alex whispered. "It's who you are Claire. It was your father's name, and your sister's and your daughters…" he was finally growing braver as the words began to rush from his mouth. She stopped him though, more realization coming to cloud her beautiful face. It ate at him to know that he was the cause of her current confusion._

_"My sister?" Claire inquired, latching onto that one small detail he had revealed. She couldn't even think to wrap her mind around a daughter she had apparently forgotten. But a sister, she had at least heard mention of before. "You knew I had a sister?" she asked, the reality of it all starting to settle in her lap. "You listened to me pour my guts out to you about her and the accident and you didn't say a damn thing?" anger was the final stage of emotion that now filled her._

_Alex couldn't stand the look on her face. It was killing him inside but he pressed on. "I'm sorry Claire," he apologized. "I also know that Peter lied to you though," he added, hoping to redeem himself in some small way. "I know that your sister, Tess, is not dead. She's very much alive and living at Drover's Run, the place where you grew up, the place that was your home until Peter Johnson destroyed all of our lives," it seemed easy to condemn the man, blame him for their predicament. It was a lot easier than taking on all the blame himself._

_"This is not happening," Claire whispered under her breath as she stood up and moved away from the sofa. There was a loud rumble in the night air as she began to pace in front of the large window near the door. Dark clouds had filled the previously clear sky and they were threatening rain. "This is not happening," she repeated the words over a few times as she tried to get a grasp on the situation._

_"Claire, I'm sorry," Alex stood as well, not sure what else to do exactly. He wanted to comfort her and assure her that everything would be okay. But she was making it very clear that she didn't want him anywhere near her. And all he could think to do was keep apologizing. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell you like this," he spoke again._

_She turned to face him again. "No, apparently you didn't want to tell me at all!" she spat. Fire was growing in the pit of her stomach. "You've known all this time, haven't you?" Claire asked. " You knew the second you came here, and you didn't tell me," she still couldn't believe what was happening. The one person she had let close in a long time and he had betrayed her._

_"When I realized that you didn't remember me, or anything about your past… I just didn't know what to do," Alex replied._

_"Oh, so you thought lying was a good course of action then did you?" the despair in her voice was edging toward the breaking point and there didn't seem to be anything he could do or say to stop it from happening._

_"I didn't mean to lie," he realized that his words sounded completely useless. He could see it written all over her face._

_"No, I'm sure you didn't. No one means to lie," Claire replied. "No one means to fall in love either but they do!" she hated herself for any appearance of weakness but she couldn't help it as a lone tear rolled down her cheek. "I trusted you Alex… I trusted you and you lied to me," her voice was pinched, only a matter of time before she broke down completely. But she refused to let him see that._

_"I'm sorry Claire, I am so, so sorry," he couldn't think of anything else to say._

_"You keep saying that, but sorry doesn't make it all go away Alex. You lied to me," Claire reigned in her emotions, holding them in check for the time being. No more tears would fall in his presence. "I think you should leave," she finally told him, mustering up all the courage she could gather._

_"But these are my quarters," Alex quickly pointed out, obviously not getting the true meaning behind her words._

_"What I meant was, I think you should leave the property," she clarified, facing him with her hands on her hips. "I want you out of here Alex," she declared._

_"Claire, you don't really want me to go," Alex dared to speak up, knowing he was treading in shallow water. But he couldn't give up so easily, not after all the years spent apart from her. _

_"So now you think you know what I want?" she asked._

_"No, I just… jeez Claire, please don't do this," he begged._

_"I didn't do this Alex, you did. I don't want you here," she reiterated, though it was killing her inside to do so. She had fallen for him despite her better judgment and now she was paying for it._

_"You don't really mean that, I know you don't," Alex persisted. "I know what love is Claire, I know because you were the one who finally taught me the true meaning of the word. And when I thought I lost you five years ago, I gave up on ever finding happiness again. But I did find it again, in you, here. And I know you felt it too last night and these past few months. I know you still feel it right now," he concluded._

_Claire nodded, she couldn't deny his words were true. But it didn't change the fact that he had been trusted and broke that sacred agreement between them. "Yes," she finally agreed. "But unfortunately love can't always solve every problem. I want you gone Alex, tonight," she finished._

_They stood there for what seemed an eternity, just staring each other down. Neither one of them wanted to part but feelings of betrayal compelled Claire to do what she felt was right. She was the first to make a move, walking toward the door again as she had earlier that night. Her hand held on to the door knob shakily as she paused. There was a desire to turn around, to run to him and hold on forever, but the pain she felt won out as she finally opened the door, stepped through and walked away. She didn't look back and he didn't follow after her._

"So you just left?" Tess asked. She'd listened patiently throughout the entire explanation that Alex had relayed to her. The pain Claire had obviously felt was clear and even her being upset seemed more than reasonable. But she couldn't believe that Alex would just walk away from the situation as he had.

"I didn't know what else to do Tess," Alex sounded defeated in a way that Tess had never known him to be before, except after Claire had "died".

"Well, I'll tell you what to do Alex," there was no way Tess was about to allow him to just give up. "You go back and talk to her, you say what ever you need to say and you bring my sister back home to us," there was no questioning tone to her voice. She was more serious than she ever had been before. "Or I'll come out there and do it myself," she added.

"Right," Alex scoffed. "She hates me Tess, and I can't say that I blame her," he didn't want to give up on Claire any more than she did but he was having a bit of a hard time figuring out how to make anything right after the way things had gone.

"I'm dead serious here Alex," Tess assured him. "Listen, I didn't want to tell you this before but Charlotte needs you back here. She asked me the other day if you still loved her," she revealed what her niece had confessed to her. There was one thing that Tess knew, and that was that Alex loved Charlotte without fault. She knew he'd do anything for her. And she was the inspiration that he needed.

"That's ridiculous, of course I love her," Alex easily replied. His heart ached to think of his little girl being so upset that she would actually doubt his love for her. How had things gone so horribly wrong, he wondered?

"I know that and so do you," Tess acknowledged. "But she sees your being away as some sort of sign that you don't care. I've tried my best to reassure her but it will only get harder Alex, not easier. I don't mean to add to your worries but…" she was not even able to finish her sentence when Alex jumped into gear.

"No, you're right Tess. I need to get back to Charlotte and I will. With or without Claire, I will," Alex vowed. There was a renewed sense of purpose in his voice as they quickly said their goodbyes and ended the conversation.

Alex watched the rain again as the phone slipped from his hands, dropping onto the bed. He was torn between wanting to stay with Claire and going back to be with his daughter. It was an impossible choice to make and he didn't want to have to make it. But, if things came right down to it, there was only one decision he could make. He loved them both so very much but only one of them would understand his leaving. First though, he would somehow try to make sure that neither of them was left behind.

A silly saying came to him that he remembered hearing a time or two as a child. He couldn't recall who had said it or where he had heard it, but as cliché as it sounded, he clung to the idea as he made his final decision. "Where there's rain… a rainbow is sure to follow," he whispered under his breath as he went off to make the necessary arrangements.

Claire had gone back to the kitchen that night and had sat down with her three daughters, eating ice cream just as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. The girls had questioned her briefly about Alex and why he was a no show to the ice cream invite. She'd made up a plausible sounding excuse and managed to fight back the tears as she ate and then put them all to bed. Only then, in the safety of her own room, had she finally succumbed to the flood of emotions she had been holding back.

The tears had fallen freely, as swiftly as the rain had pelted against the roof above. Her emotions flowed in an outpouring similar to the storm that raged outside. And the dream had come to her again that night, the same one she'd been having every night for nearly two months. That night it had been different though, for she'd finally seen his face. The man in her dream had smiled back at her with love reflected in his eyes. But that one mystery finally solved, only proved to make matters worse. And she had no idea how to deal with the conflicting emotions fighting it out in her head.

Two days had passed by rather uneventfully. She tried her best to work and go about her daily tasks without thinking too much about what had been lost. There was regret in her heart though and doubt as well. But she kept asking herself how she could possibly forgive him for keeping the truth from her for so long. There was one answer that came to her every time though, over and over again. And the answer was love.

Her bedroom was alight with rays of sun peeking into the space as she rolled over and looked at the clock's display. She'd slept in again for the third day straight, but it was a Sunday so she didn't worry about it too much. The girls would be around soon enough, wanting their traditional pancake breakfast and asking her more questions about Alex no doubt.

There were few secrets between her and the girls. After the initial shock had worn off from what Alex had relayed to her, she'd sat the girls down and told them all about it. Melissa hadn't really understood too much of it but Natalie and Alana knew what it meant. They'd always known about her lost memories but rarely asked her about it, knowing it was a sore subject for her.

Claire worried that the revelation of another daughter in her life would cause a bit of jealousy to flare up but they had all seemed rather open to the idea. Even Natalie had been intrigued by the notion, and Claire knew she was the hardest to sell. The girl had reignited her distaste for Alex though, seeing the pain he had caused her mother. That would be a trickier matter to deal with if ever Claire decided to let him back into their lives.

It made her happy to know that the girls were not too upset by it all though. Kids always seemed able to adapt better than adults. And she wished she had some of their strength at the moment as she reached out and took hold of the picture that sat on her night stand. She'd taken the photo with her that night, unable to let it go. Looking down at the image, her eyes peered into those of the daughter she had forgotten.

She closed her eyes and tried to bring up some sort of memory from the depths of her mind. Claire opened her eyes again and willed the little girls image to spark something inside her head but there were no memories to be found there. There was just an empty place that cried out to be remembered. For five years she'd been left to wonder about her past and in a matter of seconds it had all crashed down upon her. But there were still so many questions left un-answered.

There was a soft knocking at her door before it was pushed opened. "Mum?" Aly called out as she poked her head into the room. She smiled her brightest grin as she noticed her mother's somewhat unkempt appearance. "There's someone here to see you," the girl said before exiting the room just as quickly as she had entered.

"Tell them I don't want…" Claire hadn't even had a second to reply before seeing Aly's backside disappear behind the door. "…to see anyone," she added under her breath.

Realizing that she would have to face the day at some point, she finally removed herself from the bed and pulled on the pair of jeans that had been draped over a nearby chair. Having young kids around pretty much meant that she couldn't wallow in her pain as much as she would have liked. She had three girls who still needed her. Four girls, she corrected herself as she stopped at the bottom of the staircase, still trying to get used to that little fact. Her thoughts evaporated instantly though as she saw who it was that had come to see her.

Alex did his best to put on a good show, slapping a phony smile on his face as he regarded her. She looked gorgeous to him even with her hair a mess and barefoot as she was. Appearances didn't matter were Claire was concerned. He'd always gone for girls with good looks over brains but with Claire the question was never an issue. She was amazingly beautiful but it wasn't her beauty that had won him over in the end.

Her strength and courage were just two of the things that he admired about her. And so he mustered up some of his own courage and decided to lay it all on the line. "I know you're upset and I understand that," Alex began. "What I did was wrong, but I did it because…," looking into her eyes again, he tried to find the strength to tell her what he had to say next. "I love you Claire. I always have and I always will. There is nothing that will ever change that," he told her.

She watched him as he spoke, noticing how nervous he seemed to be. But she listened to his words and remained silent, fearing that if she spoke she might forget all about how upset she was with him for lying to her. "I know you said that not even love can solve every problem," he continued. "But I don't believe that Claire and I don't think you really believe it either. I believe in us and our love. And I'm going to fight for it," he promised.

He wasn't sure how to take her silence but he had come to tell her how he felt and he wasn't going to stop just because she couldn't get over her stubbornness. "I'm going back home to spend Christmas with my daughter," Alex informed her. He paused for a second. "With our daughter," he added. "And I'd like you and the girls to come back with me. It can just be for the holiday if you like, but I really think it would be good for you. I have a feeling you want answers to your questions just as much as I do, and there's no better place to find them than at Drover's Run," he finished.

Neither one of them spoke for a long time. They just stood their not knowing what to do or say. Alex understood her reluctance to speak to him. He really couldn't blame her for being upset. He figured the best course of action was to give her what he could and let her decide on her own what the next move would be.

"If you decide not to come, I'll understand," he assured her. "But I'll be back here after the first of the year. I'm not giving up on you Claire. Even if it means I have to drag Charlotte back here with me, I will never give up on you," he told her. Still she did not say a word, but she also did not make a move to leave, which he was taking as a good sign.

He pulled a slip of paper from his pocket and handed it to her. "This is the flight I'll be on. I leave tomorrow. You don't have to tell me in advance, just show up," he was somewhat relieved when she took the information from him. "It's up to you now Claire. I know you'll make the right decision, what ever it turns out to be," he concluded as he turned and left the room without another word.

Claire felt like an idiot suddenly realizing that she hadn't said a single word to him. She sat down on the bottom step of the stairs, resting her elbows on her knees as she cupped her face with her hands. The slip of paper Alex had given her fell to the floor but was quickly snatched up by a small hand.

Melissa stood before her mother holding the paper in her left hand and then opened her arms wide, reaching out toward Claire. She smiled up at her mother, and batted her long eyelashes. Her bright blue eyes put a smile on Claire's face as she took the girl onto her lap. Melissa sat, straddling Claire's waist before she wrapped her arms around her neck.

Aly and Natalie came around the corner, hesitant as they looked over to see if their mum was alright or not. Claire noticed them and motioned them both over with a nod of her head. "I see you sent out the white flag first," Claire spoke as Aly sat down to the right of her and Natalie to the left.

The girls giggled at her comment, knowing that she was referring to Melissa. "We know you can't resist her," Aly commented, flashing a guilty smile.

"True," Claire acknowledged. She noticed that both Natalie and Aly had inquisitive looks on their faces. It was clear that they were curious about what was going on now that Alex had come back. "Alex has asked us to go back to Australia with him for Christmas," Claire informed them.

"We know," Natalie replied. "We kind of overheard," she admitted. There was no kind of about it though, they'd been hiding right around the corner the whole time.

"I figured," Claire sighed, knowing the girls better than they thought she did. "So, what do you think?" she asked. She valued their opinions, especially knowing that her decision would affect them all and not just her.

"Sounds like fun," Aly was the first to respond. She was definitely keen on the idea. But she also wanted her mum to be happy. That was the most important thing.

"Would we get to go on a plane?" Melissa asked, looking up at Claire, her blue eyes lighting up at the thought. She was a very adventurous child even at such a young age. Claire nodded as she kissed the girl on top of her head. She looked over at Natalie who had yet to say anything on the matter, and whose opinion she really wanted to hear.

"I won't lie to you mum, he's not exactly my favorite person at the moment," Natalie finally spoke up. "But It's your decision," she decided to be the voice of reason, not wanting to sway her mother one way or the other. "We'll do whatever you want. We go where you go," the girl promised, speaking for her sisters and herself.

Claire smiled, realizing she shouldn't have expected anything less from her diplomatic oldest daughter. She was grateful for all of their support though and she knew that Natalie was right. It was all up to her. And after mulling over the two options she had, to stay or to go, she knew that there was really only one course of action that she could take.

_To be Continued…_  
Many thanks to all the new people reading this story, and to whoever recomended it. That makes a girl feel special. And an extra big thanks to _Galxychld_ for your consistant comments. All of the replies mean a lot to me!


	15. Part 15

Special thanks to **Galxychld**, **NZFan** and** LieutenantjgMegAustin** for your reviews!And to **KatJoy**, I loved reading you reactions to each part. That was very sweet of you!

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 15  
By njborba

_"Welcome to the __Los Angeles__ International airport. While in the airport, please be sure to watch your luggage at all times. Any unattended baggage will be confiscated and destroyed."_

Alex rolled his eyes as he listened to the announcement play over and over again in the background. He sat, not so patiently, on one of the many benches inside the airport terminal near the gate that would be his passageway toward home. Glancing down at his watch for the fifth time in ten minutes, he realized that the plane was due to board in a little less than an hour. And he still hadn't seen or heard anything from Claire.

He took a deep breath as he tried not to let that fact get to him. It was understood that she and the girls might opt to not go away with him. Unfortunately it was easier for his head to comprehend that idea than it was for his heart. Despite all the ups and downs over the past couple of months, he still carried around hope in his heart. After all, without hope, he figured there pretty much wasn't much worth living for in life.

Fingers drummed nervously on the bench's wooden armrest and his head turned to the right as he looked over his shoulder. His eyes peered down the corridor. They searched the throngs of bustling people, hoping to catch a glimpse of Claire in the distance. He just couldn't accept that she might not show up. As much as he had preached about giving her space, he was feeling rather selfish all of a sudden. He wanted Claire to turn up more than anything. Not to mention the fact that Tess would probably kick him off Drover's Run if he showed up without her sister.

He turned back around in his seat and sighed heavily as his eyes took up focus on a new scene. There was a family seated across from him; mom, dad and two little girls. They looked like a perfect happy family, off on a vacation to spend time together just the four of them. It brought a smile to his face as he imagined what it would be like to have that in his life.

There had been a time in his life when he never could have imagined having a family of his own, not Mr. Footloose and fancy free. A new girl ever week; that had been his motto for years. And it had served him well too. No attachments meant no getting hurt. It had all ended with one woman though. With Claire in his life he had dreamed of living the simple life, a wife, a few kids and the land that they loved. It would have been more than enough. Life had a funny way of tipping you on your head when you least expect though.

Still, he envisioned being married to Claire and he could even picture himself happily raising all four of their girls. Maybe it wasn't exactly as he would have planned, but he truly believed they could all be a family. It wouldn't be easy but he had faith that they could make it work. The thought of it all caused him to take yet another look over his shoulder in search of his perfect family life. Finding none though, he returned to his previous task of watching the other family and hoping… always hoping.

"Are you looking for someone?" a female voice asked, causing Alex to nearly jump in his seat. He spun around instantly and gazed up at the voice's face.

Alex was surprised but pleased to see the smiling visage of the woman standing before him. "I didn't think you would be here," he finally spoke, a smile tugging at the corners of his own mouth.

"Oh, that's a real nice greeting," the woman exclaimed as she playfully hit him across the shoulder.

He smiled fully at her now as he stood up and faced her. "Get over here you!" Alex demanded in a jovial tone of voice. He pulled the woman in for a hug. "What are you doing here Sam?" he asked as he released the girl from his hold. "You must have had to buy a ticket to get through security," he noted.

Sam smiled at her friend and shook her head as she plopped down in the empty spot beside him, watching as he re-took his own seat. "Nah, my dad works security here some weekends so he managed to get me in," Sam informed him. "He's standing watch over there actually so no funny business," she warned in a playful tone, pointing off toward the security check point.

Alex nodded at her comment even though he knew she wasn't serious. "Righto, so… what exactly are you doing here?" he asked of the young woman. It wasn't as though he was upset to see her, quite the opposite in fact. But he certainly hadn't been expecting to see her again any time soon.

"Jeez Alex, that's like the third time you've asked me that. If I didn't know any better I'd say you weren't happy to see me," Sam replied with a fake pout of her lips.

"Sorry," Alex quickly apologized, not sure if he had offended her or not.

Sam's resolve broke as she grinned broadly at the man. "You're pretty easy to tease sometimes," she joked. She leaned her elbow on the armrest between them. "Anyhow, I called out to the ranch yesterday and some guy named Seth told me that you had taken off. Trying to flee the country without telling me, were you?" she asked, still keeping things lighthearted. She could tell something was clouding Alex's mood though.

"Yeah, sorry about that, I'm going home to spend Christmas with my daughter," Alex told her. There was a spark of happiness in his eyes as he spoke those words, which made Sam worry a bit less, but only a bit.

"Ah, the Holidays and all that?" she queried. There was certainly more going on than what her friend had revealed so far. And, since it appeared that Alex was traveling alone, she had a fairly good idea what was bothering him. She decided to let him talk it out on his own time though.

"Among other things," Alex commented. "I've been away too long," he noted, speaking no truer words. He had missed Charlotte so much but he hadn't taken the time to figure out how much more she had probably been missing him. Everything seemed to affect you three-fold when you're a kid.

"Your daughter is so lucky," Sam commented, recalling her first encounter with the cute stranger on the plane. He had spoken so passionately about his little girl. "I bet you're a great dad," she added.

Alex scoffed at her words, disbelieving in himself. "Yeah, right, I left her behind for two months," he sighed, shaking his head as he was finally starting to realize just how awful his absence must have been for Charlotte. "That'll definitely get me a dad of the year award alright," he tried to laugh but it came out all wrong.

"Are you kidding me?" Sam asked, though it was not a question that she needed a response to. "You risked everything you had to go chasing after a dream. You put your heart on the line in hopes of finding your one true love again. Any girl in the world would be proud to call you her dad," the young woman hoped that he knew just how special he really was. "My dad's idea of risk taking would be to use a 9-iron to putt, or something of the sort," she added. She loved her dad a lot but he wasn't much for adventure or following his heart.

Alex was continually surprised by Sam and her way with words. He was honored by what she had just said, it really meant a lot to him. She reminded him a lot of Tess actually, so much spark and spunk rolled into a very wise young woman. They both had a way of making him see things that he normally would not have.

"Look, I know your flight's due to leave pretty soon so I guess I should tell you my real reason for seeking you out here," Sam explained as she pulled a large manila envelope from her purse and handed it over to Alex. "My dad was going to send you this but then I found out you were leaving, so I figured I'd deliver it to you personally," she noted.

"What is it?" Alex asked as he took the envelope from her, curious about the object which looked to contain more legal documents and report type materials.

"I don't know," Sam shrugged. "Dad said he couldn't tell me, something about it being confidential; for your eyes only. So, it's all in there for you. A little light reading for your flight I guess. Hopefully some more answers to the mystery of Claire's death and all that," she added, hoping that was enough of a segue into her next inquire. "So, where is Claire?" the young woman finally dared to ask the question that had been on her mind since she first arrived.

Alex tucked the envelope into his carry-on bag, not wanting to deal with such matters at the moment. He tried not to look Sam in the eye as he heard her question asked. "Probably at home would be my guess," he replied, trying not to let his emotion's get the better of him.

"What's going on Alex?" Sam wasn't about to let him off the hook quite so easily. She had a feeling that the not so good mood he was in, had a lot to do with Claire.

"Oh nothing, I just screwed everything up," Alex sighed, leaning back in his seat and looking down at his watch again, as nonchalantly as possible. His flight would be boarding in about fifteen minutes if everything was on schedule. And still, no Claire in sight.

"It can't be that bad," Sam was more than curious, but she also didn't want to push him too much. They hadn't really known each other for very long so she didn't wish to overstep her bounds. She did hope he'd open up to her though. It seemed he could do with a friend to talk to.

After a short pause, Alex decided to explain himself. It had been one thing to get it all off his chest while talking to Tess but it also helped to have someone to talk to, face to face. There was just something comforting about a physical presence. And so, he revealed the whole story to her about what had been going on the last two months, and how Claire had taken the news.

"Okay, so it's pretty bad," Sam agreed. She wasn't about to lie to him and tell him that everything was going to be fine, because she really had no idea how it would all work out. However, she did have a pretty good idea about one thing. "But I know you Alex, well, fairly well anyhow. I know you're not giving up are you?" she asked.

Alex smiled at his friend. Amazingly, she did know him well enough to make that correct assumption. "Not a chance in hell," he nodded. "But first, I am going to go home and see my daughter," he resolved to stay true to that mission. There were some things that took priority, even over Claire at the moment.

Sam stood up and gathered her purse. Alex got up as well, knowing she was ready to leave. "Well, I wish you all the best Alex," the young woman spoke as she wrapped her arms around him in a friendly hug.

"Thanks Sam," Alex whispered, hugging her back. "It was really good to see you again. And if I do end up coming back this way again after the first of the year, I'll definitely look you up kid," he said as he pulled back from their embrace.

"You better!" Sam exclaimed as she turned and was off, headed toward the place where her father was waiting on her.

Alex watched the girl walk away and smiled to himself, thinking about what a great kid she was. He hoped Charlotte would grow up to be just as thoughtful and caring. He caught Stuart Davidson's eye and waved thankfully to the man, who in turn nodded his acknowledgment of the gesture. Soon the father and daughter were gone, dissolving into the sea of people.

"Flight 1230 with non-stop service to Melbourne, Australia will begin its pre-boarding process at this time. We ask that all gold member ticket holders, passengers traveling with small children and those who may need special assistance, please make your way to the gate at this time," the female voice announced.

Alex remained standing as he reached down and plucked his bag from the seat where he had been sitting. He watched as several people crowded the gate, holding out their tickets, eager to get on with their travels. Another glance over his shoulder led to more searching in vain. There was still no sign of Claire.

He waited for nearly twenty minutes, allowing everyone else to board before him, hanging out in hopes that Claire and the girls would somehow make it in time. But that would only work if they had decided to come at all, which he figured at this point was just not a likely option.

"This is the final boarding call for flight 1230, non-stop service to Melbourne, Australia," the female flight attendant spoke through the intercom system. She placed the phone she had used back in its cradle and looked to Alex. "Sir, if you're getting on this flight, you'll need to do so now," she let him know.

Closing his eyes briefly, he sighed in frustration. Opening them again though, he realized that he couldn't wait any longer. He pulled the ticket from his jacket pocket and handed it over to the woman, waiting as she typed in his seat number on her computer. She passed the ticket stub back to him and smiled, motioning him through the door.

He didn't look back but he could hear the low metallic scraping sound as the woman began to close the door. It was almost as if a door were being closed on one chapter of his life. His heart began to beat faster and worry suddenly consumed him. What if something were to happen back home to prevent him from ever coming back to be with Claire, he wondered. A hundred different scenarios rushed his mind and he panicked, thinking he had just blown his one chance of reuniting with the woman he loved.

"Alex!" the calling of his name filled his ears and he thought for a moment he was just hearing things. "Alex, wait!" the voice rang out again, more urgent in its tone the second time. He couldn't play it off as his imagination any longer and turned back just before the door was about to be closed all the way.

Through the small crack of the door opening he could see Alana. Alex's whole face lit up, knowing that the girl had not likely traveled all the way to Los Angeles by her self. He dropped his bag and quickly pushed his way through the door, nearly knocking the poor flight attendant over in the process.

"Sir, if you're going to get on the plane you need to do it now," Alex didn't pay any attention to the woman as he continued on through the door.

There were no words to explain the elation he felt upon seeing the four people that greeted him on the other side of the door. He was even happy to see the slight glare on Natalie's face as he approached. He had a feeling he had been sent back to square one where she was concerned, but he tried not to worry about that at the moment.

Aly had a happy smile on her face as she came up to Alex and gave him a big hug. "I missed you Alex," she told him, even though it had been less than 24 hours since she had last seen the man.

Alex hugged her back and looked up to see Claire with Melissa in her arms. The youngest girl appeared to be pretty tired, resting her head on Claire's shoulder. But she managed to flash him a weary smile then snuggled back into her mother's warm embrace. He smiled too, returning the child's greeting before his eyes finally met with Claire's.

He wasn't sure what to say or do, he was even too happy to dare ask if they were indeed coming with him. It wasn't very likely though that they had traveled a few hundred miles just to tell him that they weren't coming. Still, he felt that he was walking on egg shells around Claire. He didn't want to do anything that might scare her off.

Claire decided to be the brave one. "Sorry we're a bit late," she started, not overly certain of her voice but willing to make the first move. "Our flight from Medford was delayed by the fog. I didn't think we were going to get here in time," she explained.

"I'm glad you did," Alex tried to play down his excitement. The truth of the matter was that he wanted to jump up and down with the knowledge that she was actually going back home with him. He couldn't quite believe it. But he maintained his cool, waiting for her to make any further moves.

"This doesn't mean I have forgiven you," Claire's words were honest but not overly harsh in any way. She felt she needed to tell him how she felt though, lay down a few ground rules. "It just means that I need to know more about my past," she went on. "And as you said yesterday, the best way to do that is by going back to Australia with you," she concluded.

"I understand," Alex nodded in agreement. Just the fact that she had shown up at all was enough for him at the moment. They would have to take it one step at a time.

"If any of you want to be on this flight, you'll need to board now. The cabin door is going to close in two minutes," the flight attendant could tell that there was an important reunion taking place but she still had a job to do. She urged them all forward.

There was no way he could miss the flight so Alex sprang into action, reaching out and taking Claire's bags for her. He figured she had enough to handle with carrying a sleepy child aboard. Rounding up the other two girls, he escorted them all through the door and retrieved his own bag as he led the way down the walkway toward the plane.

Thinking back to that happy family he had watched earlier, his heart swelled again with renewed hope. After a long day spent waiting and trying to keep his spirits up, he was finally feeling confident that things would work out. He had faith that getting Claire back to Drover's Run was the trigger that would help her memory return, which in turn, would be the key to getting all their lives back on track.

Tess was seated at Jack's desk in the study; still trying to fully digest the news that she had just been given. The phone's receiver rested heavily in her right hand and she looked down at it like it had sprouted two heads. Finally she slowly placed it back down onto the base. Resting her elbows on the desktop, her hands cupped her face as she thought about Alex's words.

She was a bundle of mixed emotions and had no idea what to do with her self. Five long years had passed by with her thinking that her sister was dead and now she was about to see Claire again, very much alive. There were no words that could even come close to describing what she was feeling. Fear, anxiety and wonder all clouded her mind. But more than anything, joy filled her heart.

Springing from her sullen mood, she jumped up from the desk and rushed out into the hall, calling out for the one person she needed to share her news with more than anything. "Charlotte!" Tess called out up the stairs as she exited the study. When she received no reply there, she quickly headed for the kitchen hoping that the girl was sitting down for lunch.

Meg was busy making sandwiches when Tess's voice called out again through the house. "Charlotte!" she shouted as she stumbled into the kitchen. She stopped short, noticing Meg and the boys. It took her a minute though before the other adult in the room registered on her radar. "Jodi?" she was surprised to see the young woman. "We weren't expecting you until the weekend," Tess noted.

"Yeah, I surprised Mum and Terry last night when I showed up on their doorstep," Jodi replied. She was seated at the table, helping to feed the baby. Pushing a strand of her curly blond hair back over her shoulder, she smiled up at her friend. Tess soon engulfed her in a hug.

Meg watched as the two embraced. "Definitely a surprise," she mumbled under her breath, recalling the interruption to the night she had planned with Terry. She covered quickly though as she leaned over and squeezed Jodi's shoulder affectionately. "A wonderful surprise," Meg added, very happy to have her daughter back. A second later she placed half a sandwich down in front of Jack who gleefully dug into his lunch, not paying much attention to the grown ups.

Jodi had settled right back in as if she hadn't been away at all. After Tess' hug, she returned to feeding the baby his lunch. "The boys have both gotten so big," she looked up at Tess and smiled again. She'd been gone for nearly four months on her latest adventure. And, as much as she had once protested working at Drover's Run, she still regarded it as home. She was happy to be back. "I bet Charlotte's grown too," Jodi commented, spooning another portion of strained peas into little Al's waiting mouth.

"Speaking of Charlotte," Tess regained her previous train of thought as she kissed her baby boy atop his head. "Have you seen her around?" she asked, looking to Meg and then to Jodi again, hoping that one of them might know where the girl was. "I have something important to tell her," she fidgeted a bit with the hem of her t-shirt, waiting for a reply.

Meg noticed the nervousness that seemed to be plaguing Tess. She was curious about what was up but shook her head in reply. "I haven't seen her since I was out in the garden a little earlier. I think she mentioned something about brushing down her horse," the older woman informed Tess.

"Great Meg," Tess replied. "Watch the boys for me will you," she spoke as she practically flew out the back door to head toward the stable, where she imagined she'd find her niece. It had been the next stop on her list anyhow, knowing how much time the girl spent out there.

Jodi watched Tess take off and then glanced over at her mum with a questioning look in her eye. "What's going on with her?" she asked, noticing the woman's odd behavior as well.

"I don't know, but Alex just called," Meg explained. She smiled to herself as a thought suddenly entered her head. Wiping her hand on a nearby towel, she moved around the table, grabbed Jack by the hand and led him toward the door. "I think we might all take a walk outside," she said as she motioned for Jodi to follow.

The younger woman needed no further encouragement. She quickly cleaned up the baby's face and then lifted him out of his high chair. Jodi placed him on her left hip as she rushed off after her mum and Jack. The four of them quickly made their way across the yard after Tess.

"Charlotte!" Tess called out for the girl as she moved toward the stables. She stopped short when she saw her niece walking toward them, Roy at her heals. The little girl was the picture of her mum, Tess thought as she regarded the child. She saw more and more of Claire in her every day it seemed.

"What aunty Tess?" the girl asked. She stopped in front of Tess, unsure about what was going on. Noticing Meg, Jodi and the boys trailing after her aunt, her curiosity grew further.

Tess smiled brightly as she brought her left hand up to block out the glare of the afternoon sun that was shinning down into her eyes. "I have a surprise for you Bom," she told the girl, knowing how much her news would mean to the girl. They had become very close after Claire's "death", having shared that awful experience. And Tess knew that what she was about to tell the girl was something they had both only ever been able to dream about before.

"What?" Charlotte asked, growing more impatient by the second. It was clear to her that there was something big about to happen but she wished her aunt would just get on with it. She'd been told by her dad on more than a few occasions that she shared her mother's patients, or lack thereof.

Tess thought it best not to beat around the bush, seeing that familiar look in her niece's eyes, the one that reminded her so much of Claire when her sister had been in no mood for drawn out processes. "You're dad is coming home," she blurted out the words in a hurry.

The little girl's eyes opened wide with excitement. She quickly hid it though. It was the news that she had been waiting to hear for a very long time, but she still wanted to make sure it was true before she got too keyed up. "Really? Charlotte asked, looking to her aunt for confirmation.

"Yep!" Tess exclaimed. The tone of her voice was all that Charlotte needed to hear, to know the sincerity of her aunt's words.

"When?" the next question emitted from Charlotte's mouth. With the news confirmed, she couldn't wait to see her dad again. If he were to drive into the yard at that very moment it wouldn't be soon enough for her.

"Well, he just called me from the airport in the states," Tess replied, still holding back the most important part of what she had to tell the girl. "They were already on the plane and he couldn't talk long because they were about ready to take off," she explained. "So, I imagine if all goes well they'll be here sometime early Friday morning," she concluded.

Meg picked up instantly on what Tess was saying. "You said, they?" she was excited as she and Jodi exchanged a hopeful look. They both knew what was going on with Claire and Alex. It was all so hard to wrap their minds around though. They believed what Alex had told them about Claire being alive, but it still wouldn't be real to them until they saw her for themselves.

Tess nodded and smiled at Meg's comment, knowing how perceptive the older woman always was. But she remained focused on her niece for the time being. "Bom, he's bringing you back the best Christmas gift ever," she finally told Charlotte as she squatted down to be at eye level with the girl.

"What is it?" Charlotte asked. She didn't really care about any sort of gift other than getting her daddy back. Even though she had asked her dad to bring her something from his trip, all she really needed was to have him back again. That would mean more to her than just about anything.

"It's your mum," Tess revealed to the girl. "Alex is bringing Claire home," she said, looking over her shoulder at Meg and Jodi who both looked like they could leap over the moon if asked to at the moment. A few minutes of silence blanketed the group before the news finally sunk into Charlotte's head. She practically jumped into Tess's arms when she realized what was going on.

Tess picked the girl up, her arms wrapped firmly around the child's waist. She spun Charlotte around until they both stumbled to the ground in a fit of dizzy laughter. They had both lived through the tragic accident that they believed claimed the life of their sister and mum. It had been the worst time of their lives. But now, it was all behind them as they rejoiced and gladly welcomed a new era of their lives.

Meg and Jodi joined in the celebration as they hung on to each other. They watched as Jack jumped on his mum, wanting to be a part of the excitement, even though he didn't really know what they were celebrating. Charlotte reached out and kissed her cousin on the cheek, knowing how much he hated it. She laughed at him as she watched him wipe his face in disgust. They all continued laughing as the sound of a car approaching went unnoticed by them.

Liz Ryan had spotted the group as soon as she had made her way up the drive. She was puzzled as to why they had all gathered in the middle of the dusty yard; and on one of the hottest days of the year no less. The car came to a stop without much notice of those who were busy laughing and carrying on.

She exited her vehicle and walked a few paces to join the group. "What's going on here?" Liz asked as she looked down to find her daughter-in-law, oldest grandson and granddaughter rolling around in the dirt.

Tess was in the process of tickling her son and niece when she heard the woman's voice. She looked up, feeling as if she had just been caught sneaking out of the house late at night by an over protective parent. She hated the power Liz seemed to hold over her and she made a snap decision. Once and for all, she resolved to not let the woman get to her.

"What are you doing here Liz?" Tess finally asked, not caring to get up or make her self look presentable in any sort of way. She was having fun playing with the kids and she could care less what Liz Ryan thought of her. "Something I can help you with?" Tess queried, noticing Liz's slightly shocked state.

"I was just wondering if we could talk, but you look busy," Liz stammered. She could tell that Tess didn't seem to care about her appearance at the moment. Meg and Jodi tried not to laugh as they watched the scene. They both kept their mouths shut, knowing that it was best to leave Tess and Liz to it when they went head to head.

"You know what Liz, my sister is coming home," Tess revealed. "I'm happier than I've been in a very long time and I figure that nothing you do or say right now could bring me down," she informed the woman. "So, go ahead Liz, say what ever you like," she implored.

Liz had lost her previous words though as the realization of what Tess had said hit her. "Claire is coming back, here to Drover's Run?" she asked.

"That's right," Tess confirmed.

"Will Alex be returning with her?" Liz asked.

"Yep, that's what he just told me a little while ago on the phone," Tess replied.

"Oh," was all that Liz could think to say in return. It hurt her more than she realized, knowing that Alex confided more in Tess than he did in her, his own mother. She knew though that she had no one to blame for that except herself. "That's, uh… wonderful news Tess," Liz finally declared.

Tess looked to Meg for some sort of explanation but Meg just shrugged her shoulders. Neither one of them had a clue as to what was going on in Liz's head. They figured they probably didn't want to either. Tess pulled herself up off the ground at last, brushing off some of the dirt on her jeans. She was rather uncertain about what she was about to do but felt it was the right thing, nonetheless.

"Liz, we're going to be having Christmas here," Tess told the woman. "In light of all that's going on, I imagine it'll be a pretty big celebration. And, well, I know that Nick and the boys would like to have you here so if you and Harry would like, then you should come," she managed to get the invitation past her lips.

Liz stood there quietly for a few minutes, unsure of what to say. She regarded the young woman before her, the woman who had taken over a massive property when her sister was thought to be dead; the same woman who was the mother of her two grandsons. She'd been so busy over the years thinking she was protecting her son by trying to run Tess off. The realization hit her suddenly, that she had missed seeing the real Tess all together. She'd failed to see the strong and impassioned woman that her son had fallen in love with.

"Thank you," Liz finally replied. "We'll be here," she added as she accepted Tess' invitation. Unsure of what else to do or say she simple made her way back to her car, got in and took her leave of the group.

Meg and Tess looked at each other, watching with open mouths as Liz's car drove off. "Did she actually just say…," Meg didn't get a chance to finish her question.

"Thank you?" Tess asked. She nodded her head, still not quite believing it herself. She didn't think she would ever be able to figure Liz Ryan out. But it didn't much matter at the moment. "I don't know why I even asked her, it just seemed like the right thing to do," Tess explained. "If I've learned anything over the years, it's that life is too short to let petty differences get in the way of things," she concluded.

"Yeah, it is," Meg agreed. She knew better than anyone what Tess had endured over the years at the hands of Liz Ryan. Coupled with the loss of Claire, life had been a rough ride for the younger of the two McLeod daughters. But she had come through with flying colors and at the end of her rainbow laid an amazing gift.

Tess looked to Meg again with a huge grin plastered on her face. "My sister is coming home," she whispered, a happy tear streaking down her cheek. In all the excitement, she hadn't really let the idea sink into her head fully. She was actually going to see Claire again.

Meg pulled Tess in, wrapping her arms around the younger woman in a motherly gesture that had become familiar to them over the years. She had come to regard both Claire and Tess as daughters, and having Claire back again was a miracle. They all had a lot to be thankful for and a lot to celebrate. But no one had more to be thankful for at the moment than Tess.

To be Continued…


	16. Part 16

Many thanks to **NZFan**, **Galxychld**, **LieutenantjgMegAustin**, **Mcleods Rulzs**, **Kay Edgar **and **allsaintsfan**, for your reviews. They are very much appreciated!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 16  
By njborba

Alex couldn't seem to relax as he sat in his assigned seat. He shifted around several times in an attempt to get comfortable but to no avail. They had only been off the ground for about an hour and he was trying to be patient, waiting for the aircraft to reach its cruising altitude so that he could finally get up and move around. Mainly he wanted to see Claire again. He'd helped her and the girls to get settled in but he'd been ushered to take his own seat in a hurry since they had already been delayed slightly for takeoff.

The flight was completely full, which meant he hadn't been able to request a seating change. So, he was stuck up in his first class seat while Claire and the girls were way in the rear of the plane. The packed flight also made for a lot of noise and a rather warm and uncomfortable environment. All of which only added to his inability to get settled.

He listened to the soft sound of singing coming from somewhere a few rows back. The voice was female and she no doubt was trying to calm the very upset sounding baby whose cries emitted from the same direction. There was a bit of an argument going on across from him. The young couple seemed upset over a missing book, nothing serious. Behind him, someone kept kicking his seat. He had a feeling it was a child because he could also hear giggling.

All in all, Alex was not amused. He leaned back in his seat, trying once again to get comfy. His thoughts drifted back to the flight he had taken nearly two months ago, the one that had brought him to the States in the first place. There had been a similar restless feeling inside of him on that trip as well. All of his hopes and fears had been mixed together back then. He'd hoped to find Claire again. And he'd also feared that the trip would come to nothing.

This time his feelings were a similar mix, though for different reasons. His hope now was that Claire would remember her past once she arrived back at Drovers. But he also feared that she might never regain those memories. And his second fear was that she would remember but might not ever find it in her heart to forgive him for lying to her. Yet, even with the fears, there was still happiness in his heart. He was overjoyed at the prospect of seeing Claire reunited with her sister, and more importantly, with Charlotte.

Several minutes passed by and still there was no announcement from the flight deck. Alex looked around the cabin again, trying to find something that might take his mind off of everything. He considered reading over the documents that Sam had given to him. But he felt he was too wound up to be able to concentrate on what was written.

The sound of static filtered through the cabin's speaker system and Alex's ears instantly perked up. "This is Captain John Palmer from the flight deck, welcoming you aboard flight 1230 to Melbourne. We are now cruising at an altitude of 50,000 feet and expect a fairly clear flight. So, at this time I'm going to go ahead and turn off the fasten seatbelt sign. Please fell free to move about the cabin. But we do ask that you keep your seatbelts fastened when seated."

That was all Alex needed to hear. He unfastened his seatbelt as quickly as he could and then reached for the small carry on bag that he'd placed under his seat before take off. Making sure he had his boarding pass and all other pertinent possessions, he got up and headed toward the direction of his heart. There was a plan in his head. Alex just hoped he could make it work.

He made his way down the left aisle of the plane, working his way back to the row number he remembered from earlier. It was a large plane, each row containing seven seats in groups of two on each side and three in the middle. Smiling as he walked, he couldn't help but think about how happy he'd been to see Claire and the girls show up at the last minute. He had really been dreading having to go back to Drover's empty handed.

Alex's smile turned into a pleased grin as he spotted Alana and Natalie first. The two girls were seated together on the far left hand side of the row. Aly was curled up in the seat nearest to the aisle, a magazine resting in her lap as she flipped through it. Natalie had her head resting in between the crook of her seat and the window. Her eyes were closed and it was clear that she was out like a light.

"She asleep already?" Alex asked, looking down at Aly as he nodded his head toward her big sister. He was impressed that the girl could sleep on the plane. It was something that he had not been able to accomplish.

Aly lit up when she heard Alex's voice and forgot all about her magazine. It was clear in her eyes that she was very pleased to see him again. She'd been really worried that they were going to miss the flight after everything that they'd been though. And even though her older sister still had her doubts about Alex, Aly had no reservations toward the man whatsoever. She had hopes that he would be in their lives for a long time to come.

"Yep, and snoring too," Aly laughed, replying to his comment.

Alex chuckled before turning his attention to where Claire and Melissa were seated in the middle of the row. Melissa was also asleep, her little body sprawled out and taking up not only her seat but part of her mothers as well. Her head lay against a pillow that was propped on the armrest and her feet rested in Claire's lap. He watched them both for a moment, marveling at the picture of mother and daughter. All he could think of was how amazing she would be with Charlotte.

"Hi," Alex finally spoke up even though he had a pretty good feeling that she knew he'd been standing there all along. She was still doing a very god job of being stand offish were he was concerned. He couldn't really blame her either but it was getting to him more than he liked to admit.

"Hey," Claire replied, looking up at him for the first time since he had approached them. She'd watched him talking to Aly out of the corner of her eye, trying not to look interested. It was hard though, keeping him at bay. As upset as she was with him over his reluctance to share the truth with her, she was still drawn to him.

She couldn't help but think about their time together a few days back, just the two of them alone at the auction. Her mind kept slipping back to the silly mud fight they'd had and the dinner he had surprised her with. And that night spent together, just the two of them talking for hours on end, it had felt so right. That night Claire had felt she'd known him all her life. Come to find out, she pretty much had.

"Can we talk?" Alex asked, leaning gently against the back of the seat in front of them. He tried to read her but was not getting much of anything from her in return. In theory, he could understand her distance. It was similar to his reasoning's for not telling her the truth outright. He'd wanted to protect himself from disappointment, and he had a feeling she was now doing the same thing.

"I think that's what we're doing," Claire replied nonchalantly. She tried to push aside her previous thoughts of him, though she wasn't having much success. Somehow he kept popping up, whether in her head or in real life. And she had a pretty good feeling that he was planning to make good on his promise of not giving up on her.

Alex sighed inwardly, realizing that she wasn't going to make things easy on him at all. In that case, he decided it best to put his plan into motion. He eyed the woman who sat to the right of Claire, already having seen the suspicious looks that the 40-something lady had been shooting him. So, he figured he'd just go for it.

"Excuse me ma'am," Alex tried to get the woman's attention. She looked up almost instantly and smiled in his direction, which gave Alex a good feeling about the situation. "Would you like a seat in first class?" he finally asked, not caring to dance around the subject. He had less than 17 hours left on the flight and he intended to spend as much of it as possible with Claire.

"I don't understand," the woman looked decidedly surprised, unsure if she had heard him correctly or not.

"Seriously, I'll trade you seats, no tricks," Alex explained. "And there's complimentary champagne, if you like that sort of thing," he was trying to think of some other incentive that the woman might go for. Personally he felt that an offer of a first class seat on such a long flight was more than enough incentive. But, it never hurt to sweeten the pot a little.

"Is he for real?" the woman turned to look at Claire with questioning eyes.

"I wouldn't know," Claire's replied rolled off her tongue with a bit of regret. She did feel bad about the way she'd been treating Alex but it was all so much for her to try and comprehend. It was just easier at the moment to be on guard rather than to let him in.

"Please, it would really mean a lot to me," Alex was still trying to convince the woman to abandon her seat so that he could take it.

The woman looked at him dubiously. "It would mean a lot to you to give up your first class seat in order to sit all the way back here?" she wasn't quite buying the man's story. "You do realize that there's still sixteen and a half hours of this flight and the nearest toilet is over 20 rows down?" she asked, pointed in the direction of the restroom facilities.

He nodded his head. "I have a big bladder," Alex replied without much forethought.

"Alex!" Claire admonished him. She sunk down into her seat as far as she could, feeling mortified as she shot him a warning glare. It was bad enough having him haggle with the poor woman over a seat, but he was worse than the girls as far as manners were concerned. And yet he stood there with passion in his eyes, ready to give up his seat in order to be closer to her. It did make her wonder if she was just being a fool not to let herself fall into his arms without question.

"Look, do you want the seat or not?" Alex asked, fed up with trying to be nice. He held the ticket stub out for her again. "Seat 2B, all the way in the front," he told her, hoping to finally win her over.

The woman shrugged. "Yeah, sure, why not," she finally agreed. Grabbing her bag in one hand and her book in another, she stood up and took the stub from Alex's still outstretched hand. It didn't take her long to clear out of the way, leaving Alex free to slip past Claire as he plopped himself into the seat beside her.

"That was nice of her," Alex commented as he took a few moments to get situated in the new seat, feeling mighty proud of his accomplishment. He did have to admit that the first class seat was very roomy compared to being stuck in general seating. But he did have one accommodation that he knew he couldn't get even up in first class. And that was Claire.

Claire glanced over at Alex as she absently stroked Melissa's feet that lay across her lap. She tried desperately to focus on anything but the man sitting beside her. "Yeah, real nice forher," she mumbled. "But did you ever stop to think that maybe I don't want to be stuck sitting next to you for the last sixteen hours of this flight?" she asked, still not daring to look at him.

"Well, no," Alex admitted.

"Right, just like you didn't care to think what not telling me about my past would result in. You just don't think sometimes do you Alex?" Claire asked, back to her previous attitude. As much as she wanted to give in to him and as many memories of the last two months together with him flooded her mind, she just wasn't ready to let it all go.

"I guess I just can't catch a break with you eh?" the look of defeat on Alex's face was plain to see. "Maybe I should go and get my seat back," He cursed under his breath, wondering how he had managed to screw things up yet again. It seemed everything he did any more where she was concerned, was the wrong thing.

Claire reached out instinctively, her left hand wrapping around his forearm in an attempt to stop his move to leave. "Alex, stay," the words rushed from her lips a little more desperate sounding than she cared for. She quickly released her hold on him and looked into his eyes. "I mean, that lady isn't likely to give up a first class seat now is she?" she asked.

Alex sat back in the seat again. He was more than a little confused by her actions and decided to call her on it. "I don't understand you," he sighed. His muscles were tense again, his guard up. There was almost nothing he wouldn't do to get Claire back again, but he was getting sick of getting his hopes up only to have her dash them down again.

"Excuse me?" she questioned his comment.

"This hot and cold routine you keep running here," Alex informed her. "One minute I think you hate me and never want to speak to me again and then you show up at the airport and I think maybe that's some sort of sign of forgiveness. But now you're back to the same old routine, shutting me out again. I can understand that you're hurt and probably very confused but lashing out at me isn't going to make anything better," he felt a lot better though for having just told her all of that.

"It's not just that you kept the truth from me Alex, it's how you went about it," Claire revealed.

Alex jumped into defensive mode. "I didn't take you away from your family and lie to you about it," he was trying desperately to keep his voice down. "Peter Johnson is the one you should be angry with," he added, looking around the plane and hoping that no one could hear their argument. If they could at least they were being respectful and not staring.

"Yeah, well he's dead," Claire replied to his comment. She was angry at Peter as well as Alex, but namely, she was angry at herself. She hated the fact that she didn't seem to have any control over her own life. She didn't even know who she was anymore, or at least not the person she had created for herself over the last five years. All of that had been blown to pieces with Alex's revelation. Now, all she felt was lost.

"Lucky for him," Alex mumbled, folding his arms over his chest in a brooding manner. He was not pleased by the way things were working out. Sitting next to an upset Claire for sixteen hours was not exactly how he had planned to spend his flight.

"This is getting us nowhere," Claire finally said, trying to break free from the verbal mud slinging they had been doing.

Alex was thankful for her comment. "I agree," he nodded, seeing a small opening and taking it. "Look, I know what I did Claire. And I understand now that it probably wasn't the best way to go about things. But I also know why I did it and in my mind it felt like the right thing to do at the time," he concluded.

"Why?" Claire inquired, curious to hear what his reasoning's were. She hadn't wanted to hear any sort of explanation the night he had told her about everything. The emotions had been too raw at the time. But now she was ready for some answers. "Why did you do it?" she asked.

"Because…" Alex sighed, pausing from the words that he really wanted to say. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, that he only did it to protect her and himself. But he stopped himself. "I did it because I thought it was the right thing at the time," he repeated instead of telling her how he really felt.

Claire had a feeling that he wasn't telling her the whole truth again. But she also had a pretty good idea about his real intentions. He had told her just one day ago that he loved her. And the honesty with which he had spoken the words had blown her away. She wanted so much to believe him. And more over, she wanted to let herself feel the love that had been growing in her heart for him. It was all so complicated though. "And now, what do you think?" she asked.

"Now, we just have to get past it, and move on," Alex replied. It seemed like a simple enough solution but they both knew that it wouldn't be quite so easy. Alex tried to adhere to his own words though as he rummaged through his bag and brought forth a familiar envelope of pictures. "I noticed that you kept the picture of Charlotte that I showed you the other night," he remarked.

"Oh, yeah," Claire replied. She was grateful for the change in topic but felt a bit embarrassed as well. Walking off that night, she had taken the photo with her without thinking about it, not mention asking him. She'd kept it on her bedside table and carried it around with her still. "I'm sorry, I have it here somewhere. You can have it back if you like," she told him as she made a move to reach for her bag.

"Don't worry about it," Alex stopped her with his words. "I have a framed copy of it in my room back home. It's one of my favorites too," he told her. He was actually happy that she cared enough to hold on to the picture. It gave him hope. "Has it helped at all?" he asked. "I mean, to remember or anything?" he added.

She shook her head in a negative indication. "Memory wise, no," she informed him, feeling rather guilty for some reason. She knew there was no way she could control her memories but she still felt bad, seeing how much hope he was holding out for her to remember. "I do have this sense of familiarity when I look at it though, but I don't really know why that is," Claire revealed. "I guess because I know that she's my daughter," she concluded.

"Well, I guess that's a start," Alex seemed pleased enough with her answer. "Here, I thought you might like to see these as well," Alex showed her a group of photos that he'd pulled from the envelope. "Seeing some other faces might help trigger a memory or at least be helpful so that you don't feel totally overwhelmed when he get to Drover's Run," he said, handing over the first photo.

Claire looked down at the picture and couldn't help but smile. She recognized herself, though it felt odd to see a picture of her self in a situation that she couldn't recall. There was another woman in the photo with her, smiling brightly as they sat beside each other. The other woman looked younger than her self and had long blonde hair that cascaded down over her shoulders.

"That's Tess," Alex spoke up. He wasn't sure if he should tell her who the people in the photos were or hope that she might be able to guess. He figured he'd just play it by ear though and waited for some sort of reaction from her.

"My sister?" Claire asked, knowing the name but not the face. She was a bit surprised though as she studied the picture some more. "We don't look much alike," she noted.

Alex chuckled at her comment. It was so strange to watch Claire look at a picture of Tess and not know it to be her sister. Even after twenty years spent apart from one another, they had been able to get past so much and learned what it meant to be a family again. They'd grown to love one another again and renewed their bond as sisters. He could only hope that they would be able to find their way back to each other once more.

"You do have different mums," Alex finally told her.

"Oh," Claire was not expecting that. It was very odd to not know vital information about your own family. She wondered briefly how she was ever going to fit in again around the people who loved her. She would see them all as complete strangers and they would want to welcome her in as the sister and friend that they had lost. It wasn't going to be easy, that was for sure.

"This is a good one," Alex's words roused her from her drifting thoughts. He placed another picture in her hands. "This was taken at Nick and Tess' wedding. Charlotte was the flower girl even though she was probably a bit too young for the job," he smiled as he recalled watching his daughter wobble down the aisle. "I wish you could have been there, you would have loved it. Those two went through a lot to be together, kind of like you and I really," he commented. "Who would have thought that the two Ryan brothers would fall for the two McLeod sisters?" Alex laughed.

"Nick's your brother then?" Claire asked. She feared that she would never be able to get it all straight in her head.

"Yep, actually half brother but that's another long story," Alex replied, not wanting to dive into that mess just yet. He plucked another photo from the group. "And these are their two boys," he spoke as he pointed them out by name. "The big one there is Jack and the little one in Tess' arms is Alexander, named after his favorite uncle of course," he boasted. "He's probably grown heaps since I left," Alex noted, thinking about how long he had been away from his family.

Alex went on to show her all of the pictures he had brought and regaled her with as many stories as he could think of on the spot. He knew it was a lot of information but she seemed to be happy to take it all in. And he was just happy to be spending time with her again, argument free. She asked all sorts of questions and he did his best to answer them. Hours had passed before he even realized it.

It wasn't until he felt a soft pressure against his right shoulder that he looked over to where Claire was sitting. A huge grin covered his face as he spotted her slumped form leaning up against him. Her head rested on his shoulder and her eyes were closed. He could feel her soft, warm breath against his neck as she inhaled and exhaled in a peaceful state of sleep.

He carefully took the remaining pictures from her hands and slipped them back into the safety of their envelope. After that he managed to flag down a flight attendant and got a blanket that he draped over Claire's shoulders. He sat there with his head resting against hers and closed his own eyes, feeling relaxed for the first time in a very long while.

"I know it's a lot to take in and it's okay if you don't remember right away. We have time," Alex whispered the words. He knew she couldn't hear him but they were promises he wanted to make nonetheless. "We have all the time you need," he assured her sleeping form. "I love you Claire; I hope some day you'll remember that," he concluded as he too attempted to get some rest.

The drive from Adelaide seemed to be taking forever in Claire's opinion. Even with Alex's clear lust for speed, she didn't think they would ever get to their destination. Glancing over her shoulder, she noticed that the girls were amazingly alert after the long flight and hours spent driving. At least they had stopped their endless barrage of questions several miles back. But she couldn't say the same for herself though in regards to being alert. She had been able to sleep for a while but then she'd awoken to find herself curled up next to Alex. Things had been slightly awkward between them ever since.

The trip had taken its toll on her and she still hadn't endured the hardest part yet, which would be meeting her family. It felt more than a little odd to her thinking about having to "meet" her family. The prospect of seeing people who would know her and expect her to know them was a bit frightening. She understood that Alex had explained the situation to them. She still imagined it would have to be very hard to see your long lost relative again knowing they couldn't remember you at all. As it was, it wasn't going to be any kind of picnic to be in her shoes either.

"Are you all right?" Alex asked, looking over at Claire as he drove. He knew the roads like the back of his hand and didn't need too much concentration on the task of driving. He was more concerned about her at the moment. He couldn't imagine how she must be feeling about everything that was going on, and the events about to happen. But in true Claire McLeod fashion, she was doing a very good job of hiding her real feelings.

"I'm fine," Claire replied.

Alex smiled. Yes, he thought, that's the Claire I know and love. Still, he couldn't help being a little nervous himself, nervous for her and for Tess and Bom especially. He didn't want to see anyone hurt and he wished to protect Bom most importantly. She was just a kid and probably didn't understand much of what was going on. He wanted to protect her from any more undue pain in her short life; she'd already had to deal with so much for a kid her age.

He tried his best not to over think it all though as he continued on toward Drover's Run. Being back amongst the familiar landscape was doing wonders for his mood. The land was a part of him just as much as he knew it was a part of Claire. The country air and the rolling hills were as natural to him as his own two hands. He hoped it would help aid Claire in her regaining her memory.

Claire tried to calm herself by focusing on the landscape outside the car window. She watched intently as they drove through the country side, passing old farm houses and herds of sheep and cattle. They passed by a thicket of tall trees swaying in the warm summer breeze. And endless hills sprouted from the ground, all hues of golden yellows, browns and greens. It wasn't the land she had called home for the last five years but there was something about it that beckoned to her.

An hour later they had pulled up to a gate where she read the name, J. M. McLeod, which was scrawled in warn letters on an old sign post. Just beyond the gate she could see a house in the distance, nestled among a grove of old trees. The structure slowly grew larger as Alex steered the vehicle closer and closer to their final destination. It wasn't until she spotted something in the field a ways off that she really started to realize the familiarity of the land. The same windmill that she had seen in her dreams now loomed before her.

It all seemed so unreal still. She thought for a moment that perhaps her dream had just expanded and maybe she was still asleep back home in her bed at Spring Valley. Those were silly thoughts though she realized as she felt the car stop and noticed that they were parked in a gravel drive just in front of the old stone house that now towered above her.

Alex quickly released his seatbelt and was ready to exit the car after the long drive. He noticed Claire's reluctance to move though and remained in his seat for a moment. Reaching out his hand, he let it fall on to her hand that rested on the front seat. There was a momentary look of surprise on her face at the feel of his touch but it quickly dissipated. She was actually grateful for the gesture.

"It'll be alright," Alex promised as he squeezed her hand gently before releasing it. He finally opened his door and stepped out of the vehicle, happy to be home at last. He inhaled deeply, sucking in a breath of the familiar country air that he loved. It was hard to believe that just two months ago he had sat outside here with his family, having no idea what a huge difference a simple piece of paper in an envelope addressed to him would make in all their lives.

He'd only been standing there just a few short minutes when a figure emerged from the front door of the house. Alex smiled at the woman who came to greet them. He wrapped his arms around Tess and hugged her soundly. Pulling back, he couldn't help notice how her eyes had instantly fallen on the woman who was still seated in the front passenger seat of the car.

As pleased as Tess was to see Alex again there was someone much more important to her, waiting just a few paces away. She took a hesitant step forward when the vehicle's front door opened and Claire removed herself from the car at last. Tess stopped, frozen in her stance as she watched the woman slowly turn around.

Even though Alex had assured her many times over that Claire was in fact alive, the old saying held true. Seeing really was believing. Claire faced Tess and their eyes locked. Neither one of them could explain the feelings that were twisting around in their stomachs. Both had similar bouts of joy and fear coursing through their veins. It was Tess who finally made the first move though.

She knew that it was wise to be cautious where Claire was concerned. It was likely that her sister still didn't remember much and would feel rather uncomfortable being thrust into the situation she was now in. But none of that seemed to register in Tess's mind as she approached her big sister again after thinking her dead for five years. Without further thought she reached out and wrapped her arms around Claire, hugging her tightly.

Claire felt a bit uncomfortable at first but she did not pull away from the woman who she recognized, from the photos, as her sister. Instead a flash of something filtered through her mind and she closed her eyes for a moment, seeing the scene as it played out in her head. Tess pulled away first from the embrace and regarded Claire in awe as she tried to find some sort of words to speak.

Tess noticed that Claire had a bit of a confused look on her face. "Is something wrong?" Tess asked. "It was the hug right? I know that was really impulsive of me and I'm sorry. It's just that… well, you can't possibly imagine what I'm feeling right now," her words were a rush of excitement and worry. She hated to think that she had already made a bad first impression. It was so hard to know how to react to a sister that didn't remember you.

"It's okay," Claire assured her sister. "I just had this strange vision when you hugged me," she confessed. Calling it a vision didn't seem right but she had no idea if it was a memory or not. "I saw you, standing almost in that same spot except you were wearing a pink sundress and your uh, hair was a bit different. You called out to me though and you made a move like you wanted to hug me but then you backed away again," Claire recounted what she had seen in her head.

A huge smile crossed over Tess' face. "That was the day I came back here to Drover's Run, after being gone for nearly twenty years," she recalled.

"You remember that?" Alex asked. He had stayed quiet during the sisterly reunion but he was curious now about what Claire had just said. Bringing her back to Drover's run had been the right thing to do, he was certain of it now. He could hardly contain his joy at the prospect of her already regaining some of her memories.

"Yeah," Claire nodded. "I guess I do," she felt relatively calm for the first time in a while. She had just jumped the first major hurdle of seeing her sister again and it hadn't been so bad at all.

"So, Alex," Tess tried not to make too much of the memory Claire had just recalled. She had a feeling that her sister didn't want them all to fuss over her or treat her in any different manner than they normally would have. It would be hard for all of them but she knew it would be best for Claire, and that was the most important thing at the moment. "What is this that you're driving? The family mobile?" she playfully chided her brother-in-law.

Alex nodded as he watched Claire go about ushering the girls out of the vehicle. "Yep, well as you can see, I needed something with a bit more room than my Ute can handle," he chuckled as he watched Tess regard the three young girls who had emerged from the car.

"You must be Natalie," Tess guessed as she looked to the tallest of the three girls. "What happened to your arm?" she asked, noticing the cast that ran half way up the girl's arm.

"I fell off my horse," Natalie replied. She was a bit wary of this new woman that she had just watched hugging her mother. As with all new people, she remained distant at first.

"Sorry to hear that," Tess commented, noticing that the girl didn't seem to want to expand on the subject. She looked down at the other two girls standing before her. "I guess that would make you Alana and Melissa," she said, smiling at them both. It was strange seeing Claire standing over the three girls in a motherly stance. But strange in a good way. She remembered how adoring and protective Claire had been with Bom, and was glad to see that hadn't changed, even if she didn't yet remember Charlotte.

"You can call me Aly," Alana quickly replied. She had always liked the shorter version of her name best. Alana sounded a bit too stuffy for her taste. A smile stayed put on her face as she stuck her hand out toward Tess. She wasn't sure about proper protocol for meeting an aunt, so she decided to play it safe with a simple handshake.

"Okay then, Aly it is," Tess agreed as she shook the girl's outstretched hand. She noticed the vast difference between Natalie and Aly straight away. It actually kind of reminded her of Claire and herself with their very opposite personalities. "And what do you prefer to be called?" Tess squatted down a bit as she addressed Melissa directly.

Melissa had a sudden bought of shyness and ducked behind Claire, wrapping her arms around her mother's waist. Claire reached down and picked the girl up, settling her on her left hip. "She'll respond to Melissa or Mel when she's not being shy," Claire replied to Tess' question. Claire looked over at her youngest daughter. "Can you say hi to Tess?" she asked.

The little girl looked over at Tess and then back up at her mother. "Is she my aunt?" Melissa asked Claire in a whispered tone.

Claire smiled as she nodded. "Yep, she sure is," Claire told the girl.

"Oh," Melissa paused a moment as if to think on the matter some more. She finally looked back over at Tess and smiled brightly. "Hi!" she spoke at last with enthusiasm. "You're my aunt and I'm your niece," she proclaimed.

Everyone laughed at the child's comment, even Natalie couldn't help but chuckle at her baby sister's silliness. Alex was pleased to see that things were going rather well. Laughter was always a good sign. And everyone appeared to be getting along just fine so far. He looked around for a moment though realizing something for the first time. And then he turned back to face Tess again.

"It's a bit quiet around here Tess; did everyone take the day off or something?" Alex asked. It wasn't normal not to find several people mulling about the place and performing the various jobs that came with keeping up a farm. Not to mention, there should have been a few kids running around underfoot.

"Uh, well, we thought that it might be easier if we didn't all bombard Claire at once," Tess replied.

Alex had to agree that was good thinking on Tess' part. There was one very important person missing though, one that he had a feeling would do Claire good to meet. "What about Charlotte though?" Alex asked of Tess. Surely they wouldn't be trying to keep the girl away from meeting Claire. It wasn't likely that they'd be able to anyhow, from what he knew about his daughter.

"Oh, well Nick took her out for a ride about an hour ago because she was pretty much driving us all insane," Tess informed Alex. She turned to face Claire and the girls again. "She's been just a little bit excited since I told her that Alex was coming back and bringing you all with him," she explained. The terms little and excited were a bit of an understatement though. Charlotte had been energized about the whole thing, to say the least.

Claire smiled at the thought of seeing the little girl that she knew only from a few pictures. It was bound to be an awkward experience for them both to see one another. But it was actually something Claire was looking forward to. And it seemed she would not have to wait very long as she spotted a horse trotting toward their small gathering. The horse carried a tall blond haired man and a young dark haired girl.

Charlotte spotted the group instantly and wiggled out of her uncle Nick's hold on her. Nick had barely been able to stop the horse before Charlotte had jumped down and was running head long toward Alex. "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" the child called out as she collided with him. Alex reached down and placed his hands under her arms before lifting her high above his head. She giggled happily as he spun her around a few times. After a few moments he stopped and let her wrap her arms around his neck. "I missed you so much daddy," she whispered in his ear.

"I missed you too kid, more than you could ever know," Alex replied, trying to keep the tears at bay. He wanted it to be a happy reunion, and it was. He just hadn't realized how much he had really missed the girl until she was safe in his arms again. There was no way he was going to leave her like that ever again.

Slowly and reluctantly they pulled apart, Alex placing her down on her own two feet again. He leaned over and whispered in her ear as he pointed toward Claire. "I brought you a very special gift Bom," he told her. She glanced at Claire with eyes wide as saucers then looked back at Alex again for confirmation, not that she really needed it. She'd seen lots of pictures of her mum, and though the woman standing before her now looked a little different, she still looked like the lady she knew to be her mum.

The girl hesitantly walked over to Claire. They both seemed a little unsure about how to approach one another. Claire had put Melissa down as she'd watched Alex and Charlotte's happy reunion. A smile graced her lips all the time as she watched the two of them together; they seemed so at ease with one another. Her smile slowly turned downward as she worried about how she would fit into their lives.

"Hi," Charlotte was the first to speak up. Everyone else had gone quiet as well. Nick had dismounted and was standing beside Tess after a brief handshake shared with his big brother. Natalie and Aly stood to the left of Claire, feeling a little like outsiders and Melissa remained by Claire's right side, holding onto her mother's pant leg.

"Hi," Claire replied as she squatted down to be at eye level with the girl. Melissa still leaned against Claire, curious about the girl who wasn't much older than herself. Claire wasn't sure what to do next though. Her mind swam with different possibilities and wondered if a hug would be appropriate or not. Thankfully it was Charlotte who made the next move.

The girl reached inside her back jeans pocket and pulled out a slightly rumpled and folded piece of paper. She smiled as she handed it over to her mum. "Here, I made this for you," Charlotte said. She watched as Claire unfolded the paper and looked down at the crayon drawing. "Aunty Tess told me that you might have trouble remembering us all so I drew that for you," Charlotte concluded.

Claire smiled, looking at Charlotte and then back down at the piece of paper. There were several stick figures drawn on the page, of many different colors and sizes. There were also hills in the background with a few animals that looked to be cows and sheep. And a single horse stood atop one of the hills. Underneath each of the figures a name was written, which clearly looked like an adult had helped to write.

"This is great," Claire told her. "Will you help me remember all the names?" she asked.

"Yep," Charlotte nodded. "But, um, can I give you a hug first?" she asked.

There was a lump in Claire's throat as she tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. She couldn't believe how amazing her daughter was, to be so young and yet so strong and full of life. "Yeah," Claire agreed. "I'd like that," she barely got the words past her lips when she felt Charlotte's small arms wrap around her neck. She quickly let her own arms encircle the girl and held onto her for several minutes, relishing the feel of having her daughter in her arms.

Alex watched the scene unfold between mother and daughter. He couldn't quite believe that it was really happening. After so many years spent mourning for Claire and wishing for just one more day with her, she was actually back. It was more than he ever could have hoped for. He knew that there was still a long road to be traveled, but for the time being he was over the moon to have her back where she belonged.

"Are you my sister?" Melissa's small voice broke through Alex's thoughts as more laughter filled the air. Claire was standing up again and Aly and Natalie had both crowded around her as well to meet their sister.

"Yep," Charlotte replied with ease. "Do you like horses?" she asked. It was a very important question in her opinion.

"I do," Natalie was the first to reply. Her normally reserved attitude did not seem to be in place where Charlotte was concerned. "I have a horse back home, his name is Shadow," she explained.

"Cool, my horse's name is Sunny," Charlotte replied, which then led to Aly and Melissa also chiming in as to their horse's names. Before long all four girls were chattering away. "Do you want to see our horses?" Charlotte finally asked them.

"Can we?" Natalie looked to Claire for her answer.

"Sure," Claire replied. She was amazed by the ease with which all the girls seemed to be getting along. In a way she was slightly jealous, wishing that it was that easy for her to get on with her sister and Alex. She'd barely given her answer before the girls had already headed off toward the stable. "Natalie!" Claire called out after her oldest daughter.

The girl spun around. "I know mum, no ridding, not until the cast comes off," Natalie rolled hers eyes, having known exactly what her mother was going to say.

Claire smiled. "And watch out for your sisters too," she added. Natalie nodded and turned back to catch up with the other girls. Claire sighed, not knowing what to do next. The girls all seemed content for the time being. And she managed to exchange a pleasant greeting with Nick before returning to her earlier restlessness.

"So, maybe we should all retreat to the house," Tess suggested. "I imagine you'd like to get settled in," she added, looking to Claire. It was plain to see that her sister was slightly uncomfortable. She couldn't blame her either. Tess though that Claire was holding up amazingly well though, considering all that she'd been through.

"Oh, are we staying here then?" Claire asked. She hadn't really thought about it before, not realizing how far out they were from the nearest hotel. It did appear to be a large house but not quite big enough knowing how many adults and various children were now lurking about the place. "I don't want to put anyone out," Claire added.

"Actually, Nick and I moved all of our and the boy's things out to Wilgul yesterday, so this place is all yours," Tess explained as she went to help Alex with the bags. Nick had excused himself to return his horse to the stables and check up on the girls.

"I really can't ask you to do that," Claire felt bad. "This is your home, the girls and I can find somewhere else to stay I'm sure," she insisted.

Tess turned to face Claire, hands on hips. "You don't have to ask Claire. This is your home too," she declared. "You're staying here and that's final," Tess concluded as she grabbed two bags and made her way up the front step and through the door.

Alex looked over at Claire with a goofy grin on his face. He loved how Tess could manage to render Claire speechless; it was not a talent many of them possessed. Shrugging his shoulders at her, he chuckled. "I guess you're staying here then," he commented as he managed to remove the remaining bags from the car.

"I guess I am," Claire replied, knowing she had been bested. She bent down and took a few of the bags that he'd placed on the ground and then slipped past him as she made her way toward the house.

He watched her as she walked away from him and towards the house. Noticing her slight hesitance as she reached the door, he wondered what she was thinking. There was still so much to show her and so much that he wanted to tell her. But they had time. Like he had whispered to her on the plane ride earlier, they had all the time in the world now. He just hoped it would be enough to bring her back home for good.

To Be Continued…


	17. Part 17

Thanks to all for your reviews. I sure appreciate them andI hope you'll enjoy this next part!  
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 17  
By njborba

The stars twinkled brightly against the inky blackness of the night sky as Claire stood by and admired their brilliance. It always seemed amazing to her that the celestial bodies viewed at night could already be dead. It was incredible to think that their light would still burn for others to see long after their death. In a strange way she felt somewhat like the dead stars, though she was still very much alive. Her memories had seemed to live on in those who loved her most, even when they thought her to be dead. In just the one day since she had been back, she'd been blown away by the feelings of love emanating from all those she had been reacquainted with. At the same time though, she'd felt more than a little overwhelmed by everything.

Though the summer sun had ducked down below the horizon nearly an hour ago the night air was still very warm and about as calm as could be. No breeze blew to cool off the night, nothing to abate the heat that lingered in the air. Claire stood out on the porch, leaning up against the far post as she recalled the day's events. It had been a long day with so much to see and do. She was tired from the trip, not to mention the goings on at the farm but she was far from ready for sleep. So many thoughts clouded her mind as she recalled her day.

_It was early morning as Claire removed herself from her bed; it seemed some habits were hard to break. Truth be told, she hadn't slept very well at all. The bed had been comfortable enough and oddly familiar as well. And she'd been more than worn out from the long trip, but for some reason sleep wouldn't come. She stood now though as the morning sun was already beating against the window outside. She reached for the cloths she had laid out the night before on a nearby chair. Pulling on her jeans and then a dark blue t-shirt, she looked herself over in the mirror. Claire ran her hands through her hair and then ran a brush through it quickly._

_Without any further fuss over her appearance she made her way down the stairs and soon wandered into the kitchen, only to find that she was not the only earlier riser. She noticed a woman with short blond hair standing over the sink. Not sure what to do she made a soft noise, a clearing of her throat to hopefully get the woman's attention. The older woman spun around, slightly startled. She stood in stunned silence for a long minute before Claire recognized her._

_"You must be Meg," Claire was the first to speak. Alex had shown her pictures enough to know just about every face that had passed through Drover's Run over the last twenty years. She was thankful for that now as she eyed the woman. All she knew was that Meg had worked at Drover's for almost as long as Claire had been alive. Alex had told her that she'd been somewhat of a mother figure in her life._

_Meg slowly recovered from the surprise of seeing Claire again. She knew the younger woman was no ghost, as they had been anxiously awaiting her return, but it was all still so unreal. She imagined it must be pretty strange to Claire as well, knowing about what the woman was going through. So, she attempted to make things as normal as possible for her, whatever normal passed for any more. "Yes," she finally replied, nodding her head as well._

_Claire couldn't help chuckling softly at the expression on Meg's face. She knew her presence was probably a bit of a shock to them all, even having known that she was coming back to Drover's. "And you're probably thinking I'd really like to run over and give her a hug but I doubt that would be a very acceptable thing to do, seeing as how she doesn't remember me at all," Claire concluded._

_"How did you know that?" Meg was surprised once again but this time by Claire's intuition. _

_"It seems to be a pretty common response around here," Claire shrugged as she answered. "I took a shot," she added as a smile crept upon her lips. It still felt very odd meeting people that she had supposedly known all or most of her life. But she was slowly learning to accept the surprised looks and desires to hug her. "It's okay too," she added, looking to Meg for some sort of response._

_"Okay?" Meg asked, not quite following what Claire meant. "What's okay?" she obviously needed clarification._

_"If you want to hug me," Claire replied, her words a bit softer in tone. _

_Meg smiled and decided that further questioning of the situation might lead to undue tension and she didn't want that. So, she took Claire at her word and made her way around the kitchen table before wrapping her arms around the younger woman. They hadn't been extremely close over the years, at least not in an outward way. Their relationship had always been very subdued, neither one of them letting on just how important they were in each others lives. Hugging Claire now though, Meg knew that they shared a bond greater than mere friendship. It felt so good to have one of her "children" back after such an ordeal._

_The opening and closing of the back door caught both of their attention as they pulled out of the embrace. A few seconds later a younger blond woman bounded through the door of the kitchen followed closely by Tess, who was holding a baby in her arms. And a young boy trailed behind them both. The first woman had come through the door without really taking notice of the people in the room, except that she was certain her mother was present._

_"Mum, Terry was just wondering where you'd gotten off to in such a hurry this morning," Jodi spoke as she sniffed around the food that was already cooking on the stove. She picked at a piece of sausage before she finally turned around to face her mother. The piece of sausage fell from her hand instantly as her mouth hung open for a minute or two. All she could do was stare agape at Claire._

_Meg laughed as did Tess who was positioning baby Al in the highchair they kept in the kitchen. Jack was tugging at his mum's pant leg and pointing toward Claire, who was feeling rather uncomfortable again. Meg finally walked around the table and wrapped her arm around Jodi, who had still yet to say a word. She gave her daughter a comforting squeeze, hoping to encourage a few words to form in the girl's mouth._

_"Uh, um, Cla… Claire," Jodi stuttered a bit as she spoke. "It's good to see you again," she said, realizing that she probably sounded like a complete idiot. The woman had just essentially come back from the dead and all she could think to say was, it's good to see you again? She sunk against her mother for some sort of comfort, not knowing what else to say._

_"It's nice to see you too Jodi," Claire replied, feeling a bit braver in her attempt to put names with the faces she'd seen in Alex's photos. _

_They all seemed to relax a little after that. Meg returned to her cooking and Jodi made an attempt to help her, avoiding Claire. Tess fluttered around the kitchen to find something for the boys to snack on before breakfast was actually ready. Jack was still stuck to Tess' side like glue, following her around the room and staring at Claire with questioning eyes. "Who that?" he finally asked his mother._

_Tess smiled as she sat down at the table and motioned for the boy to take a seat on her lap. "That's your aunt Claire," Tess told the boy. "Do you remember when your dad and I told you about her?" she asked. "She's Bom's mummy," Tess explained._

_"Bom has a mum?" the boy seemed surprised by this._

_"Yep," Tess nodded, smiling sweetly at her oldest son. "Why don't you go and say hello to her," she encouraged the boy._

_Jack was a bit shy at first, not certain what to think about the new woman.__ But he soon jumped off his mum's lap and walked up to Claire who by this time had crouched down a bit so as not to seem too imposing to the young boy. "Hi, I Jack," the child spoke in his broken toddler grammar. "You Bom's mummy?" he asked._

_Claire nodded as she smiled at the boy. She could see a lot of her sister in the child. His eyes sparkled with a joyous spirit, something she had already seen in Tess. "Yeah, I am," she replied. "Jack, that's a great name. How old are you Jack?" Claire asked._

_"I'm free!" he exclaimed as he held up his hand showing her three fingers._

_Tess and Claire both laughed at the boys comment. Jack didn't really see what was so funny about the situation and decided that eating was a better plan than dealing with his mother and aunt. He scrambled up into one of the chairs and sat on his legs to make himself taller in the seat. Tess handed him some of the apple that she had cut up, before she looked back to her sister._

_Claire had gotten up from her position and came around to admire her other nephew. She leaned over him and smiled as her hand rubbed over his soft downy hair. It had been a while since Melissa had been that age. The sweet baby smell that emitted from his tiny head brought about a bigger grin on her face. Tess watched the interactions between her sister and her baby boy. She couldn't believe that Claire was actually there with all of them, just they way she had dreamed so many times over the years._

_Finally, Claire plunked herself down in the chair across from Tess. She glanced to the boys briefly and then back to Tess again. "They were born after I di… after I left right?" it felt strange to think that she'd almost said the word, died. But that's what they had all believed. _

_Tess had noticed her sisters near slip. It sent a bit of an uncomfortable chill down her spin but she quickly shrugged it off. "Yep," she replied. "As he said, Jack is three and little Al is almost nine months old now," she revealed. "I can hardly believe that," she sighed, thinking about how fast her boys were growing up._

_"Good, at least that's two less people I have to try and remember," Claire replied. Tess laughed at the comment, trying not to take too much seriously as she could tell Claire was still feeling rather uncomfortable by recent events. Claire glanced at the boys again, thinking about the things she had obviously missed out on in her sister's life. "Jack was our father's name right," the words were mostly a statement as they rolled off Claire's tongue._

_The comment brought about uneasiness where Tess was concerned though. It was one thing for them to joke about the boys but the way Claire had spoken, she couldn't be sure if her sisters words had been a question or not. It seemed almost reasonable that Claire would not fully remember her or Bom or even Alex, but for some reason it seemed odd that she would not remember their father. He and Claire had been so close. Tess tried not to let it bother her though. It was the dawn of a new day and hopefully it would be a good one with as little as possible in the way of drugging up the unhappy parts of their past._

_"Yeah, we named him John Silverman Ryan, after dad and my mum," Tess informed her sister. She looked to the baby and smiled. Reaching out, she wiped at his messy face. "And this guy was named after his uncle. In retrospect that might not have been the best idea, seeing as how it can be a bit annoying sometimes trying to decipher which Alex we're referring to. But it seemed only fitting to honor Alex," she concluded._

_"Why is that?" Claire inquired, sensing that there was a bit of a story behind Tess' brief explanation._

_"Well, I was eight and half months along and this guy decided that he wanted to show up early," Tess began, smiling again at her baby boy. "Nick had gone out of town for a conference. He hadn't wanted to leave me so close to my due date but I insisted that he go, remembering that Jack had been nearly a week late being born. I figured I had plenty of time," she chuckled. "Well, little Al here had other plans. I was out here at Drover's looking after Bom and Jack while the others did the drenching that day. And suddenly my water broke, completely unexpected of course. Alex was the one who volunteered to take me to the hospital, unfortunately he had forgotten to refill the extra fuel tank and we ran out of petrol about half way there," Tess explained. "So, Alex ended up delivering the baby in the back of the Ute" she finished._

_"And that was cause to name your son after him?" Claire asked. "I think I would have rather kicked him in the bum for forgetting to refill the spare fuel tank," she mused._

_"Yep, I imagine you probably would have," Tess laughed at her sister's comment, as did Meg and Jodi. The three of them had just seen the first spark of the old Claire and it thrilled them to think she was lurking in there somewhere. "Well, I hate to admit this but I was secretly hoping for a girl the second time around, mainly so I could name her after you," Tess revealed to her sister. "So, I hadn't really come up with any boy's names," she confessed. "But, I wouldn't trade either of my guys," Tess was sure to add, happy to have her boys._

_"Hmm, I have a few spare girls around her somewhere, if you want one… or two," Claire remarked._

_"Claire!" Tess admonished._

_"It was just a joke," Claire assured her sister. "I wouldn't trade any of them either. I may not have given birth to all of them but Natalie and Alana are great kids. They all have their moments of course, but I love them very much," she explained._

_"I can see that," Tess acknowledged. It was pretty clear to see that Claire cared about all of Peter's daughters. It was a little weird to see her sister happily raising three kids on her own but it seemed to come pretty easily to her. She admired her sister for taking on what she had. She may have lost her memories along the way but Tess could see that Claire's quiet but caring spirit was fully in tact._

_The room soon became filled to the brim with people. Terry and Nick had come in from their morning rounds and Alex had finally woken up. He stumbled into the kitchen with __Charlotte__ latched to his backside and Melissa literally dangling from his neck. And shortly after the three of them, Natalie and Alana had come to join the crowd as well. It was a full house, to say the least. And it was all a bit more than Claire could contend with._

_She carefully made her way out of the room and through the back door. The fresh air, though already hot and sticky, felt good to her. Claire found herself wandering toward the stables as if on instinct. The night before she'd pretty much kept to the house, settling into her room and sharing a meal with Nick, Tess and Alex while the girls ate together in the kitchen, having become fast friends. She hadn't explored the grounds as of yet._

_Her hand ran along the old wood stalls in the stable. They were not fancy and new like those at __Spring Valley__. Peter had always insisted on the finest quality materials and never spared a single penny when he put up a new barn, stable or fence. The wood Claire looked at and felt under her hands now had character. There was history in every sliver of it, every knot and dent. It almost felt alive to her in a way that __Spring Valley__ never had been._

_Claire's eyes soon fell on a beautiful golden hued horse in one of the stalls. Her eyes smiled as she regarded the gentle giant. The animal made a soft snorting sound as she approached, and nudged her hand affectionately as Claire reached out toward the mare. "Aren't you a beauty," Claire whispered as she regarded the horse._

_"She seems to remember you," Tess' voice echoed through the structure._

_Claire turned her head to see her sister approaching. Tess walked toward Claire with a smile on her face, seeing how well Blaze responded to her sister even after five years of being apart from one another. In a way Tess almost envied the creature, seeing how easy it was for Blaze to reconnect with Claire. She wished that it could be that way with her sister as well, an instant reconnection. But she remembered that it hadn't been that way the first time and it wasn't likely to be that way this time either._

_"I though I'd slipped away unnoticed," Claire commented as she returned her attention to the horse, running her hand along the animals back. _

_"Sorry, I can leave you alone if you like," Tess offered._

_"No," Claire shook her head without looking back at Tess again. "You can stay, it's your place now more than it is mine," Claire noted distantly._

_"I told you yesterday Claire, this place is your home too. It always has been and always will be," Tess told her sister, hoping that it would sink in. "You will always be welcome here," she added. Tess didn't want to think that this was all just a visit for Claire and the girls. She wanted her sister back for good. "Would you uh, like to go for a ride?" she thought it might be good to show Claire around the place, allow her to re-familiarize herself with the land._

_"Actually, that would be great," Claire replied with sincerity. She'd felt so wound up the past few days and the best way she knew to release tension was to go for a ride. She had a feeling that Tess could sense that about her as well, and she was grateful for the suggestion._

_They each saddled a horse, Claire taking Blaze out while Tess mounted __Phoenix__. Tess explained the story of the two horses to her sister as they took off from the yard. She recalled how she had first seen Claire working with Blaze, how she'd tamed the wild child that had been sired by Jack's beloved horse. And she further went on to tell the tale of Claire's breeding plans and how __Phoenix__ eventually came into the queue._

_Their ride took them first down to the river, where they rode along in silence for a time. Tess couldn't help remembering how Claire had taken her for a ride not long after her arrival back at Drover's nearly eight years ago. Claire had been quite upset to learn of Tess' desire to sell off just a bit of the land that they had grown up on. Looking back now, Tess couldn't believe how the idea had ever crossed her mind. Drover's Run was as much a part of her as her own two arms were. Like Claire, she planned to die and be buried on the land of their ancestors._

_After the river, they galloped up over a distant hill that Tess knew led to a very special place. Jack's cabin lay ahead in the distance and Claire turned toward her sister with a questioning look in her eyes. They made their way to the structure and each of them looked at it with different thoughts running through their heads. Tess again recalled that day with Claire and how she had learned that the cabin was where Jack had died. Claire looked to the building with something akin to deja'vu. She recalled the brief flash she'd had a while back after Natalie's accident with Shadow. She'd seen a glimpse of what looked like the cabin that now stood before her._

_Claire didn't ask about the place though and Tess decided it best not to speak up either. She still wasn't sure how much she should relay to Claire about her past. Tess didn't want to overwhelm her big sister any more than she clearly already was. Yet, at the same time, she wished she could just prattle off about everything under the sun in an attempt to force feed it back into Claire's head. _

_Tess wasn't sure about the path they had headed off on after the cabin. She knew exactly where it would lead if she did not decide to cut Claire off. It was yet another spot they had visited that day during Claire's attempt to drive it home to Tess how important Drover's land was in both of their lives. Tess recalled the first time she'd seen Jack's grave. She hadn't quite been expecting such emotional swell for a man she thought had not even cared to contact her over the years, a fact that she later learned to be untrue._

_In the end, Tess did not stop her sister from stumbling upon the final resting place of her family members. They both dismounted and Tess stayed close to __Phoenix__ as she watched Claire approach the graves. Claire's hand reached out toward the stone marker that was chiseled with her father's name upon it. Her eyes then flowed to the other two graves that sat beside Jack's._

_"Your mother and our brother," Tess informed her, having seen the look of confusion on her face. It hurt to see her sister look down upon the family that she couldn't even remember. She had no idea what it would feel like to have no recollection of her own mum. "Maybe we should go," Tess finally suggested. But Claire's eyes had settled on something else and Tess' followed._

_They both looked at the swatch of land that still had fairly new soil mounded in a long rectangular shape, much the same as a hole that would have been dug to burry a casket. Claire didn't realize she'd been holding her breath until she finally exhaled. "Was that where…" her words trailed off, unable to actually ask the question for which the answer was already known._

_"Yes," was all Tess dared to speak in reply. She could hardly look at the spot herself, knowing the memories that it still held. Claire was alive but at the time they had buried the casket there, none of them had known that. It had been very real for all of them and it still hurt to think about it all._

_"You really thought I was gone," Claire's words were not a question but an observation._

_Tess nodded even though her sister was facing away from her and could not see the motion. "We buried you and we mourned for you Claire," she could not hide the emotion that seeped through in her voice. A tear escaped her left eye and rolled down her cheek as she watched her sister's form slump slightly as they both remained standing in the growing heat of the day. "Charlotte and I came up here ever year on the anniversary of your death," Tess told her sister._

_Claire turned to Tess, tears in her own eyes now. "I'm so sorry," Claire whispered, feeling guilty for the pain they had all been put through. "I wish I could remember but I can't," she sighed, her hands slapping against her sides in frustration. "I wish I could look at you and see our childhood, remember playing with you and bossing you around as I imagine I did being the big sister," a bit of a smile shown through her tears._

_"You did," Tess gulped back further tears._

_"I wish I could look in Alex's gorgeous blue eyes and tell him that I love him, the way I see that he loves me still after all of these years," Claire continued. "And mostly, I wish I could hold that sweet little girl who shares my nose and my smile. I wish I could look at her and remember the day she was born and the feeling of awe I must have had at finally seeing her tiny baby form. But I can't," Claire sighed in frustration. "I can't, and she doesn't even know me," she hung her head in regret, though she knew they were all things she had no control over._

_"That's where you're wrong," Tess quickly countered her sister's words. Claire looked up at Tess, surprised. "Charlotte does know you Claire," Tess informed her sister._

_"How do you figure?" Claire asked, not having expected Tess' reply._

_"Because Alex and I and everyone else here at Drover's, Killarney and Wilgul have told her numerous stories about you over the years," Tess explained. "We wanted __Charlotte__ to know you; to know the amazing woman that we all loved. She does know you Claire," Tess assured her sister, hoping that it would somehow help Claire to realize how important she was in all of their lives. _

_Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect. "Maybe this was a mistake, coming here," Claire shook her head as she made her way back to Blaze. She took the horse's reigns in her hands and stood for a moment, not sure what she wanted to do. _

_"Yeah, I shouldn't have let you see this place. It was probably not the smartest move on my part," Tess nodded her head in agreement as she was about to __mount__Phoenix_

_"That's not what I meant," Claire spoke up again._

_"What did you mean then?" Tess asked._

_Claire looked out over the rolling hills of the land. "I think coming back here, to Drover's, was a mistake," she whispered. "Alex should have never asked me to come back here and I never should have let myself get on that plane. He should never have tried to find me in the first place. My being here has only caused you all more pain. And I'll probably never remember you. I think the girls and I should just go, it would be best," Claire was trying to convince herself more than anyone._

_Tess stood there for a moment, not quite believing what she had just heard. "So, you're not even going to give it a chance?" she was beyond confused by Claire's sudden shift in moods. She had no idea what had just happened but she was hurt and angered by Claire's words. "The sister I know was willing to take a few chances, especially on love and when her family was concerned. Even after Peter broke your heart, you were able to find love again with Alex. He cares so much for you Claire, you said as much yourself. And Charlotte and I… how could you say that we'd all be better off without you?" she asked._

_"I'm not the sister you know any more," Claire replied, trying to maintain her distance._

_"Maybe not but I still see her inside you, she's there. I know she is," Tess stared her sister in the eye but Claire wasn't backing down. "Damn-it Claire, would you stop being so stubborn. Do you even know what it has been like for all of us here? We thought you were dead Claire, not just missing or run off, but dead. Can you even imagine what that's like?" Tess couldn't help the desperate tone of her voice. She felt they were all in fear of losing Claire again and she was going to do her best to make sure that didn't happen._

_Claire glared at sister, hoping to push her away enough to clear her conscious. "Can you imagine what it would be like not to remember being that sister and mother and lover?" Claire asked in return. "I feel like I'm lost inside my own head Tess. I have memory flashes that I think must be weird day dreams and I have dreams that I think might be memories. I don't know what's real any more," she confessed._

_Tess realized that they could go on the way they were for hours and still end up nowhere. So, she decided to lay it on the line. "You just told me that you wished you could remember me and Alex and Charlotte," she reminded Claire. "Well, I think you should stop sitting around sulking and do something about it!" Tess shouted before quickly mounting __Phoenix__ and taking off._

Claire smiled to herself remembering the moment now as she continued her star gazing in the warm evening air. She hated to admit it but Tess had been right in what she'd said. There was no use in worrying about the past, it served no purpose. If any of them were going to move on and get over their pain and loss, then they would need to look toward the future.

Her eyes glanced downward abruptly as she heard the soft crunch of boots on gravel. She noticed a figure in the distance, slowly drawing nearer. A half smile appeared on her face as she soon realized who the figure belonged to. "I thought you had gone home," Claire spoke as she watched her sister approach.

Tess looked up to see Claire standing out on the porch. She'd felt bad about leaving her sister earlier. "I did, but now I'm back," Tess replied. She'd spent most of her day trying to distract her mind from the argument they'd had. Flying off the handle like she did was not something she'd been proud of but with Claire, reason wasn't always the best solution. Sometimes all her sister understood was the cold hard truth. So, she'd tried to show Claire that. "I'm sorry," she apologized. Even knowing Claire had needed a good reality check didn't help quell the sorrow she felt for having yelled at her.

"Yeah, me too," Claire was grateful to have been given another chance where her sister was concerned. "Earlier, I don't know, I just had all these sudden doubts," Claire confessed. "I've never lost my memory before you know," she tried to joke and saw that Tess smiled a bit at her comment. "I just wish I had more answers," she revealed, feeling free for the first time to shed her tough exterior.

"Yeah, well… maybe I could help you find them, if you'll let me," Tess offered, as she came to stand beside her sister on the porch. She gently nudged Claire in the right side with her shoulder, a symbolic gesture of forgiveness.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Claire smiled fully as she returned her sisters gesture, nudging her back as they both laughed.

Tess felt her heart swell as she realized that Claire was actually going to be okay. She figured they still had a long road to traverse but she also knew that they would do it together, as sisters. Her eyes followed Claire's to gaze up at the night sky. "So, did you find it?" Tess asked.

"Find what?" Claire asked, looking down at Tess for a second before refocusing her eyes on the stars.

"You know, your star," Tess nodded toward the dark sky above them.

"My star?" Claire was still uncertain as to what her sister was going on about, but curious.

"Yeah," Tess spoke as she pointed to the sky with her right hand, index finger extended. "See that one right there? That one is mine," she said, turning to smile at her sister. Looking back at the stars again she chuckled. "And that one, and that one, and…"

"You can't have them all," Claire protested much to Tess' surprise.

Tess grinned at her sister again. "I don't want them all, just those four. You once told me I could only have them if I named them. So, I did. That one there is Tess and then Nick, Jack and baby Al," she concluded. "So, did you find yours?" Tess asked her sister again.

Claire looked up at the stars again, smiling as she nodded her head. "Yep, right there," she said as she pointed it out for her sister. "Right beside yours," she added. "And I imagine that big one there to the left of us has got to be Alex," she added, as she sought out stars for her four girls.

"That'd be right," Tess agreed. "Trying to outshine us all," she laughed and Claire joined in soon after.

There was something infectious about laughter and the two of them together, well, they just couldn't stop giggling. It felt right again between them. For the first time in a very long while they both felt complete in a way they hadn't for five years. They both new there would probably be more fights, disagreements and many struggles to overcome as they helped Claire regain her memory. But for a moment, all was normal for the McLeod girls. And they laughed.

After Tess had gone, Claire went back inside the house. She briefly checked in on Natalie and Alana, allowing them to stay up a bit longer. And she pushed the door to Charlotte's room open now, peaking inside to see Alex tucking the girl into her bed. Claire could see that Melissa was already out like a light, snuggled in the bed that had been set up for her in Charlotte's room. Her eyes refocused on father and daughter, mesmerized as she watched Alex kiss the little girl on her forehead.

Alex closed the book of fairytales that was in his lap, having read just about every one of them in an attempt to get Charlotte to fall asleep. Carefully, he removed himself from the bed and placed the book down on her night stand. Leaning in he placed another kiss on her forehead and then swiped a few strands of hair away from her closed eyes. They had been nearly inseparable all day. Charlotte had wanted to follow him around everywhere he went, which Alex didn't really mind. He was pleased beyond anything to be back with her but it was hard to see her so clingy. She'd never been that way before.

He wondered if it had to do with his leaving and it made him sick to his stomach to think about. He felt so guilty for having left her for so long and hoped that it wouldn't have any lasting affects on her. In a few more days though he had a feeling she'd be back to normal and tired of shadowing her old dad around. A smiled played at his lips as he finally made a move to leave her to her sleep. But as he was about to turn and leave, he heard Charlotte's soft voice call out to him.

"I thought you were asleep kiddo," Alex whispered as he sat back down on the edge of her bed.

"I forgot to ask you something," she had a very serious look in her eyes as she regarded her father.

"What is it Bom?" Alex asked.

Charlotte looked to him as if she were trying to contemplate whether her question was okay to ask or not. In the end, curiosity won out. "If mummy can't remember us, does that mean she doesn't love us?" the girl finally asked.

Claire's heart sunk into her stomach as she listened. She felt horrible that the girl would even think to ask such a question. There was still worry in her head that she might not ever fully regain all of her memories. But there was one thing she had started to realize in just the short time since she had been back at Drover's. She loved Charlotte. That emotion had been felt the second she'd laid eyes on her.

Alex shook his head, not knowing that Claire stood just a few paces behind him at the door. "No Bom, of course not," he answered her. "You're mum loves you kiddo, I know she does. I'm sorry this is all so confusing for you," Alex apologized to the girl. "But I believe that your mummy does love you," he tried to sound reassuring. "So you should believe that too, okay?" he asked.

"Okay," Charlotte seemed pleased enough with the answer to let it go. Her eyes were droopy but she still had another very important question on her mind. "Is tomorrow still Christmas?" she asked.

"Well, of course it is," Alex smiled, finally figuring out the real reason behind his daughter's reluctance to fall asleep. He wasn't sure how he'd forgotten her innate ability at drawing out Christmas Eve bed time for as long as possible.

"So, then Santa's gonna come tonight?" Charlotte asked, hopeful.

"Doesn't he always?" Alex asked in reply. "But, he won't come unless a certain little girl is asleep," he warned. "Melissa is already asleep," he noted as he nodded his head in the younger girls direction. "You don't want Santa to bring her gifts and not you, do you?" Alex asked.

"Nope," Charlotte shook her head. She looked over at her roommate and smiled before looking back up at her dad. "Is she really my sister?" the girl asked.

"Yeah she is Bom," Alex replied. He was worried that she might be having second thoughts about the other girls. They had all gotten along so well so far, but it had only been just a little over 24 hours. Alex couldn't help but wonder if the novelty of the idea was already beginning to wear thin. "What do you think about that?" he finally asked her, curious about her thoughts on the matter of suddenly having three sisters in her life.

"Um," Charlotte thought on the question for a few seconds. "I like it," she finally said. "I have two older sisters and one younger one," she explained to him.

"Yes you do," Alex smiled, seeing that she was indeed happy about having the other girls around. He hoped that Natalie, Alana and Melissa would be staying on at Drover's, along with Claire of course. So, it was important to him that they all get along well.

"So, now all I need is a baby brother," Charlotte declared.

Alex laughed nervously as he tried to hide his surprise at the girl's sudden declaration. He wasn't sure what to say in reply to her comment. "Well Bom, I don't think that's going to happen," he finally informed her.

"Why not?" Charlotte asked. "You love mummy right?"

"Yes I do, but…" Alex wasn't able to come up with a further explanation before Charlotte interrupted him.

"Then you can have a baby, like Aunty Tess and Uncle Nick," Charlotte said. "They love each other and they had two babies," she explained in all the logic that was required for a five year old mind to understand a situation.

"I'm afraid it's not that easy Bom," Alex replied, shaking his head even though he wished it was as simple as the child believed. He couldn't help remember how he'd hoped to marry Claire and have more children with her.

"Why?" Charlotte persisted, pursing her lips in a stubborn manner that always reminded him of Claire.

"Because it just isn't," Alex said, realizing their conversation could go on forever if he didn't put a stop to it soon. "Now I really think you need to close your eyes, and get some sleep, okay," he implored the girl.

"Okay," Charlotte finally gave in, snuggling down in her bed again as she closed her eyes. "I love you daddy," she whispered as she had already began to fall asleep.

"Love you too Bom," Alex replied, kissing her again before he finally made a move to exit the room. As he turned toward the door though he was surprised to find that he had an audience. Claire moved from the doorway out into the hall as Alex followed after her and closed the door to Charlotte's room. "How long have you been standing there?" he finally asked of her.

"Long enough to watch you squirm your way out of having to actually explain how babies are made," Claire replied with a grin.

"Oh," Alex smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"If you want, I could help you out with that," Claire offered. She observed him as he arched his eyebrow at her in curiosity. "I mean, I already had to have that talk with Natalie and Alana, so I know the drill," she clarified.

"Right-o," Alex nodded, realizing with disappointment that she'd been referring to having a talk with Charlotte about the birds and the bees. He felt a bit foolish for thinking that maybe she had been insinuating something else. She'd made it pretty clear though that he was still not her most favorite person at the moment. And yet somehow they always seemed to be thrown together. He gathered that came with the territory though when you shared a house and kids.

Claire had been planning to retire to her own room after checking on the girls but suddenly wasn't very tired at all. In stead she found herself moving toward the stairs and headed down them. She hadn't said a word to Alex but he followed her down and further still until they arrived in Jack's study. Alex moved around to the far side of the desk and quickly gathered the files up that he had been reading in there earlier. He still wasn't sure what to think of all the information he had found in them.

Alex watched as Claire walked around the room, observing her surroundings. She stopped her wanderings suddenly, pausing in front of a painting that hung on the wall behind Jack's desk. The picture showed a scene that could have depicted a lot of places on the land that she had become a bit more familiar with earlier in the day. The thing that really caught her eye though was the name at the bottom of the canvas. It was hers.

"Charlotte takes after you in that area," Alex spoke up, looking to her as he sat down in the chair behind the desk. He leaned back and propped his feet up on the edge of the big desk as his hands clasped behind his head in a relaxed manner.

"What area?" Claire asked as she continued to stare at the painting for a few more minutes, before looking to Alex again.

"Her artistic ability," Alex inclined his head toward the painting. "She loves to draw, whatever crayon or pencil she can get in her hand is quickly turned into some sort of art piece on paper. If she's not out with her horse then she's bound to be designing something," he explained with a happy smile.

Claire listened to him intently as she reached into her back pocket and pulled out the folded drawing that the girl had given to her the day before, upon their first meeting. She unfolded it and looked down at the figures that were drawn on the page. Her hand smoothed over the paper as a sigh escaped her lips. "I wish I could assure her about how I feel Alex," she revealed.

"So, you heard that part of our conversation too then?" Alex asked.

She nodded her head, not caring to feel guilty over her eavesdropping. "She doubts that I love her," it saddened Claire to actually speak the words. It wasn't surprising though, or at least it shouldn't have been. The girl had grown up thinking her mother was dead. To have that mother suddenly pop back into her life was bound to be confusing.

"She's just a kid Claire, she doesn't understand most of what's going on," Alex tried to be the voice of reason, in an attempt to reassure Claire.

"I think she does Alex. I think she understands more than we give her credit for," Claire replied. "And she's frightened that I'll never remember her," there was frustration in her voice again. She didn't want to admit it but she was also afraid of the same thing; that she would never remember.

"It's not your fault Claire. You didn't do this, and you can't beat yourself up over it either," Alex told her.

She finally moved away from the painting and took a seat in the armchair that rested beside the fireplace. "Right," she sighed. "It's all Peter's doing, he's the one who caused the accident and killed his wife and took me half way across the world," somehow those thoughts didn't seem to calm her either. She'd lived with the man for five years, had raised kids together with him only to have to discover his treachery.

"Not exactly," the words emitted from Alex's mouth as he tapped his left index finger lightly against the top file that still sat before him on the desk.

She turned her head to look over her shoulder at him. "Excuse me?" Claire asked.

"I think there's something you should know," Alex replied as he picked up one of the files. He'd managed to find a few short minutes alone to sit down earlier in the day and read while Claire had been off with Tess. Sifting through the information Stuart Davidson had gathered for him helped to put some pieces of the puzzle together.

"What is this?" Claire asked as she took hold of the file folder that Alex handed her.

"Those are actually files on Leo Johnson," Alex told her.

"Peter's brother?" Claire asked.

Alex was surprised by her reaction, getting the feeling that she already knew of the man's existence. "You knew Peter had a brother?" he asked.

"Yes," Claire answered as she opened the file and flipped through it. "Peter did mention him a few times. He was very indifferent when Leo's name came up though, he didn't like to speak of his brother. The only thing that sticks out in my head was that he used to say that Leo was the only family he had left beside the girls. I always assumed he also meant aside from me as well," Claire added.

"Apparently, Leo and the girls _were_ the only family Peter had," Alex wasn't sure if it was the right time to be discussing the things he had discovered about Peter and Leo, but he figured there would probably never be a good time. So, he decided to go all the way while they were on the subject. "Peter lied to you Claire, about more than you realize. You see, the two of you were not married, not legally anyway," he revealed.

Claire sat there for a moment trying to digest what Alex had just told her. Another part of her last five years had just been ripped to shreds and she had no idea how to feel about it. On some level she almost felt relieved, but on another she felt even more betrayed than before. "He lied about that too?" she finally asked.

"Yep," Alex shook his head as he regarded her, regretting having to tell her all that he now knew. He couldn't seem to read the expression on her face either, and it worried him. Alex didn't like any of what he had to tell her but he proceeded to explain the other things he had discovered about Peter's brother.

She sat and listened, getting an earful of information that seemed unfathomable. "But why would Leo have killed Julia?" Claire asked after having listened to Alex for nearly five minutes.

"There was a psychological profile done at the time they arrested Leo for his forgery crimes. A copy of it was included with the papers Sam gave me. He didn't actually confess to killing Julia until after he was taken into custody. That was revealed during his profile," Alex explained. "Apparently Peter and Leo lost both of their parents when they were very young. Peter, being the older of the two, always made sure that Leo was taken care of. They managed to stay together over the years, despite the system trying to split them up. But Leo was bitter about their situation, and ended up taking to some bad ways. Peter always managed to bail him out though," he explained. "My guess is that Leo would have done just about anything to please his brother and when he realized Peter wasn't happy with Julia, he took matters into his own hands," Alex concluded.

There was a low snort of disbelief from Claire as she tossed the file aside, not caring to look at it any longer. She stood and leaned up against the fireplace, lowering her head a bit. "It all just keeps getting more and more ridiculous doesn't it?" she asked. "And of course Peter didn't want to turn his brother in so he went along with everything, including keeping me away from you and Charlotte," Claire figured.

"Yeah, that would be my guess," Alex sighed as he moved around the desk and stood by Claire at the fireplace. "Leo's confession pretty much means he won't be getting out any time soon. There's just the matter of where he'll be placed, a jail cell or a psychiatric facility. It doesn't really matter though Claire. At least the girls don't have to grow up thinking their father was a murderer," he knew it wasn't much consolation for all they had been through but he was glad that the girls wouldn't have to endure that pain.

"I guess that's something," Claire agreed as she stood and faced Alex.

"Peter didn't kill Julia or take you away from here but he also didn't do a damn thing about it when he realized what his brother had done. He never thought to bring you back. And in my mind that makes him just as guilt as his brother," Alex told her, not able to keep his own feelings on the mater at bay.

"The only crime Peter was really guilty of… was loving his brother enough to want to protect him," Claire spoke. She didn't like what Peter had done any more than she could see Alex did. But she knew deep down that Peter hadn't been a horrible person.

"Well, he went about it in a bad way," Alex replied, not exactly pleased that she could still feel sorry for the guy. "And it cost us five years Claire, five years that we'll never get back. It cost me you, and that's something I can never forget," he told her, shaking his head as he tried to let it all go. It would never be okay in his mind though, what Peter had done to all of them.

"I'm sorry," Claire whispered as she turned away from him again, staring off at the wall with a vacant look on her face.

Alex's right hand reached out and came to rest gently on her shoulder. "You have nothing to apologize for Claire, nothing," Alex assured her. He knew what was probably going through her head at the moment. No doubt she was feeling guilty about having ever brought Peter into their lives in the first place. And although he often wished that she had never met the knob, he knew that would also mean having no Charlotte in all of their lives. And that was one thing he just couldn't fathom.

Claire finally turned to look at Alex again and he could see the tears in her eyes, and the pain of loss. A big part of her past had just come crashing down and he could see that she was a little overwhelmed by it all. He took her in his arms without worry of how she might react. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. It felt completely natural. He was pleased when she didn't pull away and they stayed that way for several minutes.

They finally pulled apart after a few more minutes of silence. Claire had actually been grateful for his hug and she managed to smile up at him as she wiped away some of the remaining tears from her eyes. She was still very confused about her feelings. Alex had lied to her and that hurt a lot. But she was starting to realize that he'd only did what he had out of love. It was one thing to do as Peter had, lying to cover up murder. But it was something else in her mind to do as Alex had, lying in an attempt to protect her feelings. She just had to figure out if she could somehow forgive him.

"I don't know about you, but I could use a bit of a distraction right about now," Alex spoke up, seeing that Claire was starting to slowly come around again. It was so good to see her smile. It made his heart happy. "And I think I might know a good way to take you're mind off of things," he added with a sly smile of his own.

"Oh really?" Claire asked, wondering if she would regret his suggestion.

"Yes, Tess!" he exclaimed.

"Tess?" she asked, slightly confused again.

Alex grinned. "Yep," he replied. "Tess helped me to get a bunch of things for the girls, for Christmas. Seeing as how I was a bit distracted with other matters, I didn't have much time for shopping," he continued. "So, Tess managed to pull everything together. And she told me earlier today that she hid it all out in the shearing shed somewhere. So, how would you like to help me play Santa?" he asked of Claire.

A spark of delight glinted in Claire's eyes at the idea. She felt bad actually that the whole Christmas holiday had pretty much slipped her mind in the wake of everything else that had been going on. But she had a feeling that Alex wouldn't leave any of the girls out in his endeavors to create a joyful Christmas. "I think that is exactly the sort of distraction I could use," she happily agreed.

"Good," Alex nodded as he quickly motioned her toward the door. "Then let's get a wriggle on shall we Mrs. Clause," he said as they set off together to hopefully go about bringing some good cheer to all of their lives for the first time in several months.

To Be Continued…


	18. Part 18

Sorry this part took me so long, andTHANK YOUall for your continued support of this story!

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 18

By  
N. J. Borba

The sun had barely dawned upon Christmas morning and already it was shaping up to be a scorcher. The heat of the day hit Claire as she stood in the garden leaning against the stone wall and gazed out at the slowly rising sun. The bright hues, golden and pink, eased their way across the vast sky. They danced their way from over the top of the distant hills and reached outward toward the edge of the sky line. Sunlight bathed the previous darkness and soon gave way to the day ahead.

She was envious of the brilliant ball of light, how it was able to be reborn in a new way every single day. Though she knew that technically it never had a chance to rest and rejuvenate, symbolically it was an orb of hope. Each new morning brought with it a new pattern of light, for no two sunrises could ever be the same. Claire wished sometimes that she could be as free as the sun seemed to be; never tied down to one way of thinking, one right path and one wrong.

All along though, she knew that it was a fallacy. The sun had no real path at all; rather, it was fixed to one spot throughout its lifetime. It was instead the earth that made its way around the sun year after year. The sun's only job was to keep up its shiny façade, to remain bright until its time to die finally came. She wondered if the sun ever tired of its thankless job; if it ever just wanted to run away from it all.

Claire shook her head as the crazy thoughts continued to drift along unbidden in her head. Somewhere along the lines they had become a confused mess of nonsense. She had no idea anymore what anything meant. Her feelings didn't even seem to be her own any longer. On one hand she desired only to make those around her happy, smiling when it felt appropriate and nodding her head even when she didn't have a clue as to what was going on. On the other hand, she wanted to run back to Spring Valley, where she had at least felt safe. She hated feeling lost in her own home.

"Looks like it's going to be a warm one today," a voice called out casually over the silence of the morning air. Claire jumped a bit despite knowing that there were a lot of people living on Drover's and the surrounding properties. There was always someone milling about just about wherever she turned. She looked over her shoulder to face the man who had spoken.

"Nick," she acknowledged the tall blond man and attempted to plaster a friendly smile on her face once again. Claire was not unhappy to see the man but there was still an awkward feeling around most of the people she had come to know over the last two days. She and Tess had finally come to an understanding of sorts the night before. And she was even beginning to feel like the younger woman was a part of her life, her family even.

Then of course there was Alex. He was still a bit of an enigma to her. Sometimes it was very clear what the relationship between them was. She had done a fairly decent job of pushing him away enough to have some breathing room. There was still anger toward him for having lied to her, even though she also realized that he had only done it to protect her. She had a feeling though that it had a lot to do with protecting him self and Charlotte as well. And for that she could certainly not blame him.

In light of all of that though, she still had feelings for him. What those feelings were exactly she could not quite pin point. But they were more than just the sort of feelings one might have for a passing acquaintance. Before she had known who he really was to her life, they had been edging their way toward something more than friendship. She couldn't help feel close to him still, despite everything they had been through the past couple of months. He was the one she still looked to for answers.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," the soft inflection of Nick's voice broke through to her as she tried to stop over analyzing what had become of her relationship with Alex. After last night though, with everything she had learned, a lot of things had changed yet again. But she attempted not to think about that all for the time being.

"That's okay," Claire finally acknowledged his apology. "I just wasn't expecting anyone else to be out here, especially not so early. Shouldn't you be home?" she asked of him, eyeing him suspiciously. "Asleep perhaps?"

"I wish," Nick nearly moaned as he thought about how despondent he had been, having to leave the nice cozy bed he shared with his wife. He hadn't been too pleased by his morning adventures. "Tess had other plans for me though," he added, noticing Claire's slightly shocked look. He chuckled lowly under his breath at what she might be thinking, "Once she gets something stuck in her head, it's just easier to go along with her," he smiled warmly at the thought. Tess had certainly gotten him into more than a few odd situations over the years. He really didn't mind so much though.

"Oh," Claire replied, in a non-committed tone. She realized that she probably really didn't want to know what her sister and brother-in-law had been up to at such an early hour. It still didn't explain why he was here at Drover's though. Claire cocked her head slightly to the right in a questioning manner, but made no verbal demand.

Nick smiled again, assured now that she was jumping to the wrong conclusions. "Tess wanted to make sure that the boys would wake up here at Drover's for Christmas morning. You know, so that they could be here to see what all Santa brought for them," Nick began to explain at last. "Jack's spent every Christmas out here, and its little Al's first so…" he didn't really think he needed to finish the sentence. "It was my job to make sure they were transported here without waking up. They're both still sound asleep in the spare room upstairs," he concluded.

Claire's soft laughter soon filled the small expanse of space between them. "I see," she shook her head trying not to give away her previous thoughts. She hadn't talked to Nick much since she had arrived; he seemed to manage to stay in the background a great deal. There were marked differences between him and Alex, she realized. For brothers, they were about as different as night and day. She had heard tale though of the same thing between her and Tess.

She regarded the man for several long minutes as they stood there in companionable silence, looking out over the property as she had been doing earlier. Her eyes caught brief glances of him from her peripheral vision. Curiosity finally got the better of her though as she turned and faced him full on. He turned as well, smiling at her with a slow and easy grin. Again she realized that he was a very different sort of guy than that of his older brother.

"Were we…" Claire faltered. She wasn't sure of the proper etiquette for asking about one's past. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she paused for a moment in her words. "Were we good friends?" she finally asked of Nick. She could see a sad look over take his pale features as the question emitted from her mouth. She wondered if she had offended him by her inquire. "I'm sorry..." she stumbled over her words again. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," she ended.

Nick chuckled at her words, his sad countenance having slipped away. "That is not like you Claire McLeod," he spoke the name without really thinking. And he was pleased when she didn't correct him. He couldn't think to call her Johnson in any manner. He knew from Tess and Alex that the marriage between Claire and Peter had never been legal at all. He wasn't sure if Claire knew that yet though.

"What's not like me?" Claire asked with interest, though she felt slightly out of the loop once again when it came to her own life.

"Apologizing so suddenly or, at all for that matter," Nick replied. It was clear from his jovial tone that he didn't mean his words in a bad way. "You never were one to take criticism or compliments well. And as for doling out thank you's or apologies, well, it didn't happen often," he noted, his voice still lighthearted and joking.

"I guess you would know better than I would," she sighed again as she returned to the stone wall. She folded her arms one over the other and then rested her chin on top of them.

"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable Claire, I'm sorry," it was Nick's turn to apologize. He felt bad now for what he had said, seeing the distant look in his old friend's eyes. He hadn't been at all sure how to approach her over the last few days. Everything had been so surreal to them all. He kept wondering if he was going to wake up suddenly and realize it was all just a dream.

"It's okay," Claire quickly assured him. "I still don't know how to react half the time when people mention something about me or the way I used to be. The other half of the time I just try my best to fake it and put a smile on my face," a slightly pitiful chuckle escape her lips. "It's not easy,' she whispered.

Nick caught the last words in his heart. He had cared about Claire for a long time, years before he had even met and fallen in love with his own wife. Claire had been a good friend to him over the years, and for a time, he had even tried to convince himself that she might be more than a friend. But that had been silly, and mostly heaped upon him by his father. Once he had finally realized there was nothing romantic between them, he'd felt a sense of relief. He liked having Claire as just a friend; it was one of his most prized relationships. Her "death" had been very hard for him.

"How about I agree to stop saying stupid things about how you used to be," Nick offered. He hated to think that the past relationship they had would never see the light of day again. But in exchange for getting to know her now, he was willing to set it all aside.

"And I promise not to apologize for things so quickly any more," Claire spoke as she extended her hand in a gesture of new friendship. It was another small step on the road to rediscovering her past, and building a new future. She liked Nick. He was easy to talk to and safe. She didn't feel she needed to keep up pretences around him any longer, and that was a weight off her shoulders.

"Deal," Nick agreed as he shook her hand. It was a good feeling to have his friend back again.

A soft shuffle of footsteps came from behind them and they heard the woman's words before either could turn to face her. "Is there a reason you two are lingering out here in my veggie patch?" Meg asked. She had a broad smile on her face though, clearly indicating that she was not at all upset with them.

"Sor…" Claire stopped herself mid word as she quickly turned her head and looked up at Nick again. A moment of silence passed between them before they both busted out laughing in a boisterous melody. They chuckled at the inside joke for several minutes before Meg finally cleared her throat and stood there staring at them with hands on her hips. It was pretty plain to see that she was confused.

"Don't worry Meg, we haven't completely lost our minds," Nick assured the older woman. "We just didn't think you'd be out here so early," he added as Claire's giggles finally subsided.

"Early?" Meg asked, looking to Nick and then to Claire. "I'd hardly call 8am early when you work on a farm," she informed them both as politely as possible.

"It's already 8 o'clock?" Claire asked with surprise. She looked back to the sunrise she had been watching and realized that it had all but disappeared. The sun was now shinning down on them with growing heat. Neither she nor Nick had realized they'd spent so much time out there. "Uh oh," Claire mumbled as realization hit her. She looked to Nick and saw the same conclusion dawning on his face. They had one thing in common, and that was being parents to young children.

"8am…" Nick spoke the words this time, nodding to Claire that he understood.

"On Christmas morning," Claire finished the thought.

As if on cue, the sound of several tramping feet could be heard in the near distance. It slowly grew louder and louder until three young children rushed into the garden, all calling out a myriad of different things. One word resounded over and over though; Christmas. Nick and Claire smiled at one another before regarding their respected children. Nick bent down and scooped young Jack into his arms as Claire went to stand before Charlotte and Melissa.

Melissa practically flung herself into Claire's arms. "Are you sure it's C'wistmas mommy? It's so hot here," the girl observed.

Claire nodded as she smiled over at Charlotte who stood by her side with a curious smile on her face. "That's because the seasons are different here kiddo," she began to explain to the younger girl. "You know how your birthday is in the summer back home?" she asked, and Melissa nodded her head. "Well, here it would fall during winter," Claire concluded.

"Oh," Melissa still seemed confused.

Claire smoothed her hand over the child's dark hair, attempting to tame the wild locks that had become tangled in sleep. Both Charlotte and Melissa stood outside in their pajamas and bare feet. "Sorry Mel, I know that probably doesn't make much sense to you does it?" Claire asked and Melissa shook her head in reply.

"Is there snow where you live?" Charlotte was the inquisitive one now as Claire put Melissa down on her own two feet. She turned her attention to her other daughter, masterfully granting attention to both girls with equal concentration. Raising three girls over the last five years had given her a lot of practice. Throwing one more into the ring didn't faze her too much.

"Yeah, sometimes," Claire replied. "It usually doesn't fall much on the valley floor though. But we go up into the mountains every winter and go sledding. It's a lot of fun," Claire explained.

"Wow, I'd like to see real snow some day," Charlotte replied with wonder.

As Claire continued the conversation with her two youngest daughters and Nick and Meg fussed over an overly excited Jack, none of them managed to sense the sneak attack of two mischievous, adolescent girls. Natalie and Aly had been watching the small gathering from around the corner of the house. The sun was beating down on them with great warmth as they stood there thinking about a way to liven up the morning a bit.

They had both landed their eyes on the nearby garden hose at the same time and instantly an idea formed. Carefully they managed to creep their way over to the hose and turn the water on without any of the adults taking notice. They exchanged a brief look of agreement before turning their weapon onto, first their mother and second, their little sisters. They didn't dare try to spray Nick or Meg though, not really knowing them well enough to be certain of their reactions. They knew their mum would be a bit upset at first but once the initial shock wore off they also knew she'd join right in.

It took Claire a few minutes to realize what had happened as she stood there, completely wet with her mouth agape. Although the weather was already reaching high temperatures, the chilly water from the hose had been a huge surprise. Her eyes fell instantly on the two culprits and after a moment of wanting to scold them, her temper turned into a lust for revenge. It wasn't too difficult to wrangle the hose out of their hands and soon she was firing back at them; giving them a taste of their own medicine.

Nick and Meg tried to stay out of the war zone as much as possible but enjoyed the rowdy scene. They didn't see fit to put a stop to the fun, but a not too pleased voice cried out from behind them a few moments later. "What on earth!" Tess exclaimed as she stormed into the garden waving her hands wildly. "It's Christmas morning for goodness sake, this is no time for water fights!" she exclaimed. "Jeez Claire," she called out to her sister after a second of observation. "I should have guessed I'd find you like this," Tess sighed.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Claire asked. She stopped her attack on the girls and stood with restraint as she eyed her sister, the hose handing low at her side.

"Jeans, Claire?" Tess asked, motioning toward her sister's attire. "For every occasion, I guess some things just don't change," Tess observed. She didn't seem overly fazed by it though as she continued to blather on. "Well, Alex has been wondering where you all ran off to. If you ask me I think he's just trying to keep his mind off of seeing Liz again," she added.

"Sounds like he needs to learn to relax a little," Claire replied, gauging her sister carefully. The hose was still running and there was a mischievous gleam in her eyes as she continued to nod her head absently as Tess droned on, and on.

"Yeah, but he hasn't seen his mum for quite a while you know, a few years in fact. She's done some rather unforgivable things in the past. Not to mention she's pretty much hated me since the day I stepped foot back on Drover's land. I fought long and hard to stay with Nick in spite of Liz's interference. I'm not sure what I was even thinking when I decided to invite her and Harry over today," Tess concluded. She looked around and quickly noticed the bemused looks on everyone's faces.

"You know what," Claire finally called out to her sister, itching to resume her previous fun. "I think you could stand to relax a bit as well," she said just before she sprayed her sister, drenching her with a splash of icy cold water.

Claire stood still for a moment, the hose having fallen back to her side again as she looked at her handy work. Tess attempted to wring the water out of her hair but quickly gave up the fight. Her eyes met those of her sister and they stared each other down for a long time before Tess finally spoke up again. "Clearly, this means war," she growled in a playful manner as she lunged for Claire and then the hose as well. They fell to the ground in a heap of laughter and squishy cloths.

Alex was the last one to stumble upon the group that had gathered in Meg's veggie patch. He stood there for a while with a surprised expression until slowly a goofy grin spread across his face. Finding Claire and Tess in an all out water war had been about the last thing he expected to find first thing on Christmas morning. He laughed loudly as he watched Natalie and Aly join in, defending Claire against Tess.

"Ah! Claire!" Tess screamed as she tried to wiggle out of Claire's grasp. The girls, including Charlotte and Melissa now, filled several buckets and dumped them over Tess. All the while Claire managed to keep her little sister pinned. "This is so not fair, it's five against one!" Tess wailed, though she was secretly enjoying the fun.

Claire laughed at Tess and the girls continued their attack. "Too bad the boys are not old enough to help defend you," she smiled and chirped merrily, feeling just slightly bad for ganging up on her sister the way she was.

"Yeah, well I'm old enough to help her," Alex said as he snuck up behind Claire and quickly managed to break her hold on Tess. The two of them rolled around on the ground for several minutes, each trying to get the upper hand in their wet battle. Alex finally managed to pin Claire's right arm behind her back, gently though, so as not to hurt her. He then found a nice patch of mud that had formed from the water fight. Not able to resist himself, he smeared the glop down Claire's left check.

"What is it about you and mud Alex Ryan!" Claire exclaimed as she tried to get away from him. Now she felt even worse for how she had treated Tess, knowing that this was her punishment for that attack.

Alex's grin grew, lighting up his whole face as he spoke. "Some artists use pencils, others use paint… I prefer mud," he replied coolly as he continued to slather Claire's face with the dirty substance. She managed to scoop up a handful of her own with her free arm. Soon it was sliding down Alex's forehead and onto his nose. The action of him reaching up to wipe off his face caused him to release his hole on her just long enough for her to break free.

They both scrambled away quickly. Soon though they were facing one another a few paces apart, each ready and armed with a handful of mud. The others watched with amusement as the two adults battled it out. Tess couldn't help thinking that nothing had changed. To watch Alex and her sister now, they seemed to have taken up right were they left off. Though she knew if she looked deeper, the truth would reveal itself. Claire was still not the same. It saddened her a bit to think that she might never be the same either.

Tess pushed away the thoughts as she resumed her task of watching the fun. It was Christmas day and though things had not started off as she had planned, she had a feeling it was shaping up to be a good day nonetheless. She chuckled along with Nick and Meg as they watched Alex and Claire taking aim. So engrossed in the muddy battle, none of them had even heard their visitor's arrive, until a voice spoke up from behind them.

"Why is it that every time I show up here someone is rolling around in the dirt or the mud?" Liz's voice startled them all and soon ten pairs of eyes were looking in her direction, unsure of what to say or do. Liz looked over to see Alex covered in mud. Tess, Charlotte and three other girls were completely soaking wet, and then there was Claire.

She noticed that Claire also was quite dirty. But it was hard to bother worrying about that fact as she stared at the woman in awe. She had never been very close to Claire but the young woman's death had rocked them all, even her. It was a wonder to see her again, very much alive and enjoying a morning of fun with her family. Liz couldn't fault them all for that, and a smile actually reached her lips.

Harry stood by with a bemused grin on his face as he watched the transformation on Liz's visage. He too then focused on Claire for the first time. He was overcome with emotion that he hadn't realized existed. It was a bloody miracle to be standing there and seeing the young woman again. "It's good to see you again Claire," was all he managed to say. Harry had never been one for grandiose displays of affection.

Claire looked over to Alex and watched as he slowly lowered the handful of mud he had aimed at her just a moment before. She wasn't sure what to make of these new people but she had a pretty good idea that they were Alex and Nick's parents. She too quickly dropped her muddy weapon and then attempted to clean herself a bit with the water that still sat in one of the buckets the girls had filled.

After cleaning up, Claire made her way over to the Ryan's and extended her hand toward Liz. She felt even more awkward than she had been two days ago upon first arriving at Drover's Run. "It's good to met you," Claire spoke without thinking. "I mean, it's good to see you again," she added with trepidation. She had no idea what to say and just prayed that she didn't look and sound like a complete fool.

Liz looked down at the hand outstretched toward her. "I'm afraid you're going to have to do a bit more cleaning up than that for me to shake your hand," she voiced aloud. Everyone held their breath, waiting for Liz's disapproval. Liz shocked them all though as a sneaky smile upon her face soon lifted the mood and she embraced Claire without further thought. "But a hug should suffice," she added as her good cloths were getting slightly wet.

A moment of surprised silence hung in the air like a thick fog as the others watched. Liz's laughter surprised them all even further as she pulled away from Claire and chuckled at their obvious amusement. Before long they had all joined in. Though there was still shock from them all by Liz's actions, for the most part they were grateful for the ease of the reunion. It seemed to bode well for the remainder of the day.

The afternoon was quickly slipping into evening as the group gathered in the sitting room. A tall tree stood in one corner of the room, decorated with all sorts of things from antique ornaments to strings of popcorn. The lights were lit on the tree and several candles around the room had also been lit. It gave the space a cozy mood as they all lounged about. Harry and Liz had already headed back to Killarney and Meg, Terry and Jodi had also returned to their place for the evening.

Tess and Nick sat snuggled up together in a large arm chair as Alex sat in the identical chair to their left. Charlotte, Melissa and Jack were sprawled on the floor in front of the tree still playing with some of the new toys they had received earlier in the morning. Baby Al had long since drifted off to dream land, worn out by his first Christmas experience. And Natalie and Aly sat with their backs against the sofa, watching the smaller kids.

Claire sat alone on the sofa, alternately watching the kids and Alex. She noticed that Alex seemed to be about a million miles away and she wondered what was on his mind. The memory of their previous night filled her head. There had been a lot discussed with the revelation of Leo Johnson's misdeeds and the contempt she knew that Alex still felt toward Peter. But playing Santa had helped to ease the tension of the night a little. Still though, she had no idea what was up with the brooding man who she couldn't help take her eyes off of.

Alex noticed Claire looking his way. He wasn't sure what to make of her keen observance of him. He knew what he wanted it to mean, but he doubted that his wishes were about to come true any time soon. They really hadn't had much time to talk about what had been revealed the night before. It was pretty clear that she was still uncertain around him though. Things had been brought to light at last. They had someone to blame for their separation, and yet, they still couldn't seem to come to any sort of understanding. All mud fights aside, their relationship seemed to be at a stalemate for the time being.

His mind slowly drifted off as he thought about what had happened with his mother earlier in the day. Her welcoming of Claire had been just the tip of the iceberg. And as much as it had been a surprise, he hoped it was an omen for better times ahead, for all of them.

_"So what do you think?" Harry asked of his son, watching the younger man with a close eye. He'd known for a few years now that Alex was not biologically his son, but that hadn't changed his way of thinking. After thirty years spent raising a child, they were yours, despite what blood and DNA might say to the contrary. _

_"About?" Alex asked in return. He wasn't sure what Harry was getting at. They were seated in Jack's study, each with a cold drink in their hands as they fanned away the heat of the afternoon sun. _

_Harry looked down his beer bottle at Alex. "About me and your mum?" he clarified his previous question._

_"Oh," Alex sighed as he leaned back into his seat a bit and took a sip of his own beer. "I'm not sure; it's a little awkward I guess," he replied honestly. It had been a bit of a shock when Tess had told him over the phone about Liz being back in their lives._

_"Yeah," Harry nodded his head in agreement. His eyes caught a glimpse of the woman standing in the doorway talking to Tess, still surprised to see her again after all that had occurred over the last five years. "But even more unbelievable things have happened, eh?" he asked._

_Alex followed Harry's glance as his eyes came to rest on Claire as well. He watched her for a few minutes as she tried her best to carry on a conversation with Meg and Tess. It was clear that such things were still difficult for her. He looked back to Harry and dipped his head a notch. "That they have dad, that they have," he agreed to the older man's previous observance._

_"Why don't you talk to her, it might help," Harry finally spoke up again after another pause._

_"Yeah, maybe," Alex replied as he removed himself from his seat. He looked down and gave Harry a brief but grateful smile. Then he turned and ducked out of the room, in search of his mother. He found her just a few minutes later, out on the side porch. She was standing out there all alone, looking off into the distance with a thoughtful countenance._

_"So, Harry sent you out here did he?" Liz asked without looking over her shoulder. She had instinctually known that it was Alex who had come to stand behind her._

_"Yeah," Alex replied. He didn't know why but for some reason he was suddenly nervous about talking to his own mother. _

_Liz turned around and smiled sympathetically at her oldest son. She knew it had taken a bit of courage on his part to seek her out. The last time they had seen each other hadn't been under the most pleasant of circumstances. And she couldn't blame him one bit for being skeptical of her. "You don't have to do this, it's all right," she spoke up again, giving him a chance to turn back._

_Alex considered it for a moment but realized that he didn't want to run from things any longer. "No mum, we need to talk," he told her, steadying his voice for what he was about to say. "I want you to know that, well, I love you," he admitted. "That's never changed, even though I might have been a bit mad at you for a while. We all make mistakes though mum, some bigger than others," for a second he thought about the mistake Peter Johnson had made that had cost him so much lost time with Claire._

_"I certainly know that," Liz replied. "And I won't blame you if you can't get over it all. I wish so many things had been different Alex. But the three things I would never change are falling in love with Harry, and having you and Nick. Maybe it would have been nice had they happened in that exact order, but we can't change history. We can only decide what our future will be," she concluded._

_"I think you might be getting wise in your old age mum," Alex quipped._

_"Yes, well, I suppose it had to happen sooner or later," Liz replied, hoping to keep up the easy mood that had descended upon them. It was nice for a change not to be at each other's throats. Maybe she was getting wiser in her old age or maybe she was just finally learning the true meaning of what it meant to be a family, and what it meant to really love someone. It had taken her a very long time to realize such things._

_"Right-o," Alex chuckled as he wrapped one arm affectionately around her shoulders. He kissed her gently on the cheek and smiled down at her as he pulled away again. "I love you mum," he told her again. "I might not always like you, but I do love you," he added._

_Liz actually smirked at his honesty. "I love you too son," she told him. They stood there for a time, Alex with his arm still wrapped around her as they looked out to the afternoon countryside. "Are you happy Alex?" Liz questioned him after a while._

_Alex's arm dropped from her shoulders as he turned to look at her with an inquiring gaze. "What do you mean?" he asked._

_"With Claire, and all of this… are you happy?" Liz asked again, having cleared up a few things. She didn't mean to pry, especially after the truce that seemed to have just been formed between them. She wanted him to be happy though and she was worried he might not be able to find that again with Claire. "I mean, what if she never fully remembers you or anyone here?" the woman asked, mainly out of concern for her son. At least, she hoped he would see it that way._

_He couldn't help but wonder if she was interfering again, but Alex managed to push away that nagging thought as he pondered her question seriously. "I guess if she never remembers me then we'll have the future to make new memories," he finally replied. Alex was actually a little surprised by the ease with which the answer had left his mouth. He looked deep into his mother's eyes hoping to find understanding there. "I know one thing mum, and that is that I will always love Claire, memory or not. We found our way together once and we will again. I have faith in that," he concluded._

_A smile curled the edges of Liz's mouth upward. It was becoming a new habit of hers. "Then I'm happy for you," she sighed heavily knowing it was finally time for her to let her children decide what was best for them, and stand by them as they did so. "And I promise to try and be happy for Nick as well," she added._

_"Are you serious about that?" Nick asked. He was standing in the doorway just behind them and had heard the last bits of their conversation. After the dinner he and Tess had attended out at Killarney he hadn't been sure if his mother would ever come around. But he heard something in her voice now that made him have hope again. He heard honesty in her tone, the likes that he'd never known before._

_"I want to try," Liz nodded as she faced her younger boy. She was apprehensive about the whole situation still. Nick had already welcomed her back into his life for the most part but she'd known he was still leery about her involvement with Tess. For his sake, and the sake of the McLeod and Ryan families, she really was finally willing to let go._

_"I guess that's all I can ask for then," Nick replied as he hugged his mother._

Alex smiled at the memory. It seemed like such a simple thing really, gaining a mother's acceptance. But he and Nick both knew that it had been a long time coming. Though he was still a little leery about it all, he knew one thing to be true. The words he had spoken to his mother about Claire held. _We found our way together once and we will again. I have faith in that. _Now he just had to find the right time to act on what he desired most.

He watched Claire again as she now looked down on the girls. Aly popped up from her seated position suddenly, startling everyone a bit. She nearly jumped into Claire's lap as she whispered something in the woman's ear. Claire's eyes opened wide. "I completely forgot about that," she whispered just loud enough for the others in the room to hear. She nodded once to Aly and the girl was off in a flash up the stairs.

Just under a minute later Aly darted back into the room. In her left hand she held a small package that was wrapped in Christmas paper. Aly looked to her mother for a second and Claire nodded again. The girl made her way toward the tree and sat down on her knees next to Charlotte as she tapped the younger girl on the shoulder. Charlotte looked up at Aly and smiled, as the older child held the gift out to her.

"It's from mum, Natalie, Melissa and I," Aly explained as she watched her new found sister tear into the gift.

Charlotte's eyes grew wide with glee as she pulled the box away from the paper and then opened it to find a silver charm bracelet nestled inside. She quickly discarded the box and inspected the item in her hands. There was a single charm that dangled from the bracelet and Charlotte soon realized that it was the sun, with exaggerated rays that she knew the real sun did not posses.

Natalie had scooted her way closer to the group of sisters seated at the base of the tree. She held her left arm out to display the bracelet that rested on her wrist. "See, we all have them now," she explained. The four girls took a few moments to admire each of their similar, yet unique bracelets. Charlotte finally took hers and got up, walking over to where Claire still sat.

"Thank you," Charlotte politely said as she held the item out toward her mother. "Will you put it on me?" she asked.

"Of course," Claire obliged, unclasping the bracelet and then re-clasping it around Charlotte's small wrist. She realized that she would have to buy more links for both Charlotte and Melissa's bracelet's as they grew.

"I'm never going to take it off," Charlotte vowed as she wrapped her arms around Claire's neck and held the woman tightly for a long time. "I love you mummy," she said, squeezing Claire even tighter.

"I love you too my little ray of sunshine," Claire whispered into the girl's ear.

Melissa ambled her way over to where her mother and Charlotte were seated on the sofa. She was too young to know what the word jealousy meant but she clearly didn't like to see Charlotte getting so much attention. She quickly managed to edge her way between Charlotte and Claire, settling herself on her mum's lap. Melissa smiled triumphantly at Charlotte who just smiled back, not thinking anything of it.

"Can you tell me a C'wistmas story mommy?" Melissa asked innocently, not realizing that her earlier actions had been a bit rude. Being the baby of the family, she was used to getting her way.

"Alex already read you guys, _The Night Before Christmas,_ last night," Claire replied. "I don't think I know any other Christmas stories," she informed the child.

"Yes," Melissa insisted. "The Miracle story," the girl's tone was almost demanding.

"Oh no," both Natalie and Aly groaned at the same time, knowing exactly the story that their little sister wanted to hear. Unfortunately they also knew that their mother would indulge the littlest member of their family, because she was pretty much spoiled rotten.

Claire gave the older girls a slightly warning glare. Tess and Nick had been watching everything with great interest. It made them both very happy to see Charlotte so at ease with Claire and Claire at ease with Bom as well. They knew how much Charlotte had wanted a real mum in her life, not that they ever thought it would be Claire again. And though it hurt Tess just a little to think that the girl wouldn't depend on her quite as much from now on, she was thrilled for her niece.

"What's the story about Claire?" Tess asked.

Trying to shrug off the idea, Claire shook her head. "It's just a silly story," she replied. "No one but Melissa and I care about it really," she added. She looked down at her baby girl and smiled. "I'll tell it to you later okay," she assured the child.

Melissa shook her head in protest. "Now?" she asked again. "Please?" she pouted with her bottom lip hanging down in a way that she never recalled the other girls ever doing. As much as she tried to fight the girl, she could never seem to resist her charms. Claire had no idea were Melissa had gotten her ability to wrap people around her finger. She knew Peter had never possessed that quality, and she couldn't see it in herself either really.

"We don't mind Claire, go ahead," Nick spoke up, encouraging Claire to recite the story. He had a feeling that the attention was making her a little uncomfortable so he tried to lighten things a bit. Hoping that his words would ease what ever fears she had. They all hated to see her so stitched up around them, knowing how good of friends they had once been.

Alex was the last to offer his words of encouragement. Charlotte had made her way over to him and curled up easily in his lap as she had watched Melissa take possession of their mother in one swift move. She rested her head back on his chest and smiled up at her dad. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before facing Claire again. "Yeah, go on Claire," he said. "We could all do with a good story," he implored her.

Finally Claire gave in, still feeling slightly awkward about the story she was about to relay. But, she decided that making Melissa happy outweighed any niggling fear that she had. The realization that she would have to start letting these people into her life settled in her chest. And she figured there was no harder step than the first one, so she began to recount the tale that Melissa adored.

"Let's see then, it was five Christmas' ago that I received the best present ever," Claire started off.

"Me?" Melissa asked.

Claire smiled down at the girl. "Yes," she whispered. "But are you going to let me tell the story or not?" she asked of the child. Melissa quickly zipped her lip as she snuggled in closer to her mother. "Right then, it was two days before Christmas and I had been sick as a dog all week. I thought that on top of everything else, I had caught the flu bug that had been going around. I was still laid up with my leg and everything so I was clearly not amused by the prospect," Claire explained.

Tess grimaced at her sister's mention of her leg and the implied connection to the accident. Sometimes the images of her sister in that Ute still came to her in the middle of the night. They had never gotten easier to see in her minds eye. She remembered the day all to well for her liking. It had been the worst day of her life, aside from watching her mum die. And it wasn't really anything she cared to be reminded of. As if sensing this, Nick pulled her closer in their embrace.

"Well, I wasn't a huge fan of doctors by that point, having seen so many of them in the last few months. But, when the bug wouldn't go away I finally resigned myself to visit yet another one," Claire explained. She wondered why Melissa cared to hear the whole boring saga leading up to the actual revelation. But she pressed on. "To my surprise, he told me that I was pregnant," she declared.

"With me," Melissa added, thumping her tiny chest lightly to indicate herself.

"Yes, with you silly girl," Claire confirmed.

"But why it a miracle mommy?" the child asked.

"It was a miracle because I found out a bit later that I was nearly three months along, which means that I was pregnant when I had the accident. The doctor told me it was amazing that you had managed to stay with me in light of the extreme trauma I had been through," Claire explained. "So that is why I call you my miracle baby," she concluded as she tickled the child under her chin. They both laughed as they shared the special moment.

A few minutes later Claire looked up to see three rather surprised looking faces staring back at her. She felt uneasy again as she regarded them all. "Uh, sorry," she said, despite her previous agreement with Nick earlier in the day. "I guess it is a rather boring story if you're not Melissa," she shrugged her shoulders. She noticed that both Natalie and Aly nodded their heads in agreement.

Tess and Nick looked at each other not sure what to do. They both had a pretty good idea of what the other was thinking but they just weren't sure how to go about voicing their opinions on the matter. It didn't really mater much what they thought though. It was Alex who had the most to deal with after that bombshell of a story. They decided to wait and see what his reaction would be before they butted in.

Alex's head was swimming. He couldn't quite grasp what had just happened. All that he knew for sure was that he had no idea what to know for sure. "Claire," her name slipped from his mouth without thought. "You were… I…" he couldn't seem to manage to string the correct words together. He sighed in frustration, giving up for the moment as he abruptly stood and slipped Charlotte from his lap and onto the chair. He looked down at Claire and then glanced at Melissa. "Shit," he mumbled as he quickly fled the room.

Claire shifted Melissa off her lap and looked expectantly over at Tess and Nick. Tess released herself from Nick's hold and stood up, walking a few feet over to the sofa as she came to face Claire. She looked to her sister trying to find the answers Alex had just been searching for as well. "Claire," her voice was unsteady. "Is that story that you just told true?" she finally asked.

"I wouldn't lie to my daughter," Claire didn't like the slightly accusatory tone that she had heard in Tess' voice. "Yes, it's true," she added.

The slightly younger woman still wasn't sure what to make of it all but she realized that someone needed to finally voice the truth. "Claire," she began softly, not wanting to frighten her sister off in any way. "If it is true, if you were really pregnant at the time of the accident, well… then…" for some reason she still couldn't say the words.

"What?" Claire demanded. "Why did Alex just storm out of here looking like someone had died?" she asked. She was beyond confused now and had no idea how her simple story had caused so much upheaval.

"I guess you can't be expected to know this, I mean, I don't know how much Alex has told you and all," Tess regained her bravery. She felt a bit bad though for revealing what she was about to say in front of the older girls. There was really no other choice though. "You were with Alex before the accident Claire. The two of you were, well… you know, a couple," Tess tried her best to explain without going into too much detail. "If you were pregnant at the time of the accident then, it couldn't have been Peter's child," she finally told her sister.

Claire stared at her sister for what seemed like forever, waiting for the realization to sink in. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to comprehend how her world had just been shoved out of orbit again for the second time in the past few weeks. "Alex?" his name was a questioned whisper on her breath as she opened her eyes again and looked to her sister. Tess nodded her head but remained quiet. "Shit," Claire swore as she turned and quickly followed the path that Alex had taken just a few minutes prior.

To Be Continued…


	19. Part 19

_I am very sorrythat ithas taken me so long to update this fic. I hope there are still a few interested readers. Thank you all for your reviews and comments.I really do appreciate them!_

**Back in the Saddle**  
Part 19  
By  
N. J. Borba

Claire steadily made her way toward the stables taking short, swift strides as she headed for her destination. The dry, dirt ground below her boots crunched out a cadence as she took each step. The path she followed had become familiar to her over the past week. That, coupled with small memory flashes she kept having had given her a much more familiar picture of the land she was visiting.

She had to pause a moment to ponder the term visiting, as she was still uncertain if it was just a visit or something more permanent perhaps. That had been the question resounding in her head for the last six days. Back home, or, in the states she still had a house and a business to think about. There were responsibilities to think about and employees as well. She couldn't just walk away from all of that. On the other hand, she had a life right where she was. It would still take a great deal of re-adjusting back into it but it was there, waiting for her. She had a sister and friends, and of course there was Alex.

He was the biggest question of all in her head and the hardest one to figure out. She really didn't know why it was difficult to decide whether or not she wanted to be with him. If it were that simple she'd be in his arms in a flash. But there was a question of trust and of honesty that she was still trying to work past. There was no denying her feelings toward him but she'd lived with a man for five years thinking him her husband and devoting her life to being shared with him. And in the end it had all been a lie.

She didn't want to live another life filled with lies. There was a very good chance that Alex would never hurt her again. She had the distinct feeling that he sure never planned to. But she hesitated nonetheless. Why? She still couldn't figure it out. Especially after how well things had gone Christmas night. She still couldn't get that evening to leave her thoughts. Things had changed that night, for the better she hoped. All she had to do was take the next step. Unfortunately that step was still in day six of its procession. She only hoped that Alex would understand. After that night though, she had good reason to believe that he might.

_"Shit, shit, shit," she mumbled the words under her breath as she tore off, out of the house, across the yards and straight toward the destination that she somehow knew would lead her to him. _

_How could this be happening? She wondered as she walked. Just when she thought that maybe things were getting back on track and taking some form of normalcy again, this obstacle was thrown in their path. But she had to wonder if it was indeed an obstacle. It could be a good thing. It could be a very good thing. If only the two of them planned to see eye to eye on the subject matter. _

_She had no fantasies of it being an ideal situation, of that she was certain. When someone finds out that they have a daughter they never even knew about, it's not likely to leave them in the most understanding of positions. He would have to understand though, that things for her had not been easy or clear at the time. Had she known anything of her past, maybe they could have had the life they'd been meant to with their daughter and with Charlotte as well. _

_Those thoughts had to be shaken from her head though. They were not productive and they were also not welcome. Yes, maybe it would have been happy and wonderful with just her, Alex and the two girls. But then what would have become of Natalie and Aly? Perhaps their mother never would have died and maybe they would have led a happy life as well. But she just couldn't imagine her life with out the two of them in it. It just seemed right that they were her daughters. _

_It was obviously a loosing battle to fight with her brain. The mind could not fathom what the heart sometimes desired. They were usually at odds it seemed. And as much as it might be nice to dream about at times, the past was just not something you could go back and change. What happened had happened for a reason. They all had to accept that and try to move on. She hoped that she and Alex would be able to move on as well. _

_Spotting him exactly where she had pictured in her mind only moments after she'd taken off after him, her heart swelled. Claire wondered how she could have given him the cold shoulder for the past week or so. Alex looked so lost even though she couldn't even see his face at all. She thought back to the way she'd been treating him. He'd been honest with her about only wanting to protect her and trying not to confuse her. His lies had been spoken with her best interests in mind. It was hard to fault him for that. And she had to admit that she was beginning to falter in her resolve to shut him out. _

_The windmill loomed above her as she made her way toward Alex. He was sitting on the old tub at the base of the windmill with his back to her as she approached. His shoulders slumped slightly as she watched him with a keen eye of observance. She hadn't known him very long, or rather; she didn't recall having known him long. But she felt she could read him like a book. It was clear how upsetting her revelation had been to him. _

_Claire didn't know quite how to approach him and so moved to stand beside him. She could tell that he had registered her presence by the slight movement of his head. No doubt he had sensed her even before that. But he made no first move to speak or even to dare and look up at her. She wondered briefly if he was ashamed for having stormed off or something. But that didn't seem like a very likely case. _

_Finally, after an awkward amount of time had passed between them in silence, it was Claire that made the first move. She sat down beside him on the edge of the tub and a feeling of recognition bombarded her as she did so. It wasn't quite like the flashes of memory she'd been having for the last few days. But it was more of a feeling of dejavu. She'd seen the windmill in her dreams along with Alex so she figured that had something to do with it. What she felt now though wasn't like the dream at all, it felt much more real. _

_She felt silly but the only thing she could think to do was use her shoulder to nudge the big bloke beside her. Doing so made her feel as if she were a kid again and playing stupid games with teenaged boys. It had always amused her how that seemed to be the way adolescent boys would show their affection of a girl; a playful hitting or nudging of ones shoulder. And it was something she somehow knew he would understand. _

_"Hey," Claire finally decided to put words to their strange encounter. "What's the big idea, storming off like that?" she asked. "You could give a girl the wrong impression," she added, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. _

_Alex turned to look at her for the first time since she had arrived. He wondered briefly how she'd found him so quickly but then pushed the thought away. She'd always known him better than anyone. And at the moment her easy words were doing wonders to heal his broken heart, yet he tried his best not to let on about it. He still couldn't quite get over the shocker of a Christmas present he'd just received. _

_"Is that all you have to say for your self?" Clair asked, again in an attempt to loosen up the tension she felt radiating off the man seated beside her. She could tell that he wasn't upset with her but something was still bugging him. No doubt he was still reeling over the fact that he had a four year old daughter that he just found out about. "Look, I know this is all rather, well, awkward to say the least. But could you at least say something so I don't feel like a complete idiot here," she all but begged of him. _

_He looked over at her again this time really taking the time to see her. There was no way he could hide the smile he'd been pushing down any longer. The confusion and frustration were still there and probably would be for some time to come, but he didn't blame her for any of it. There was no one to blame really. It was just the way fate had seen fit to play with their lives. _

_"Sorry," Alex finally replied. "I'm not upset at you," he assured her. In fact, very much the opposite, he thought as he cautiously moved his hand to rest upon hers. "It's true, isn't it?" he asked, knowing that she needed no more explanation about the question. _

_"Well, we could do a blood test I suppose," Claire replied, trying to be serious. She would too if that's what he desired. If he needed solid proof of it than she would help him seek it out. She had a feeling that his question was just a formality though. _

_"I doubt that'll be necessary," Alex chimed in. He loved that she was willing to do whatever she felt he needed to prove Melissa was his. In a way he wondered if it made her relieved in some way, knowing that she wasn't Peter's. That idea was banished though because of Charlotte and because of how much he knew she loved the girl despite who her father was, not to mention how much she cared for Natalie and Alana as well. _

_"You're probably right," Claire spoke up again. "The poor girl has your nose. I always wondered where she got that thing from," she added with an amused chuckle. In actuality, there had been several things about her youngest daughter that she'd wondered about. It seemed so clear to her now, all those little facial expressions and such that she had pondered over… she was indeed Alex's little girl. _

_"I'll have you know that women all around these parts would die for a chance to have their kids resemble me," Alex replied on the defensive, a bright smile lighting up his face. It pleased him to no end that the news had not set them further apart but rather, that it had seemed to bring them even closer. He only hoped that closeness would deepen further. _

_"Silly women," Claire mumbled in a joking manner and was quickly rewarded by being tackled to the dusty ground, both of Alex's arms wrapped firmly around her middle. After the initial shock of his sudden move, she caught her breath and looked up into his eyes, she smiled. "I swear I'm going to have to break you of this dirty habit," she chuckled as he pinned her with his hands on her shoulders. _

_They stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity, staring at one another, uncertain as to where their relationship was headed in light of the latest news. Claire looked past him for a moment, seeing the sun slowly set against the horizon. The same colors that she had watched earlier that same day in the morning sky now danced in a new pattern across the evening façade. Looking back up into Alex's eyes she could see his trepidation and his desire, and she reflected her own back to him. _

_Slowly they moved closer toward one another, Alex leaning down and Claire propping herself up on her elbows against the hard ground. Their eyes closed, feeling the inevitable pull of their bodies and before they could think of it further their lips met in a gentle union. It was a soft kiss, not unlike the one they had shared a month or so ago under the old apple tree back in the states. But this kiss grew into something more, something greater than they had anticipated. _

_There was no telling where one set of lips began and the other ended. Locked in their embrace, they had become one entity. Two hearts collided, not caring for the time at hand what the future would bring. All they knew at that very moment was a safe feeling of being close and cared for. And they both wished for it to last forever._

"If I felt that way then, why have I been avoiding him for nearly six days?" Claire whispered the question to her self as she rounded the corner and entered the stable where she found Tess busily saddling up her horse. She quickly banished her ponderings as she watched her sister. It still amazed her that she had a family she had completely forgotten about. "Is there something I could help with?" she asked, hoping that some work might help push away her previous thoughts. She'd been doing that a lot lately, throwing herself into work. It just seemed easier than releasing the hold she held on her heart.

"Sure," Tess nodded her head, happy to have her sister around. "Jodi and I are headed out to muster the herd. They've gotten all the way down toward the border of the national park. I know it's not exactly the way I planned to spend New Years Eve but amazingly enough, cattle do not take holidays!" she exclaimed. "It could be a bit of a long trek though," she warned

Claire nodded, thinking it sounded just like what she needed. "I can keep up," she assured her little sister.

"I'm sure you can," Tess agreed, knowing the strong will of her sister even in the face of unmistakable turmoil. "Uh, you can saddle Blaze if you want," she instructed, motioning toward the golden hued mare.

"I… um, I was just wondering about Eagle?" Claire asked.

Tess' head popped up, curiosity in her gaze. She studied Claire for a long moment before she spoke up. "You remember Eagle?" she asked, not sure if this was a good thing or not. It certainly had not been a question she was expecting to hear.

"Funny, eh?" Claire retorted as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other in a bit of a nervous move. "I can remember a horse I had five years ago but sometimes when I look at you it still takes me a minute to remember your name," Claire could see the slightly fallen look on Tess' face and immediately felt bad for what she'd said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that," she wasn't sure if her words were a question or not.

Tess shook her head. "No, it's okay. It's good actually. I want you to be honest with me," she implored her sister. It was going to be awkward for a long time to come she imagined. They would just have to deal with it. "Look Claire, I don't even pretend to know what you're going through but I know enough to understand that it must be very confusing for you," Tess hoped her understanding might help, if only a little.

Claire gave the younger woman a grateful smile. "Yeah, this past week had been so full of bits and pieces of memories that I'm not sure what's past and what's present any more," she revealed.

"You'll figure it out. And I'll help you, we all will," Tess assured her with a squeeze of her shoulder.

"Yeah, I know," another grateful look washed over Claire as she went about saddling up Blaze. The question came back to her again though as she realized Tess had not replied to her earlier inquire. "So, about the horse?" she pressed.

"Oh, right…" Tess had almost hoped that the subject would have passed. She figured Claire would have to find out some time though. "Eagle, uh… is not with us any longer," she tried her best to break the news gently. Tess wasn't exactly sure how much Claire remembered of the past so she figured a bit if caution was a good idea.

"Oh," Claire felt bad at hearing that though she wasn't entirely sure why. She knew that the horse had meant something to her and imagined it must have been her horse. But she still couldn't put valid feelings into form where the animal was concerned.

"It's kind of a sad story really," Tess wasn't sure why she felt the need to go into it all but for some reason she figured Claire would want to know. "You remember Roy right?" she asked.

"Um, he was a dog?" Claire did recall the animals name but she couldn't remember much more than that about the creature. She had a feeling though that he must have meant more to her than she could remember. And so probably did Eagle. She waited for Tess to continue as she finished up with Blaze.

"Yes, he was your dog," Tess confirmed what Claire had been thinking. "Well, there was an accident a few years back. Roy was hit by a stray bullet while trying to protect some of the sheep from a guy who'd been steeling them from several of the properties in the area. It was late by the time we found him and he was already too far gone. He died later the next morning," Tess explained.

Claire was touched by the story even if she couldn't recall the dog from her memory. He had obviously been a very loyal and dedicated part of the farm. She was a little confused though. "What exactly does all this have to do with Eagle?" she finally asked.

"Well, you see, after your death… or, well, you know," Tess glossed over all those details that they didn't need to speak of. "After that, Roy and Eagle were kind of close, you know. They bonded over your loss I guess. It was sort of odd really but I'm not one to decide what sort of relationships are healthy or not," Tess continued on.

Claire found her sister to be a very entertaining story teller. She wondered if Tess had always been so perky and fun. There was a special kind of air about the younger woman and it was infectious. Claire wished that she could remember more about her sister. But she knew that she just had to be patient. If the memories were there, like they all suspected, then they would come forth when the time was right.

"So, when Roy died it was painfully obvious that Eagle was upset," Tess continued. "I didn't think much of it at first and by the time I realized it was, again, too late. Eagle just stopped eating and no one could even get near the poor horse. We think Eagle died of a broken heart. I know it probably sounds very far fetched but there was no other logical or medical reason for it. Eagle just gave up," Tess concluded

"I'm sorry," Claire replied, not sure what else she should say.

Tess sensed her sister's uncomfortable mood. It was probably way too much to have lain upon her already confused shoulders. And so, she made a quick attempt to change the subject, drastically. "So, what about Alex?" the words propelled from her mouth. She had a feeling that was also a sensitive subject. But at least it was one that she knew she might be able to help with.

"What do you mean, what about Alex?" Claire asked, trying to brush off the obvious reason's Tess had brought his name up. "He's taking the girls to the damn for a swim today," she added, knowing full well that was not the sort o answer her sister was looking for.

"Come on Claire, you may not remember and I may be five years out of practice on my sister skills but, I do know you. I know ever look and every stalling tactic in your book," Tess informed her big sister.

Claire nodded her head in defeat. It was obvious that Tess was not about to let it go and truthfully, she was grateful to have someone who seemed so devoted to her. It was one thing to have had Carrie and Annie as co-workers and friends. But having a sister was plainly a much deeper relationship than any other she knew of. She was beginning to understand just what it meant to be a sister. It was a feeling of unconditional love and support, the likes she could not recall ever having in her life before.

"Alex and I are okay, I guess," Claire revealed.

"Then why do you keep avoiding him?" Tess asked. She noticed Claire's lightly surprised look and chuckled. "I do have eyes you know," she quipped.

Claire smiled. "I don't know," she sighed as she and Tess mounted their rides and headed off to find Jodi. "I care about him Tess, I care a great deal about him and I've started to remember little details about our friendship before the accident. It's just hard to let myself completely surrender to him," she confessed.

"Well, I know you don't have to take my advice," Tess replied. "But it took you two a long time to get together that first time and frankly, I don't think you should waste any more time now. You've both got a second chance Claire. Do you know how rare that is?" she asked but did not wait for any sort of reply from her sister. "If I've learned anything over this whole ordeal, it's that life is too short to waste on petty things. Love is not petty Claire, it's something rare and wonderful to be cherished. And you should hold on to it when it comes around," she concluded as she trotted off to meet Jodi at the gate.

Claire was left to think about what her sister had just said. She wondered how she had managed to land herself such a smart and determined sister. But most of all, she took Tess' words to heart. The woman was right. Life was too short and she knew better than anyone that things could happen that would change things forever. She had a feeling that she needed to heed her sister's words, and hold on to her second chance for dear life.

Alex pulled the youngest of his charges from the water, wrapped a towel around her and deposited her onto the shore safe and sound. He then went about gathering the three inner tubes, the cooler, picnic basket and blanket that they had brought with them for their New Years Eve day adventure. They'd had a great time swimming and getting to know one another better but the afternoon sun was just too hot for them to stay any longer, so they were headed for home.

Home; that was an interesting word that he mulled over for a few seconds as he ushered all four girls into the Ute and quickly sped off down the dusty road, headed back toward Drover's. He had considered Drover's Run his home for a while, having taken up residence there shortly after Claire's so called "death". He'd promised to be with Charlotte, to take care of and love her as his own. And he'd kept that promise. He was her father in every way that counted. That meant that living with Tess and Nick and the whole gang at Drovers was part of the package.

It had felt slightly strange at first, being there in that big house without Claire, but he'd slowly learned to accept his fate. And he doted on Charlotte and helped with the farm, as well as staying on to help at Kilarney and Wilgul on occasion. But Drover's had become like home to him, especially with Charlotte there. He wondered now if he could possibly make it a home that Claire would want to stay in. He knew for certain that he planned to do every thing in his power to make her stay.

Now he had another daughter to think of. Melissa was his, of that he was certain. They'd joked about a blood test and all that but he and Claire both felt it wasn't necessary. The conversation with the girls the following morning, after that very large revelation had been made, was a bit awkward to say the least. He'd been thrilled beyond belief though when Melissa jumped into his lap and instantly took to calling him daddy. It still surprised him sometimes. But Claire reminded him that she'd been a bit young to remember Peter. For that small fact, Alex was rather grateful.

Natalie and Aly were still a bit on guard about the whole situation, feeling as if they were losing their family even further. Melissa had always been their link to Claire. With that link, essentially shattered, it was hard for them to understand their place in his and Claire's lives. They didn't seem to know where they fit in any longer. Natalie had taken this as a cue to bid for a sooner return trip home than had been planned. Aly wasn't as keen on that idea though. She actually liked being back in her native country. They were both confused with twisted emotions.

Yet, through it all they waited for Claire to lead the way. And they behaved in a very grown up matter about it all. Alex had been most impressed by Natalie's reactions to the recent events. When he had first met the girl, she'd been fiercely standoff-ish toward him. He was grateful for the understanding they had now, it was surely one of the saving graces in the whole awkward situation. Alex wanted to make them a family, and that meant keeping them all together.

He knew how much Claire adored Natalie and Alana and he would never stand in her way of being their mother. He'd actually taken to the girls quite a bit himself. Obviously it was a little easier with Aly but like he had been recalling previously, Natalie had certainly come around. All he had to do now was get Claire to realize that she belonged at Drover's and nowhere else. Even if it meant not being around him for a while, he could handle it. He'd hate it but he'd deal with it.

Alex had a pretty good feeling that things between them were changing as well though. The kiss they'd shared on Christmas night had been nothing short of a miracle all on its own. And it wasn't really so much the kiss that mattered to him, although that was certainly an added bonus. But it had to do with the fact that she was beginning to trust him again, slowly, but surely he hoped. That sentiment spoke louder than anything else he could think of.

They pulled up to the Drover's homestead and came to a stop when Alex noticed the police vehicle in the yard. He removed himself from the Ute and helped the girls gather their things before sending them all into the house to change. He then made his way toward Sergeant DeCosta who had gotten out of his car and was headed toward Alex. The man looked a bit troubled but Alex tried to shrug it off.

"G'day Frank," Alex greeted in an amiable way, even extending his hand to shake the police officers. They hadn't always gotten along so well, but they had a general understanding of things.

"G'day Alex," DeCosta replied. He looked around the area a bit trying to avoid contact with the other man's eyes. "Is, uh, Claire around?" he asked cautiously.

"She went off with Tess and Jodi this morning to help with the mustering. They should be back soon," Alex informed the man, wondering if they were going to get around to what was obviously bothering the cop.

"Seems she's getting back into the swing of things here eh?" Frank asked, clearly stalling in what he had come to do.

"Yep, I hope to convince her to stay. I can't imagine what I'd do if she wants to return to the states," Alex confided in the man but did not dare to delve any deeper into his feelings on the manner.

"Well, I don't suppose she'll be doing that any time soon Alex," Frank replied, knowing he had to explain his presence sooner or later. "I'm afraid some things have come to light about Claire's status in the states. When she came through custom's here a week ago there was some question about her passport. At the gate nothing seemed out of the ordinary but some further checking was done and it appears that the document number is a fake," he concluded.

Alex crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive manner. "Yeah, well we know that with what Leo Johnson did he probably created the forgery himself to get her out of the country," he spoke. Surely the police wouldn't think Claire had anything to do with it all. "Why are you here telling me all this?" Alex finally asked, knowing there had to be more.

"Claire is not in any kind of trouble Alex, but I'm afraid she won't be able to return to the states," DeCosta informed Alex.

"What the hell do you mean I won't be able to return?" it was Claire's voice that interrupted their conversation. She and Tess had come ridding up without notice from the two men. Her eyes were wide now, glancing back and forth between the two of them. She was searching for some sort of an answer to her question.

"I'm sorry Claire," the sergeant turned to face her. "With the discovery of your forged passport, The United States government has forfeited your right to return and they have…" he paused for a moment, not sure how to tell her the rest. He figured just coming clean was good enough. "I'm afraid they have seized your property and stocks. They plan to sell them off at cost but you won't see a penny from the sales. Given your illegal status at the time of acquirement, technically, none of it belongs to you," he concluded as he lowered his head.

"No mum! What about Shadow?"

Claire turned around to find Natalie and the other girls standing there with their mouths agape. It was clear that none of them quite understood what was going on. Truthfully, she wasn't even sure. She felt like everything she'd known to be true for the past five years was suddenly crashing down before her little by little. Just when she was starting to see some brightness on the horizon, something else came to rain down upon her.

Claire dismounted and handed Blaze's reigns over to Tess, who had so far remained quite. She had no idea what she could possible do to help. Natalie moved toward Claire and looked up at her with questioning eyes. Losing her father a year ago had been the most difficult thing in her young life. Now she feared that she was about to lose even more. She wrapped her arms around her mother and cried for her beloved pet.

"Hey, no tears now," Claire whispered softly in the girls ear. "I'm sure we'll figure this all out. Shadow is your horse; I don't care what any one says on the matter. Your dad got him for you and I'll get him back for you. Somehow, we'll work it out okay?" she asked as Natalie nodded her head in agreement but kept her face buried in Claire's embrace.

"There has to be some way we can buy back a few of the things," Alex spoke up seeing how upset Natalie was, and in turn, Claire. He hated to see them that way. He had no idea that the worst was yet to come.

"I don't really know the specifics. I suppose if you got in contact with the selling agency, perhaps… but, well, like I said. I don't know," Frank shrugged, knowing that the property was the least of their worries at the moment. What he had to tell them and do next was enough to make him hate his job. "I… that's not all I came here for either," he began again.

"Well, I don't suppose it can get much worse than that Frank, so out with it," Tess prompted as she too dismounted and held firmly onto the reigns of both horses.

"I have a court order filed by a Laura and Edward Smyth," sergeant DeCosta had no idea how to explain the damned piece of paper that he now held in his hand, having plucked it from his inside jacket pocket.

"Who are Edward and Laura Smyth and what do they have to do with anything?" Alex asked.

"Grammy and grandpa?" it was Aly who made her voice known. It had been many years since she'd seen her grandparents but she did remember them. Their mother had taken them to visit the elderly couple several times when they lived in Queensland. She and Natalie now exchanged a look of worry.

"Yes, apparently the Smyth's are Julia Johnson's parents," Frank explained. He was happy at least that the girls remembered their grandparents. It would make what he had to do a little bit less traumatic, he hoped. "They've been searching for Julia for years now, never giving up hope of finding her and the girls again. When they learned of their daughters death though they were devastated, to say the least. Now, they have filed for custody of the girls. And seeing as you, Claire, uh, have no legal rights to the girls… I'm afraid I have to take them with me," he concluded.

"No!" Natalie screamed as she pulled away from Claire. She looked up at the woman who she had called mum for the last four years, begging her with tear filled eyes to tell her that everything that was happing was just a dream, a very bad dream. "I won't go," she protested as she looked at Aly for some solidarity on the issue. "We won't go!" she maintained as both girls nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry Natalie, but you must," Frank said. "I need you and Aly to go and pack a few things. We need to leave soon, okay?" he asked, hoping that his task wouldn't be any harder than it needed to be.

"No," Natalie replied with a cool hatred growing for the man who had just spoken to her. "I won't leave my mum," she added, latching onto Claire again.

Frank DeCosta looked to Claire, hoping for some sort of support though he would certainly understand if he received none. He couldn't imagine what all she must be feeling at the moment.

Alex moved in closer toward Claire and Natalie, picking up Aly in his arms as he did so. He held the girl close though she was a bit big to be held like a child. He didn't care, he wasn't about to let anyone destroy more of Claire's life. She and the girls had already been through far too much over the last several years, let alone months. He didn't know if they could all handle this newest tragedy.

"There must be some way to work this out so that the girls don't have to leave," Alex started. "We could get the Smyth's to come out here and we could all talk it over or something," he was trying very hard to keep himself calm. He knew that if he allowed, he would beat the bloody crap out of the man standing before him, cop or not.

"Alex," Claire's hand came to rest on his shoulder, a gentle reminder to help the excitable man stay composed. "I think we can work this out but for now we should do things by the book. We don't want to do anything to risk losing them for good," it was taking every ounce of courage she had to speak the words. She was surprised the thought had never crossed her mind before that something like this could happen. It was clear that she had no legal rights to the girls but she just never imagined that they might actually be taken away from her.

"Mum, no," Natalie's voice was shocked as she looked up at the older woman that she had come to depend on as a mother, as the only parent she had left in her life. "Don't make us go, please," she begged.

Claire pulled out of Natalie's tight hold on her and leaned down to look her daughter in the eye. "I don't want you to go, you know that don't you?" she asked. She was relieved when Natalie nodded her head in agreement. "But Frank is right, I don't have any legal right to keep you here," Claire tried her best to explain to the child.

"But you're our mum," Aly was quick to defend.

Claire looked up at Aly and smiled. "Yes, I am," she assured them both, looking back and forth between the two girls. "And I love you very much. We all know that, but we're going to have to show your grandparents that and possibly a court judge," she continued. "I need you two to be strong and not argue. We have to be at our best and we have to be strong," Claire could feel her resolve start to falter. She fought it though and reached for Aly.

She pulled Aly from Alex's arms and put the girl back onto her own two feet so that she stood next to her older sister. "I need you both to go inside and pack a bag okay, and meet us back here in a few minutes. Will you do that for me?" she asked.

Natalie wanted to speak up again, wanted to protest what her mother was saying. She opened her mouth several times in an attempt to say something, anything at all. But she looked up at her mother and then over at Aly. She knew that she would have to be strong, like her mum had said. Natalie resolved to do what her mother asked, and would trust that everything would work out like she had said. She grabbed hold of her younger sister's hand and turned, ushering Charlotte and Melissa back toward the house as well.

"How long?" Claire turned toward Frank as she asked the question.

"I don't know for sure. I guess it will depend on the Smyth's, if they feel the need to pursue this. You could…" he didn't want to tell them they could lose the girls for good. "Maybe talking with them would be a good idea," he said, acknowledging Alex's earlier suggestion. "This contains their contact number and address," he said as he handed them their copy of the papers.

"Thank you," Claire replied, knowing that it wouldn't help to get upset at the police officer. He was just doing his job and it was plain to see that he wasn't enjoying it all that much.

The girls returned, Natalie and Aly each with a bag clutched tightly in their hands. Charlotte and Melissa hovered nearby. Melissa held onto Natalie with a vise like grip. She wasn't entirely sure about what was going on except for the fact that her sisters were going somewhere without her. And she didn't like that at all.

Charlotte was also upset but reached out for her father instead. Alex easily scooped her up into his arms. She had just met her sisters for the first time only a week ago. They were all still trying to get to know one another and now it seemed that they might be separated for an indefinite amount of time. It just didn't seem fare at all. Worry for her mum also clouded her young mind. Their family had just come together. She didn't want to lose any of them.

Claire was still doing her best to stay as calm and strong as possible, for the girl's sake. Frank reached out and took their bags. He walked over to his Ute and tossed the luggage inside then stood by the car door, giving them all a few extra minutes to say their good-byes. Natalie was also doing her best to put on a brave face, mostly for her sister's benefit.

Aly wrapped her arms around Claire's neck and hugged her tightly. "I'll miss you," she whispered as tears trailed salty tracks down her checks.

"I'll miss you too kid, but I'll see you soon. I promise," Claire assured the girl. Aly nodded and moved aside so that Natalie could say good-bye as well.

Natalie's resolve slipped as a few tears fell from her eyes as well. She hugged her mum again, not wanting to let go. It had taken her a long time to warm up to the woman she now called mother. But once she latched on to someone, there was no way she would let go. "I won't stay with them," she informed her mother.

"Be good, please," Claire warned, worried that the girl might get it into her head to run off or do something equally stupid. "I'm counting on you to watch out for Aly okay. You're her big sister and that's your job. Promise me?" Claire asked.

"I promise mum," Natalie replied. "I love you," she added with one final squeeze.

The girls reluctantly made their way to the Ute where Frank was waiting. He opened the back door for them and helped them get situated in their seats. Alex and Claire made their way to the car and smiled reassuringly to both the girls. "We'll see you soon," Alex spoke. He didn't plan on saying good-bye and it was clear that Claire and the girls would not say the word either. It was a silent promise to each other, one that said they'd all be together again, soon.

Sergeant DeCosta placed himself in the driver's seat and started the Ute. He didn't wish to prolong the scene any more and decided that taking off was the best thing for all those involved. With a bit of an apologetic nod of his head, he steered the vehicle down the dirt road that lead away from Drover's Run.

It wasn't until the Ute had disappeared completely that Claire finally lost it. Her tears came at last as she realized that they were really gone. Alex put Melissa down and quietly implored Tess to take the girls with her as she put the horses up. Tess happily obliged, feeling that she could at least be helpful by keeping an eye out on the girls.

Alex's arms folded Claire into him so that her head rested on his chest. He hated to see her cry. It was the one thing he would give anything in the world to try and avoid. The helpless look in her eyes was enough to break his heart over and over again. But he would be strong for her until she slipped back into protective mother bear mode, which he knew she would. For now she just needed to let go. And he would stand by her side for as long as she needed him.

To Be Continued…


	20. Part 20

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Part 20

By  
N. J. Borba

The summer sun rose upon a new day at Drovers Run. Alex could only hope that it would be enough to drown out the darkness of the past few days. Golden hues shown through the kitchen window of the old house, illuminating the various objects in the room as his gaze fixed on a point somewhere half way between inside and outside the window. He watched as the light danced along the walls, bouncing around and creating different shadows as it reflected in the slight breeze of morning. And he noticed how the sun also threaded itself through the tree branches outside, cascading down and creating wild patterns on the ground.

He had no idea why he was suddenly so observant and contemplative. Studying the patterns of sunlight had never been something he'd been keen on before but he suspected that it had to do with a certain member of the female species; a certain woman who had changed his life forever. Sure he'd probably always be the same Alex Ryan, smart mouthed and quick tempered. He'd probably be ornery to the core till the day he died. But loving her had changed him, for the better, and being separated from her had damn near killed him. All he could do now was contemplate and be hopeful about the future that he might be able to have with her. And there was hope in the glowing warmth of the sun and the promise of good things to come. After the events of the last few months, he knew they could all certainly use a new beginning.

Alex continued to marvel at the scenery as he watched morning dawn upon the first day of the New Year. It amazed him how the final day of a year could seem so dire and the first of a new one could hold so much promise. He'd awoken early, earlier than was normal even for him. There was just something in the air telling him that this year things would finally fall into place for all of them. He knew that there was still the tiny matter of getting Claire to open up her eyes to that promise but there was hope in his heart that it wouldn't take too much effort. She was about as stubborn as they came but he had the fortunate advantage of knowing her weaknesses, even if she didn't remember. He vowed to make the New Year a better one for all of them.

He was shaken from his reverie as he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, that Charlotte and Melissa had wandered into the kitchen. The older of the two girls quickly came to stand beside him; she'd been sticking close to him ever since his return to Drover's. She looked up at him and smiled. It was an, _I'm still half awake but pleased to see you,_ sort of smile. And it served to reassure his previous thoughts. Everything had to work out, for her and for Melissa, Natalie, Aly and Claire. He would find a way to make it happen.

"Morning daddy," Charlotte's sweet voice filled his ears as he leaned toward her and kissed her on the forehead.

"Morning munchkin," he quipped as he tickled her under the arms where he knew she was the most vulnerable to his attack. He was rewarded with soft peels of laughter that only added to his growing good mood.

"Me too daddy!" his smile broadened as he looked down at Melissa who clearly did not want to be left out of the fun that was going on. Alex was amazed by the girl's ability to adapt so quickly. She had fallen into calling him daddy with ease and it delighted him. He reached out with his left hand and began his tickle assault on her tummy as he continued to attack Charlotte with his right hand. Soon he had them both trapped, curled up in his big arms as they squirmed and kicked in a pleased manner.

After just a few more minutes of playtime, he righted both girls and let them go. They each took up residence at the table as he went about gathering bowls, spoons and cereal for their morning meal, seeming to be as normal as any other family. "And how are my girls this morning?" he asked them as he took a seat at the head of the kitchen table and dug into his own breakfast with gusto.

"I miss Nat and Aly," Melissa spoke around the mouthful of cereal she had just taken.

"Yeah, so do I," Charlotte agreed. She hadn't gotten to know her two older sisters very well, having just met them barely two weeks ago for the first time. But she'd liked them right off and was sad to know that they were away now. There was one thing she'd wanted her whole life and that was to have a family, a real family with her daddy and hopefully a mum and some siblings. Now that she had her mum back and had a taste of that life, she wasn't ready to let it go.

Alex nodded in agreement as he listened to the two girls voice there sorrows. "I miss them too guys but we have to keep our chins up," he made sure to keep a positive tone in his voice for their sake. It really wasn't such a hard task either because he believed that things would work out the way they were meant to in the end. And that included them, all of them, being a family.

"When they come back will we all live here and be a real family, with mum too?" Charlotte asked as she pushed her spoon around in the bowl, following a winding path around the flakes that floated in the milk.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that Bom," Alex replied. Though he wanted to share with them his hopeful feelings, he still didn't want to make any promises that he wasn't yet sure he could keep. As much as he wanted to see them happy, he also didn't want to disappoint them in any sort of way.

"Why not, you want us all to be a family, don't you?" the older girl persisted.

"Of course I do," his words were sharp but not in an angry tone, rather it was a defensive one. He hoped that they both knew just how much he really wanted what it seemed they all wanted; a real family.

"You love mommy don't you?" Melissa asked; an innocent look on her face as she continued to eat her cereal.

"Yes, I love your mummy very much kiddo," his head nodded in a reassuring manner. He smiled at the thought. Love was not something he had ever done much of over the years and it had taken one woman to finally show him what the word truly meant. He had loved her with his whole heart and then it had been squashed like a bug on the windshield. Fortunately, he'd found it again and in the same woman. He was beyond lucky but there was still a bit of a bumpy road ahead of them. "Sometimes it's just not that easy though," he finally told them.

"Why not?" Bom asked, eyeing him with a careful look of concentration. It was not just the simple wonderment of a young child. He could see now that they were double teaming him and he had a feeling they were not about to give up very easily. Just like their mother, he thought. Or, at least the way she used to be. The thought bothered him a bit, thinking about the strong woman he had known. She'd been through a lot though, but he could still see her strength. And the two little girls sitting at the table with him were proof of that strength.

"Well, you know a lot has happened to her recently and I think she's a bit scared about the future," Alex tried his best to come up with an answer for them. He had a feeling, by the looks on their faces, that they were just more confused.

"Mommy's get scared?" Melissa asked, looking at him as if this were a completely foreign concept to her.

"Sure, mums can get scared and even dads too sometimes," he explained. Alex didn't notice that Claire had come to stand in the doorway of the kitchen as he continued to speak honestly and openly with his two young daughters. "You see, mums and dads would do just about anything to make sure that their kids are loved and protected. At least the good ones do," he added. "And if something happens to their kids that they can't control, well, it upsets them and even makes them scared," he finished.

Claire watched the three, remaining silent in her position. She was touched by Alex's words. She had no idea how she'd even been blessed enough to have such a great guy in her life once upon a time. Sure she'd seen his macho guy routine and she'd come to know him well enough to see the flaws in his character as well. But underneath it all, he was an amazingly wonderful person. She really didn't feel worthy of his constant support over the last several weeks, especially since she'd been so upset with him over his lie. But now, even that didn't seem to matter so much. Any yet, she was still pushing him away.

She cleared her throat in a way to announce her presence in the room. "Morning," Claire said as she moved further into the space. Pulling a chair out from the table beside Charlotte, she took a seat. She looked around at all their faces for a moment before speaking up again. "Sorry I wasn't in much of a celebrating mood last night," the apology rolled off her tongue. After crying on Alex's shoulder she had hurriedly stocked off to be by herself, in an attempt to figure some things out. Unfortunately, she hadn't come to any real conclusions and had gone to bed more confused than ever.

Alex smiled, noticing that she actually seemed nervous. He hated that she still felt uneasy around him. "That's understandable," he finally replied, hoping to clear the air. He really didn't want her to have to keep feeling like an outsider in her own home. But he wasn't going to push too much, at least not so early in the morning. Instead he opted for a more normal routine. "You uh, want some breakfast?" he asked of her. "I made my specialty," he winked at Charlotte as he indicated their bowls.

"Cold cereal?" Claire asked, looking to see that they were all eating the same thing.

"Yep, don't you know it's too darn hot to cook?" his voice was playful in tone as he grabbed the box and held it out toward her as a sort of peace offering.

Claire chuckled despite her mood. "Right," her reply was doubtful but she was grateful for the laugh, it went a long way to sooth her strained nerves. She still didn't know how he could manage to make her laugh when less than twenty four hours ago she felt like her whole world had been pulled out from underneath her. It must be a gift; she mused as she took the offered cereal and then got up to get herself a bowl.

"So, what have the three of you been up to this morning?" Claire asked, trying to keep things running as smoothly as possible. The obvious absence of her two oldest girls was weighing on her mind but she did her best to push past that hurt. She knew that she needed to be strong for Melissa and Charlotte. And she knew that she also wanted to try her best to not lean so much on Alex. He'd been great so far but she worried that she was pushing too much of this all onto his shoulders. She didn't want to be a burden to him.

"We've been eating," Melissa supplied the rather obvious answer, smiling up at her mum as a small dribble of milk ran down her chin.

Claire reached out and wiped away the milk from her youngest daughters chin. "Yes, I can see that," she replied to the girls comment. She returned to her own meal before looking back up and locking eyes with Alex. He was smiling at her with a strange, knowing grin that both pleased and unnerved her. It was so amazing to her how one person could seem to know her so well, especially when she didn't seem to know herself very well at the moment. A lot of memories had been coming back but still more managed to elude her.

"We were also discussing Natalie and Aly," Alex decided not to cloud the conversation from her. It was not very likely she would be thinking of much else either, so why not just delve right into the matter? His previous hopes of easing into the morning were lost the minute he'd laid eyes on her and seen the quiet sorrow in her face that she was trying desperately to hide from them all.

"Oh," Claire's reply was low as she looked away from him again and returned to her cereal which was unlikely to be eaten any time soon. She knew avoiding him further would be impossible and yet, she was trying her hardest to do just that. "I was planning to call them today, the Smyth's, to see when I might be able to visit the girls," she wasn't sure why she had told him that especially since her mind had just been trying to avoid him.

"I think you might want to wait a few days for that," Alex quickly replied. He could instantly see how upset this made her and felt bad. But he did have a point to make. "I just think that maybe they should be allowed some time with their granddaughters. And the girls are probably not even there yet. I doubt Frank was able to get anyone to drive them through the night," he explained.

"Great, so now we don't even have any idea where they are exactly," Claire lamented, pushing her bowl away as she realized her stomach was just not settled enough to allow food entrance. Her nerves were bound way too tight at the moment and Alex's comment, though probably meaning well, had not been received well. It was one thing having your kids taken from you without warning but not knowing exactly where they were, that was really not something she wanted to dwell on.

"Claire, I'm sure they're fine. I'm just saying that maybe we should give the situation a little time to cool down. Allow the girls to see their grandparents and allow the Smyth's some time to get used to the whole situation. I doubt they're gong to deny you a place in the girl's lives once they know how much you mean to Natalie and Alana," Alex tried his best to smooth over his earlier comment.

"And what if they don't Alex?" she asked, voicing the greatest fear that had been lurking just below the surface. "What if they somehow blame me for what happened to their daughter? I can't really say that I would blame them for thinking I was in some way a cause to all of this. If Peter and I had never been together in the first place…," she was getting rather upset and he could tell by the tone of her voice.

Alex jumped in, hoping that the girls would not inadvertently hear something either he or Claire would regret. "You never would have had Charlotte," he quickly countered. He looked down at the young girl who was smiling despite the conversation that was going on around her. She'd heard enough over the years to know who Peter was and sort of what had gone on between him and her mother. She didn't have any memory of Peter though. She only knew Alex as her dad. And Alex was grateful for that.

Claire looked down at the girl. She couldn't help smiling back at the young child who looked a lot like her, though with younger features. It had been rather confusing to her the first time Alex had spoken about the girl. She'd automatically thought that the child had indeed been Alex's daughter, the way he spoke of her. But as he'd gone on to further explain on the plane ride, she'd been surprised to learn of the girl's true parentage. Knowing that Charlotte was Peter's had only added to her continued belief that Melissa was as well. But they had managed to clear past all of that.

"And you never would have come to know Natalie and Alana as your daughters," Alex continued.

She nodded. "I know that. I mean, I understand that but I still feel guilty in some way for what has happened. I just can't turn that off and I don't want to upset even more people's lives now. I just… I don't know what the hell to do Alex," her words were not loud or angry but it was clear how upset she had gotten by the way she pushed away from the table and quickly took her leave of the room.

Alex frowned; worry creasing the lines in his forehead. He looked to the two younger people in the room who had long since forgotten about their breakfast. "Sorry guys, we shouldn't have done that with the two of you here," he apologized to the girls.

"It's okay daddy," Charlotte assured the man. "Maybe you should go talk to her?" the girl asked, though it was more of a suggestion. She wasn't sure what the correct course of action in such a situation was but she knew that she didn't want to see her mum or her daddy upset any more.

"Yeah," Alex nodded his head in agreement as he got up and placed a kiss on Bom's forehead. "Thanks for the advise kiddo," he whispered to her then patted the top of Melissa's head before he headed out the back door.

As Alex made his way into the yard he spotted Tess climbing out of her car. He made his way over to her as she ushered little Al out of the back seat and then reached in to unbuckle the baby from his restraints. Al ran up to his uncle as fast as his little legs could carry him. He wrapped his arms around Alex's legs and hugged the big man. Alex reached out and affectionately patted the top of the boys head in much the same way he had just done to Melissa inside.

He looked back up to Tess again as his nephew took off in a run toward the house. "Did you happen to see Claire just now?"

Tess nodded, shifting the baby to her right hip as she closed the car door. "Yep, she didn't look to happy though," the woman noted, moving toward her brother-in-law. "I thought I'd come over this morning to see if things had died down at all today. When I saw her I called out to her but she just kept on going as if she hadn't heard me. It looked like she was headed toward the barn. Do you want me to go and talk to her Alex?" Tess asked

"No," Alex shook his head. "I think it needs to be me. I've been tip-toeing around her for too long now. We keep playing this back and forth game but I think we finally need to settle this shit between us once and for all," he declared as he stormed off toward the barn. He paused for a moment in mid step and turned back. "Oh Tess, could you keep an eye on the girls for me?" he asked, calling out over his shoulder to her.

"Yeah, no worries," Tess smiled at him, watching as he continued toward his destination. Even thought it was clear that he was upset, she could see the reason for those erupted emotions written all over his face. He loved her sister very much. She hoped that Claire would come around soon. And she knew that if anyone could get through to her sister, it would be Alex.

He swiftly made his way across the yards and darted into the barn. A few minutes later he spotted Claire saddling up Blaze. Alex watched her for a few moments, almost forgetting that she had ever left them at all. Seeing her the way she was, in her element, it seemed like virtually no time had passed. He knew differently though, the last five years had indeed happened. And though he still had no idea why everything had occurred the way it did, he knew he couldn't keep living in the past and hoping that it had never happened at all. They'd have to look forward if things were going to get back on track.

Claire hadn't noticed Alex's presence at first and when she did finally glance over to spot him watching her, she made no acknowledgment of his company. She instead continued on with her task at hand. Her hands ran over the smooth surface of the saddle she'd placed on Blaze's back. Tess had told her a few days back that it was her old saddle, one that their father had purchased for Claire shortly before his death. She and the others had been sure to keep it in good condition, sort of as a reminder of the friend and sister they had lost. The story had actually sparked a bit of a memory to surface. It wasn't the happiest of memories though, as she recalled an awful fight she'd had with Jack just before his death. But, at least it was something more of her past to hang on to. And she was grateful for that.

"What are you doing there?" Alex finally made his presence known, even though he suspected she already knew he was there. He moved over toward Blaze and gently stroked the mare along her shoulder as he leaned against the stall rail.

"It's called saddling a horse," Claire replied with little emotion, continuing her chore without looking up at him.

"Okay, no need to be rude," Alex mumbled, though he figured he deserved the comment. For all his earlier courage, his resolve was starting to wane as he watched her.

"I wasn't trying to be rude, I was trying to ignore you but you don't seem to take a hint very well," her reply shot from the lips with little forethought. Claire shook her head, feeling a bit bad for the outburst but she finished up with Blaze and started to walk her outside, not looking back.

Alex caught up to her and grabbed her arm, stopping her in her place. "Look, I know you're mad at me but this is stupid Claire. We need to talk," he implored her.

"I'm not mad at you," Claire growled, twisting out of his grasp. "I just need time to think," she said as she quickly mounted the horse and took off. She had no idea where she was headed but it was more about getting away than any real destination.

The sun shown down on her as she rode off over the nearest hill. It felt good to have the wind in her hair. Riding had always been a form of release for her, a way to escape when the pressures of life began to get too real. In the past that she still couldn't completely recall and the past of the last five years, she knew it was one constant in her life. She was grateful that she had at least never lost that one important aspect of her life.

As she climbed over the second hill she paused for a moment at the top of the rise, a strange feeling flooding her mind. Looking out over the land, she squinted against the brightness of the sun as a rush of memories bombarded her. She suddenly recalled her earliest ride on horseback, seated with her father on one of his prized horses as Jack steered them along a similar path of Drover's land. In the second flash she saw herself riding off, tears streaming down her face as she recalled the first time her heart had been broken by a boy. And yet another memory bombarded her, another broken heart, this one at a much older age, and the man; none other that Peter Johnson. An image of Tess riding up beside her came to her as well, remembering how her little sister had come to comfort her.

She wondered why those particular memories had chosen such a moment to haunt her. But her mental inquire didn't last long as she spotted movement from the corner of her right eye. Turning her head, Claire watched as the distant speck started to get closer and closer. Soon enough she recognized the speck as being none other than Alex Ryan, on horseback of course. He'd followed her even after she'd made it clear that she needed time to be alone. Why did he never give up? She wondered. Yet, in the back of her mind, she was grateful for his tireless efforts.

Alex slowed his horse as he and the animal came to stand beside Claire. "I'm sorry Claire," he quickly tried to think of the one thing that might make her receptive to him. He knew from experience that apologies always seemed to work well. "I don't know what you want me to do here Claire. All I want is to help, and to try and put this family back together somehow," he looked to her with a plea of understanding in his eyes.

Claire scoffed. "Don't you see Alex, we can pretend all we want that this is a family and that we're happy… but it's just a lie… and it's all falling down around us!" she exclaimed, feeling like giving up though she had a feeling it was not in her nature to do so. But even for the many memories that had returned, still so many more were lost to her. And along with them, her true self was lost. At least that's how she felt at the moment.

"I don't think it's a lie," Alex replied, shaking his head in defiance to her words. "I know I hurt you with my lies but the Claire I know and love would never give up so easily on something so important," he added, hoping that his tone was stern enough but not so angry that she would lash out at him again. All he needed was for some small amount of understanding to come from her. After that they could work with whatever followed.

She looked at him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen. "Well, that's just it isn't it?" she asked. "I'm not the Claire that you know, that you loved…" her voice trailed off as she dismounted Blaze. The reins slacked in her hands as she turned away from him, afraid that he might finally give up on her for good.

Alex got down from his own horse and held fast to the reins as he walked over toward her. He reached out and took hold of her chin, turning her face up to look at him. "But, you are," he replied. He noticed the uncertain look that passed over her face as he spoke again. "You are," the words reiterated his feelings. "You are the woman who I met on a ranch property and who I worked with, rode with. You are the woman I became friends with and fell in love with all over again after I thought I'd never know that feeling again. You are the woman who had the courage to come back here despite knowing how difficult it would be. You are the woman who is trying to get her life back, getting to know your sister again and all the others from your past. And you are the mother of four amazing girls," he pointed out as his finger tips gently stroked her left cheek. "That is the woman I love, the woman who is all of those things. You _are_ the woman I know and love Claire," Alex concluded.

She looked to him as if she wanted to just collapse into his arms right then and there. Something continued to hold her back though. "But I don't remember…" her voice was rapidly halted by his.

"Hey, don't do that," Alex admonished. "Don't make excuses about memories and the past. The past really doesn't matter any more. Well, it does, but we can't go back and change it can we? No," he asked and answered his own question. "But we can have a future. We can make new memories. That's all I want Claire, a chance to start over and make new memories with you and with the girls. I want a future, with you," he spoke with more dedication than he ever had before. If she turned away from him again then he knew she would be lost to him for good. "What do you want?" Alex finally asked of her.

Claire looked at him, the feel of his hand still warm against her cheek. She leaned into his touch, wanting nothing more than to lose herself in the feel of his strong and loving embrace. Her eyes belayed that desire as she managed to reply. "I really don't know what I want," she confessed in a small voice so unlike the woman he had once known.

"Okay," he took a deep breath. "Let me make this easier then," Alex grinned. It was a rarity that Claire McLeod let any sort of weakness be known. But he knew that she'd been through a lot recently and he couldn't fault her. It seemed to be up to him now to make things work if they were going to. "Do you want to go and get Natalie and Alana back?" he asked. A small nod of her head was the only reply he received. It was a start even though that question had pretty much been a given. "And do you want to stay here at Drover's and get to know your sister again, maybe try to rebuild the life you had here before?" he asked

"Yes," this time she gave him a verbal answer. He could visibly see that her courage was beginning to grow again. A small smile was even beginning to form on her lips and it brightened his mood ten-fold.

His own courage mounted as the next question was posed. "And do you want me in your life?" he finally asked. It was the one question that made him the most nervous because it was the one than meant he would have the most to lose should she reply in a negative manner.

She thought over the question for a moment, thinking about the man who had come to take a job at her Ranch a few months back. He had been persistent and a bit cocky upon their first encounter. But she'd seen in him a hard worker, and had found a kind soul reflected in his eyes. They had been around the world and back, nearly literally and still, here they stood face to face. He'd become a friend, he'd hurt her, he'd given her back her family… and in the end, he'd never left her side. "Yes," the single word finally fell from her mouth as her smile grew wider.

It took Alex just a moment for the answer to dawn on him before all reason left him and he reached out, pulling her toward him. He lifted her up off her feet as a whoop of joy rang from his excited mouth. A moment later he'd put her back down on her feet, looking her in the eye. The smile that refused to leave his face continued to grow. His eyes closed as his lips moved instinctually toward Claire's. The kiss was slow and sweet at first, growing into something more promising. His eyes found hers again as the smile returned. "Then let's go," he whispered the words against her lips as he kissed her again.

"Go where?" Claire asked. She couldn't quite believe that she'd finally given in to him. After all the torment of the last few weeks, it felt like heaven to be in his arms again. It was a place that she didn't plan on leaving any time in the near future.

"Let's go and get that life back Claire, the life we should have had all those years ago," Alex replied as he continued to hold her tightly in his arms. "What do you say?" he asked.

Claire grinned at him and for the first time Alex could see the old her, the Claire that he had grown up with and worked with and fell in love with. She might still not remember all of their past but she was back. She was back and he planned to make damned sure that she never left again. He was going to hold on for dear life this time. "I say, it's about damn time," she finally replied, laughing heartily as he swept her off her feet again.

"Now _that_ is the Claire I know and love!" he exclaimed as he spun her around in his arms. And one last kiss sealed their fate.

000

A week after the New Year, they celebrated at last. They had a lot to be grateful for. And everyone had gathered at Drover's for the party that promised to be just like old times. A lot had happened over the last five or so years but the past didn't seem to cloud their moods any longer. They had all managed to work through the hard times and they'd come out on top in the end. There of course were no guarantees for a perfect future. That just could not be foretold. But if their hopes and dreams had anything to say about it, there would be many more happy days ahead for the group.

The sun was just beginning to set, off in the horizon, as Alex made his way toward Claire. It was a surprise to all gathered there that the two had managed to even leave one another's side. For the past week they had not been able to keep their hands off one another. They had practically been joined at the hip for the last seven days. And their evening celebration had been no different. His arms snaked around her waist as he came up behind her. She smiled as she leaned back into his embrace.

They stood there for a moment watching all of their friends and family who had gathered. Harry and Liz had come over and were still enjoying themselves even as the night edged onward. Liz had been amazingly civil for her duration at Drover's, even striking up a friendly conversation with her daughter-in-law Tess. Harry had spoken with his sons in an amicable way as well, signaling a continuation of their Christmas truce. Nick and Tess fussed over their youngest boy, tickling the little tike to reveal gentle laughter from the child. Terry, Meg and Jodi were gathered in a small group on the porch, laughing about something that neither Claire nor Alex could make out. Various other small groups of friends were talking and laughing as well. And the children were keeping themselves busy with a simple game of tag.

After finally making a decision about their life together, Alex and Claire had quickly decided to take matters into their own hands were Natalie and Alana were concerned. The next day they had packed Charlotte and Melissa into Alex's Ute and were off to assure that their family stayed together. The drive hadn't taken too long, the girls falling asleep in the back as Alex drove and Claire worried. But the reward they received when they arrived the next day had been well worth the wait.

_"Mum!" the shouts of two overly happy girls could be heard even before they set foot outside the vehicle. And Claire was nearly tackled by Alana and Natalie as they hugged her and threatened to never let go._

_"Hi Alex," it was Alana who finally removed herself from Claire to greet the man who had come to be a very good friend to her over the last few months. She gave him a big hug and in turn received a kiss atop her head. Natalie also welcomed Alex with a warm smile and then a hug as well._

_"Hey you two, you've been good for your grandparents eh?" Alex asked as he watched the older couple amble their way toward the reunion. _

_Natalie was greeting her two younger siblings as she replied with an honest, "Yep." She watched her grandparents as they finally came to greet Claire and Alex. Natalie instinctively moved back to Claire as the Smyth's stopped before them. "When are we going home?" the girl asked, looking up into her mother's eyes with a pleading look. She certainly liked her grandparents well enough but she was worried that she'd be separated from her mum for good now._

_Claire had been anticipating the question but that didn't make it any easier to come up with an answer. "Uh, well… " She stumbled a bit over her words, not sure exactly what to say in the presence of two people she did not know. Nor did she known their true intention toward their granddaughters._

_"Hey," it was Alex who came to Claire's rescue. He looked down at the girls and smiled reassuringly. "Why don't you four go and play huh?" he asked, though it was more of an order than a suggestion. "I think the adults need to talk," he concluded, noticing Natalie's leery glance. "Go on," he shooed them all off._

_Claire decided it was best for her to take control of the issue at hand, seeing as she had a bit more leeway than Alex where the girls were concerned. "Mr. Smyth, Mrs. Smyth," she began to address the couple._

_"Please, call me Laura," the older woman replied. "And this is my husband, Edward," she went on to introduce._

_She smiled and nodded politely before getting to the heart of the matter. "Look, I can't imagine what the two of you have gone through the last few years, never knowing exactly what happened to your daughter and worrying about your two granddaughters," Claire wasn't exactly sure what she meant to say but just kept on speaking. It was rather out of character for her to carry on in such a matter. She had a feeling that Tess had begun to rub off on her. "Well, I just want you to know that I would never try to take your daughters place in their lives, but I do love them both very much," she concluded._

_Laura nodded, seeing the passion in Claire's eyes as she spoke. "And they love you very much too," she admitted, though it hurt a bit to do so. "They haven't stopped talking about you since they got here. And their two sisters," she added as she watched the four young girls running about the yard together. "I don't think I could ever keep them away from their siblings Miss McLeod."_

_"Please, it's Claire," the younger woman replied, realizing that she hadn't even taken the time to introduce herself properly. Great first impression, she thought. Real brilliant McLeod._

_The older couple didn't seem to care. Edward spoke up as he watched his wife and Claire interact. "Well, Claire, I don't like the situation any more than I imagine you do. Knowing what those men did to my daughter and to you, to all of you. It makes me sick inside," he confessed. Claire noticed that his accent had slightly more of a British tone to it than Australian. "And we'd like nothing more than to be able to raise our granddaughters, to keep them close," he went on as he watched the light in Claire's eyes dim. "But, we do understand that they also have a new family," he added._

_Laura smiled as she addressed the younger woman again. ""We are not as young as we used to be. It's just not ideal for us to be raising two little girls, as much as I, we, love them and want to be with them. They need a family, with parents who will be there to look out for them and love them. They need a mother and a father," she looked to Alex who had yet to say much of anything yet._

_Alex caught the older woman's look and smiled warmly in return. "We can be that for them," he assured her as he reached out and gently squeezed Claire's hand, letting her know that he was there for her, whatever she needed._

_She returned Alex's gesture. "They are my daughters just as much as Charlotte and Melissa. I swear to you," her words were a promise to the older couple._

_"I know," Laura replied. She could see the honesty in Claire's eyes, as well as the love. "I want to know my grandchildren," she added as Edward wrapped his arms around his wife in a comforting manner._

_Claire and Alex both nodded in agreement. "Of course, I would never try to keep them from you," Claire assured them. "They could, uh, spend holiday's here with you… part of the summer even if you like. And of course, you'd always be welcome out at Drover's. I know it's a bit far but, we can certainly work something out."_

_"We'd like that," Edward spoke for both he and his wife._

_Alex called the girls back over, happy that they had all been able to come to an amicable agreement. It would certainly make things much easier on the girls, who had already been through so much. "I think we've all come to a solution," he calmly addressed the girls who's eyes were darting around from their mum, to their grandparents and back to Alex again._

_"Do we have to stay?" Aly finally found the courage to ask._

_Laura stepped away from her husband for a moment and smiled as she ran her hand over the girl's cheek. "No, you don't have to stay," she informed the girl. "But, perhaps you and Natalie would like to stay for a little longer before returning home with your mum?" she asked, hoping to have more time to spend with her grandchildren now that she had just been reunited with them. The older woman looked up to Claire with questioning eyes._

_"I think that would be a good idea," Claire replied as she spoke to Natalie and Alana. _

_"But we still get to live with you right mum?" Natalie asked. "I mean, when we finish our visit," she clarified, not wanting to upset her grandparents in any way._

_"Yep, we'll all be staying at Drover's Run," Claire replied as she smiled up at Alex. Natalie and Aly both caught the look that passed between their mother and Alex, and it pleased them. _

_"Okay then," Natalie agreed, speaking for herself and Aly._

_"Good," Alex said as he lifted Aly up into his arms and rested a hand on Natalie's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "And maybe I'll have a surprise for you two when you get back."_

_Aly's eyes lit up. "What sort of surprise?" she asked eagerly. Natalie was also intrigued though she kept her excitement hidden._

_"Well, I guess you'll just have to wait and see now, won't you," Alex replied as they all laughed._

Alex wrapped his arms tighter around Claire, swaying gently back and forth to the music that was playing lowly in the distance. They watched Melissa and Charlotte chase little Al around the yard, enjoying the sight of seeing the kids so happy and carefree. The sun was just about gone as the party was beginning to settle down. The dark rich red and oranges of the sunset draped the land in a beautiful blanket of serenity. And a few stars were beginning to make their presence known.

"I can't wait until Natalie and Aly get back," Claire mumbled as she felt Alex place several small, soft kisses along her neck.

"Me either, then our little family will be complete," he whispered, leaning in and kissing her again.

"Hmm, yes," Claire sighed. She enjoyed the moment as he continued his barrage of affection. Turning to get a better look at her passionate partner, she smiled up at him wantonly. This only served to fuel his desire further and he kissed her firmly on the lips. She pulled away a bit. "But I am curious about this surprise that you promised them," Claire was finally able to find words again as they continued their slow dance.

"You are huh?" Alex asked in a teasing manner. He kissed her again before removing his arms from around her waist. "Well, I guess I could give you a sneak peak," he said with a hint of mystery.

She was more than a little curious. "Alright then, where is it?" though she also missed the feel of his warm arms being wrapped around her.

"Right here," Alex replied as he pulled out a small box from his back jeans pocket and presented it to her with a nod of his head.

Claire looked at him with slightly suspicious but even more curious eyes. The sort of box that rested in the palm of his hand was usually indicative of one certain thing. She noticed too that everyone else there had suddenly turned their attention on the couple, all waiting for Alex to proceed. Her sister Tess was barely being held back by Nick, her unrestrained glee so obvious on her face.

"Open it," was all he said.

Carefully, and painfully slow as far as everyone else was considered, she pried open the soft velvet box. Inside she found that her instincts had been right on the money. Staring back at her was a beautiful, simple diamond solitaire ring. She smiled broadly as she returned her attention to the man standing before her. "It's gorgeous Alex, but there's only one. And you know those two don't share very well," she joked with him.

"Get away you!" he exclaimed. "This is not the surprise for the girls, at least not this part. This is for you," Alex assured her as he was suddenly struck by a traditional bug. He lowered himself down on one knee as he took the ring from the box. Holding it out toward her, he smiled. "Claire Louise McLeod, will you marry me?"

There was complete silence as they stood there outside, surrounded by their family and friends. It was almost as if no body wanted to dare say a thing for fear that they might break the magic spell that had befallen the night. They all waited with bated breath, unable to speak… except for Claire. "It's kind of sudden don't you think?" she asked.

Several looks of worry were exchanged within the small group. Still no one wished to break the moment. But Alex was not exactly pleased. "Sudden?" he finally asked in an exasperated tone. That was clearly not the answer he had been hoping for. "I've been waiting five years to ask you this question Claire, I don't think that there's anything sudden about it. I don't want to waste another minute of my time without you. So, what do you say?"

"Well," Claire shrugged her shoulders, a wry grin spreading over her face. " Why not," she replied.

Again Alex was rather crestfallen. "Why not?" he asked, wondering what had gotten into her. Why was she being so elusive all of a sudden? "That's you're reply to a marriage proposal. Why not?" his face was a mirage of confusion.

He was simply rewarded with a huge grin of amusement on Claire's part. After a few more minutes though she decided that enough was enough. She chuckled warmly at the site of him and suddenly felt bad for the way she'd been leading him on. "I'd forgotten just how fun it is to get you riled up," she quipped, looking him in the eye, unable to resist one last jab at the poor man. "Yes, Alex Ryan… I will marry you," she finally accepted.

Tess' previously restrained joy was unable to remain inside any longer as she let go of a loud cheer. It didn't take long for the others to join in as a barrage of congratulations and well wishes were bestowed upon the couple. None of those gathered could take their eyes off the two people who stood at the center of attention. They all knew just what it had taken to reach the happy point that had just occurred in their lives. But, the bumpy ride that had thrown them from the horse nearly five years ago was suddenly smooth. And they would ride together again, back in the saddle of the life they had always been meant to live.

"I love you Claire," Alex whispered against her lips.

"I love you too," she happily replied.

000  
The End… or at least, on to the Epilogue!


	21. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to _McLeod's Daughters_ or its characters.

**Back in the Saddle  
**Epilogue

By  
N. J. Borba

The large room was rather quiet aside from the low rustle of papers as the judge reviewed the documents presented before him. Occasionally he would take a few moments to look up at the group that had gathered around his desk. This only served to worry the group's members, putting doubts into their already tense minds. They had thought that everything was cut and dry. It was a rather simple court procedure. The hard work and waiting had already been done. Really, all they needed now was his signature to finalize things.

Alex put his best confident face on as the girls looked up to him for some sort of guidance. He simply shrugged his shoulders at them, not sure what to say. Alex couldn't read the judge's mind any better than they could. If anything, he felt rather ill at ease in courtrooms. He'd had a few run-ins with the law as a youth and had never grown accustomed to the interior of a courtroom. At least this time there were no police officers and he knew for a fact that he was not in any sort of trouble.

Claire glanced his way, smiling at him with a reassuring grin and hopeful eyes. It helped a lot to sooth his frayed nerves. He didn't think he'd even been quite so nervous on the day they'd been married. But then, he'd been waiting for that day for over five years. And it was a day that always brought a happy smile to his face. They hadn't waited long after their engagement to get married, deciding to make their union legal as soon as possible. It had been a lovely and simple affair. Claire hadn't wanted anything frilly and he'd wanted something simple, not that his mother had been all too pleased by that fact at first. But, in the end, the day had been perfect; a wedding at sunset, on the land that they both loved dearly.

His smile remained and grew even wider as the memories filled his head. Maybe that was the trick now, thinking about things that had made them all happy. The girls certainly made him happy, he thought, as he looked at each of them. It was amazing how much they had all grown in a year's time. They'd be off to university and getting married before he knew it. But they'd still have many more years with kids underfoot, he realized as his eyes came to rest on Claire and the bundle she held close in her arms. Although… that particular memory had not started off entirely happy by any means.

_"Come on Claire, why don't you want to have another kid?" Alex asked of his wife. They had only been married for a grand total of 24 hours before the argument had erupted, and on their honeymoon nonetheless. He'd only brought the subject up because he felt she'd be receptive to the idea. How wrong he'd been though._

_"In case you've forgotten Alex, we have four kids at home," Claire's voice was tense but not loud. "I think that's plenty."_

_"Yeah, okay, but technically I'm only responsible for one of those," his remark was meant to be a joke but he quickly saw the mistake when her eyes grew wide and the vein in her forehead began to throb._

_"Excuse me?" she asked, clearly upset by his reply._

_"You know what I mean Claire," Alex cautiously replied, realizing that he needed to start groveling and fast. "I was just saying that biologically, only Melissa was a result of our union. But biology doesn't mean much. I know that better than most. And you know I love all of those girls like my own. But yes, it was a really stupid thing for me to say what I just did," he apologized._

_"Well, I'm glad we worked that out," Claire attempted to leave it at that._

_"Except you haven't really answered my question," Alex ventured. "About why you don't want to have any more kids," he reminded her._

_Claire looked at her husband trying to understand why he was suddenly so interested in having another kid. She felt that four was more than enough. If truth be told she would have never had more than two children had circumstances been different. Though she did not regret having Natalie or Alana in her life one bit. "Honestly Alex, I'm thirty-six years old and I really don't think I want to start all over again with a baby," she informed him. "I'd be over fifty years old once the kid hit eighteen," she added._

_"So, what… are you planning to retire from Drover's and travel the globe when you reach fifty?" Alex asked skeptically. "Because somehow, I just don't see that happening. You'll never leave Drover's Run again, farming and horses will be a part of your life until your last breath Claire. So, what difference would having another kid hanging around for a while be?" he wondered._

_She shook her head as a thought came to her. "You just want a boy, don't you?" she accused._

_"No!" Alex hotly protested. He let her words sink a moment before relenting a little. "Well, maybe the idea had crossed my mind," he admitted. "But that's not the only reason I want a baby. I want this for you and for me Claire, to have what we couldn't with Charlotte and Melissa; a chance to raise our child from the very beginning," he explained. With Bom he had been around a fair bit during her pregnancy and was even present at her birth, even though by accident, but she'd missed out on so many precious years with the girl. And with Melissa, it had been he who missed out._

_Her face softened for the first time since the disagreement had begun. She had to admit that he did have a point. She still didn't remember much about __Charlotte__'s birth or being pregnant with the girl. And she realized that Alex had not been able to be a part of Melissa's life at all for the first four years. Still, that was no reason to have a child. But it was reason enough to think it over._

_"I'm not making any promises Alex," Claire warned him in a not so angry tone of voice, a smile slowly returning to her facade._

_A grin spread over his feature's as he could see her defenses dropping. He moved toward her, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close again the way he'd done just shortly before their fight had broken out. He kissed her on the forehead and continued to hold her, happy enough just to spend time alone with her. If they were meant to have another child then he had to believe that it would all work out. And even if it was just the six of them from there on out, that was fine by him too._

The smile on his face remained as he watched the baby asleep in Claire's arms, snuggled peacefully against her chest. As it turned out, the newest addition to their clan had likely already been in existence on that fateful night. It was funny how things had a way of working themselves out. They had been fighting for no real reason at all. But that seemed to be something that they did very well, although making up was usually well worth it.

"Ahem," the judge cleared his throat as he summoned all of their attention. He took one last look at the papers in front of him before returning his attention to the group that was gathered before him. "It would seem that everything is in order here," the older man finally informed them, eliciting a sigh of relief from the others in the room. "Now, if the minor children would please come forward," he asked.

The four girls eagerly stepped up closer to the judge's desk. They had been anticipating the upcoming moment for just about as long as their parents. Flipping one of the folders open, the judge looked up again and addressed the four children. "Is it the wish of each of you here that these requests be legal and binding?" he asked of them.

"Yes sir, it is" Natalie had taken it upon herself, as the oldest, to speak for her sisters.

"Very well then," the man spoke as he quickly put his signature down four times over on the individual pages that called for it. He held up the documents as he read aloud. "It is the order of this court and these official documents, that from here forward you will be known as… Natalie Ann Johnson Ryan, Alana Marie Johnson Ryan, Charlotte Prudence McLeod Ryan and Melissa Louise McLeod Ryan," he declared. Looking up, he was greeted by four very happy and smiling faces. He glanced over at Claire and looked questioningly at her. "I didn't see any further documents for a fifth child," he noted as he spotted the baby in her arms.

Natalie again declared herself speaker for the group. "That's our youngest sister. Her name is Elizabeth Marion McLeod Ryan," the oldest girl proudly informed the judge. Alex cringed slightly at the mention of the poor child's middle name. He still didn't approve but had been out bided by his four older daughters on the matter. "We just call her Beth though," Natalie continued. "And she's the luckiest one because she didn't have to worry about whether she was a Johnson, McLeod or a Ryan," the girl concluded.

The judge nodded and smiled for the first time since their arrival. "I don't know about that young lady," he addressed Natalie as he looked around at the large group. "It seems to me that you are all very lucky," he finished as he passed off the documents to his clerk to be recorded. "And now, you are free to go," he told them.

They all thanked the man before he stood and took his leave of the room, slipping out a side door. Four young girls turned toward their parents, proud smiles on their faces and newly bestowed names tucked away in their hearts for safe keeping. Alex and Claire greeted them each with hugs and kisses, happy that everything had gone well. Natalie watched her parents, pleased that she could now officially call them mum and dad, according to the adoption papers that had just been signed.

This was what they had all been waiting for over the last half a year, ever since Natalie and Alana had approached their parents with the idea. Natalie had made sure to talk it over with her grandparents first. And they had been very supportive of the idea, though she imagined it had hurt them a little at first. But they assured the girls that they understood their reasoning's behind the idea, knowing their need to be part of a real family. And that was what they finally were as far as Natalie was concerned.

Alex plucked the oldest girl from her spot, lifting her up off her feet as he embraced the child. The two of them had come a long way in their relationship over the past year. They had grown quite close, and not just because of Alex's amazing gift to her and Alana on their parents wedding day. She still remembered how he had managed to purchase and ship the girls' beloved horse's over from the States. She had been over the moon with excitement the first time she was able to ride Shadow again. But there was more than lavish gifts to define her relationship with Alex. He had shown her patients, guidance and love. And she had taken to calling him dad just a few months ago.

Alana soon jumped on Alex as he put Natalie back on her own two feet. Aly wrapped her arms around his neck from the back as he took Charlotte under his left arm and Melissa under the right. He walked down the aisle of the courtroom with the three girls firmly attached to him, laughing all the way. Claire and Natalie walked a short distance behind the ruckus group, smiling as they watched their playful behavior.

"So, daddy, what should we do with these girls now that they're ours… legally?" Claire asked from behind.

He raised an eyebrow toward his wife as he turned to look at her. "Well, I suppose now we can reveal our evil plan to turn them all into our personal slaves," he grinned as the girls resounded in a chorus of, "Oh dad!" Clearly they did not believe a word he said. Alex and Claire both chuckled. "Or, we could all go for Ice Cream," his second suggestion was much more well received than the first.

"That sounds like a good idea," Claire agreed with a nod of her head as she shifted the infant in her arms. "Just as long as we make it back to Drover's to get these McLeod girls all to bed at a decent time," she added.

Alex spun around and glared at her, though it was not too menacing of a look. "Get away," he spoke with a mock tone of hurt in his voice. He looked down at the kids still squirming in his arms and over at Natalie as well. "You heard the judge Claire, these are Ryan girls… the lot of them!" he exclaimed as more happy squeals of laughter followed them out of the courtroom and into their new life, together.

000  
The End

My apologies that it has taken me so long to finish this fic, real life sometimes gets in the way :) But THANK YOU all so much for your awesome comments and support of this story. It has been a joy to write due to your continued interest. I hope that you all enjoyed the final ride of this story!  
(((HUGS)))


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